Chapter Text
“What is that?!”
Edward freezes, caught pulling a large glass mason jar out of his trunk. He was just getting settled in his childhood bedroom at the Rockbell house, which was well-maintained but mostly untouched over the years. Winry is standing in the door, a bundle of fresh sheets in her arms and her finger pointed accusingly at the jar, and Edward gulps.
“It’s… a jar?”
The label specifies that it was once a jar of Aerugonian sea salt caramels — a delicacy for a landlocked country, gifted to the Elrics by Alex Armstrong. Of course, Ed and Al devoured the candies while they were shacked up in the Central City hospital, which left a perfectly empty jar for Edward to use when he went to fetch…
“Not the jar! Do you think I’m stupid?” explodes Winry, snatching a wrench out of her back pocket. “What are you doing bringing a homunculus into my house?!”
Curled up in a nest of clean hospital bandages is none other than the true form of Envy the Jealous, rubbing their bulbous eyes with tiny paws and glaring at the ruckus.
“What are you worms going on about this time?” they snap. “Your sappy reunion was traumatizing enough for me. Couldn’t catch a break, getting tossed around in that damn suitcase!”
“Edward,” says Winry, her voice low and dangerous. “Get that thing out of my house right now.”
“Winry, I can explain—”
“Hey, Brother, did I pack my spare notebook in your— Oh!”
Alphonse pauses in the door behind Winry, leaning heavily on his cane and peering at the jar in Ed’s hands.
“Winry, you remember Envy, right?” says Alphonse, unruffled, and Winry screeches.
“Yes! I remember the life-threatening measures that Marcoh and the others went through so they could capture that thing!” she says, jabbing the wrench at Envy. “I thought it was on its way to Xing! What is it doing here?”
“First of all,” says Alphonse, a frown creasing his brow, “Envy’s pronouns are they/them. I know that it’ll take some getting used to, but—”
“Getting used to?!”
“Oi, Winry…” says Edward, loath to draw attention to himself. “Why don’t we all sit down? This is kind of a long story, and I don’t want Al to stay on his feet more than he has to.”
Winry pauses and looks at Alphonse, who gives her a sheepish smile and rubs the back of his head. Though his long pants hide the emaciated state of his legs, the way he leans on his cane is a clear enough indication.
“Oh…” she says, and lowers her wrench. With a sigh, she dumps the fresh sheets on the bed and plunks down next to them, crossing her arms. “Fine. Come in, Alphonse, and do explain why you’ve brought this— this creature into my house.”
“Reminds me of when we used to bring lizards home to Mom,” says Edward, grinning at his brother, and Envy rolls their massive eyes.
“You people are so dramatic,” they say in their reedy voice, and a vein bulges in Ed’s forehead.
“As if you can talk! You were the one who almost offed yourself when you realized—”
“Whoa, hey, let’s not go there,” says Alphonse as he eases onto the bed next to Winry. “Brother caught me up on the story while we were in the hospital, Win. Basically, Envy manipulated Mei into coming back to Central.”
“And that’s supposed to make me sympathetic to the situation?” demands Winry. “Were you two manipulated into taking this thing home?”
“Please,” says Edward with a scoff. “As if I’d fall for that bullshit. No offense, Al— Mei is a badass and everything, but she’s still just a kid.”
“Brother, we’re kids, too…”
“Anyway,” says Ed, waving him off. “Envy regained their colossal form in Central, then Colonel Bastard barbecued the shit out of them until they became a caterpillar again. Then I swooped in and saved both of their asses before the wannabe Führer could succumb to his dark side.”
Ed thumbs at his nose in self-satisfaction, while Winry stares at him, dumbfounded.
“After that, I punched our crappy old man’s evil twin in the face, got Al’s body back, went underground to pick up Envy, and here we are.”
Winry rubs her temples. “I feel like I’m missing something…”
Alphonse sighs. “While we were in the hospital, Brother refused to give Envy up to the military. They’re— they’re a suicide risk, and he’s the only one who can get through to them.”
“I’m right here,” complains Envy, hiding beneath a wide strip of bandage. “Don’t say such humiliating things about me! As if I’d ever listen to this subatomic shrimp—”
“What did you say?!” says Ed, giving the jar a ferocious shake. Envy wails and bounces around the jar, curling up into a little ball.
“Brother! Is that— does that count as animal abuse?” says Alphonse, hapless as ever.
“Hmph! After everything this creep did, it’d be the least they deserve,” growls Ed, glaring into the glass. “It’s only because of me that the military didn’t torture you for information or experiment on your Philosopher’s Stone. Don’t forget that!”
“Just kill me,” says Envy, moaning and rolling around the nest of bandages. “Just let me die already, would you! I’m a captive against my will! Is this some sort of sick ego trip that you’re on, acting all high and mighty because you’ve captured a homunculus? Because you’ve beaten my Father? You killed my whole family, you fuckers!”
Winry covers her mouth with one hand, and Edward and Alphonse exchange a glance.
“Is that true?” she says quietly.
“Well—” begins Al, but Ed cuts him off.
“We had to, Winry. They were gonna sacrifice everyone in the country.”
A distant look comes over her eyes. “That’s right. So when I was in that vortex of anguish, that must have been…”
“Hmph,” says Envy, flicking their long tail. “Now you maggots know what I feel like on the inside.”
Winry’s eyes fix on the glass. “You have a Philosopher’s Stone inside you. You’re telling me that you always feel that way?”
Envy says nothing, just flicks their tail and sticks their snout in the air, dismissive. Winry clenches her hands in her lap and bows her head.
“I can’t imagine,” she whispers, and Ed shuffles his feet uncomfortably. Alphonse lays a hand on her arm.
“This is why Central Command is trusting Brother to watch over Envy,” he says, massaging his thumb into her shoulder. “They don’t want to lose Envy as an informant. Right now, Brother is the best person to make sure they don’t do anything rash.”
“So you’re keeping them… here?” she says weakly. Ed bites his lip and shrugs.
“Well… I wanted to come home.”
That seems to get through to Winry. Her expression melts into one of longing and joy and relief, and for a second, Edward thinks she’s going to start crying again. But he can see the moment she sets her resolve, and she stands from the bed, dusting off her pants.
“Alright,” she says, casting one last glance at the silent jar. “This conversation isn’t over. But if you can prove to me that this won’t cause trouble, then I’ll let it slide.”
“Yes, ma’am,” says Alphonse, and Edward sniffs. Winry shakes her head.
“Who knows, maybe you’ll get along,” she says over her shoulder. “You both act like brats, after all.”
“Hey! Who’s a brat?!” says Edward at the same time that Envy says, “Are you looking down on me, human?!”
But the door has already swung shut, and they’re left with Alphonse, who’s chuckling on the bed.
“You’re not gonna keep them in that jar the whole time, are you, Brother?” he says, raising an eyebrow at the makeshift nest. “Won’t they need more room to move around?”
“And do what?” says Edward gruffly. He raises the jar to eye level, and Envy gives him a hateful squint.
“Well… they might not need food and water, but shouldn’t they have a place to sleep?” says Al, scratching the back of his head. “And I know it’s not the same, but cats like to hide in dark, cramped places when they’re feeling threatened. Maybe- maybe it would help.”
That’s how Envy ends up on their first trip to the Resembool market, still bottled up in the jar as Edward carries them in the crook of his arm. The damn kid seems to know everyone in this whole backwater town by name, and people call out to him on the streets, congratulating him on his homecoming.
“Well, if it isn’t the oldest Elric boy!”
“Ed, you’re back in town? Are you on leave from the military?”
“Damn, kid, you really got your arm back, huh? Give us a flex!”
Envy stomps their tiny feet in the nest of bandages and flops onto their spiny back.
“Why did I have to come along?” they complain as yet another vendor in the marketplace claps Ed on the back, jostling Envy in the jar. “This place is crawling with humans!”
“What were you expecting?” says Ed with a snort, waving across the street to a woman selling loaves of bread under an awning. “I can’t leave you at home and make Al watch you. He’s gotta rest.”
“It’s not fair,” whines Envy. “Why don’t I get to rest? It was a long journey for me, too!”
“You aren’t temporarily disabled,” says Ed, then pauses. “Well… I guess this is your weakened form. Maybe that counts?”
“Tch, don’t look down on me, maggot!”
“Try a different line sometime,” he says wryly. “Besides, asshole, disability is nothing to look down on.”
Envy sniffs and curls into a ball. “Says the guy who would’ve done anything to get his body back. What about me? When will I get my body back?”
“Not happening. And quit complaining. I don’t have to get you a better container, but Al is making me do it out of the kindness of his heart.”
“A prison is a prison,” they mutter. “I don’t need your filthy pity.”
Edward sighs and turns the corner of a side street, stopping in front of a dingy little storefront that looks like a pet shop.
“Mr. Lu?” calls Edward, then says something in Xingese.
“Edward?”
Envy dives under the cover of the pile of bandages, praying this new human didn’t catch a glimpse of their ugly body. Mr. Lu responds in a string of rapid Xingese, and Edward jostles the jar as he waves in alarm.
“Whoa, whoa, I’m not fluent! I just picked up some Xingese from my friend.”
“You’ve got a Xingese friend?” There’s a rustle and a thump behind the counter. “You’re here for Den’s special protein mix, right?”
“Oh, not this time, actually… And yeah, maybe you know him. Twelfth prince of Xing, Ling Yao?”
There’s a clatter and a gasp, and Envy peeks out between the bandages. Mr. Lu is a middle-aged man in a newsboy cap, a heavy golden wedding band flashing on his finger as he covers his mouth.
“You’re friends with Prince Yao?”
Edward scratches his head and gives a sheepish smile. “Uhh, yeah. He’s gonna become emperor soon, actually. He should've made it home by now — haven’t seen him in a few months.”
Mr. Lu sits down hard on the stool behind the counter, tugging off his cap and running his fingers through his thinning hair.
“The Yao clan will be the next on the throne?” he says, rubbing at a metal talisman around his neck. “I haven’t seen Prince Yao — Crown Prince Yao — since the public announcement of his birth. That must have been what, fifteen years ago?”
“Sixteen now,” says Edward, and Lu lets out a shaky breath.
“Times are changing.” He wags a finger at Edward. “First Führer Grumman, now Crown Prince Yao. I should send a letter to my family back home.”
“Oh, Central Command is working on the infrastructure for long distance calls with Xing. With Ling’s cooperation, I’m sure it won’t be long before we get the phone lines set up.”
Lu is downright flabbergasted by this news. Envy stews in their little nest, eager to mock him but hating to be perceived. Truth be told, in their long lifespan, the past few decades of human development have been some of the most dramatic. The pointlessness of human existence used to pack a lot more punch before they invented things like telephones and automobiles.
“Well…” Mr. Lu takes a deep breath and smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’ll have to ask you all about your adventures with the Crown Prince sometime. What can I do for you today? I’ll give you a discount for bringing me the good news.”
This generosity absolutely baffles Envy. Sure, they understand the concept of information as currency, but does the old man want this dump of a shop to go bankrupt? What kind of idiotic business—
Edward lifts the jar from under his arm, and Envy ducks under the bandages and cowers from sight.
“I’ve got a… new addition to my house. I need a reptile tank. Maybe with a cave, for hiding?”
Mr. Lu peers into the glass, but Envy must be well hidden, because he straightens and screws up his face in confusion.
“Some kinda lizard? Okay, we’ve got options. You’ll want a heat lamp, too. What are you planning on feeding it?”
It. If Envy had a jaw, they’d be grinding their teeth right now. Alphonse’s miffed voice floats through their head — Envy’s pronouns are they/them — and they let out a tiny humph and nestle further into the bandages.
“Um…” Edward stalls. “There’s plenty of crickets around the house. Should be easy enough to catch.”
Envy almost wants to barf, even though they know Edward is lying through his teeth. They never cared much for food; the body’s process of waste removal is absolutely disgusting, and unfortunately, they weren’t made to be a gaping void dimension like Gluttony. That said, there have been plenty of times when they craved the food and drink that humans coveted — chocolate, expensive liquor, luxury coffee made from imported beans. Only the finest of foods are fit for Envy’s palate, and the Fullmetal Alchemist wants them to eat crickets?!
“That works. But if you ever need mealworms, let me know,” says Lu, and Envy fights down a gag. “Not sure how big that critter’s gonna grow, but you shouldn’t go any smaller than a twenty-gallon tank. Most reptiles need at least two places to hide — one on the warm side, one on the cool side.”
“More effort than I thought this was gonna be,” mutters Edward, and Lu laughs.
“You’re a smart kid, you’ll pick it up. See here—” Lu steers them over to the far side of the tiny store, where a huge vertical tank takes up a whole corner. “This is a Xingese green snake. Her tank is a bioactive enclosure, meaning it mimics her real-life ecosystem in Xing, down to the bugs in the dirt.”
Envy peers out from their hiding place and makes eye contact with a lime green serpent coiled around a rod of bamboo. On instinct, Envy lets out a little hiss, and Lu laughs.
“Looks like your herp’s not too keen on old Midori. Her tank is way more advanced than you need, but you get the basic gist.”
Lu points to the different areas of the enclosure — a hollowed log, a stack of rocks, and the bamboo that reaches all the way to the screen on top.
“If you’ve got a climber, you want some verticality. Active reptiles need space to move, so be sure to balance open areas with hiding spots. You got a desert reptile, or an arboreal one?”
Edward hesitates. “Arboreal. Probably needs higher humidity, and space to climb, too.”
Mr. Lu nods and guides him down the shelves, grabbing a twenty-gallon vertical tank and throwing packages of moss and substrate inside.
“Mist it daily and clean the tank every month or so. I can throw in the spray bottle for free and give you ten percent off the rest.”
Edward grunts his thanks in basic Xingese, and the old man beams. Envy can’t help their noise of disgust, but luckily for Edward, Lu is too busy carting the supplies over to the register to notice.
“Do you wanna stock up on Den’s mix while you’re here?” says Lu as he rings up Edward’s order.
“Nah, I got plenty to carry.” Edward lowers Envy’s jar into the tank, cushioning it among the fluffy bags of dried moss. “But don’t worry, I’ll be in town for a while. Gonna try my hand at settling down as the change in leadership blows over.”
“Settling down, you say?” says Lu, his eyes twinkling. “Miss Winry will be glad to hear that. Should I prepare for a wedding?”
Envy makes a retching sound at the same time that Edward splutters, handing over a fistful of bills and hefting the tank off the counter.
“Nothing like that!” says the pipsqueak, shuffling toward the door. “Catch you later, Mr. Lu, thanks for your help!”
“Tell me those stories about the Crown Prince sometime!” calls the old man, and Edward yells an affirmative as he hurries out the door.
“Pathetic,” says Envy, cackling and rolling around the jar. “One mention of that girl and you go spineless. Humans have all kinds of weaknesses, don’t you?”
“Can it,” snaps Ed, readjusting his grip on the tank. “You held your tongue in the store, why can’t you keep quiet now?”
“Hmph. As if I would deign to talk to that pathetic mortal.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Envy.”
Alphonse peers into the tank as Edward pours a layer of gravel onto the bottom, rising onto his tiptoes so he can stick his arm through the top of the container.
“Small fry,” snipes Envy, watching him smooth the gravel flat, and Edward clenches a fistful of rocks.
“I’m gonna toss you into the nearest river—”
“Brother,” says Alphonse with a sigh. “Here, the soil?”
“You expect me to sleep on a bunch of dirt?” squeaks Envy, wriggling their tail in fury. “Are you humans stupid? That’s not actually my natural habitat!”
“What do you want us to do, get you a dollhouse to live in?” says Edward with a snort. Al is futzing with the distribution of dirt, and Edward checks him with his hip. “Move over, dude. I’m gonna add some rocks.”
“Nuh-uh. You gotta add the hides first.”
“What are you, some kind of interior designer?”
“The composition matters!” says Alphonse, grabbing the basking rock that Mr. Lu sold them.
It’s roughly carved so that there’s space to crawl underneath, and Alphonse claps his hands together, transmuting it into a cottage with a wide, slanting roof and a little chimney.
“Not a dollhouse, but you get the gist,” says Al, lowering it into one corner of the tank.
“Damn, you’re really into this,” says Edward, crouching to examine his brother’s handiwork. “Is that a brick texture on the facade? And wait… Is that a miniature Den?!”
“You caught me,” says Alphonse, blushing as he readjusts the position of the cottage. “I guess this will be the hot side. Gimme that log for the cool side?”
“What, you’re not gonna engrave it with alchemy? Turn it into a tea house?”
Alphonse snorts. “Do you want me to?”
“I can’t believe this,” mutters Envy, clutching their face in their little paws. “The Elric brats are playing house, and I’m the fucking doll!”
“Yeah, you’re welcome,” says Edward. “Bet this is the nicest anyone has ever treated you. Did Father even give you a room of your own in his underground lair? Or you just hung around his creepy throne, coming up with evil little plots?”
“What’s it to you,” snaps Envy, crossing their stubby arms. A smirk crawls across Ed’s face.
“Hit a nerve, huh?” he says, and Envy hisses. “What did Father ever give you besides a bunch of empty promises?”
“He gave me life,” says Envy bitterly, and Edward scoffs.
“Wow, the bare minimum. And what a miserable life it turned out to be.”
“Why, you—”
“Guys, can you stop distracting me?” says Alphonse as he adjusts the enclosed gazebo — wait, when did he transmute that?
“Al, you should be an architect,” says Ed, admiring the gazebo’s shingles — textured with the bark of the former log.
“Tch. Overachieving golden boys,” says Envy, rolling their massive eyes.
Together, Alphonse and Edward decorate the terrarium with miniature boulders and clumps of moss for bushes, creating a scene that could almost pass for a Resembool landscape.
“No plants, though,” says Alphonse with a frown. “I can probably take a cutting from one of Granny’s trees, if I can get it to root.”
Edward yawns and stretches his arms over his head, his right shoulder aching from carrying the tank all the way home. “We can go plant shopping next time. You can come with, I know that’s your strong suit.”
“Hmm,” says Alphonse, rubbing his chin. “Okay, I guess that’ll have to do for now. Envy, do you want a water feature?”
“Do I look like I want a water feature?” says Envy, lying flat on their face.
Alphonse chuckles and clips the heat lamp to the edge of the tank. “Fair enough. Come on, your new home is ready.”
“One sec, gotta mist it,” says Edward, aiming the glass spray bottle at the clumps of moss. “Are you more of an amphibian or a reptile, anyway? You’re kinda slimy, but you’ve also got spines.”
“I will give you the exact taxonomical breakdown of my evolutionary tree, as soon as I consult my Father… Oh, you killed him. Fuck you.”
“Oops,” says Alphonse, not sounding sorry at all. “I almost forgot, one more thing.”
He procures a soft flannel handkerchief from his pocket and stuffs it through the front door of the cottage, wiggling his fingers to make a nest.
“Okay, now you’re being too nice to them,” says Edward.
“They’re not actually a lizard,” Al reminds him. “They’re allowed to have human things.”
“Don’t compare me to humans, you twerp!”
“Your generosity is lost on them, Al,” says Ed wryly as he lifts Envy’s jar and positions it over the tank. “Ready with the wire cover? Don’t want ‘em to escape.”
Alphonse brandishes the heavy mesh lid and gives a sharp nod. “Ready.”
Envy’s squishy paws cling to the glass as Edward unscrews the lid. “Easy, easy, I don’t wanna hit my head on a—”
Edward dumps them unceremoniously into the tank, and Alphonse slams the lid on. Envy tumbles inside with a tiny wail, landing in a pile of damp moss.
“See? That wasn’t so bad,” says Edward with a smirk.
“I hate you with every fiber of my tiny body.”
Envy sits with their face against the far glass wall like a tiny green loaf, refusing to move until the Elric brats finally get bored and leave them be. As it is, the tank is positioned by the window, so they have a pretty good view of the rolling Resembool pastures that stretch in all directions.
The idyllic scenery is so far removed from their industrial underground home, it makes them sick.
As soon as Envy is sure that the brats are preoccupied with dinner, they uncurl from loaf mode and start inspecting their new surroundings. The soil is cheap and damp and gets their paws grimy, and the clumps of moss are starting to plump up from the added moisture. They suppose that the gazebo is passable; when they climb onto the roughly textured rooftop, it turns out to be a nice place to wipe their feet. Plenty of room on the inside to curl up and hide, too.
The last place they explore is that sickening, cutesy cottage. Envy studies the tiny caricature of what they assume to be the Elrics’ dog, complete with an automail foreleg. Envy coughs up a glob of phlegm and spits it all over the mutt, admiring their handwork before pouncing onto the roof.
The warm red waves from the heat lamp shimmer down from the upper corner of the tank, reminding Envy bitterly of the glow of their Philosopher’s Stone at full strength. They plop down onto their belly and test the texture of the rock — nothing special, some kind of beige sandstone, but the rough grains feel satisfying to rub against their body. It also soaks up the heat well, which is a welcome change of pace after that stuffy jar.
Envy lets out something close to a purr as they stretch out on the warm rock, then catch themself and jump up in disgust. What are they doing, acting like a damn pet?! They’re a mighty homunculus, a perfect being!
With a tiny stomp, they hop off the roof and stick their face through the cottage door, glaring at their surroundings. It’s an unremarkable box with a couple windows that are more like peepholes for the average human. Still, it’s large enough for Envy to comfortably turn in circles, but small enough to feel snug and hidden.
Not that they care about being snug. Only hidden.
Envy stamps their eight feet against the flannel, detecting a minty, lemony scent like herbs used for cooking. The texture is nothing like the leather they’re used to wearing, but it makes for a better nest than those rotten bandages. Envy kneads the flannel into little folds and curls into a ball, their tail tucked around them and a piece of fabric pulled over their face.
They don’t know how long they lie there, breathing in the scent of herbs as their cottage warms under the lamp. They’re almost half-asleep by the time the door clicks open, and the Fullmetal pipsqueak lets out a yelp.
“Where’d they go?!”
“Relax, Brother,” says Alphonse in exasperation. “They’re hiding. That was the whole point of getting the tank, remember?”
Envy glares at nothing, disturbed from their much-deserved rest. There’s a shuffle outside the tank as the boys peer in, and Envy tugs the flannel over the rest of their body.
“See? They’re in their house. And look, Brother — they’ve already made a nest.”
Envy desperately wants to mimic him in their tiny voice, but they also want the brothers to leave them alone. The journey from Central was exhausting and disorienting, trapped in Edward’s trunk with no sense of direction or time. They hate to credit Alphonse with anything, but having a tiny place to curl up and hide is much more soothing than they expected.
“Hmm. Are we supposed to leave the heat lamp on?”
“I think you can turn it off at night,” says Alphonse. “Don’t forget that they can see you when you’re changing.”
Edward groans. “Fuuuck. We should have built this in the study.”
“Well, it’s nothing they haven’t seen, anyway. Remember that time in Central Command—?”
“Don’t remind me about that!” hisses Edward, and Envy fights down a snicker. The memory of busting in on the Fullmetal Alchemist post-shower is one that never fails to tickle them — although they weren’t quite expecting what was underneath his clothes.
“Anyway,” says Edward with a huff. “If they’re quiet, then all the better. I’m beat after that train ride.”
“Your leg holding up okay?”
“Yeah, Winry took a look at it after dinner. Why don’t you write to Mei that we’ve made it home? I’ll probably get a letter out to Ling tomorrow.”
“Mmh, good idea. Goodnight, Brother.”
“Night, Al.”
The evening passes quietly as Edward finishes unpacking and changes into his pajamas, flipping through books and muttering to himself. He’s a lot less irritating when he isn’t engaging Envy in deadly combat or endless banter, and Envy dozes off to the sound of him bustling around.
Eventually, the heat lamp clicks off, and the room plunges into cool blue darkness. Edward seems to stand there, watching the tank for a long moment. Then his automail foot thumps on the floor as he turns and climbs into bed.