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Mike’s been having a lot of dreams about the future. In his dreams, Will is confident. He has a new earring in his right ear, he’s wearing a leather jacket and there’s boys lining up the block to talk to him. Mike thinks it suits him, despite never seeing it in real life. Mike tries to accept that maybe he won’t ever see this.
Except Mike’s sitting on his bed, still in his graduation gown thinking about how he’s not sure he can accept that. He throws his shiny diploma across the room, and it lands next to a picture of him and Will. Mike scoffs.
It’s been eighteen months since El left. He’s been thinking of it like that. Left instead of died. It eases the pain a little bit but not at all at the same time. He knows it’s bad, how he treated her, how he saw her, what she meant to him. He did love her. He truly did.
Just… not in the way people wanted him to. Not in the way that would make his father proud. He loved her the same way he loved Dustin and Lucas and even Max. He grieved her in a similar way he grieved Eddie. Longingly and fondly recalling their times together, desperately wishing she was still here and that he could talk to her. Let her know he’s okay.
Well. He’s not. But that’s a different story.
He wants to reassure El. He wants to thank her. Because she understood. Understood it was all over because Mike couldn’t love her the way she wanted him to. Not needed. She never needed that. She was always so strong.
Mike sees her strength in Will now. He sees it in Will’s future, too.
Mike’s been thinking about the future a lot now. God, he’s sitting on his bed in his cap and gown… this might just be the future. He puts his head in his hands.
The Party had been invited to (unfortunately) their very first High School Rager. He’s proud of Dustin for scoring them that invite but he’s not sure he wants to go.
He feels sick to his stomach. Time is moving too fast. Mike feels like he was just 12 years old grieving Will. He feels like he was just in middle school playing DnD in his basement. He remembers getting mad at Will during that awful summer for not letting go. He shouldn’t have said those things. Now he’s just a hypocritical jerk. Mike’s the one that can’t let go.
He’s brought out of his thoughts by the noise of static and a voice cutting in.
“Mike, are you there? Over,” Will’s voice crackled over Mike’s walkie-talkie.
Mike grabbed it quickly. “I’m here, Will. Over.”
“Hey,” Will replied. Mike could almost imagine the smile on his face. He also imagines kissing that smile right off. His thoughts nauseated him. “Are you ready for the party? Over.”
Mike was brought back to reality. Was he? He’s taking too long to respond, it seems suspicious.
“Y-yeah. Over.”
The line is silent for a moment.
“I’m coming over. Over.” There was a stillness for a second. “If that’s okay? Over.”
Mike hates that Will still had to ask. They had become friends again. Best friends, maybe. But they’re still working their way up to MikeandWill again. It’s just Mike and sometimes Will. They didn’t spend as much time together and it made Mike sick with worry. Like if he didn’t see Will enough, he would disappear again.
“Of course. Over,” Mike murmurs over the walkie-talkie.
“Be there in 15. Over.”
Will leaves Mike to wallow once more.
Maybe it was better that they were two separate people now. They’re growing older. Will’s going to New York, he’s going to have to be by himself. He’ll probably be pretty popular. Mike’s sure the guys will love him there. He knows that because Mike loves him.
Meanwhile, Mike will stay here in Indiana and become his father. A ghost of a human, unwanted and disinterested in it all. Mike shivers at that prospect. He should get more comfortable with it though. It’s his future.
Mike wishes he were braver. He wishes El were here. Maybe it’s fucked up to want to talk to your sort-of ex-girlfriend about being in love with her brother but they’ve been through crazier in the past few years.
It’s been so long since Will had come out, had confessed his feelings for someone. Mike remembers the pride he felt for Will that day and also a pang of something else. Something that took him too long to put a finger on.
In his dreams, Mike and Will are MikeandWill but they’re older. They live together, they kiss freely, they smile wide. They dance in the kitchen to Bowie and watch movies in their living room.
In his dreams, Will Byers loved him back.
Mike hated going to sleep knowing that it would be over when he woke. In the morning, he felt empty. Like dream Will had taken all the life with him when Mike woke up. He mourned what never was.
There’s a knock on the door.
“Come in,” Mike says quietly.
Will’s head peeks through the door. He’s not wearing his cap and gown anymore, just a striped shirt and jeans. He’s wearing the necklace Mike got him too. It’s a lock. Mike has a necklace with a key on it and he never told Will about it. Just gave him the necklace with the lock, pretended it was just a pretty thing he saw in the store, rather than his heart on a platter.
Mike is wearing the key necklace under his shirt. It burns against his chest. Mike thinks it will leave a mark at this point. It feels like it’s bringing attention to itself. Like it’s begging Will to notice it. To notice him. He feels pathetic.
“Hi,” says Mike. He says it so softly, in his special Will voice. He’s surprised Will hasn’t confronted him about his feelings yet because he’s so obvious. Mike’s sure everyone in Hawkins can tell. The idea of that paralyzes him with fear.
“Hey. You okay?” Will asks as he sits next to Mike on his bed.
“I think so,” Mike replies. He’s not sure.
Will looks up at him with his pretty brown eyes. “What’s wrong?” He asks it so earnestly that Mike can’t help but give in.
“I don’t know if… if I want to go to the party. I just feel weird.” Mike hugs himself like he’s cold. He’s not. He’s just scared.
“Weird how?”
“Weird like…” Mike has to think. “Weird, like I can’t believe it’s all over. And that we did it without-” He coughs. “Without El.”
Will’s face falls at the mention of his long gone sister. “Yeah.”
Mike shouldn’t have brought her up. Just as the thought hits his mind, Will’s mouth quirks up. Mike wants to kiss him.
“She would have loved the confetti cannons though. And Dustin’s speech,” Will says. “God, she would have loved his speech.”
Mike smiles now. “Yeah, she would have.”
They’re quiet for a moment, thinking about all the fun El would have had playing with the confetti and tossing her cap and laughing at Dustin.
“I think right now, I’m just scared of you guys leaving,” Mike confesses quietly. “I’m not… I’m-”
Mike’s hands sit on his bed now. Will grabs his right one and plays with rings on them. Mike looks into his eyes.
“I’m not brave like you. I wasn’t able to escape. I’m stuck here turning into my dad while you all go off and do great things. And I know New York is going to be so awesome and they’ll love you there, trust me, but I know that I’m going to miss you so much that it sometimes keeps me up at night.” Mike, embarrassingly, begins to tear up now. His cheeks flush with the prospect of Will seeing a tear slip out. Mike looks away. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want pity, he just wanted to be loved.
There’s quiet for a moment before Will sighs and squeezes his hand. “Oh, Mike.”
Mike turns back to Will, who’s looking at him with so much sadness in his eyes that Mike’s face crumples and he starts truly sobbing.
Will pulls Mike into his chest. “You could never be your father.”
It’s been so long since Will hugged him rather than Mike hugging Will. Mike always feels so desperate pulling Will into a hug. Like he needs him to live or something. Maybe he does. Mike’s face finds home in Will’s neck and he never wants to leave.
He feels like a little kid again. It feels just like the time he scraped his knee at recess in third grade and Will had ran over to him, pulling him into a hug. He took a look at Mike’s knee, cleaned it with a tissue, and kissed it. All better, Will had said. Mike believed him. Mike believes a lot of things Will tells him.
“I’m scared, too,” Will confesses when Mike’s sobs quiet down. He sounds muffled in Mike’s ears. Mike sits up.
“Why?” Mike asks, genuinely curious. Will has his whole life ahead of him. Vecna’s gone. The Mind Flayer is dead. Will’s confident in who he is. There’s so much possibility for him. Mike is jealous.
“I know Jonathan is going to be in New York but… he’ll be busy and won’t always be there to talk and I just…” Will’s voice lowers and he puts his mouth to Mike’s ear, like what he’s about to say is a secret. Maybe it is one. “I just wish it was you there for me.”
Mike shivers at Will’s breath on his ear. Will’s confession feels like a secret Mike simultaneously wants to shout from the rooftops and take to his grave. Mike gets the courage to lean into Will’s ear. “I wish I was there, too.” Mike tries to ignore Will’s pink cheeks, if not for the sake of Will, then for the sake of himself. It might kill him to hypothesize what it might mean.
Will stares at him. “We still have the summer, right?”
“Of course.”
They smile at each other shyly. The crackle of the walkie-talkie breaks the moment.
“Hey, Mike? You there? Meet at my house, we’re pregaming before the party! Over,” Dustin’s voice comes through.
“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Will says.
Mike looks up at Will and thinks that he would do anything to keep this boy happy.
“I’ll go if you go,” Mike says.
“Mike!” Dustin’s voice comes more urgently over the walkie now.
Will grabs the radio. “It’s Will, I’m here, too. We’re on our way. Over.”
Will looks at Mike in his cap and gown. “You need a new outfit, though.”
Mike looks down like he forgot he was wearing it. Will walks into his closet and begins to dig around as Mike sits back on his elbows watching him, wishing this moment could last a lifetime.
-
Their first high school party fucking sucks.
Well.
That’s what Mike thinks at least.
Everyone else seems to be having a great time. But Mike feels stupid sitting here on this sticky couch in these tight jeans and striped long sleeve shirt Will picked out for him. He tries to pick the fabric off his thighs but it clings to him like it knows it's humiliating him.
Mike feels so pathetic. He’s never been good in social situations and it feels multiplied here. He doesn’t get them—parties, that is. It feels like everyone else is having the time of their lives, but all Mike wishes is that Will was by his side.
The other boy is currently across the room, talking to one of Lucas’s teammates. He’s been doing this for the past seven minutes. Mike knows this because he’s been staring at Will and counting the time in his head.
“You good, man?” Dustin flops onto the couch next to him. He’s a little drunk.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Mike takes his eyes off of Will for the first time of the night.
“Because it looks like you’re trying to kill Chance with your mind,” Dustin points out.
Chance. A name to a face. Mike hates the name.
Mike’s head snaps back to where Will and the boy are standing. Will’s laughing at something the boy said. Mike selfishly wants to go over and pull Will away from him.
“No. No! I’m just… I’m just making sure he’s not being weird to Will.” Mike’s not being very convincing and he knows it. So does Dustin, who’s raising one eyebrow. It takes everything in Mike to pull his eyes away from Will and look Dustin in the eyes. “Seriously, man! It’s just, those are the kinds of people that bullied Will in middle school, I’m worried.”
“Will’s grown. He knows right from wrong, you need to trust him,” Dustin says.
“I do trust him!” Mike says. “You know how those guys are though.” He turns back to look at Will and he’s gone. Mike’s eyes frantically look around to try and find him but he’s nowhere to be found. Mike chews on his lip nervously.
Dustin looks over to where Will was standing. “He’s fine, Mike,” His voice gets quieter. “You always were so overprotective of him.”
Mike feels like he wasn’t supposed to hear the last part. It hits a nerve that he doesn’t want to think about. He scoffs instead and holds his tongue. “Whatever, man. Sorry I care.”
Dustin laughs. “I’m getting another drink. You want one?”
Mike shakes his head. He needs air. He needs to be outside and he needs to find Will. But he needs to be by himself in the quiet of the night air first.
He finds the closest exit and steps out the door. It takes him to the back patio. He sits on the stairs and looks up at the stars.
Mike’s life is supposed to begin today. He graduated high school. He’s sure he’s supposed to feel happy. Or satisfied, or fulfilled, or something but he doesn’t and it’s killing him.
He’s sitting on the stairs moping when two voices get louder on the other side of the patio. They came out a different door and don’t notice Mike sitting in the dark. He can’t tell who it is and frankly, he wouldn’t know. He sighs. He just wanted quiet. Even at the quietest place at this party is he reminded that he’s not fitting in here.
Mike stands from the stairs and is about to head in when—
He hears his laugh. Will’s laugh. Like he’s here. Mike’s head whips around to see that it’s Will and that stupid basketball player that walked outside.
Mike’s breath catches in his throat as he watches Will and Chance talk closely. They shouldn’t be talking that close together. It feels flirty. It feels… it feels like it’s hurting Mike, even from far away. But their faces are getting closer and closer together, almost impossibly closer, and Mike knows in his heart what’s going to happen next but he can’t look away.
He can’t look away as Chance’s lips meet Will’s. Mike feels it in his stomach. He feels the pain immediately and it's debilitating. He couldn’t move if he wanted to, he couldn’t look away if anyone put a gun to his head. Mike sort of wishes someone would put a gun to his head right now.
Mike’s breaths become more shallow as the boy pushes Will against the wall, beginning to trail kisses down Will’s face and his neck.
Mike shouldn’t be watching this. This is probably a huge invasion of privacy and it’s making him sick to his stomach and he’s not sure he’ll be able to close his eyes ever again without seeing Will make out with this boy who wasn’t Mike. This will, unfortunately and embarrassingly, ruin him. He should probably go. He should actually definitely go.
Just as the thought to run like hell hits his mind, Will opens his eyes and he finally spots Mike in the doorway. A pretty blush blooms on cheeks and instead of pushing the boy off his neck, Will just stares at Mike. He stares with his glossy, dazed eyes and his lips are quirked up in a sort of open-mouthed smirk and the only thought Mike has is that he should have been the one that caused him to look like that.
Mike can’t look away either. It somehow feels like it’s only the two of them in the whole world, despite some idiot literally sucking a hickey onto Will’s neck right now.
Mike feels anger pulse through him thinking about Chance marking up Will but that feeling hits him like a ton of bricks. Because he has absolutely no right to be feeling that way. Will’s not his, hasn’t been his, won’t be his. He isn't someone to even have in the first place. Just because he came out and he likes boys and Mike likes boys and Mike likes Will doesn’t mean they’re just going to be together. In fact, Mike should feel happy for Will that he got a chance to be with someone before going to New York. He should feel hope for himself, like maybe there’s more options than he thought in Hawkins. That’s good to know for the future when Will’s in New York and Mike’s stuck here.
But he just feels nauseous. He thinks he’s going to throw up on this patio in front of Will and Chance, who somehow has still not noticed Mike, and it’s going to be so embarrassing.
As Chance detaches himself from Will’s neck and meets his lips again, Mike looks away and slips through the door, back into the party.
It’s loud and it’s the same as before and Mike’s mad that no one else feels the turmoil he feels now. Why is everyone else allowed to be happy when his world got turned on its head? How is that fair?
Mike cuts through the crowd trying to find one of his friends. He reaches Lucas in the kitchen first. He’s still talking to his stupid basketball friends with Max tucked under his arm.
“Hey,” Mike says, cutting into the conversation. He can feel more eyes on him than he wants. “Um, I’m gonna head out.”
“What? Already?” Lucas asks.
“Yeah, I’m just… not feeling great,” Mike lies. Max squints at him. She’s always been able to see through his bullshit. It pisses him off. “Probably drank too much,” he says, for good measure.
“You had, like, 2 drinks,” Max says.
Mike rolls his eyes. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He starts walking away before they can try to stop him.
“Wait! Where’s Will?” Max yells at him.
Mike pretends his stomach doesn’t drop at the name. “Find him yourself, Mayfield.”
He heads out the door, doesn’t spare a last glance to the party, and walks all the way home.
-
Mike goes straight to his basement when he gets home.
He regrets this decision the second his eyes hit Will’s artwork hung on the walls. His eyes land on one of Will’s newer works first. It’s of him and Mike as a cleric and paladin. Mike looks beautiful in the painting. Will made him look beautiful. He’s not sure where Will’s imagination came from.
Mike walks over to the bookshelf where the Party keeps their DnD binders. He reaches up to grab his own binder, maybe he can finish writing that story tonight, when his fingers brush on Will’s binder. Ugh. How pathetic was he? Yearning for his best friend who, from the events of tonight, clearly does not want him. Yearning was bad enough, but yearning in the form of stroking his DnD binder while he was off kissing another boy? God, it’s never been worse.
Mike’s so deep in his self pitying that he doesn’t hear the door open.
“Mike?” Mike would, unfortunately, know this voice anywhere. He rips his hand away from Will’s DnD binder like it burned him as Will walks down the stairs.
“What are you doing here?” Mike asks.
“I-” Will pauses to walk over to Mike. “I noticed you left.”
Mike scoffs. “Well. That’s a first.” He didn’t want to say that but he’s having trouble coming up with words at the moment.
Will flushes. “Excuse me?”
“You were pretty busy, so I didn’t feel the need to stay.”
It’s Will’s turn to scoff now, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. Neither can Mike really, but he’s somehow speaking without thinking first.
“You’re a real asshole, Mike.”
Mike agrees with him. But it still hurts when Will says it. “Why are you here, Will?”
“Because I… because you saw me and Chance and I felt weird about it and I wanted to see you and make sure we’re all good.” The words rush out of Will like he’s embarrassed.
“Why did you feel weird about it? It looks like you were perfectly content right where you were.”
“Mike-”
“You shouldn’t have come over. We’re fine.”
Will sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “God, you’re making this so hard,” he says under his breath.
“Making what so hard?”
“Getting over you! It’s been so long, Mike, let me go!” He’s almost begging. His voice drops as he says, “Please. Let me let go.”
Mike’s face drops. His knees are starting to feel a little weak. “What?”
Will’s face drops and he turns around. He makes his way over to the stairs like he’s about to leave. “Whatever, this was stupid-”
Mike grabs his hand and stops him. “No, Will, wait. I don’t get it. What do you mean?”
“This is exactly what I’m talking about, Mike,” Will says as he looks into Mike’s eyes. “You use your stupid puppy dog eyes and your stupid soft voice you only use for me and I get confused and I get hopeful! And it always ends badly! Do you know how much that hurts?”
Mike’s eyes widen. Of course Will had noticed he treats him differently. Of course he somehow hurt Will without noticing.
“I… I still don’t get it.” Mike can’t form a sentence right now.
Will moves closer to Mike and interlaces their fingers. “Are you really that fucking thick, Mike?” He whispers in Mike’s ear.
Mike’s eyebrows furrow. He’s never been so confused in his whole life. In fact, he’s even more confused as Will’s face gets closer to his and he can’t help but sneak a peek at his lips. Will’s lips that were kissed by another tonight. He has to look away, he can’t handle this. He turns his head to look at their DnD binders instead.
“Mike.” Will’s hand guides Mike’s head back so that he’s staring directly into Will’s eyes. “I’m going to kiss you now. Tell me if you don’t want that.”
Mike’s eyes get impossibly wider. “What?!” he squeaks out. He feels his cheeks burn red and he hopes Will doesn’t notice.
“Is that okay?” Will asks. He’s so confident right now, Mike wants to bask in this forever. He’s always admired his confidence. Will’s so sure of himself, Mike is jealous.
For once in his life, Mike lets himself want. He lets himself need. He nods furiously.
“Use your words, Mike.”
Will’s tone makes him blush so hard Mike’s sure his freckles have disappeared. “Please,” he manages to weakly spit out before Will comes crashing into him.
In his dreams, there were always fireworks when they kissed. It was a big affair, it was a celebration. It was something dream Mike savored because he knew it would never happen in real life.
Kissing Will in real life was none of that. It was just like coming home. It was sweet, it was gentle, it was desperate, it was everything. Everything Mike had ever dreamed of and more. If this was a dream, Mike hoped he never woke up from it.
Mike, in a moment of confidence, leads Will to the couch, keeping their lips locked the entire time. They fall onto the couch with an oof and they part for a moment to look at each other. They come crashing into each other once more like waves meeting the shore. Something natural, something bound to happen, something that no force could stop, even if it wanted to.
In an instant, one hand is in Mike’s hair and the other is on his waist and Mike feels like he’s on fire. Will’s hand in his hair grabs a lock and pulls and Mike gasps into his mouth.
“God, your hair looked so stupid today,” Will mutters against Mike’s lips. “Hate your side part.”
Mike laughs into the kiss. “Fix it, then.” He’s never felt this confident in his life. Will’s giving him the courage.
Both of Will’s hands are in Mike’s hair now and he’s grabbing every curl he can find, twirling it in his fingers. He ruffles Mike’s hair around, ruining the style his mom had so carefully done for graduation. Will is right–it did look stupid.
Will pulls away from Mike for a second. “Better,” he says breathlessly. His lips are shiny with spit, his eyes are glossy, his cheeks are red.
Mike feels a weird sense of pride in his work. He rests his forehead on Will’s. “I’ve been waiting a long time for that.”
Will looks at him. “For me to fix your hair?”
“That, too,” Mike says, before looking down at a red mark on Will’s neck from Chance. It makes Mike shift uncomfortably before he reaches down to attach his mouth on Will’s neck.
“Wanna hide marks from him,” Mike says.
“Please,” Will says as Mike bites his neck. Mike makes quick work of marking Will’s neck. He’s quick but he’s desperate to cover any trace of Chance. “Just kissed him as a distraction,” Will adds, voice breathy. “Couldn’t…” Mike bites him particularly hard and Will gasps. “Couldn’t have you so I had to have someone else,” he explains.
Mike detaches from his neck. “You have me now,” he says quietly. “Don’t go back to him, Will,” he all but pleads.
Will tugs Mike’s head up by his hair to meet his eyes. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Mike pulls him back into a kiss and he thinks if Vecna and the Mind Flayer and any other stupid monster came back now, he could die happy.
-
It’s later and Will’s laying on top of Mike on the couch.
They’re watching some movie but Mike has no idea what it’s about because he’s been watching Will the whole time. It’s disgusting, really, how much he loves this boy.
“I’m sorry for being an asshole,” Mike blurts out, as he cards through Will’s hair.
Will looks up at Mike and sits up. Mike immediately misses the warmth of Will’s body. He feels embarrassed for even thinking that.
“Oh, so we’re gonna talk about this?” Will says.
“This?”
Will gestures between the two of them. “This. What just happened. We should probably figure out if we’re… if we’re on the same page.”
Mike thinks it’s probably a good time to finally grow a pair. “Will, I meant what I said earlier. I don’t want you to go back to… to Chance. I- I want this. I want you. And I have for a long time and I’m sorry for not showing that or maybe even noticing it. I was just a scared, jealous asshole. You deserve so much more,” he confesses, head down.
“Yeah, you were,” Will huffs out with a laugh. “But that’s probably why I love you.”
“What?” Mike’s head shoots up.
“Are you stupid? Of course I love you. And I have for years and years and years. I’ve been waiting for you to catch up.”
“Oh.” Mike looks at Will with wonder in his eyes and can’t help but cup his cheek and kiss him. “I love you, too,” he breathes into Will’s mouth.
They still have the summer to figure it all out, Mike thinks. He thinks it might be the best summer yet.
In his dreams, Will Byers loved him back. Despite it all, that might just be the case in real life, too.