Chapter Text
Nico did not have a good relationship with food.
He didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he wanted to lose weight or had body image issues. He knew full well how skinny he already was, and that whatever this was certainly wasn’t helping. He knew he wasn’t eating enough. He wanted to eat. But he just couldn’t, and he didn’t know how to explain it. He didn’t understand it. Food was just… ugh. The mere thought of eating a meal caused anxiety to bubble up inside him. It’s like when he tried to eat, his throat tightened and his stomach shrunk. He hated it. And it’s not like being hungry made a difference, it’s like his body was actively rebelling against sustenance. Nico hated it. It was causing him so much stress, because he wasn’t eating properly, and it was making him tired and irritable all of the fucking time. It was why he was lying curled up on his bunk in his empty cabin, wondering what the fuck was wrong with him.
He knew he had to eat. He was fifteen for crying out loud. Food was especially important at his age to ensure that he grew properly. And he was trying. He was trying so fucking hard. But he just couldn’t.
Fuck his mind.
A knock sounded on the cabin door, making Nico jump. Will’s voice called through, sounding much too cheerful for the words coming out of his mouth. “Nico! Dinner!."
No. No no no, is it dinner time already? It is. Oh, I’m not hungry. Well I am. But I don’t feel like eating. Like, at all. I can’t do this right now. What if it makes me sick? What if I throw up, what if what ifwhatifwhatifwhatif-
The thoughts spun around Nico’s mind as he took a deep, steadying breath before standing up off his bunk and unwillingly leaving the cabin. He trudged towards the dining pavilion, hands in his pockets and fingers scratching anxiously at his skin. He could do this. It was just a meal. Just a meal. For fucks sake.
The smell of different foods across the dining pavilion caused nausea to roll in Nico’s stomach as he grabbed a plate, silently wishing some fries to appear. It was all he could bear to eat at that moment. He scraped a portion of said fries into the fire with a quick prayer to Hades to make the meal go fast, before heading over to the Apollo cabin table. Here we go.
He quietly slid onto the bench next to Will, placing his mediocre meal in front of him. The movement made his boyfriend look over, eyebrows furrowing in concern at the sight of Nico’s plate. “Nico, baby, are you sure you don’t want a little more to eat? That doesn’t look like enough food.”
Nico shot Will a small, almost imperceptible smile. “No, this is alright. I’m not really that hungry tonight.” That was a lie. He was hungry, so much so that sharp little pangs of pain were shooting through his abdomen. But his stomach was twisting with anxiety, and the thought of actually eating made him want to wring his hands and rock back and forth and cry, so he just picked up a fork and started poking around at the small serving of fries on his plate.
After a few minutes of pushing his food around and not eating, Nico could see Will giving him a worried glance. Fuck. He didn’t need to know that anything was wrong. Nico stabbed a few fries before reluctantly taking a bite. The food felt heavy in his mouth as he chewed, and he dug his fingernails into his palms to distract himself. He swallowed and took another bite, despite wanting nothing more than to run off and hide in his cabin. Nausea settled in his stomach, causing a stronger wave of anxiety to roll through him. Nico’s mind took this as a sign to start spiralling. What if it makes you sick? What if the food makes you throw up? Oh my god oh my god no no no- Okay, you’re fine. You’re not gonna be sick. You’re fine, you’re fine. You’re fine. He repeated the mantra in his head over and over, trying to calm himself as he continued eating. It’s just fries. You love fries! Come on, you can do this. You’re okay, you’re not gonna get sick. You’re fine. He could do this.
After slowly making his way through around half of his fries, Nico was shaken out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see everyone standing up with their empty plates and Will staring at him with a very… doctor-y look in his eye. “Are you okay, love? I told you dinner was over multiple times and you didn’t hear me. Is everything alright?”
The meal was over? Oh thank god. Relief flooded through Nico. “Yeah, sorry, I’m kinda tired and I tuned out, I guess." He smiled at his boyfriend.
Will didn’t look entirely reassured but he stood up nevertheless, pressing a quick kiss to Nico’s forehead. “Okay, well I have to head back to the infirmary for a while. I’ll see you later tonight, alright? Love you.”
Nico nodded, muttering an almost inaudible ‘love you’ in response as Will walked away. He waited until Will was out of sight before starting to head back to his cabin. The anxiety swirling through him had calmed a little now that the meal was over, although he was still keeping up a steady stream of you’re fine, you’re fine at the back of his mind.
Fucking hell, this was getting too much for him. When does it stop? When will his mind allow him to eat without anxiety? Nico was so tired of it. Maybe he should ask Will about it? He was a doctor, he might be able to tell Nico what was wrong with him.
No.
That would just stress Will out. He had so much to worry about already, Nico didn’t need to add to that load. He wouldn’t want to be a burden. He could manage it by himself for a while. It would go away eventually. Surely.
Right?