Chapter Text
No view was more beautiful, more magical, more miraculous than the Parisian skyline at night. So many glittering lights, the echoing laughs of couples in love, the smell of sweet smoke floating in the air. Nathanael let out a sigh. Sitting on the roof of his house he could see it all. He always loved finding spots like these – where the world seemed to stand still, where he felt like he owned his own corner of the universe.
He leaned back on his hands and smiled. There was only him and the moon. He liked being alone, or, at least he was comfortable with it. Nathanael came to realize that there were two kinds of people in the world – those who liked to fill silences and those who took refuge in it. He considered himself to be more aligned with the latter.
However, even though he was used to being alone, and he didn’t mind the silence, that didn’t mean that he never got lonely. Sitting on the roof, feeling like a bystander as he watched his city teem with life, Nathanael began to feel a little lonely.
He hugged his knees a bit closer to his chest, suddenly feeling the chill of the Parisian night. Looking at the skyline now Nathanael thought its beauty was harsher, almost mocking him and his isolation.
It didn’t look real; it looked like something out of a painting. He looked down at his hands – the hands of an artist. His fingers were long and slender, riddled with small blisters and stains from ink and paint. They were soft yet rough, young yet old. He was afraid of them.
He began to remember another time, a night when Paris looked just as beautiful. He remembered the small flame of affection and hope that warmed his insides as he was waiting for a pretty girl to meet him on a boat. He was excited and happy – maybe he wouldn’t be lonely anymore. He felt like this girl understood him – she liked to create beautiful things too. He also remembered the pain.
He remembered watching as his hand began to shake violently, Hawkmoth’s demands piercing his mind like ice picks. Nathanael – no – the Evillustrator was getting distracted from his goal – to take Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculouses. The pain shot through his pen and into his body like electricity, overwhelming his senses until he began to see spots. He never felt more afraid in his life, more helpless.
As he looked at his hands now, on the rooftop, he saw that they were shaking again, but he knew it was for a reason other than Hawmoth – it was his own fear. After he was akumatized, whenever he tried to pick up a pencil and start drawing in class, or pick up a brush and paint the walls in his room, he couldn’t do it. He would just remember the pain and shy away. He began to draw less and less, until eventually he drew nothing at all. Art wasn’t real, it was imagination, illusion. Pain, that was real.
His thoughts were interrupted as he heard a scream, and when he looked up his eyes widened in horror. The sky was filled with black butterflies. A cloud, no, a battalion of akumas blotted out the stars. The night was beautiful no longer. Even worse, the butterflies headed right for Nathanael.
‘No,’ He thought. ‘Not again.’
Through wide eyes he could only watch as the akumas enveloped him, trapped him. He heard that familiar voice in his head: ‘You are mine. You will always be my soldier, my artist, my prey. You are MINE.’ Nathanael fought back tears, clenching his fists. ‘You think that Ladybug and her little cat saved you?’ Hawkmoth’s laugh sliced through Nathanael’s mind. ‘Think about this: how can anyone save you from your own emotions?’
With that Nathanael was falling, falling, the sky getting farther away and the pavement closer. All he could do was let out a gasp. His world began to blur like water colors, dripping and losing shape like crayons melted over canvas. He had never been more afraid of art. He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears, not wanting to know when the inevitable splat would come.
Nathanael’s eyes shot open. There were no more butterflies, no more Hawkmoth. It was just him in an empty classroom. He must have fallen asleep during class again. Through bleary eyes he could see that everyone’s books were still there, and by looking at the blackboard it seemed like Ms. Bustier was in the middle of writing notes on the board.
‘So where did everyone go? And why did they leave in such a hurry?’ Nathanael sat up in his chair and moved his long, red hair out of his face. He tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He felt like he was missing something. Images from his nightmare began to fly away as he focused on the task at hand.
Then he heard a crash and someone yelling, “Where is Chloe?!”
“Oh great. It’s an akuma, and they’re after Chloe. What a shocker.” Nathanael mumbled to himself, rolling his eyes a bit.
He tried not to feel bitter about the fact that his classmates didn’t wake him up. He was used to being forgotten. He felt like it was his own fault for sitting alone in the back of the class. But now wasn’t the time to pity himself, now he had to think about what to do next.
After his time as the Evillustrator, he wasn’t as afraid of akumas. He trusted Ladybug. She always managed to save the day. She even managed to trick him out of costume. It was Hawkmoth that terrified him, and the idea that he could control him again.
As he was about to stand up and find a way out of the school without running into the akuma, someone snuck through the door and closed it behind them. He saw that it was Marinette. He was about to say something, maybe ask what was going on when a red blur flew out of her purse.
Marinette yelled, “transforme moi” and suddenly she was covered in a bright pink light. Nathanael shielded his eyes and when he looked again it wasn’t Marinette who stood in front of him, it was Ladybug.
She was about to leave when she heard a cough. When she turned she saw Nathanael, waving awkwardly. He saw her mouth form a shocked “o.”
“Um, hey Marinette.” He said shyly.
He was over his crush on her – besides, he realized that she was too head-over-heels for Adrien to ever notice him – but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still a little nervous around her. Plus, he knew that this situation was awkward, very awkward.
Nathanael watched as Ladybug’s eyes widened and she began to stutter. “D-did, w-were you there the whole time?” She managed to squeak out. Nathanael shrugged, “Yeah.”
“So you know, that I’m -?” Ladybug struggled to find the words. Nathanael decided to help her out.
“You’re Marinette, and you’re also Ladybug. To be honest I figured it out a while ago.”
“Wait you already knew? For how long?” Ladybug asked, looking a little intimidating with her yo-yo. Now it was Nathanael’s turn to stutter.
“W-well, um, after I was akumatized and Ladybug – you – saved me, I began to draw sketches of you.” Nathanael began to blush, but also became a little sad. Ladybug was the last thing he drew before he became too afraid, before his nightmares ruined everything. Ladybug seemed to notice something was wrong, and Nathanael saw her eyes tighten with concern. He decided to keep going before she asked any questions he didn’t want to answer.
“So, anyway, I started to draw Ladybug. I was grateful to her – you – and I hoped to give you a drawing as a way to say thanks.” He could tell that his face was as red as his hair now. He hated that he always blushed easily. Ladybug gave him a sweet smile.
“But then I realized that when I drew you, Ladybug, it was very similar to how I drew you, you know, as Marinette. Exactly the same, actually, without the mask. That’s when I began to wonder if you two were the same person, and when I thought more about it I realized how obvious it was.” Nathanael paused. “I’m actually surprised that more people don’t know.” He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.
Ladybug was about to say something, but then they both heard another crash.
“Shoot. I have to go; I should’ve left already. We will talk more about this later though.” Ladybug said, giving Nathanael a stern gaze, almost like he was caught doing something bad. All he did in response was nod. Ladybug turned to leave, but then gave Nathanael one last glace and said, “Oh, and Nathanael? Get yourself to safety, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.” She gave him a warm smile and ran out of the classroom.
‘Yup, I definitely look like a tomato right now.’ Nathanael thought. After a few seconds of processing he finally got out of his chair and went to the doorway. He poked his head into the hallway and when he saw that the coast was clear, he made a break for it. Surprisingly, he managed to make it to an exit and get outside.
He took a moment to catch his breath a little – he was an artist, not an athlete – and then he realized that he was smiling. He saw that he was apart from the reporters and cameras and fellow Parisian citizens, and although he was alone, he didn’t feel so lonely. He felt a little hopeful. Timidly hopeful. He remembered Ladybug’s smile.
“Alya Cesaire here, ladybloggers, first one on the scene. I swear, my school has an akuma attack every other day…”
“Ain’t that the truth.” Nathanael said to himself, watching Alya’s video of today’s attack to get a better sense of what happened while he was asleep. So far what he gathered was that a student from another class was akumatized. He couldn’t quite remember his name. He had black hair and pale-ish skin, always wore a button-down – to be honest he seemed to just be a background character in Nathanael’s life.
Apparently Chloe revealed his crush in front of a crowd. Nathanael could sympathize, remembering when Chloe revealed his crush on Marinette. ‘That girl never learns.’ He thought. The kid was so embarrassed and upset that he became the perfect bait for Hawkmoth. Nathanael couldn’t help but glance at his own hands, making sure that he was in control of them.
“Finally, Ladybug is here to save the -” At that point in the video Alya stopped talking. Nathanael observed how the akuma’s power was to silence people. With a touch of his staff people would be automatically muted, tape covering their mouths. Alya had just become his next victim. With more inspection Nathanael noticed the black piece of paper in the kid’s front shirt pocket. ‘That must be where the akuma’s hiding.’ He thought.
After his time as the Evillustator he spent more time on the Ladyblog. He had to admit, Alya was good at what she did. After watching multiple videos of various attacks, and seeing his own classmates get akumatized, it wasn’t hard to pick up on the pattern – Hawkmoth would send one of his dark butterflies after sensing negative emotions, an akuma would possess an item special to that person, and then the person would fight Ladybug and Chat Noir until the duo broke the possessed item and purified the akuma.
It was simple if someone paid attention. That was what Nathanael was – an observer. He liked to watch, to notice the details in something. It was the artist in him – or at least, the remnants of the artist he used to be.
“What, cat got your tongue?” Nathanael groaned and rolled his eyes – Chat Noir. That guy was impossible; he couldn’t understand how Marinette could take his awful puns. However, Nathanael had to admit that that cat could fight.
He took on the akuma, staff vs. staff, which gave Marinette – Ladybug – enough time to summon her lucky charm. After that it was easy for her to find the possessed object, break it, and purify the akuma. From what Nathanael could tell the object looked like a letter written in pink, loopy handwriting. ‘It must be a note from his crush.’ Nathanael mused. He hoped that it worked out for those two. Ladybug then proceeded to use her miraculous cure and everything was back to normal. It was like it always was.
“Ladybug never loses.” He said to himself, leaning back in his chair with a small smile.
“You’re right.” Ladybug said from his window, a smug grin on her face. Nathanael let out a startled yell and fell out of his chair. Ladybug quickly left her perch and went to help him up.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to surprise you.” Ladybug said apologetically. Nathanael sat up, rubbing his back a little. “Yes you did. You superheroes love your dramatic entrances. It’s like you think you’re freaking Batman or something.” He said with a pout, crossing his arms.
He winced a bit at what he said, worried that it came off as a bit mean. However, before he could apologize Ladybug began to laugh. It sounded like wind chimes on a breezy day. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, we can’t help it.” She giggled again.
“Good job, by the way. You know, with the akuma.” He said, a little awkwardly. What do you say to Paris’ superhero, you’re classmate, you’re former crush? Man was this complicated.
“Thanks. Part of the job I guess.” Ladybug replied with a shrug.
“But what’s up with Hawkmoth targeting kids at our school all of the time? It’s like he has some weird fascination with children.” Nathanael shuddered. Ladybug laughed.
“Yeah, it’s so creepy. I hope that he doesn’t have any kids of his own.” She replied, wrinkling her nose a little.
Nathanael imagined how awful it would be to have Hawkmoth as his dad. He imagined hearing that terrible voice every day, being in the same house as him when he went to sleep, having his DNA make up his very being. He checked his hands anxiously. It became a reflex whenever he thought about Hawkmoth.
Then Ladybug’s miraculous beeped and brought Nathanael back to reality. “Oh, I need to transform back now. Is there any place we can talk? Somewhere private?” She asked. Nathanael thought for a moment.
“I know the perfect place.”
“Wow, this view is beautiful, but I’m still partial to my balcony.” Marinette said. Nathanael watched as she took in the scenery, the skyline reflected in her blue eyes. He looked at the city as well, an image of black butterflies flashing across his mind. He quickly looked away.
Marinette noticed the action, but decided not to press him. He appreciated that. “So you’ve known about my identity for a few months now.” She stated. Nathanael shrugged, “Pretty much.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that you knew?” She turned her blue eyes on him. Nathanael thought for a second.
“I didn’t think it really mattered. You’re still Marinette, you’re still Ladybug, but now when I think of either one I see the whole person. The picture is just complete now.”
Marinette smiled at that, then became a little serious. “And you know that you can’t tell anyone who I am, right?”
“Of course. It’s your secret.” Nathanael said immediately. ‘Besides, who would I tell it to?’ He thought to himself.
“What do you mean?” Marinette asked. Crap, he said that part out loud.
“I-I, it’s just, I tend to keep to myself. I don’t really talk to anyone in our class outside of school. W-which is okay, I mean, I like to be alone.” He said quickly. He could see the sadness in Marinette’s eyes. He’d never been quite good at lies, only the ones he told himself. Maybe he didn’t like to be alone as much as he thought. He began inspecting one of the roof tiles.
“I have to say, it feels kind of nice to know that someone knows my secret.” Marinette said. Nathanael looked up at her.
“Really?”
“Yeah. I feel like someone knows who I really am, both sides. It’s been hard keeping this secret for so long. Now we can share it.”
Nathanael looked at her in shock. ‘Share it?’ He knew what Marinette was doing. She knew he was sad, lonely, but instead of pointing it out or asking questions, she knew just what to say to make him feel better. That’s what he liked about Marinette, she knew how to fix everything, that every person needed to be helped in their own way. He should’ve realized that she was Ladybug sooner.
“You’re my confidant now. My secret ace in the hole. Maybe you can help me maintain this crazy double life.” She laughed to herself.
“Okay.” Nathanael said, smiling little. He felt that timid hope again, like a small sprout reaching for the sun.
“We’re going to have to spend a lot more time together you know, you being my secret weapon now.” She gave him a very Ladybug-like wink.
“I-I’ll have to see if I can fit it into my schedule.” Nathanael replied, smiling a little. Marinette giggled at that.
“Well, if you manage to find time, do we have a deal?” She reached out her hand. Nathanael looked at it. Like him, she had the hand of an artist. He looked at her nimble fingers and noticed the tiny scars from sewing needles. But it was more than that – it was the hand of a superhero, a classmate, a friend. He looked at his hand, which at that moment began to feel more like his own. He decided to reach back.
“Deal.”