Chapter Text
Once upon a time, long long ago, well more like 20 years ago, Abby married her Beast in front of 6,000 of their closest personal friends. Instead of a honeymoon the Beast united all of the kingdoms and got himself elected, King of Arkadia.
He rounded up all the villains and their sidekicks, basically all the interesting people, and he booted them off to the ‘Isle of the Lost’, with a magical barrier to keep them there. No magic, no Wi-Fi, no way out… or so they thought.
--
Lexa rolled her eyes in exasperation, "Really Raven? We don't have time for your dramatic pauses."
"Hey, we agreed to let me narrate so shush up and buckle in."
--
Back in Arkadia, aka privileged people central, the princess stared out her window looking towards the Isle of the Lost. She sported her best brooding teenager face while being fitted by her personal tailor for her big one eight. Eighteen years old. Lost in thought, she pondered the ways to ease her parents into her genius (more like genius-ly insane) plan.
Clarke was startled out of her musing by her father's boisterous voice, “I can't believe my little girl is being crowned Queen next month.”
Abby laughed off her husband's juvenile grand gestures, “She's turning 18, Jake stop embarrassing her.” Jake simply pouted, picturing his one and only daughter growing up, while Abby poked at his cheeks like a child.
Clarke watched her parents' playful flirting, a small smile creeping up on her face until she realized that shit was about to go down. She took a deep breath trying to get her parents' attention. She had to disrupt the tailor adjusting her dress in the process, who let out an exasperated sigh. “Mum, Dad I've decided on my first official proclamation.”
Her parents stopped to look at her, proud of their little (not so little) princess. “Oh have you now?” Her father teasingly said.
Clarke, already nervous as hell, decided to just tell them outright. Just come out with it like she came out of the closet. “I've decided that the children on the Isle of the Lost need to be given the chance to live here... in Arkadia.”
There was an uncomfortable silence until what Clarke wanted to do finally sank in. Abby was the first to react. “The children of our sworn enemies living among us?” Abby questioned incredulously, trying to make sense of what her daughter was saying.
“Yes, but their children are innocent! And I feel like we somehow abandoned them.” Clarke pleaded with her father, passion infused in her voice.
Jake turned to Abby, contemplation heavy on his brow, “you did give me a second chance,” he reasoned with his wife. Their first meeting was anything but normal.
Seeing her father's (almost) approval Clarke decided to push forward, “We can start out with a few at first, only the ones who need our help the most. I've already chosen them.” Her parents just looked to her as if asking her to continue. “Their parents are… Cruella de Vil, Jafar, the Evil Queen, the Queen of Hearts,” Clarke takes another deep breath, “... and Morgana.”
Meanwhile, somewhere far far away, well not as far away as one might think, just over the needlessly vast chasm that sought to separate the goody two shoes of the world from the evilest of them all, the sounds of mischief floated up into the sky in the rhythmic banging of metal, hisses of steam from dilapidated pipes and running of feet.
With her back turned the young woman finished her colorful graffiti before joining into the *beat, her artwork reminiscent of a darker time, “They say I'm trouble. They say I'm bad,” she smirked, like the brat she is. The brunette jumped down from the step she had perched on for her masterpiece and turned, walking through two people deliberately bumping their shoulders, “They say I'm evil, and that makes me glad.”
Green eyes gleaming with untold power, she looked up to find her friend grinning down at her from a rusted metal rooftop, “A dirty no good, down to the bone.” the burly teen added, swinging himself with agile movements down an old ladder, “your worst nightmare… can't take me home.”
He and the girl maneuvered over to a nearby table where their friends Raven and Harper saw it fit to have their fun. The two girls jumped onto the table serving as a communal point for meals and began to strut across it without a care in the world disrupting the people eating. Raven winked when she saw Lincoln and Lexa arrive as Harper waved and continued their little foray, “So we got some mischief in our blood.”
Raven wrapped an arm around Harper as they carefully hopped off the table in the wake of angry citizens and made their way over to the other two, “Can you blame us? We never got no love,” the brunette purred, leaving the guy they passed in a stunned daze.
Laughing at the disgruntled yelling, Monty swung out of his window out onto the filthy streets, “They think I'm callous,” He said grabbing a handkerchief from an unsuspecting man on the side of the road, “A low life hood.” he rhymed while literally stealing candy from a baby, “I feel so useless…”
“Misunderstood!” The gang of friends yelled in harmony.
The girls branched out down a side alley while the boys continued to meet up with the rest of their gang of misfits, “Mirror mirror on the wall,” Harper conjured.
Raven sassed, “Who's the baddest of them all?” Looking up she caught the candy from Monty as he and Lincoln balanced, well tried to, on the piping between the roofs above them and entered into one of the group homes, proceeding to jump and flip over the beds waking up the startled homeless men and women.
“Welcome to our wicked world.” Lexa continued as Harper and Raven echoed her, “Wicked world.”
Lincoln slid down a tilted roof in time to join the chorus with some much-needed bass, “I'm rotten to the core”
“Core.” Monty echoed.
“Rotten to the core, I'm rotten to the core and who could ask for more?”
“We're nothing like the kids next-” Harper belted while throwing down a man unfortunate enough to be in their path.
“Like the kids next door.” Raven finished grabbing the bag from the person Harper kicked down and tossing it to Lincoln who disposed of all the unnecessary trash within.
Monty shook his head at them playfully, “We're rotten to the…”
“Core.” Lexa drawled, strutting with her gang of hoodlums behind her.
They were all laughing enjoying the spoils of the day, Lincoln was gushing over a particularly nice bronze teapot shaped oddly enough like a lamp, he had unknowingly inherited his love for lamps from his father. Monty was sucking on his lollipop and sharing out the candy he had taken out of a stroller between them when the people in the streets began to scatter in fear. Sensing the particular aura of dark magic in the air Lexa could only roll her eyes as two large looming men approached them.
Crossing her arms so she looked as bored on the outside as she felt on the inside the brunette grumbled, “Hi mom.”
Pushing the two men aside a woman clad only in dark red robes and an air of regality stepped forward and eyed the children with amusement, “Stealing candy Lexa? How disappointing.”
Giving her most innocent and fake smile, the brunette handed the lollipop to her mother proudly, “It was from a baby?”
Taking the treat gleefully the mother and daughter shared a smile, “That's my evil little girl,” her mother placed it under her armpit and spit on it before handing it off to the large brutes, “Give it back to the nasty little creature.”
Lexa almost wanted to pout at the waste of perfectly good candy, “Mom.”
Morgana only grinned, “It's the details, Lexa, that separate the mean acts from the truly evil ones.” The woman waved at the mother whose child was now consoled by the return of its candy.
“When I was your age I was-”
“Cursing entire kingdoms.” Lexa and Raven echoed, the girl had stepped forward to wrap an arm around her best friend and greet the evil sorceress with a wink.
“Hey Mama P,” Raven greeted almost too excitedly.
“Hello Raven, Harper, boys. Allow me to steal away my daughter for a moment.”
The mother and daughter walked a few steps away as not to be overheard, “I'm just trying to teach you the things that really count Lexa. How to be me.”
Seeing the sincerity and concern in her mother's eyes she nodded, fidgeting with her fingers, “I know that mother and I will do better.”
“That's all I ask child and while we're on the subject,” doing a dramatic turn and sweep of her robes Morgana faced the other teens who had taken to pretending to loiter in the streets while low key trying to overhear the sensitive conversation between arguably the most powerful females in the land, “There has been news. You five have been chosen to attend a different school...” She paused for dramatic effect, “... in Arkadia”
A resounding “What?!” echoed from all of them.
Lexa, being the voice of her people, raised her argument. Scowling with an ‘I'm not going to bend on this’ look in her eyes. “We are not going to some boarding school filled to the brim with prissy pink princesses.”
Before Lexa can continue more on her defiant stance, Harper being royally obsessed cut her off. “And perfect princes!” Seeing the scowl and general disbelief that Lexa was sporting in her direction, and trust her no one would want to be on the other side of that look, she tried to counter her own enthusiastic statement with a resounding, “ugh.”
Lincoln, completely ignorant towards the glower of impatience that Morgana was wearing, decided to, rather unwisely, add to the conversation. “And I don't really do uniforms,” trying to backtrack at Morgana's glare he added “... unless maybe it's leather?”
Ignoring Lincoln's point entirely, Monty cut in. “I read somewhere that they allow dogs in Arkadia.” His fear of dogs showed immensely, can't blame the guy that was raised by Cruella de Vil. “Mum said they're rabid pack animals, that eat boys who don't behave,” Monty said while cowering behind Lexa's back as if dogs were about to pounce on him at any moment. Poor, precious cinnamon roll. Lincoln snuck behind him to bark in his ear which didn't help either.
With more things added towards her side of the argument, Lexa forged onwards “We're not going!” While managing to ignore the two boys in the background trying to tackle each other.
Exasperated with her daughter's flair for the dramatic, her mother decided to finally tell them her plan for what was going to happen. Since after all, Morgana would get the final say regardless of who went against her, especially if they're five teenagers.
“You're thinking far too small pumpkins. It's all about world domination!” She screamed for her two minions gesturing for her daughter and her friends to follow.
It was a few minutes walk to arrive at Morgana's quote-unquote evil lair, really it was more like a barely renovated rundown warehouse of knick knacks and the odd magic objects, that no longer work. Propped back in an obscenely huge armchair Lexa saw her mother feigning nonchalance as she and her friends made themselves comfortable and knew her resistance to whatever plan was about to unfold would be futile. Still, she was a teenager in the prime of her youth and stubbornness came with the territory.
“You will go, you will find the Fairy Godmother and you will bring me back her magic wand, easy peezy.” the older woman finished with a cheeky wink.
Lexa could feel the stoic mask going up even as she cocked her hip and leaned her arm on it, “And what's in it for us?”
“Matching thrones, hers and hers crowns.”
“Uuhh,” Monty cut in, “I think she meant us.” They all agreed, gesturing to the whole group of teens.
Sighing Morgana gestured to her daughter to come closer and she left her chair to approach her, “I know you feel some sense of loyalty to your little friends but you need to remember it's all about you and me. Do you enjoy watching innocent people suffer?”
“Well yeah. I mean who doesn-,” Lexa says before she gets cut off by her mother yet again.
“Well then get me the wand! And then you and I can see all that and so much more. With the wand in my control, our people will no longer have to suffer on this pathetic excuse of an island.” Morgana's eyes beginning to glow in her excitement, “with that wand and my scepter I will be able to bend both good and evil to my will!”
“Ehem, our will,” the Evil Queen emphasized. The children turned on their heels at the entrance of the rest of their parents.
“Yes, ours,” Cruella said entering behind the Queen much to Monty's chagrin along with Raven's own mother the Queen of Hearts, Jafar trailing behind at the back.
“Right, our will, our will of course,” Morgana said backtracking into her seat, “And if you refuse you're grounded for the rest of your life missy.”
Lexa turned to her knowing full well that her mother could and would uphold that threat, “Wha- but mom!”
Of course in true evil mistress fashion, they had a magical stare off. Their green eyes shone with their power, not able to do much more than that with the magic-free barrier cast over their island. Lexa being the inexperienced mage that she was, crumbled under her mother's glowing ivy green stare. Wincing away Lexa just huffed, not unlike a petulant child, “Fine. Whatever.”
Morgana gave her daughter a sly smirk of triumph. “Good!”
The Evil Queen interjected and called for her daughter, “Harper! My little evil-ette in training, you just find yourself a prince with a big castle and a mother-in-law wing...”
“...And lots and lots of mirrors!” Harper added. Like mother like daughter, it's all about those mirrors with those two.
The young blonde began to giggle but was quickly berated, “No laughing dear. Wrinkles.”
The other queen scoffed aka the Queen of Hearts aka HQ because nobody has time for the mouthful that is her title, scoffed at the pair, “Such peasants only concerned with beauty, not that they have any. Raven my dear remember if anyone bothers you it just takes a quick slice to the neck and you'll be free of their insolence”
Before Raven can even let out her obviously smartass reply, the Evil Queen cut in. “You're just a jealous lesser Queen because you have absolutely nothing except that ridiculously big head!”
“How many times must I tell you if anyone is a lesser Queen it is you! Raven! Where is my damn guillotine! Off with her head!”
“Whoa there mamá, maybe let’s not paint the roses red today.” the brunette stepped in with a timeout motion.
The Evil Queen simply laughed, seeing the Queen of Hearts acting like the psychotic bitch she is and turned to Raven, “Raven, you are lucky you didn't get your mother's looks.” She quickly turned to her own daughter lifting her chin and examining her face, “You, however, my child weren't so lucky. Why couldn't you look more like me? You are definitely not going anywhere until we get rid of your unibrow.”
“What are you doing just standing there Raven?! Are you going to let her speak to your Queen like that?! Cut off that insolent woman's head!”
Raven facepalmed at her mother's irrationality, more than used to it over the years, “A) You know it'll be easier to just blow her up, knives creep me out and It'll get rid of the evidence too when she's scorched to a crisp. B) You are not my queen; you are however, unfortunately, my mother.” The shock on the Queen of Heart's face was priceless.
“Well…” Cruella interjected while ruffling Monty's hair, blocking out the Queens' usual banter, “...they're not taking my Monty, because I'd miss him too much.”
“Really, mom?” the youngest boy whined in embarrassment and happiness at his mother's apparent love for him.
Cruella 'Hannah' de Vil nodded in earnest, “Yes. Who would touch up my roots, fluff my fur, and scrape the bunions off my feet?”
Swallowing back his bile at the images of his past coming to haunt him Monty, quickly extricated himself from his mother’s grip “Maybe a new school wouldn't be the worst thing...”
Seeing her son's new resolve Hannah taunted him with the fear she herself had instilled, “Oh Monty didn’t I tell you? They have dogs in Arkadia.”
It would be a lie to say Monty didn't squeal a little, “Oh, no! I'm not going!”
That was when Jafar popped into the conversation, “Well, Lincoln isn't going either. I need him to stock the shelves in my store, what did you score today boy?”
Lincoln more than happy to show his father his ‘winnings’ for the day, handing his dear old dad his sack full of new ‘merchandise’. Jafar slowly took out the items contained in the sack.
A candle holder, which...now that Lexa looked at it looked quite similar to her own..., a wooden spoon, a gold-tinted container of some sort and of course a lamp.
“Oh. Ooh. A lamp! A lamp!” Jafar immediately dropped everything instead choosing to rub gingerly at his new prize.
Lincoln, embarrassed for both himself and his dad, decided to disturb his father's one on one with the lamp, “Dad, I already tried.” Looking dejected Jafar throws the lamp back at his son like he couldn't drop it fast enough.
At this point, Lexa could see her mother was more than fed up with the petty complaints and antics of her compatriots. Pounding her scepter into the floor, she brought forth a tiny burst of green energy just strong enough to grab everyone’s attention, “Em pleni!”
Lexa could practically see that Morgana was preparing to deliver the well-known evil-doer spiel that every antagonist ever has practically felt the need to share. Oh Mama P, ever the traditionalist. Typical .
“What is wrong with you all? People used to cower at the mention of our names!” To emphasize her point, Morgana slammed her hand on the table, the adults really do have a flair for the dramatics.
“For 20 years, I have searched for a way off this island. For 20 years, they have robbed us from our revenge…” Now to bring the point home she addressed each one of her so-called peers specifically...
Pointing at the Evil Queen, “...revenge on snow white and her horrible little men.”
Then at the Queen of Hearts, “...revenge on Alice, her Hatter, and her stupid mushrooms.”
And to Jafar, “...revenge on Aladdin and his bloated genie!”
To Cruella, “...revenge on every sneaky dalmatian that ever escaped your clutches.”
"And I, Morgana the evilest of them all! I will finally have my revenge on Arkadia and their intolerable monarchy, I will finally have what is rightfully mine to take!”
She took another dramatic pause, such drama queens, “Villains!”
Everyone, well everyone but the teenagers, answered her with a resounding “Yes!”
Morgana continued explaining the plan, “Our time has finally come! EQ give her the magic mirror.”
Harper looked stunned as her mother conjured a handheld mirror from thin air, “...this is your magic mirror?”
All the teens were a little underwhelmed, to be honest.
“Yeah, well, it ain't what it used to be, but then again, neither are we!” The Evil Queen and Morgana chuckled, I mean hey, it was true.
“It will help you find things.” Harper’s mother went on to explain
Excitedly the blonde’s eyes shot up, “Like a prince?”
The Evil Queen murmured under her breath, “More like my waistline.”
Morgana rolled her eyes cutting in, “Like the magic wand! Hello!”
Sighing in exasperation she turned away, “My spell book, my book, I need my... book,” Turning around she remembered her makeshift safe, “Oh, ah! The safe. Queen help me, I never can figure this thing out.”
“Of course.” the Queen of Hearts says.
“On it.” the Evil Queen easily replies.
Harper and Raven threw their hands up in unison all too accustomed to what was about to happen.
“Me, not you.” The Queen of Hearts said with her usual flair, taking steps towards the safe. The woman was quickly hip checked by the Evil Queen.
“She clearly meant me.”
“I disagree.”
“Wanna take this outside Queen of losing to a small girl and her rabbit?”
“Why you little-”
“Voila.” They both turned to see Raven, looking her usual beautiful self-
--
"Raven,"
"Fine, fine I'll stick to the script,"
--
They both turned to see Raven, leaning smugly against the unlocked door of the safe which vaguely resembled a fridge…
“Thank you, Raven, at least someone in your family is competent,” Morgana said reaching inside, “My spell book come, darling. Come.” She said gesturing excitedly to her daughter. “There it is, it doesn't work here,” She said gesturing to the worn and ancient pages of the book in her arms, “but it will in Arkadia. Remember? When we were spreading evil and ruining lives.”
“Like it was yesterday.” the Evil Queen and Queen of Hearts agreeing for once.
Morgana faced her daughter again tapping her head with her spellbook, “and now you will be making your own memories,” her face gleaming with pride, “by doing exactly as I tell you.” she reminded her daughter, magic once again shining in her eyes before handing the book over to her daughter.
Fervent honking quickly drew their focus to the door
“Door,” Jafar called unnecessarily
"Wait are we leaving right now-?” Lincoln jumped up excited of the prospect
From inside the car a sad little man who may or may not still be having a mid-life crisis slash hangover brought his secret service like comm link to his mouth, “The jackals have landed ma’am, jackals have landed.”
Once forced inside the car by their parents who had already packed them a bag each, the little rebels could hear all their goodbyes, and requests of souvenirs for vengeance,
Jafar waved enthusiastically, “Bring home the gold!”
“Bring home a puppy.” Cruella pet longingly at the faux fur coat around her shoulders
“Bring home a prince Harper!"
“Bring home a fully functioning guillotine."
The kiddies all quickly adjusted to their new space as the ride zoomed forward through their island, “You think I can use this as a remote detonator?” Raven asks, fiddling with the small one button remote dangling from a hook behind them.
Their unofficial leader sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Stop it with the distractions, I'm plotting.”
“Yeah you should stop Rae it's not very attractive,” Harper replied, reaching over with a light coloring on her make up brush that Raven immediately smacked away.
Not minding the three ladies Monty and Lincoln attacked the sweet dispenser, Monty went for the chocolates first. Poor sweet boy not knowing what those are. “Oh! These! It's salty like nuts, but It's sweet like I don't know what.”
Lincoln reached for the nutty concoction from Monty’s skinny fingers, “Let me see.”
The three stared at the two boys in disbelief, before Raven continued, “See I just have to reprogram, it then we can blow something up without being next to it.”
Lexa tries to grab the remote from Raven to shut her down so she could continue with her plotting, and then the Limo divider went down. Raven looked to the now thoroughly annoyed wannabe secret agent with an, “Oops?”
Then Harper saw the driver heading towards an abyss as she shrieked, practically deafening Lexa, while pointing towards the window, “Look!”
Monty jolted, grabbing onto Lincoln’s tree trunk of an arm, what does that boy eat? “It's a trap!”
They all wailed in fear and if anyone asked Lexa this she would, of course, deny it explicitly or worst case scenario cast a spell of forgetfulness on any poor soul that dare questioned her further. They all watched as the car meant to send them to their parents' grand revival instead hurled them off into oblivion…