Chapter Text
Zzz…
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Zzz… Zzz…
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…Zzz…?
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…Guess I dozed off.
You carefully open one eye, slowly letting the blue light in front of you burn your vision until you adjust to it. Then, you open your other eye and enjoy feeling like a pirate for a few seconds, before completely adjusting to your darkened surroundings.
Ah, it’s nighttime.
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…Wait, shouldn’t I go back to sleep, then?
You stare at the source of the blue light—a desktop monitor—and begin reading the text displayed on screen.
???: [Welcome to the online Apple Academy Application. You will be required to answer a series of questions that will allow us to evaluate your eligibility into our school.]
Oh, right. Exam.
Computer: [Before we begin, please take a look at our terms of service.]
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You take a brief look at the terms of service.
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You decide to skip the terms of service.
Computer: [In order to identify you, we will need some basic information. What is your gender?]
Are you a boy, or are you a girl?
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…Why am I asking myself that?
You select the “Female” option.
Computer: [Enter your name.]
What is your name, ol’ brave wanderer?
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…I need more friends.
Computer: [You have entered the name “Lilac S. Roselia”. Is this valid?]
I mean, I would hope so.
Computer: [Lilac S. Roselia, the test will now begin.]
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Computer: [1. Which of these matter to you most? Options: Power, Knowledge, Love, Fame.]
Ah, a multiple choice quiz.
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…Great, now I have to think about this.
After spending way too much time on a multiple choice question, you rationalize that power can get you all the other options on the list, so you select the “Power” option.
Computer: [2. How would you prefer to spend your free time? Options: Reading, Exercising, Gaming, Partying.]
Where’s the sleeping option?
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…Meh, gaming is a good enough alternative.
You select the “Gaming” option.
Computer: [3. What profession are you most suited for? Options: Pokémon Coordinator, Pokémon Ranger, Pokémon Champion, Pokémon Professor.]
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…Can I just, not pick a profession?
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…Fineeee, I’ll think about it.
Using the power of your brain, you start brainstorming all the advantages and disadvantages of each option displayed on the screen.
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Unfortunately, your brain has zero computing power. Now what?
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…Maybe Pokémon Professor? Sounds like the least amount of work.
You select the “Pokémon Professor” option.
Computer: [4. What do you fear most? Options: Failure, Rejection, Death, Nothing.]
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This is a test, right? Why’s a test asking me about my fears and stuff?
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…Meh, it’s whatever, I guess.
You select the “Nothing” option.
Computer: [5. If you were a Pokémon, what would you be? Options: Charizard, Lucario, Alakazam, Zoroark—]
Oh-hey-that’s-a-Zoroark—
You select the “Zoroark” option like your life depended on it.
Computer: [6. What is the meaning of life? Options: To master my craft, To rise to the top, To leave a legacy, There is no meaning.]
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Why does the school need to know about my life philosophy?
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…What is my life philosophy, anyway?
You ponder and ponder, but none of the options available really resonate with you. Well, except maybe the last one, since you can’t resonate with the others. Still, it’s not like you agree with the last option, but…
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You select the “There is no meaning” option. For now, at least.
Computer: [7. What individual aspect most appeals to you? Options: Mind, Body, Heart, Soul.]
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You select the “Soul” option.
Computer: [8. Which of these qualities best describes you? Options: Tenacious, Patient, Versatile, Alluring.]
Uh…
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…I guess I can be patient? If “sleeping” counts as being patient, I mean.
You select the “Patient” option.
Computer: [9. You witness a crime being committed—how do you approach the situation? Options: Call for help, I AM the criminal, Jump in to help, This is not my problem.]
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…Why is “I AM the criminal” an option?
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…This is a test, right? Is that like, a trick answer or something? A way for the school to weed out the dumb and morally corrupt?
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Test, you are so lucky Dad wants me to go to school.
You select the “This is not my problem” option.
Computer: [10. What is free will? Options: Too controversial, I don’t know, An illusion, Freedom to choose.]
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…I’m not gonna think about this anymore.
You select the “Too controversial” option.
Computer: [11. What is your opinion on revenge? Options: Best served cold, Not worth it, It isn’t justice, Fine if deserved.]
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You select the “Fine if deserved” option.
Computer: [12. Which of the four basic elements appeal to you most? Options: Blazing Fire, Howling Wind, Flowing Water, Grounded Earth.]
Oh, back to normal questions, I see.
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…Gotta think about this again.
After bouncing back and forth between the four elements, your decision fatigue kicks in—meaning you’ve decided to settle this with a good ol’ die roll.
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The die landed on one. That means you’re picking the “Blazing Fire” option.
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…On second thought, I’m gonna reroll.
After rolling several ones in a row—life really wants you to pick the “fire” option—your die finally lands on a different number. A two.
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You select the “Howling Wind” option.
Computer: [13. Which time of the year would you prefer to last forever? Options: Winter Nights, Summer Evenings, Spring Afternoons, Autumn Mornings.]
Oh, this one’s easy.
You select the “Winter Nights” option. It’s the best weather to sleep in, after all.
Computer: [14. You receive a puzzle! How do you solve it? Options: Ask someone for help, With brute force, I solved it five minutes ago, I have better things to do.]
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I have no idea how the last two options are “ways” to solve a puzzle. They seem more like statements to me.
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But yeah, I do have better things to do.
You select the “I do have better things to do” option.
Computer: [15. What is your favourite flavour? Options: Spicy, Sour, Savoury, Sweet.]
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…Great, now I’m hungry. I could use some strawberries after this.
You select the “Sweet” option.
Computer: [Thank you for answering the introductory questions. We will now begin the entrance exam.]
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…Wait, those were introductory questions?
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I guess it was obvious in hindsight— Oh-shit-oh-shit-there’s-a-timer-now-what-the-fuck—