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“How bad is it, doctor?” Charlie asked worriedly, looking down at Nick’s sleeping form in the hospital bed. He couldn’t help but take the hand of his sleeping best friend. Despite being a hulk of a man, he now looked small and childlike.
Darcy stood in a corner, watching the scene. They had both attended Nick’s rugby match that afternoon and witnessed helplessly how he had been brutally tackled to the ground.
“He took a bad bump to the head, but nothing too serious. We’d like to keep him in overnight, just in case, but my guess is that we’ll be able to discharge him tomorrow,” the doctor soothed. He immediately went red. “Oh, uhm, sorry, are you family? Please say you are, since I’m not supposed to tell non-family. Sorry, I’m kinda new to this,” he explained lamely.
“Siblings,” Darcy deadpanned, making Charlie snort.
“I see,” the doctor replied, sighing in relief. “Well then, as I said, we’ll keep him in for the night. You can come back in the morning.”
The next morning Charlie and Darcy were back at the hospital. Upon entering Nick’s room, they met the same doctor, standing at Nick’s bed.
“Morning, doctor. How is he?” Darcy asked, while Charlie immediately rushed to Nick’s side, taking his hand.
“Well,” the doctor began, a bit hesitant. “Physically he’s fine, apart from some bruises. Fortunately he doesn’t have a head injury …”
“Oh, thank god,” Charlie huffed out.
“But …,” the doctor began again.
Charlie and Darcy looked at him expectantly.
“Mr. Spock?” came from the bed.
Charlie and Darcy quickly looked at each other, then at Nick. His eyes were open, and he smiled as he squeezed Charlie’s hand gently. Suddenly his smile morphed into a confused expression. “Why did you bring me into sickbay? Did the Klingons attack again?”
Charlie just looked at him with a dazed expression.
“Hey Bones,” Nick addressed the doctor. “Tell me you did your magic and I can get back to my bridge.”
The doctor coughed. Darcy groaned. Charlie’s mouth hung open.
“All good, Jim,” the doctor explained. “You bumped your head into the console when the Klingons hit the ship, but you’re fine now. Might I suggest however not to bump your thick head against any walls in the near future?”
“Bones, you know me, I can’t guarantee it. But I’m sure Spock here will take good care of me.” He gave Charlie an inquiring look.
“Of course,” Charlie squeaked out in a decidedly non Vulcan manner. But Nick seemed to be pacified. “See? Everything is okay. Let’s get back to the bridge and teach those Klingons not to mess with the Enterprise.”
“Sure,” Darcy said. Nick squinted at them. “Tchekov, what are you doing here? Who’s got the helm?”
“Ensign Philips,” the doctor supplied. “Jim, excuse us for a moment, I need Spock’s opinion on something. You still need rest before you can get back to being our fearless Captain.”
“If you say so,” Nick grumbled and closed his eyes again.
The doctor ushered Darcy and Charlie outside.
“What the hell was that?” Charlie wanted to know after closing the door.
The doctor took a deep breath. “I wanted to tell you before he woke up,” he started to explain. “As I said, there isn’t a head injury, but for some reason his mind seems to be stuck in the original Star Trek series.”
Darcy coughed. “You mean he thinks he’s …”
“Captain Kirk,” Charlie finished lamely.
The doctor nodded.
“And I’m Spock in this scenario? What the fuck??”
“At least you’re the coolest guy on the ship and not Captain Obvious, like me,” Darcy groaned.
“I always liked Tchekov,” the doctor supplied kindly.
“Okay, but what does that mean? How do we get Nick back?” Charlie asked miserably.
“Well, I’m not an expert on this sort of thing, but I’d say indulge him for now. Play your parts. It seems likely to me that his mind will try to find a way back to himself. Help him by staying in character. It might even be that he is trying to solve a problem of some sort. You should try to figure out what that is.”
Charlie rolled his eyes. “And then we’ll get him back?”
“We have to,” Darcy said.
On their ride on the turbo lift to the bridge (read: On the ride home to Nick’s flat in Darcy’s car), Captain Kirk (read Nick Nelson) suddenly straightened up. “Status report, Mr. Spock!”
“Erm,” Spock-Charlie sputtered. “Well, erm, the Klingons are attacking us. We took some - erm - damage when they fired at the Enterprise. That’s when you got hurt and we had to bring you to - erm - sickbay.”
Darcy rolled their eyes in the rearview mirror.
“I hope we gave them as good as we got?” Captain-Nick inquired.
“Don’t worry, Captain,” Tchekov-Darcy explained. “We fired a round of torpedoes at them. Should keep them busy for the time being.”
“Good,” Captain-Nick said before he fell asleep against Charlie’s shoulder.
“Bloody hell,” Charlie groaned.
“Captain, we’re at the bridge,” Spock-Charlie woke him some minutes later.
“Whassup?” Captain-Nick replied groggily.
“Oh man, Darce, can you help me? We need to get him inside.”
“Spock, who’s Darce?”
“Never mind, Captain.”
The two of them led Captain-Nick inside, after they had heaved him out of the car with great difficulty.
Once inside Captain-Nick went straight into the living room.
“Mr. Tchekov, take the helm. Status report. Let’s see what these Klingons are made of.”
“Aye aye, Captain,” Tchekov-Darcy said and plopped down on the couch, taking up the controller from the coffee table.
“Mr. Spock, what is the probability that these bone headed cretins will be open to negotiations?”
“Erm, I don’t know - Captain.”
Captain-Nick looked at him, smirking. “You don’t know? Spock, that is - fascinating!”
Tchekov-Darcy coughed to cover up their laughter.
Spock-Charlie rolled his eyes at them. “If you’ll excuse me, Captain, I need to go to the bathroom,” he explained lamely.
Tchekov-Darcy got up and hurried after him. “What are you doing?” they hissed. “You’re going to have a piss while we’re attacked by Klingons?”
“Don’t tell me they don’t need to go to the toilet in the future,” Charlie deadpanned.
“Actually …” Darcy started, immediately shut up by Spock-Charlie’s glare. “You know what? That’s actually a good point. Happy shitting!”
Spock-Charlie groaned.
When he returned some time later, the living room was empty. But he noticed that the couch had been transformed into a pillow fort.
“Ready to engage!” Captain-Nick bellowed from inside the fort.
Charlie nearly stumbled over his feet. “Captain?” he asked tentatively.
Captain-Nick’s head appeared out of the fort. “Spock! Glad you’re back! We had to raise the deflector-shields because our Klingon friends won’t get the message and keep firing. Come over here!”
Charlie looked at him affectionately. Even if Nick was someone else, he was still the same adorable dork he always was.
Spock-Charlie crawled into the fort. “Deflector shields?” he whispered to Tchekov-Darcy. “Isn’t that - like - TNG?”
“Shut up, I’m confused!”
“Captain?” Spock-Charlie asked. But all he got as a reply was soft snoring.
“Don’t leave me!” Captain-Nick woke with a start and grabbed Spock-Charlie’s hand.
“I’m not going to leave you!” Spock-Charlie assured him.
“I know you said I should go with him, that you are him. He needs me, to make him better. But the Doctor’s still you! And I need you!”
Doctor-Charlie blinked.
Darcy snorted. “Ah, Doctor Who. Now we’re talking!”
“Donna!” Rose-Nick exclaimed.
Donna-Darcy chuckled. “Could be worse.”
When they both looked at Rose-Nick, they saw that he was already fast asleep on the floor.
“Will? What kind of campaign is this?” a sleepy Rose?-Nick asked.
Doctor?-Charlie stared at him. “The one with Vecna?” he tried.
“Ah!” Rose?-possiblyMikeWheeler-Nick exclaimed, his face lighting up. “Have you already unlocked your hidden sorcerer powers?”
“Not a sorcerer,” Donna?-Darcy mumbled.
“Mike?” Will-Charlie tried.
“What? Oh, are you unsure whether to cast protection or attack?”
“Precisely,” Will-Charlie answered.
“Don’t worry, Will,” Mike-Nick said passionately and took his hands. “You’ll make the right decision, you always do. I believe in you.” He looked so intently into Will-Charlie’s eyes, that Donna?-Darcy had to break them out of the spell with a loud “Ahem!”
“Oh, Dustin! Yes, sorry, we got a bit carried away.” He nervously scratched the back of his neck and looked sheepishly at Will-Charlie. “I think Dustin wants to talk to you about your plan.”
“Right!” Dustin-Darcy exclaimed. “Will the Wise, please join me for a plan making session! I think I figured it out.”
Will-Charlie disentangled his hands gently from Mike-Nick’s grasp. “Sorry,” he mumbled and rushed over to Dustin-Darcy.
“Darce, what do you mean, you figured it out?” he whispered urgently, pulling Darcy out of the room.
“You remember how the doctor told us that he thought Nick was trying to solve a problem of some sort?”
“Yes, what’s your point?”
“I think I found the problem!”
“Well, enlighten me, so we can get Nick back!”
“It came to me when he slipped into the Mike role. Pretty obvious, really, that tosser!”
“Darcy!”
“Okay, okay. Star Trek and Stranger Things. In the first we have Kirk and Spock, in the latter we have Will and Mike or Byler, as the fans like to call them.”
"Byler?" Charlie asked, completely lost now.
"Their ship name. Will Byers and Mike Wheeler. Byers and Wheeler. Byler. Come to think of it, I have no idea what the ship name for Kirk and Spock is. Might have to come up with one myself."
Charlie impatiently whacked them over the head.
"Ow!"
"Darce, please concentrate, I'm desperate here! What does it all mean?" Charlie asked impatiently.
“Spring, I swear, as clever as you are you can be more thick than a wood worm! Both are queer ships that fans have been desperate to happen, but they never did!”
“And how is that a problem for Nick?”
Darcy groaned exasperatedly and whacked Charlie over the head. “Ow! What the hell was that for?”
“Nick has already been whacked over the head, so you’re the only one left!” Darcy exclaimed. “Charlie, that man in there has been pining over you for months now! You are the ship he desperately wants to happen, just like the fans want Byler and - something - to happen! And he is trying to tell you by slipping into these roles because he is too much of a coward to tell you straight to your face!”
“But - how - I - what?” Charlie asked, completely dumbstruck. “He - but why?”
Darcy rolled their eyes. “As far as I understand he’s scared of losing his best friend, so he’d rather suffer in silence.”
“Not that!” Charlie huffed out. “Why would he pine for me? I mean, I’m nothing special, he’s so far out of my league …”
“NO ONE’S OUT OF ANYONE’S LEAGUE!” Darcy bellowed, making Charlie jump. “I swear, you two are the most oblivious queer disasters I have EVER met!”
“Hold on. Kirk and Spock, Will and Mike. I get that. But why Rose and the Doctor?”
Darcy smirked. “Two words. David Tennant.”
At that moment they heard a yell from the living room. “Spock! Tchekov! I need you on the bridge!”
“What am I supposed to do now?” Charlie asked hurriedly. “How do we get Nick back?”
“Whatever you do, you have to stay in character. Try to create a situation where the two of you are alone in-time, which means we first have to defeat those Klingon arseholes. Then you can …” Darcy hurriedly explained her elaborate plan to Charlie, then they both reentered the living room.
On their way back to the bridge Darcy suddenly started cackling. "Ooooh, I've got it! Kock! Get it? Kirk and Spock equals Kock!"
"Oh my god," Charlie groaned.
“Tchekov! Spock! There you are! I was afraid you’d miss out on all the fun!” Captain-Nick beamed at them, then turned around again and stared at the dark Telly.
Suddenly, Charlie had enough. This was ridiculous! He wanted Nick back, and he wanted him back now!
He stepped up behind Captain-Nick and knocked on his shoulders. Captain-Nick turned around and beamed at him. “Spock?” he asked. Without further ado, Spock-Charlie grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss.
Darcy threw their hands up over their head in desperation. “I guess that works, too.”
“Charlie?” Nick asked, dazed, as Charlie broke their kiss.
“Welcome back,” Charlie smirked and leaned their foreheads together. Nick chuckled, not believing his luck.
“Ahem!” Darcy interrupted. “All’s well that ends well, I suppose. Well done, you two. Finally! If you’ll excuse me now, I think I have a lot of my own snogging to do.”
Hours later, and after a lot more kissing and laughter and shy smiles and even shyer confessions, Charlie snuggled up next to Nick on the couch. He was exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster of a day, but couldn’t remember a moment when he had been happier.
“Char?” Nick asked, squeezing his shoulders gently.
“Hmm?”
“You know, you’re my favourite Doctor.”
Charlie groaned, “Shut up and kiss me, Captain.”
Nick giggled, “Aye aye, Sir!”