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“That’s bad for you.”
Susie’s familiar voice floated gently through the summer air, just like the smoke from his cigarette.
“I know.” Sammy bluntly stated. Sammy Lawrence was not the kind of man who let other people tell him what to do. As Susie approached, he flicked the cigarette down into the street. She stood silently at the balcony, watching the cigarette fall into the empty alleyway below until it became so small that she couldn’t track it, not even with her perfect vision.
She wanted to ask why smoke if it’s so bad for you. She wanted to ask why such a busy man was taking a break, especially during crunch time. She wanted to ask if he even liked her company - not brave enough to change “like” to “love.”
Instead, she said, “It’s nice out here.”
“It’s good to finally have a breeze.” A simple reply for a simple comment.
Susie held her hand out in front of her, as if she had just noticed the cooling air, and hadn’t come out here for that very breeze.
She would’ve come sooner if she’d known Sammy was there.
Sammy was by no means an attractive man - he was well aware of that. Too angular, too awkward. A scrawny body that wasn’t tall enough to become endearingly gangly. His hair was too long, too curly, too messy.
Unbeknownst to him, however, Susie loved his golden curls, his distinctive nose, and even his somewhat awkward stance. To Susie Campbell, Sammy was the most handsome man in the world. Standing before her now, his collar popped unprofessionally and his eyes rimmed by sleeplessness, she still found herself drawn to him.
After a moment’s pause, Sammy finally sighed. She didn’t know it, but Sammy wasn’t the type to discuss his problems with others. Complaining or confronting maybe, but never an even and coolheaded discussion. Still, his problems spilled out, as casually as a greeting. “Joey’s throwing five new songs into the mix. Apparently there’s a whole new segment in Shipwreck and they’re going in a new direction for Flight.” Susie was familiar with the abbreviated titles. Sometimes she wondered if Sammy even knew the true names of the cartoons he wrote for, as he was always casual with titles.
“How much have you got done?” Susie pried.
“Still three songs behind.” Normally, this would have venom behind it. Maybe a raised voice. But Sammy’s words were as calm as an empty lake. “Plus those.”
“I’m sorry.” Susie offered. She had been taught by her mother to make herself small, pliable. Especially around men. Apologizing made her agreeable.
But not to Sammy.
“It’s not like you’re the one who gave me the work.” He joked, where another man would have nodded approvingly.
“I know.” Susie shrugged, but didn’t take her gaze off of Sammy. It was easy to stare at him, as he never looked back at her. Sometimes it made her sad that he didn’t stare, but then again, she was used to hungry glances that sized her up like a cut of meat. Around Sammy, she didn’t have to worry about her posture being slightly off or if her dress rode up her legs when she sat. What she didn’t know was that Sammy felt that much more comfortable that Susie didn’t demand his gaze. That she allowed him to find her shoulder, her curls, but never her eyes.
They stood in silence, a comfortable one, but Susie still felt the need to fill it. “I have to do three songs today. They’re letting me take a short break while the sound room gets ready.”
Sammy nodded. “You’re lucky. I didn’t even get a lunch break today.”
“No?” Susie neglected to mention that she hadn’t, either. To be fair, she usually worked through lunch, as her mother’s words about keeping a slim waist constantly haunted her.
“I’m not even supposed to be breaking now.” Sammy admitted. She could see the beginnings of a smile tugging at his lips, so she let out her fakest dramatic gasp to make it grow.
Finally, she could ask, “Then why are you out here?”
“Joey doesn’t really control my schedule. I mean, he does…” Sammy had reached for another cigarette, but seemed to realize only as the box was in his hand.
Susie nodded to the box. “I don’t mind.”
With that permission, Sammy put the thin cylinder between his lips. She didn’t say it, but Susie wasn’t used to seeing men smoking those thin cigarettes. Theirs were usually thicker, if not full-blown cigars. It did make it easier for Sammy to talk around it, though, as he struggled with his lighter.
“Joey tells me how to do my work, and then I ignore the parts that don’t work and keep the ones that do. He’s caught me before, but so long as I can produce, he doesn’t much mind. ‘S just that… you know… sometimes I need to get up. Clear my head.”
“Have a smoke.” Susie nodded. Plenty of her colleagues did it - in fact, she’d done it herself, before all the studies had come out about lung decay. She was unaware that Sammy hadn’t been referring to a simple smoke break, but then again, nobody else Sammy had talked to really got it, either. Jack had understood the most of anyone, as heavily caffeinated as he always was. Sammy had lost him, however, when he’d gotten to the part where coffee didn’t work on him. “It’s like I’m already caffeinated, you know? So when I add more caffeine, it sort of cancels out.” At least Jack didn’t question his constant need for movement, activity, stimulation.
Susie didn’t, but he wasn’t ready to have that conversation with her. He didn’t want her to see him differently, so he said, “Sure.” And lit his smoke. Besides, he had taken up smoking as an excuse to take smoke breaks.
“It’s a small studio.” Susie said. “Sometimes you just… need to get away from it all.”
Now, that was something Sammy understood. He laughed, smoke billowing from his mouth. “Yep.”
They were both unaware that as they shared that small laugh, they also shared the same thought: What a radiant smile. Susie had a practiced, perfect smile, yet something about Sammy’s blunt and casual demeanor made it crack around the edges. She had a dimple on her right cheek. Sammy didn’t know if she was aware of it - if he’d known more about the practised and poised way Susie had been trained to hold herself, he would realize that was the reason behind her restrained smile. Still, it felt like a little secret between the two of them, a small wink every time they shared a laugh. He’d never say that aloud, of course, because of how ridiculous it sounded.
Meanwhile, Susie envied the wideness of Sammy’s smile. The easy way it slipped onto his face made her jealous of how freely he expressed himself - though she was ignorant both to the fact that he only smiled this easily for her, and that there were so many expressions of joy hidden carefully by his father’s strict hand. “No pacing, no chewing, no flapping.” Susie envied Sammy’s crooked teeth and smile lines, both things that she was not allowed to have, both things imperfections, yet both things making the man before her look that much more… human. It was interesting how the more beautiful one became, the less human they looked. Maybe that was why she found Sammy so handsome.
The laugh was cut short by an intern, who opened the door to the balcony. “Mr. Lawrence, Jack’s looking for you.”
And the smile was gone. His face relaxed, the lines shrinking. He flicked his cigarette onto the ground, trampling it as he walked away. Without turning back, he said, “See you around, Susie.”
He was supposed to call her Ms. Campbell.
Susie didn’t correct him.
“Good luck, Sammy.”