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The first time Ilya sees Shane Hollander he can’t help but stare.
It was a Tuesday evening after practice. He had showered quicker than usual, grabbed his bag hastily, and ditched his teammates as he ran to the dining hall. They were serving breakfast for dinner and he had been thinking about hashbrowns all day. So Ilya ran with wet hair, a half open backpack, and an empty stomach. He couldn’t help but grin to himself when he made it with time to spare. With his finished plate, basically toppling over from all of the food, he sat down at the nearest table he could find. It was getting late but there were still a few people milling about and filtering in and out. Ilya passively scanned the crowd as he shoveled food in his mouth. Despite his persona, Ilya liked to think of himself as observant, perceptive even. He loved to people watch.
That’s when he saw him.
Tucked into the corner of the room reading a book with his dinner basically untouched was the prettiest human being Ilya had ever seen. The stranger had short cropped hair, his soft facial features framed by dark glasses. They looked good on him. What looked even better was the frustrated expression on the stranger’s face as he rotated between chewing on the edge of his pencil and diligently writing notes into the margins of his book. His tongue occasionally peeking out between his pink lips when he looked particularly confused at what he was reading. Ilya could not look away. Then, all of a sudden - the stranger nudged his glasses up and Ilya saw a pair of doe-like brown eyes and knew it was over for him. Ilya kept staring. He’s not sure if five minutes or half an hour had passed when a hand clapping him over the back startles him back into reality.
“Rozanov! Dude, what the fuck?” his teammate, Marlow, sits across from him. “I’ve called your name like 50 times. Why are you zoning out?”
“Is nothing…” Ilya says, still a little bit entranced and probably unconvincingly because Marlow twists his head to the direction of Ilya’s gaze.
“Why are you looking at Shane Hollander? Do you know him or something?” Confusion is etched across Marlow’s face.
“Hollander?” he asks, trying to hide his excitement at identifying his mystery guy. For once in his life, Ilya is thankful for Cliff Marlow.
“Yeah…Hollander. I had Intro to Physics with him in first year. He’s like a genius or something. Awkward guy though. At least he carried me during the group assignments.” Marlow reveals while he squirts a disgusting amount of ketchup on his eggs.
“Oh. I see. Just looked familiar.” Ilya covers up. Luckily Marlow is too distracted by his food to continue questioning him and Ilya happily spends the rest of his dinner sneaking glances at Shane Hollander and eating his cold hashbrowns.
That night, when he’s finally alone back at his apartment, Ilya flops onto his couch, pulls up Instagram and searches the name Shane Hollander. He clicks on the first suggestion and tries to look at the grainy profile picture to see if this is his guy. Unfortunately, it’s just a person’s silhouette as they overlook a lake. Unhelpful. There couldn’t be many Shane Hollanders on campus, right? So, Ilya keeps snooping. The profile itself proves to be just as useless as there aren’t even any posts. Ilya nervously chews on his necklace and clicks tagged photos to look for some better clues. He finds a bunch of pictures here and begins to carefully scroll through them. He feels his heart beat a little faster when he sees a picture that looks like Shane Hollander from the dining hall. He might’ve just hit the jackpot. Ilya opens the photo, posted by the user itsroselandry and can’t help the smile that breaks across his face. Shane is sitting in what looks like the campus’ main library, his hand is up trying to cover the lens and a familiar frustrated scowl decorates his face. It makes him look ridiculously cute. Like a frustrated kitten. Ilya smiles to himself. Then, he zooms in on the picture and sees the delicate splattering of freckles across Shane’s cheeks. Fuck. He adds freckles to his long list of reasons why Shane Hollander might be perfect and continues scrolling through more of the tagged pictures. He notices that most of them are from this Rose Landry person. She’s pretty but Ilya decides not to jump to any conclusions. None of the pictures look “boyfriendy” anyways, Ilya tells himself. Also he’s just looking because he’s curious.
But when he reaches the end of the tagged photos he realizes that its two in the morning and he’s fucking screwed for morning practice.
-
The next few days, Ilya begins thinking about the possible ways that he can bump into Shane Hollander.
1. The dining hall - Honestly, he’s never seen Shane there before and it’s usually filled with people. This would rely too much on luck. He mentally crosses this option out.
2. The physics building - Shane is highly likely to be here but Ilya cannot come up with a good enough reason for himself to be there too. Also he’s not even sure he knows where it is. This won’t work either.
3. The campus library - Judging by the Instagram pictures it seems like Shane spends a lot of his time here. Ilya can also pretend to work on his homework or something. He’ll figure it out.
That’s how Ilya finds himself Friday afternoon walking across campus to the giant building he’s probably been in twice during the last three years. He’s lucky he even remembers the way. He goes straight to the elevator and presses the button for the quiet study floor that he recognized from the pictures and waits, impatiently. When the doors open and he sees Shane Hollander sitting alone, Ilya almost cheers and pats himself on the back. He might be a genius. He psyches himself up and walks to the table. He’s ready to turn up his charm and ask Shane if he can sit down next to him, and then maybe to coffee, or dinner, or to his bedroom.
This is where things start going wrong.
When he reaches the large table, for the first time in his life, Ilya’s mind blanks. He had not considered the ramifications of seeing Shane Hollander’s bambi eyes and constellation like freckles up close. What was beautiful in the pictures were exponentially more gorgeous in real life. His mouth feels glued shut and he’s just awkwardly standing at the edge of the table like some weirdo. Staring. It’s like he’s been charmed by some sort of spell.
“Uhh…can I help you?” Shane asks, looking up and blinking slowly at Ilya, his eyelashes fluttering, casting delicate shadows over his cheeks.
Fuck.
“Is- I” Ilya stammers. He’s trying his best to come up with a coherent sentence but it feels like he just swallowed a cup of sand.
“Huh?” Shane asks again.
“Is seat taken? Can I sit?” Ilya manages to blurt out. Maybe a little too loudly as he sees the students from another table glare at him.
“Ah yes! Of course.” Shane whispers this time, shuffling his textbooks closer to him.
Ilya lets out a small breath and sits down. He opens his bag and pulls out his laptop when what he really wants to do is slam his head on the table. Repeatedly. Instead, he stares at his screen and tries his best to look productive. What the fuck just happened? He was Ilya Rozanov, captain of the hockey team. Basically a campus celebrity. He flirted with people all the time. Girls, guys. This should’ve been easy. What in the world was happening? What has Shane Hollander done to him?
He sighs as he pretends to look busy on his laptop.
An hour later, he’s watched three Youtube videos and has typed one sentence for his English paper when the people next to them pack up and leave. As he glances up he makes eye contact with Shane, who gives him a small smile. It feels like a million fireworks are going off in his chest.
“Sorry about earlier. It’s a bit quiet in here and I couldn’t hear you well.”
“Yes” Ilya replies, a bit in a daze that Shane started a conversation with him. “Sorry”
“Oh I was right! You have a Russian accent” Shane adds, his smile getting a little brighter. “Mendeleev was Russian! You know the periodic table of elements guy. He’s awesome. People usually classify him as a chemist but I think he should count as a physicist too. I mean come on - relative atomic mass right?”
“Yes” Ilya says again, still apparently unable to form a coherent sentence. It seems his brain is too busy memorizing the slopes and curves of Shane’s face. The said face scrunches for a second just like it had in the dining hall the other day. Seeing it up close means Ilya can follow the ways Shane’s freckles dance across his face. He wants to trace them with his fingers.
He’s actually fucking losing it.
“Sorry, I forget people don’t care about these things as much as I do” Shane timidly looks down, his smile slowly faltering. This wasn’t right. Ilya was supposed to be flirting with Shane, not making him sad.
And this is where it starts to go a little bit more wrong.
“Is okay. My English not so good” he lies impulsively. He could not be the reason why Shane Hollander looked upset. “Just go slow, yes? Is interesting” He offers even though he’s been in Canada for five years and understands everything Shane is saying perfectly fine. This was so going to bite him in the ass later.
It works though and Shane’s smile gradually returns to his face which makes Ilya feel a little better about lying. “I’m Shane” he says, offering his hand out. Ilya smiles and pretends like he does not already know this information. Yes, he may have gone a little heavy on the Instagram stalking but Marlow was the one who offered up the name in the first place. It wasn’t his fault he was enthusiastic and passionate. Russians were passionate.
“Ilya” he eventually replies, extending his arm and grabbing Shane’s hand. It’s slightly smaller than his, but calloused in the same way. He tries hard not to think too much about how they fit so well together and about how he doesn’t want to let go.
“Nice to meet you Ilya” Shane is still smiling warmly and Ilya fears that he has fallen deep into a hole that he cannot get himself out of.
“Yes, very nice. You are nice” Ilya manages. At least his lie gives him an excuse for only being able to say five words at most around Shane Hollander, who blushes slightly at the compliment. Ilya feels his heart patter in his chest again. Shane Hollander is easily flustered. He makes a mental note to use this information when he has regained some semblance of confidence to speak like a normal human being again.
Suddenly Ilya’s phone starts vibrating on the table. He looks over and realizes it’s almost 5PM. Which means he’s running late to practice. “Shit” He picks up the phone, wedging it between his shoulder and his ear and starts cramming all his stuff back into his bag. Before Marlow can even say anything he says “Sorry, sorry. Coming” and hangs up.
“Have to go” he frowns with regret, “See you next time?”
“Oh. You want to see me again? Yes - I mean yeah, I’m always here at this time. I’ll save you a spot” Shane stutters and Ilya can’t help the wide grin that appears on his face.
“Okay bye bye” He says, waving as he leaves.
And if all his teammates notice the goofy smile plastered across his face during practice, none of them say anything.
-
The next week, like clockwork, Ilya finds himself walking to the library looking for Shane. Marlow complains that he’s been ditching them and he lies, saying that he has a lot of studying to do, which earns him some weird glances. It’s worth it every time though when he reaches the quiet study floor and sees Shane smile brightly at him from their table. Their table. To Ilya’s glee, after his third or fourth visit, they start developing a routine. Shane saves him a seat. Ilya comes when he can. He stares at Shane when he’s not looking. Counting his freckles.They smile at each other. Barely speaking and then Ilya usually has to leave for practice.
But he’s been scheming. In a hidden folder on his notes app, Ilya has a secret. A series of thoughts quickly typed after each meeting while he runs to practice and late at night when he can’t seem to stop thinking about their library rendezvous. It’s a note titled operation seduce shane hollander and at the top of that list is:
Ask Shane to help him with English
He’s already dug himself into this lie, why not ride it out and gain something from it he thinks. It’s the perfect opportunity to spend time with Shane outside of the library. He doesn’t have practice today and on the way to the library he hypes himself up to ask Shane to hang out afterwards. But when he reaches their floor, all of the tables are full which means Ilya will not be able to speak without getting shushed and probably kicked out. He internally groans before sitting down next to Shane and giving him a small wave. Shane returns the wave but looks back down at his textbook, it seems like he’s trying to figure out a hard problem. His glasses are hanging dangerously low on the tip of his nose and Ilya wants to push them back up and smooth out the lines of frustration that have formed on Shane’s forehead. Instead he flexes his hands under the desk and looks around. Ilya doesn’t want to be distracting…but he’s also feeling antsy. So he pulls out his notebook and flips to a blank page.
Do you want to hang out later?
He scribbles messily and slides the pad across the table. Confused, Shane reads the note and the corner of his lips twitch into a small smile.
Sure. I just need to finish some of these practice questions. What do you want to do?
Of course Shane Hollander’s printing is neat and pretty. Just like him.
Eat? I know good sandwich shop.
He writes back, tapping his foot slightly, trying to control his nerves. He earns a pointed look from the girl at the table next to him and he stops apologetically.
Shane slides the notebook back and immediately gets back to work.
Okay (:
Ilya can’t help but grin (if he rips the page out and tucks it into his desk drawer that night, it’s nobody’s business but his).
Thirty minutes later when Shane nudges Ilya’s foot under the table and starts packing up, Ilya tries not to immediately spring up to his feet. He didn’t even try to pretend to do work this time, scrolling through his phone instead. He doesn’t even have anything to pack up and hopes it’s not obvious he came to the library just to ask Shane to hang out. They walk to the elevator side by side and wait. Ilya watches as the glowing numbers tick slowly. He wipes the back of his clammy hands on his jeans and sneaks a peek at Shane through the corner of his vision, the other looking equally as nervous. The abrupt ding brings Ilya back to reality as they both step into the elevator, the silence still permeating. They look at each other. Then away. Then back at each other.
“So-“
“I-“
A soft laugh escapes Shane and Ilya also adds this to his list of favourite things. “Go first,” he offers.
Shane shyly looks down at his shoes before looking back up at Ilya. “I don’t usually do this…make new friends…” The pink tint that frequently appears on his cheeks makes an appearance and once again, Ilya tries his best not to reach out and touch.
“Yes, we are friends. New friends” He responds smiling. “Even if you love boring physics” he jokes, playfully bumping his shoulder into Shane’s.
“Asshole” Shane replies, smiling. “I mean it though.” he whispers.
“I know”
After they make it to Ilya’s favourite sandwich shop he orders a tuna melt with a coke and steps aside pushing Shane forward a little so he can order as well.
“Huh? I guess the same? But with a Gingerale,” He gives Ilya a puzzled look but before he can say anything else, Ilya gives the cashier a twenty dollar bill and guides Shane to the stools by the window.
“Hey! I could’ve paid for myself” Shane complains scrunching his face like he often does, the face Ilya has dubbed angry kitten face. He smirks. Glad that he no longer freaks out at every microexpression that crosses Shane’s adorable face. Rather he’s collecting them at this point. “I ask you out, No? I pay” he says, fully aware of the connotation of his words.
“I mean - I guess. Thanks” Shane stutters, his face is pink again and Ilya’s smirk turns into a wide grin spread across his face.
“Come closer” he says, grabbing Shane’s stool and dragging it so that their knees are touching. This darkens Shane’s blush nearly ten shades. Ilya takes a mental picture. “I have question, or favor? You call it?” Ilya gives his best puppy dog eyes as he tries to make his words sound as accented as possible. “Will you help me with English?”
“Oh like speaking it?” Shane asks, tilting his head slightly to the side.
“Yes, yes. I don’t have many friends. Is hard to practice English. I don’t know many words” Ilya lies. He would revisit the ethics behind this later. Perhaps when Shane was his boyfriend.
“Well, I mean yes of course! We could watch movies or shows together! I read somewhere that that really helps with learning a new language. I really like The Big Bang Theory. Or for movies something like Interstellar! Wait, maybe we shouldn’t watch so many movies about physics…you wouldn’t really need to learn the science vocabulary. Let me think and make a list…or a spreadsheet…” Shane rambles and Ilya listens to him fondly.
“So when is Shane Hollander free?” he asks, mentally prepared to alter his schedule in extreme ways to find something that would work as soon as possible.
“Friday evening? I just have a couple of quizzes this week but I’m free after that.” Shane replies after going through his meticulously organized and colour-coded Google Calendar.
Friday, Ilya thinks to himself. They had their first game of the season on Thursday and he would definitely get into shit with his team for not taking advantage of their free day afterwards to hang out but he would deal with that later. “Yes, works perfect. Gimme phone” He gestures to Shane with his fingers outstretched. Shane passes the device over and Ilya adds himself as a contact under Ilya with a wink emoji. He sends himself a text and proceeds to add Shane onto his own phone. Adding the angry cat emoji next to his name and quickly locking his screen before Shane can see. “Text me when you are free yes? We watch at my place”
“Okay” Shane says smiling.
It’s the best meal Ilya’s had in a while.
-
Leading up to Friday, Ilya begins meticulously planning on how to achieve the rest of his list. It starts with:
Show Shane Hollander I am sexy, single, and available.
Obviously, he’s seen Shane get flustered with his very mild and tame attempts at flirting before. But he wasn’t sure if it was because of him, or because Shane was easily flustered in general. I mean, one time at the library, someone picked up a pencil he had dropped and Shane’s ears were red with embarrassment for the rest of the afternoon. So yes, Ilya wanted to make one hundred percent sure Shane was flustered because of his hotness and his forwardness. This entailed going to the gym right before their hangout to make sure his arms looked pumped, taking a shower and using his expensive cologne, the one that smelled like musk and leather, and finally picking the perfect outfit. He couldn’t show that he was trying too hard - it had to be an outfit that was appropriate for hanging out and watching a movie, but he also needed Shane to see him in something other than his baggy pre or post practice clothes that he had been wearing to the library. Embarrassingly enough, it had taken Ilya three days to decide on what to wear. He honestly considered wearing grey sweats but thought maybe that might have been too forward.
This is how he finds himself in a tight black tank top and his best jeans. Pacing back and forth in his tiny apartment waiting for Shane to arrive. They had settled on watching a romantic comedy movie that Shane had loved. When Harry Met Sally. Ilya’s never heard of it but also thinks he probably will not be entirely focused on the movie tonight. In fairness, it’s not like he really needs to practice his English anyways.
Suddenly his phone vibrates, “Here!” texts Shane and Ilya’s stomach does a little flip. Don’t get him wrong, his communication skills have improved drastically since their first meeting where he stumbled all over his words, and the late lunch ‘date’ actually went surprisingly well but being alone with Shane Hollander in his apartment made him feel like a twelve year boy again. Recently, it seems like Ilya has lost all his charm and charisma. That would have to change tonight.
Ilya buzzes Shane up and quickly looks in the mirror to adjust his hair. You can do this. You are sexy, single, and available. He repeats as he continues pacing back and forth near the door - His mantra interrupted by three brisk knocks, alerting him that Shane had arrived. Ilya takes a deep breath before opening it. He leans on the frame, trying his best to look cool and nonchalant. This is what he had been practicing all week. “Shane, come in” he says, moving slightly out of the way but still leaning. He knows his arms look good like this. He sees Shane’s eyes dart from his face to his arms and back to his face before he gets a response. Good.
“Hi! Hey!” Shane nervously enters, looking around at Ilya’s apartment. “Nice place you got here.”
“Thanks. Make yourself at home” Ilya says, detaching himself from the wall and making his way to the fridge. He grabs a can of Gingerale that he bought the day after his first real hangout with Shane. “Here, you like right?” He offers as he settles himself on the couch.
“Yes, thank you” Shane responds sitting down five feet away from Ilya. Five feet too far.
“So, how long have you been living here?” Shane asks after sipping on his Gingerale.
“Hmm, not so long. Maybe one year?”
“Did you used to live on campus?”
“Ah yes, yes. Lots of people there, so here is bit lonely now.” He hopes Shane picks up what he’s hinting at. Sexy, Single, and Available. He pointedly looks down at the space between them, “Come closer. I don’t bite” Ilya says as he pats the cushion next to him, smiling mischievously. “Better angle for TV.”
Shane laughs, he’s been blushing since he’s entered the apartment but Ilya really wants this shade of pink to turn red. So, when Shane finally shuffles over, Ilya leans across his lap to grab the remote control on the coffee table. Making sure he stays a little longer than necessary so that Shane can smell his cologne and feel how close they are. Relaxing back into his spot he turns with an innocent smile on his face and asks “When Harry Met Sally right? Is on Netflix”
Shane squeaks out a small yes and Ilya mentally celebrates as he sees the former squirm.
What Ilya didn’t plan for was how earnest Shane Hollander would be when given a task. Before he can start the movie, Shane pulls out a notebook and pencil from his bag and hands it to Ilya. “I thought you could write down words or phrases you don’t understand here so that we can talk about them after. I also prepared some discussion points about the movie too.”
And how could Ilya say no when Shane was looking at him like that. Like he was so excited to be sitting on Ilya’s old couch. “Sounds like good idea” he replies instead, grabbing the notebook, making sure his fingers touch Shane’s ever so slightly. He’s rewarded with a small hitch of Shane’s breath which makes a little giddy himself. This couldn’t be that bad right?
Unfortunately, what Ilya didn’t also take into consideration was that Shane was strict. He did not like talking during the movie and shushed Ilya the few times he tried to speak. “Just write it down,” he would say, pointing to the notebook. But honestly, the movie wasn’t that complex. Ilya had understood all the dialogue perfectly. So instead of taking notes or writing questions, he half-mindedly doodled and mapped out hockey plays on the blank page. When he wasn’t fake taking notes, he tried his best to pay attention but ended up zoning out and thinking about how close Shane was sitting to him. This kept him occupied. Mostly. But near the end of the film, he started feeling a little restless. That’s when he gets an idea. The next point on his list.
Initiate physical contact
If Shane would not let him talk, then he would communicate in other ways. With his arm draped over the back of the couch, he inches his fingers forward and grazes the back of Shane’s neck softly. He feels Shane’s neck tense but keeps himself focused on the screen, pretending he’s absorbed in whatever Sally is saying to Harry. Retracting his hand from the couch, he slowly trails it across his chest to scratch his shoulder and then brings it up to run through his hair. Pushing back the curls. He can feel Shane’s eyes on him now so he rests his hand on his own leg, fingers spread. Then, he ever so casually, shifts so that his thigh is pressed right against Shane’s. He feels the warmth radiating off from both of their bodies. At this point, Shane’s face is flushed a deep scarlet and Ilya would be worried about mentally breaking the other if he wasn’t enjoying this so much. With their legs pressed together, Shane’s nerves become evident as he starts bouncing his leg, a quick frantic rhythm. Ilya takes this opportunity to place his hand on Shane’s knee, stilling it.
“Is distracting” he says, still looking forward. Still pretending.
“Oh, sorry” Shane murmurs. Taking it a bit further, Ilya keeps his hand there and taps his fingers slowly, with the false pretense of absentmindedness.
When the movie finally ends, Shane turns and Ilya regrettably places his own hand back in his lap.
“So what did you think? Did you like it?”
“Was good I guess” he shrugs. Ilya had not been paying attention at all. “I like action movies more I think”
“How are you supposed to learn any English when two-thirds of those movies are explosions and fighting scenes?” Shane rolls his eyes and Ilya learns that he likes it when the other gets a little feisty.
“Sorry, is just more fun”
“Yeah okay, so what words did you write down?”
Shit.
“Uhh..” Ilya leans back this time, angling his notebook away.
“It’s okay if you can’t pronounce it Ilya. Let me see.” Shane tries to reach over but Ilya moves even further. He can’t even take the time to appreciate Shane saying his name so gently because he’s a dumbass who daydreamed about being Mr. Hollander-Rozanov instead of writing down some actual fake notes.
“Is not that” Ilya says, gears turning in his head as he tries to come up with some lie or plot point from the movie, anything to say as Shane stares at him confused. He must have taken too long because before he knows it, Shane has reached over and yanked the notebook straight out of his hands. Since when was he this fast?
“Ilya, what the heck? You didn’t even write anything down” Shane looks at him quizzically. “I thought we were working on your English here. How are we supposed to practice if you didn’t take any notes?”
“Ah is not like that. Sorry.” He feels like a toddler getting scolded.
“Then what?”
Maybe it’s time to abandon ship. He can’t lie to Shane forever right? He releases a deep breath. Operation seduce Shane Hollander was failing spectacularly. “I need to tell truth now” Shane blinks, but doesn’t say anything. Giving space for Ilya to continue. “I lied about my English skills”
“What?” Shane looks even more confused than he had earlier. “What do you mean?”
Ilya sighs. “I came to Canada five years ago. I read New Yorker. I have many friends on the hockey team. My English is good. I understand just fine.” His eyes catch Shane, hopefully his remorse is reflected on his face.
“I don’t get it. Why would you do that?” A look of anger flashes through his eyes. “Are you making fun of me cause I told you I don’t make friends often? That’s fucked up Ilya.” The hurt is reflected in Shane’s voice.
“No! No!” Ilya says grabbing both Shane’s hands in his, willing him to stay and to hear his explanation. “Not that. The opposite. You are just so beautiful. I didn’t know what to do.”
“W-What?”
“I saw you and you were so stunning. I could not speak. Or think. Lies just came out. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah. What do they say? Love at first sight.”
“Oh…I-” Shane bit his lip. The anger from before fading away as Ilya’s favourite blush returned. “Well you didn’t have to keep the lie going…We could have hung out without you lying to me”
“Sorry…I had plan…wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” His thumbs began slowly tracing the back of Shane’s knuckles.
“Plan? What does that even mean?”
This time, Ilya is the one who flushes red. He feels it creeping up from this neck to his ears. “Plan to get you to be my boyfriend,” he admits. Now they’re both sitting on Ilya’s couch, red as tomatoes.
“If you asked me out on a date I would’ve just said yes Ilya.” Shane turns his hands and interlocks their fingers together.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Can I ask something else?”
“Go ahead”
“Can I kiss you now?” Ilya looks at Shane hopefully and instead of a reply he’s being tugged forward. He sees the sparkle in Shane’s eyes as they both lean in and finally, Ilya feels the pair of lips he’s been thinking about for the past month press against his own.
Maybe his plan had worked after all.