Chapter Text
A creak sounded from outside and Mike startled, eyes shooting open from where he had been drifting off, and he immediately lurched forward to check outside. Nothing.
Mike sighed and returned to his corner, shivering in the cool October air. He clutched his coat closer to him, his only source of warmth, and checked his phone. 3:12 AM.
A stab of fear shot through him at another noise, and instead of hurriedly investigating, Mike moved closer to himself, hoping that maybe if he was invisible whatever was outside would ignore him. He clung onto his flag bag as if it were a stuffed animal, as if it had the emotional capacity to comfort him during the cold night.
His stupid flags.
Mike hated how much he still loved those flags. They were the reason he was in this situation, why he wasn’t warm and safe in his bed. Why he couldn’t ever go home again.
Maybe he should get up and practice with them, give him something to do, but Mike immediately shot the thought down. The night was too cold and dangerous to do anything but stay hidden.
Steve might like that he went out and practiced. Maybe he’d be proud of him for doing so.
Mike felt a pang in his chest as he thought about Steve. What would Steve say if he could see Mike now? Alone and cold because all he had wanted to do was do something that he liked, that Steve had encouraged him to do?
“Mike? What are you doing out here, bud?”
Mike raised his head to the direction of Steve’s voice. “Waiting for my mom.” He answered simply. “She’s late again.”
Steve’s brow furrowed. “Couldn’t Nancy drive you?”
“Nancy has her own stuff going on. She never drives me. It’s too much a burden.” Mike shrugged. “It’s okay. I can wait.”
“I’ll wait with you then.”
Mike raised an eyebrow as Steve sat down next to him on the curb, lowering his flag bag down gently and nudging Mike’s clarinet case to the side. “What? No, you go on. I don’t care.”
“Well, I don’t care about your words. I don’t mind. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something anyway.” Steve fixed his gaze onto Mike, who scowled.
“You know that now that you’re not dating Nancy anymore you don’t have to be nice to me.”
“Again, I want to.” Steve sighed. “Stop being such a dick and listen to me. Robin’s told me that something’s up with you and I want to know what it is.”
“Nothing’s wrong! Robin’s just being a worrywart. I’m fine.”
“Yeah, right. I’ve seen it too, and if I’ve seen it, I guarantee you that your friends have seen it too. In fact, want me to call Jonathan? I don’t have Will’s number, but I have his, and I know he’s more than happy to pass the phone to Will-”
“You wouldn’t!”
“I absolutely would, kid. I’m giving you ten seconds before I hit the call button. Ten, nine-”
“You’re not serious!”
Steve ignored Mike’s indignant response, and instead pulled up Jonathan’s contact on his phone. “-Five, four, three-”
“Fine, fine! I’ll talk, jesus christ. You’re annoying.” Mike huffed, looking away from Steve’s smug face.
“That’s what I thought.” Steve smiled, putting his phone down. “So?”
“So, I-” Mike went silent for a moment, staring at the ground, struggling to find the right words. “I think I’m going to quit marching band.”
Well, that was one way to put it.
“What?” Steve stared at Mike in utter shock, this having been nowhere near the response he had expected from him. “Why? You love marching band!”
“Because I’m not good enough.” Mike’s voice cracked as he admitted it. “Hopper’s always riding my ass about something, and even when I try to improve on it, he yells at me for the same thing and more next time. I’m not good at marching, not good at drill, I can barely even play my own instrument. I might as well give Hopper what he wants and just leave.”
Steve was silent for a moment, processing the words, before what he could have considered the best idea of his life popped into mind. “Well, what this all sounds to me isn’t a lack of love, but you’re doing the wrong thing.”
Mike raised his head from where he was staring at the ground, confused. “What?”
“You may enjoy that clarinet of yours, but it’s not a good fit for you.” Steve clarified. “You can play it damn well, but it’s clearly the formation that you have to play it in that you struggle with. Hopper is also a jackass. He should know that yelling at a kid like he does with you isn’t going to work.”
“To be fair, I yell back.” Mike muttered. “What are you getting at?”
Instead of responding right away, Steve reached behind him, pulled a flag out of his bag, and offered it to Mike.
Mike’s eyes widened. “No way, Steve. I can’t!”
“Well, why not? There’s no formation when it comes to colorguard. Believe me, I know.” Steve smirked. “I think you’ll like it. Here, I’ll teach you!”
Mike stared as Steve stood up. “I- Hopper won’t allow me to switch.”
“Well, maybe not this season, but he absolutely will next season. As an added bonus, he won’t be able to critique you so harshly. He has no idea what to do with the guard.” Steve chuckled. “Give it a try, yeah? That’s all I’m asking.”
Mike stared a moment longer, then stood up. “If it’ll get you off my back, fine.”
Steve shot him a large toothy grin, then handed him the flag. The long metal pole felt foreign in his hands, yet at the same time, it felt right.
Steve grabbed a second flag from his bag, this time for him. “Let’s strike a deal. If you enjoy this, then you continue to do marching band next season, but instead of clarinet, you’re with me on guard. Sound like a plan?”
Mike tilted his head a little. “What about Robin?”
“She’ll be salty at me for stealing you, but she won’t be upset at you at all. She’ll understand, trust me, kid.” Steve softened his grin a little bit. “What do you say?”
Mike looked down at the flag, took a deep breath, then looked up at Steve.
“It’s a deal.”
That deal destroyed his life.
Mike hoped that Steve never found out about his current situation, or he would feel terrible about it. Mike couldn’t do that to Steve, or Robin, or anyone, really.
Another stab of fear went through him as the wind howled, and Mike curled up more, trying desperately to calm his breathing. Just a few more hours, then he could go to school, and everything will be okay for the day until he had no choice but to return here.
Mike’s breathing hitched as he thought about the possibility of seeing Nancy at school. Did she know now? Had she found out? Or has she just thought nothing of Mike not being at the house anymore, since she herself is so often out of the house? What about Holly? Had she said anything? Did his mom protest after the deed was done? Or has she not even noticed either?
Mike swallowed back the tears that began to prick at his eyes. Certainly his father didn’t care. His father was happier now. He didn’t have to deal with seeing him.
Mike couldn’t believe that he had been so excited for Ted to see him.
“We’ve only got five minutes until calltime.” Will had been laughing. He was all ready, piccolo in hand. “You’ve gotta hurry up.”
Mike huffed as he applied the last of his mascara. “Well, looking this good takes time, and I’m almost done anyway. Also, your shako’s crooked.”
“Oh, really? Thanks.” Will adjusted his shako in the mirror, then looked towards Mike. “You look really good, by the way. Especially in your new uniform.”
Mike was glad that the blush he applied earlier could disguise the actual blush he knew appeared as soon as he got the compliment. “Oh, thanks! Wish I could say the same for you, but you know how uniforms are-”
Will punched his arm playfully. “Excuse you, I think I look good in this!”
You do, Mike wanted to say. What he really said was “In your wildest dreams, anyway! Actually, you look a bit like Jonathan, now that I’m thinking about it!”
“Oh! The ultimate insult!” Will put a hand to his forehead playfully, and before he could say anymore, the voice of Hopper screeched through the halls.
“Step off in five! We’re not waiting for you if you’re late! Hurry it up, stragglers!”
Will and Mike were still laughing a little, and Will elbowed Mike before taking off to get in line. Mike followed, grabbing his flags as he did, and Will went to take his place in the woodwind section while Mike went to the front of the line where Steve and Vickie were.
Mike hated that they had to part. If only he could spend more time alone with Will. If only he could-
Vickie ruffled his hair lightly. “Good time with your boyfriend?”
“Shut up, he’s not my boyfriend.” Mike rolled his eyes.
“But you wish he was!” Steve sing songed from next to him, causing Mike to smack him lightly on the arm. “Just ask him out already!”
“You and I both know that’s not so easy!” Mike retorted, and Steve grinned.
“Are we bullying Mike again?” Dustin chirped from right in front of them. “I’m so down. What was it you texted to me a few days ago? ‘Oh, I can’t do this anymore, Will looked so hot in that new button down, I’m going to kill myself-”
“Shut the hell UP!”
Dustin let out a cackle alongside Steve and Vickie, but before he could respond, Hopper was shouting that they were ready to go, and the cadence began. Mike kept an ear out for Lucas and Max, knowing how they both played by now and liking to hear them specifically.
Mike kept a close eye on Dustin, Steve and Vickie’s feet as they marched down to the field, making sure that he was still in step. Only once they were at the field did he finally look up and scan the stands, expecting to maybe spot Eddie sneaking in per the usual.
Instead, his breathing stopped for a moment.
Karen and Holly were there. That in itself was a miracle, Karen rarely showed up to these things and even then rarely brought Holly with her, but it wasn’t her presence strictly that startled him.
Ted was there.
Ted had never come to one of his shows before.
Mike felt nerves bundle up in his chest, and then took a deep breath. This was his chance to impress him! Maybe if he had a good show, Ted would say something nice to him afterwards. That would be wonderful.
Mike could do this. He would show his father that he could do something great.
Just as long as he didn’t mess this up.
The cheering of the crowd erupted in Mike’s eardrums as he scrambled to pick up his flags and exit the field with everyone else. His feet were hurting from the jazz shoes, he was certain his makeup had smudged, but it was so worth it.
He was near Max as he exited, who offered him a high five before rushing off to find her mother. All of the band had broken up to find their respective parents. Mike could see Will, El and Jonathan with Joyce and Hopper, Dustin had already found his mother, and up ahead he could see Lucas and Erica reuniting with their parents.
There they were!
Nancy had gotten to them first, as per usual, as having a flute meant that it was much easier to exit the field. Karen was fussing over her, Holly at her side, and Ted was looking disinterested.
A shy grin on his face, Mike made his way over.
“Mikey!” Holly broke away as soon as she saw him, rushing to his side. Mike bent down, putting his flags on the ground so that he could pick her up. “You looked so cool out there!” she gushed. “You threw it so high! And you look so pretty- I didn’t know you wore makeup!”
“I do for this, Holls.” Mike laughed. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“Teach me how to throw like you do!” Holly practically begged. “I wanna do it too!”
“When you’re older. Right now, you try to throw that, you’ll hit yourself square in the head!” Mike flicked her forehead for emphasis, and Holly giggled.
“Holly!” Karen called. “Come back here, and stand with me. Let Mike get his things.”
Holly obeyed, and Mike gathered up his flags again. Nancy placed a hand on his shoulder for a moment, and the two exchanged a brief smile before she went off to talk with someone else.
Heart pounding, Mike came face to face with his father.
“Did you see me out there, Dad? Did you- did you like it?”
Mike’s hopeful smile faded away when Ted refused to meet his eyes.
“We’re talking about this at home.”
With that sentence, Ted walked away, and Mike stood there in silence.
Lost, alone, knowing that he had failed.
Mike shut the front door gently, and as slow as possible took off his shoes and put his bags down. “Dad?”
“In here.”
Mike followed the sound of Ted’s voice, and found his father sitting down at the kitchen table.
“Dad? What’s going on?”
“You need to quit.”
Silence reigned supreme for just a moment before Mike found it in himself to talk, even if it was just one word. “What?”
“You heard me.” Ted growled. “I already was on the fence about you doing this stupid band, but now you’ve crossed the line. What you were doing out there- it’s for girls. Don’t get me started on that girlish uniform and the fact that you were wearing makeup. You’re a disgrace. Quit.”
A lump had formed in Mike’s throat, and he could barely swallow it down. “I can’t. It’s the middle of the season. And I- I really like this.”
“You can and you will. You shouldn’t be liking this at all. If you keep doing this, you’ll end up like that other guy you do this with- a complete fool.”
“Steve isn’t a fool!” Mike’s voice cracked as he rushed to defend the man he looked up to. “He does it for fun, like me. You don’t need to be a girl to do this!”
“Either you’re a girl, or you’re gay. Are you gay, Mike? Is that why you’re doing this after all?”
Mike felt the words freeze in his throat.
This was a bad idea. He couldn’t. Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it-
“Yes.”
His father made eye contact with him for the first time all day. “What?”
“I’m gay, Dad. I’ve known for a while. I like boys.” Mike tried to sound confident, tried to stay solid like he’d imagined doing for so long. “I am gay.”
Ted didn’t speak for a long time. When he did, it was the two words that Mike had never wanted to hear coming from his father.
“Get out.”
Time seemed to slow down for Mike. “Wh- What?” Mike croaked out, hoping that he had just been mishearing, that he had heard wrong, anything-
“Get out.” Ted met his gaze evenly. “I will not have a fag in my house. Go pack a bag. I want you out in the next ten minutes.”
“Dad, you can’t! What about- What about Mom? She won’t-”
“I’ll talk to her. I knew that Byers boy was a bad influence on you. I never should have let you hang out with someone like him.”
“Don’t talk about Will like that!” Mike exploded. “You can’t- it’s not his fault! Will didn’t do anything wrong!”
“Get out!” Ted suddenly roared, standing up, and Mike felt himself flinch involuntarily. “Five minutes now!”
With one last look at his father, Mike fled to his room, shoving clothes and a charger into a random bag before fleeing into the night, grabbing his flag bag and school bag as he went.
Mike swallowed down the familiar lump in his throat as he thought back to that night.
He hadn’t told anyone about what had happened. How could he? He couldn’t bother them. He had almost gone to Will’s house that night, but the thought of their faces when they heard what had happened and the fact that he would most certainly be a burden to them was enough to get him walking the other way.
It hadn’t been so bad at first. He had taken shelter in the school, staying long after hours and avoiding the janitors until even they had left. He didn’t get any strange looks: after all, practice was often late at night, and he had planned to use that as an excuse if he ever were to be caught.
It was just his luck that he had gotten caught by the one person who he couldn’t use that excuse for.
“Mike? What are you doing here?” Joyce’s brow furrowed as she saw the boy tucked away in the corner of the band room, dozing off slightly. He jumped awake as soon as he heard his name, looking up alarmed before smiling sheepishly.
“Mrs. Byers, hello-”
“It’s Joyce, Mike, we’ve been over this.” Joyce corrected him kindly. “Band practice was over an hour ago, why are you still here?”
“Um-” Mike’s eyes darted around, searching for an excuse. “I didn’t mean to! I sat down to check something on my phone, and I must have fallen asleep. I’m sorry for bothering you.”
“You’re not a bother, Mike, believe me.” Joyce tried to believe the boy, but something about it was too anxious, too guarded. “Would you like a ride home? We wouldn’t mind at all.”
“Don’t worry, Mrs- Joyce, I mean. I have it.” Mike spoke more confidently now. “Nancy’s gonna pick me up.”
“Are you sure? Nobody would care. If it’s Hopper you’re worried about, I’ll make sure he doesn’t say anything.”
“I’m certain.” Mike paused. “Thanks though.”
“Mom, are you coming?”
Both heads turned to the voice in the door. Will was poking his head in, and it didn’t take long for him to spot Mike. “Mike? What are you-”
“I was just leaving.” Mike spoke quickly, slinging his almost bursting backpack on and grabbing his flag bag. “Sorry, fell asleep where I shouldn’t. You know me.”
Will smiled, but there was a look of concern on his face as well. “Oh, okay. Are you good?”
“Yeah, just haven’t been sleeping well lately. And I’ve had too much homework.” Mike passed Will on his way out, smiling slightly. “Text me later?”
“Sure.” Will’s eyes had narrowed slightly, studying Mike. “You want to-”
Mike was gone before he could finish his sentence, out of sight soon enough, far enough away to where he couldn’t see the worried look Will and Joyce shared with each other.
Mike hadn’t been back since.
Logically, he knew he should be fine, just stop sleeping in the band room, but the voice in his head kept repeating what if they find you again, and he couldn’t bring himself to.
So here he was.
Mike checked the time again. 4:34 AM. He winced; clearly there would be no sleep tonight after all.
His cell phone battery was getting low too, he noticed. That was okay. He’ll just charge it at school tomorrow. He could sneak an outlet.
As he went to put his phone down, he noticed a few texts that he had missed before. Out of curiosity, he checked it.
Super Bass ------> Miles from the turning
9:46 PM
Super Bass: Dude you okay
Super Bass: I havent seen you in your window for the past few nights
Super Bass: If you dont respond i’m getting the rest of the party involved
10:51 PM
Super Bass: Mike come on i know you see these messages
12:27 AM
Super Bass: Thats it I’m jumping you tomorrow
Mike hit his head against the back of the wall as he read the final message. Of course Lucas would notice. He should have expected this.
Maybe he should skip school tomorrow.
No, that would only make the problem worse. He could deal with Lucas and maybe the rest of the party tomorrow. He could deal with Will’s look of concern and gentle voice begging to know if something was wrong. He had the whole rest of the night to brainstorm an excuse. He could do this.
If he bluffed enough, maybe the topic would be dropped.
Until then, Mike was left to his own thoughts, giving up on sleep for the night- not like he’d really been sleeping lately anyway.
Just don’t make the same mistake he had with Ted and blurt out something he shouldn’t. Mike could do that.
Could he?
In the darkness of the night, where the slightest noise struck fear in him, Mike was forced to admit to himself that he wasn’t sure after all.