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Neytiri gazed at the water silently, lost in her thoughts as she so often was recently. She felt numb. Often times she felt like she was present for her family in body but not in spirit. The loss of her son had broken something inside her and her she had become a shell of herself, engulfed by grief.
A soft wind rippled across the glittering surface of the turquoise ocean and through the village, the woven fabrics and canopies of the marui creaking and swaying in the sea breeze. She closed her eyes, listening to the sound of children playing and sea creatures calling to one another as they splashed around playfully in their water home. Neytiri had accepted the Metkayina way of life and she and her family were safe here, but she carried great sorrow. She flicked her tail in annoyance at the noise, she wanted silence. She was not herself, usually she would smile and find joy in watching the other Na’vi go about their lives. But now all it did was remind her of everything she had lost. She decided she needed to get out of the village for a while for some time alone. She went to find her Ikran, and as she prepared to leave, Jake came to her.
“Where are you going, baby?”
”I need to go away from here, to fly high and to forget.” Neytiri replied in her thick Na’vi accent.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Jake asked.
”No. I need to be alone, to go and pray to Eywa,” she said sullenly.
“We could go to the Spirit Tree if you w..”
“No! I need quiet. And to get away from this place,” Neytiri cut him off sharply, her yellow eyes wide and fierce, her ears pinned back and her tail swishing from side to side in frustration. He wasn’t listening to her. She didn’t want to go to the water, she wanted to fly.
”Ok, ok. Sorry. I just…” Jake didn’t finish his sentence, and instead looked away, his brow furrowed with concern.
Her demeanour softened. She didn’t mean to be so irritable. He was only trying to help, he was probably worried about her going off on her own. His once youthful and adventurous spirit had been replaced with stress and worry as time went on, life had been hard for them both. “My Jake, I’m sorry. I just need some time.”
Jake gave her a half smile as he brought up his hand to caress her face. “It’s ok baby, I guess I’m still more of a skxwang than I realise,” he said lightheartedly.
For a moment, she was reminded of when she first met him after saving him from the Nangtang, clumsy and clueless as he stumbled through the majestic and ethereal beauty of the bioluminescent forest. She had told him she was stupid, and ignorant like a child, her face broke into a rare smile at the memory.
“Take all the time you need.” They looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment, before Jake pulled her into a loving and comforting embrace.
”I love you,” she said.
“And I love you, fly safe.”
**
High above the vast and shimmering ocean she flew, the strong wings of her Ikran beating against the wind as she climbed higher and higher into the sky. Neytiri and Sa’atu’s minds and bodies were as one through tsaheylu, their wills and emotions intertwined as they raced through the skies. Finally breaking through the clouds, they soared above the endless and sun-kissed sea of white, gliding silently and effortlessly in this secret place where the world couldn’t reach them. The thrill and freedom of flying was a temporary escape from her pain. With a cry, Neytiri leaned forward and the Ikran flew into a dive.
Sa’atu screeched with excitement as they plummeted from the heavens, her wings folded tightly against her body as they fell from the sky like lightning. The ocean came into view and they hurtled towards the waves. Neytiri’s heart raced, the wind stung her eyes and whipped through her hair as they continued the dive. At the last moment, Sa’atu spread her wings and halted the dive before levelling out. The spray of the sea hit their skin as they skimmed over its surface for a while before ascending, making their way to the top of a tree lined clifftop.
As Neytiri dismounted, and disconnected from tsaheylu, Sa’atu nudged her affectionately. Neytiri did not return the affection, she simply gave the Ikran a half hearted touch on the neck and went to sit alone on the grassy surface of the clifftop. She missed Seze. She thought their bond was going to last a lifetime, her first Ikran was irreplaceable. And so were her forests, her home.
Now that the adrenaline rush from flying began to wear off, she began to feel the sadness return. Looking out over the rocky surface of the cliffside, she was reminded of the floating mountains of home. She longed for her trees, the feeling of the forest floor under her feet as she swiftly moved through the flora of the forest , her bow in hand as she lived off the land, at one with nature. The place that was familiar, where she belonged. Now she lived as a foreigner in a strange land. The reef was beautiful, but it was not her true home.
She mourned the loss of her Hometree, her father, her sister, her people. Tears filled her eyes as she pulled out her songcord, twisting its beads between her fingers. Netayam, oeyä ‘aw’itan, (my first son) she whispered. The loss of her eldest child left an emptiness in her heart that would never fully heal. Memories came to her of her beloved son, watching him grow, and the fine young Na’vi that he had become before his life was so suddenly taken. He was good, and kind, and brave, he did not deserve to die.
Neytiri’s thoughts took her further, to a time when she was young and carefree, full of life and spirit, but now her life had become shrouded in darkness. The world had been cruel to her and she suffered so much loss. Her world had changed so much. Even her husband had become hardened to the world and had lost faith in Eywa. Her heart broke for her dear son Lo’ak and the burden upon his young shoulders, he had been through so much for one so young. And she could have lost him too. Neytiri felt despair, she had failed her children. She could not protect them. Breaking down, she buried her head into her knees and sobbed. She cried for her family, her people, her home. For nature and for all of Pandora and the destruction brought by the Sky People. “Ma Eywa… pelun?” (Oh Great Mother… why?)
A long time passed and the sun began to set on the horizon. Neytiri began to remember that there was still good in the world.
She thought of little Tuk, she was just like Neytiri at that age, curious and strong-willed, and she had her father’s bravery too. And sweet Kiri, and even Spider, that human boy who had no family of his own, who she had rejected and treated with distain. She was so hurt and so bitter for so long and her hate for the Sky People had closed her heart to him. It wasn’t until that moment that Jake took him into the forest that she realised that she actually cared for the boy, she had ran through the forest that day, her heart pounding in her chest, willing it to not be too late. In that moment in the clearing, relief and remorse washed over her, finally seeing Spider for who he was, a part of her family. She begged the Great Mother for her forgiveness for treating him so poorly, she would now be a mother to him, something he had never had. Everything would be well. Her family were strong, and Neteyam would forever live on in their hearts and with the ancestors. Maybe one day they might even return to the forest to live in peace.
Sa’atu came to rest beside her, laying her head beside Neytiri and chirring softly. Looking down at her, Neytiri placed a gentle hand upon her head. Her beautiful teal and cobalt hues glimmered in the fading evening sunlight and Neytiri felt guilt at her emotional distance towards her second Ikran. It wasn’t because she didn’t love Sa’atu, she was just scared to fully give her heart to another after losing Seze. This was no way to live, she knew she needed to learn to not let her grief consume her and the shadows of the past define her. “Oel ngati kameie,” she murmured, softly stroking her loyal Ikran’s smooth skin. “I See You.” With a small smile, she looked out across the sea, she would soon fly back to her family with a lighter heart and hope for the future, remembering that there was still so much to live for.