Chapter Text
Hunk couldn’t tell when exactly he had first noticed something was wrong with Lance. In hindsight he couldn’t even count all the warning signs that he had missed on one hand. Then again, he’d be lying if he said there hadn’t been any times he felt overwhelmed by a strange sense of confusion. One, he was ashamed of not having given a second thought.
You are a guy not made for war in a war. Anxiety was a natural consequence. That was what he had told himself every time he shrugged off the feeling of unease. He loved his lion with all his heart, he would never deny that, but at the end of the day, the fighting, the missions, the heartache creeping up on him whenever his mind took the journey back home: they were all putting him on edge.
Stressing over every little thing that seemed slightly off about one of his teammates just could not fit into the with every mission shrinking capacity of emotional bullshit he could take. Surely, even legs can’t bear to stand all day long. Sometimes, Voltron just needed to sit down for a moment.
The funny thing was though, life was a bitch more times than it wasn't and it took great joy in fucking him over by deciding it would be hilarious to stress over the fact that he felt like he couldn’t stress over anything. So if he wanted to keep himself from bursting open, or whatever would happen if he let out those screams buried deep in his chest, then sometimes he just had to tell himself that he was overreacting, unnecessarily going into anxiety mode and seeing problems where there were none only because his friends were frustrated at a war which refused to cease.
So, yes, Hunk knew very well why he didn’t think much of the situation when Lance looked a little bit more tired than usual or when he complained about lightheadedness after training or missions. He’d make something to eat and ensure Lance was hydrated and got some sleep. No biggie.
And if he would hug him after Lance came out of a pod and discover that it took a little less strength to lift the boy off the ground, then that was no reason to have a panic attack. They had been training a lot. Hunk would be concerned if he hadn’t built up muscle in the last few months.
So, again, yes, Hunk knew why he had missed the signs. But he also knew, if he had panicked just a little bit more, if he had been confused just a teeny tiny bit longer, then maybe things wouldn’t have come so far.
“Don’t worry, man, it’s just a graze wound, I’ll be alright.” Lance suddenly said as he waved his hand around in front of him.
Only then did Hunk realize he had been staring at Lance for the last…how many minutes had it been exactly? He couldn’t even tell. And shamefully enough as it was, he couldn’t even tell what Coran had been talking about as he bandaged the waist of his best friend.
“It takes more then that to bring down the great sharpshooter of Voltron.” He said in his all too typical Lance smugness which was quickly wiped off his face by a wince.
“Sorry, my boy.” Coran mumbled as he finished wrapping up the bandage.
“I…yeah, ehm… “ Hunk stammered, not knowing where to begin expressing the horror he had just witnessed.
“Are you alright, bro? You look a little pale.” Lance said.
That guy couldn’t be for real. Grazed by a Galran rifle that ripped apart the right side of his waist and forced to endure letting it heal on his own for two whole days until the pods are done with their every once in a decade maintenance procedure and he was asking him to be alright?
“You know you don’t have to sit in the infirmary with me when Coran is cleaning out a wound. I know how uncomfortable you feel whenever you see blood.”
“Are you kidding me? I am not leaving you alone.” Hunk said and made his way from the wall he had been leaning on over to the cot.
It was true that blood used to challenge him to a game of faint or not faint, but just like he had gradually learned dealing with his motion sickness, the missions forced him to deal with seeing blood. Hunk was afraid of the implication that went along with saying blood was not a big deal to him anymore, seriously, how dead inside had he already become in space? But at the same time, he was glad about it as well. Blood was not the problem, though. Hunk couldn’t believe he’d ever catch himself thinking that he wished it was. Because this…this was much more terrifying.
“Aw, that’s so cheesy, man.” Lance snickered.
Keith who had been leaning next to the entrance door groaned.
“Insufferable as always.” The man mumbled under his breath which was still loud enough for Hunk and Lance to hear.
“Don’t deny it, Mullet. I know you like it when I am being insufferable!”
Keith huffed and rolled his eyes. In the end, his gloomy demeanor failed to hide the small smile pulling at his lips. Lance proudly let out a short victorious laugh.
“No, but seriously though, are you alright?” he turned his attention back to Hunk.
Hunk took a few good ticks to search for any signs of unease Lance might be displaying. Were those questions asked because he truly looked out of it or were they only meant as a distraction? It took time to get to know Lance, Hunk found out over the years. He liked to talk and brag and everyone who recently met him would bet their right hand that he loved standing in the spotlight.
At least, that was what Hunk had thought when they first met in elementary school. It took a few instances of finding him hiding somewhere to cry after having brushed off some not so kind comments, that Hunk learned he might have been wrong all along. After they became roommates at the Garrison dorms, he practically memorized how to spot a fake smile, a deflection or, while sometimes tricky, a lie. He could tell which spotlight Lance flourished in and which spotlight let him wilt.
Worry was unfortunately of the latter kind.
“I am alright.” Hunk said, feeling indeed a bit more at ease when he couldn’t find any sign that the smile Lance displayed was forced.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Good as new!” Lance was about to get up when Coran put a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“Woah, hold on there, number three. You should take it easy for the next two days, alright? I know you don’t like going into the pods but the moment we will get them up and running again, I want you in there asap.”
Lance groaned but nodded his head.
“I know…thanks, Coran.”
“Guess you got lucky.” Pidge perked up from where she had sat down on the cot next to Lance.
“You get to skip the new extra hard training sessions Keith practically begged for us to do this week.”
“I did not beg.” Keith immediately interjected.
“Mhmm, sure.” Pidge mused.
And there it was. The shift in Lance’s mood Hunk had been dreading to spot. Lance was trying to appreciate Pidge’s attempt at cheering him up, he could tell, but in the end, it was just that: an attempt. Hunk bumped him gently with a shoulder.
“I guess I got lucky as well. The last time I sparred against that reckless guy here, I lost twice in a row!”
Lance rollled his eyes.
“You’ll have a week to practice winning against me.” He said.
Hunk knew where this was going.
“Lance, missing training for a week is fine. You know this doesn’t make you a burden, right?”
Lance groaned and began clinging to the blanket Coran had given him as if he could disappear from the conversation by just hiding beneath the soft fabric.
“Hunk, my man, I know. I never said it would. I just told you I will take it easy, you don’t have to worry…” he huffed out, clearly annoyed. Hunk dropped the subject. With Lance being like this it could only backfire.
“Well then, why don’t you get a nice round of sleep, lad?” Coran chirped up, probably having felt the uncomfortable shift in the mood.
“We will wake you for dinner in an hour.”
Yes, that was right! It was almost dinner time! Hunk would make some food to cheer Lance up. He still had some of those yellow flowers he found on the last planet. The roots could be used as a substitute for garlic and Lance loved garlic knots. It might not be the family recipe, that one Hunk could probably never beat, but it was good enough.
And even if it wasn’t, food from friends always tasted so much better than food from the shelf, regardless of the quality.
“Oh, Lance you will adore what I have for you. I am going to make garlic kno-“
“I’m not hungry.” Lance interjected, voice low and yet it pierced through Hunk’s heart as if he had shouted them from the top of his lungs.
“W-what?” No. No. No. No. This could not be happening.
“B-but you love garlic knots…” Hunk could not help but stammer.
Lance sighed and threw Hunk a tired smile that did not reach his eyes.
“I am just exhausted right now. Can we eat a bit later?”
Everyone suddenly locked at each other, expecting anyone but themselves to come up with an answer. The crease in Pidge’s brows grew worse by the second as she frantically glanced from Coran, to Keith, to Hunk and finally to Shiro. Allura stood awkwardly to the side with her right hand caressing her left arm. It made her look even more helpless than her deep frown did. When she noticed Hunk staring, she only shrugged. Keith had his arms crossed, mouth drawn in a thin line as he shook his head and glared at Shiro. And Shiro himself, the calm and collected leader… he looked like he had a system error and shut down.
“That’s alright, we can have a late dinner.” Coran encouragingly nodded to everyone, but his eyes told a different story.
“Awesome.” Lance stood up from the cot to move to one of the infirmaries’ beds.
“I’m just gonna stay here, hope you don’t mind.” He said through the thick blanket he had snuggled under. His breathing had already evened out when Hunk left the room.
Once outside, the corridor was eerily quiet. No one dared to say a word. At least, Hunk knew he couldn’t choke up the haunting words even if he wanted to. Nor could he just leave and continue as if nothing had ever happened after what he just saw. He wished he could somehow undo it. Roll back time or something. They were literally dealing with magical aliens, so how far off would time travel be?
In truth, Hunk wished he could just run away from his problems. Not that he ever would, he could never live with himself knowing he had abandoned a friend. It was just that sometimes, only sometimes, he wished he could go back home and leave everything in space behind. He knew it was stupid, but he just couldn’t help but miss the time when he did not yet know anything of the war. When far off space was subject of his dreams, not nightmares.
Hunk pressed his back against the wall. He had always figured the Galra were their greatest threat. Fighting was not exactly a picnic in the park, after all. But it was easy in the sense that one could just get a weapon and use it. But this…how could someone fight this?
“You-you saw it too, didn’t you? I-I’m not the only one…right?” Pidge’s voice was such a stark contrast to how confident she usually sounded, it almost made Hunk hug her right then and there.
“How the fuck could this have happened!” Keith shouted more as an accusation than a genuine question. Shiro immediately put a hand on his shoulder as he gently reminded him they had to be quiet if they did not want to wake the poor boy in question.
“Lance…he…” Allura began, head shaking and eyelids blinking rapidly in denial.
“He…” her voice cracked.
Coran let out a deep sigh, massaged the bridge of his nose and took yet another one for the team as he voiced what no one else could utter out loud.
“He was skin and bones.”
Hunk swore Coran had just aged an entire decade with that sentence.
“B-but he ate, right? He was with us at breakfast this morning, you saw him eat, didn’t you?” Pidge’s voice grew frantic.
That was the thing. Hunk basically claimed the kitchen for himself. He was in charge of cooking all the meals. If anyone were to notice that someone was starting to skip meals or leave food on the plate untouched then the first one to do so would be Hunk. None of that happened though.
“Well, he certainly wasn’t eager to eat just now.” Keith grumbled.
“But he ate normally before, though.” Hunk said.
“Do you…” Keith started carefully, as if the words were acid on his tongue.
“Do you believe that he would, you know…want to…look like that?”
“Keith!” Allura shouted, completely outraged at the suggestion. Pidge joined her in the disbelief, although she looked more scared than outraged.
“Are you saying he would starve himself? Deliberately?” she said.
Keith threw his hands up in the air.
“Look, I am just saying what we are all thinking!”
“I don’t think he would do that though.” Shiro said. He, just like Coran, could have easily aged a few years within the last minute. He almost looked more drained than he did after the last mission and back then he had been two minutes away from fainting.
“Oh yeah? And how can you be so sure?” Keith asked, now going back to what seemed to be his default pose with his arms defensively crossed in front of his chest.
This was not right, though. Lance constantly complimented him on his food. He was always the first to do some taste testing if he happened to be around. Which was a lot when they had free time to spare. Hanging out in the kitchen together and talking about home, space or whatever was on their mind became a small highlight of their day.
But then again, Hunk did miss the signs, he did miss how skinny Lance had become. It was only logical there would be something he was struggling with. Who was he kidding, there was something Lance was struggling with, otherwise Hunk would already know how he had lost so much weight. Who was he to deny how much sense Keith’s horrifying claim made?
So much about not having secrets in their friendship…
“I don’t know but Lance just never seemed like he would do that.” Hunk heard himself mumble out loud. It was pathetic how his interjection sounded like a fucking question.
“Well yeah, you don’t know. And I don’t know either but what I do know is that he always fusses about new cosmetic products and skin care routines and taking care of appearances and whatnot. It doesn’t have to mean anything but desiring to be very skinny to the extent that he now is does not just suddenly come out of nowhere either.” Keith said, the fight leaving his body with every heart-crushing word he uttered.
“I guess what I am saying is…you’re healthy until you’re not. Things might have started harmless…”
Hunk could not bear to look up from the tiles on the ground and look at the broken expression the now deathly silent group would display. If he did, he wouldn’t be so sure the tears forming in his eyes could stay inside.
So the situation was real. He didn’t dream this. They were seriously standing in a hallway discussing the possibility of his best friend starving himself. Of his best friend having developed a fucking eating disorder. Of Lance slowly destroying himself.
A dark, wet spot adorned the tile. Then there was another. And three more. Hunk wiped his face with his sleeve.
“I know this sounds scary.” Shiro said, using his emotionally detached leader voice. As if he wasn’t the one who had been too stunned to speak earlier.
“But we cannot jump to any conclusions. So, let’s keep calm and pay closer attention to his behavior. And most importantly, we’ll make sure he gets something to eat for dinner, alright?”
At the last sentence Shiro gently nudged Hunk’s shoulder who could only nod. Lance was so going to have a good dinner this evening.
“Good. Well then, good work team.”
The compliment fell flat.
“I suggest we all get some rest, today’s events have been quite stressful.”
For an awkward moment no one moved, until Keith stomped away first mumbling something about hitting the training deck which gained him an exasperated sigh from Shiro. Pidge withdrew herself immediately afterward, saying she would be in her lab. She never met any of their gazes anymore but the red hue surrounding her eyes were indication enough as to why that was. Allura and Coran returned to the bridge. Hunk did not miss how the princess had hugged two of the mice so tightly he almost started to worry about their wellbeing.
And Shiro…Shiro was looking at him like a lost puppy.
“He’s going to be okay, Hunk. We’ll make sure of that.” He said.
“Yeah.”
“You don’t…ehm, eh, you know what, nevermind, take a break, call me if you need anythi-“
“I don’t what?”
Shiro shifted his weight from one foot to the other and back. It was rare seeing him like this. In all honesty, it was unsettling. Shiro sighed defeated.
“You don’t think he would do something like that?”
Something like that…Hunk rubbed his left eye just to make sure the sudden blurriness in his vision would not turn into another drop on the floor. So Shiro did jump to conclusions himself, despite his argument. Great. What did that say about the little hope Hunk had left…
“Mh mh.” He shook his head.
“Lance has his issues. You know, everyone has their own burdens to bear. He is no exception. I guess it should be obvious by now that most of his confident womanizer act is more like a façade than a reflection of his actual character.”
The words were hard to find. There was something so off talking about him like this behind his back. He meant well, of course, and they have all grown extremely close as a team but this was still Shiro, Lance’s idol, who Hunk was sharing Lance’s insecurities with.
“He’s ehm…I think he is a bit afraid of disappointing people that are close to him...”
Shiro nodded thoughtfully as if he were taking a mental note. Hunk could only hope this didn’t backfire. An annoyed Lance, a tired Lance, even a sad Lance was fine to deal with usually. But an angry Lance? That was one hell of a scary man. Not because he’d yell or throw a punch, at least not really. He threw looks that could kill and that was much worse on Hunk’s heart.
“But this…” he took a pause to brace himself.
“This is not like him. Not at all.”
“You don’t think he would resort to unhealthy measures because he might feel uncomfortable in his own skin?”
Hunk did not know about that. But this was Lance and there was one thing Hunk could be certain about that man.
“I think he would never resort to any measures that could worsen his performance on the battlefield and drag down the team.”
The silence that hung in the air was suffocating. Hunk couldn’t take it, so he too walked away.