Chapter Text
It was that look in your eyes.
When I pulled my gun on you, you weren’t surprised. You were relieved. You smiled.
When I fought you with all that I had, you didn’t fear as I’d anticipated. You didn’t struggle. And that killed me. Each strike landed perfectly, and it hurt.
The way you slightly- oh so slightly- squinted as you took the final blow. As I fell to my knees you paused. I laughed it off. It was a duel, nothing more. Even as you shone with power over my body, while you and your persona swayed in sync, I kept my eyes down. When I rose, you hid it- but I could tell. Your prying eyes saw through my mask of pleasantries and awkward laughter. You saw the hatred festering beneath. I kept up the act, of course, but it was too late.
I despise you, Ren.
It was in that slight moment afterwards– when you smiled at me with that heartless grin and turned to leave Mementos– when something in me just seemed to fissure.
Only a small break.
Like a string coming loose from a sweater.
But that's all it took for the facade to unravel.
You didn't notice. You had your back turned. But my head fell. I let it hang. I felt this oppressive weight on my chest. It wrapped itself around my arms and nailed my feet to the floor. Once it had constricted all the air from my lungs, I had no choice but to gasp for air. It sounded like a sob. For fucks sake- I was sobbing. That's when you looked back.
“...Akechi?”
I tried to form words but my mind was full of discordant ringing and biting static. I clenched my jaw but I could feel the rest of my body shaking. My vision blurred. I felt bile rise, burning in the back of my throat. I tried to blink back the tears. To smile and play it off.
You were there. Holding my head up, cupping my face in your hands. You had such concern in your eyes. It made me sick.
“Akechi, It’s okay. Just breathe. I’m here.”
Why put on this stupid fucking act. Pretending you care. Pretending you're better than me. For what? Moral high ground? To pretend you were brought into this world for some higher purpose? You dug your fingers into my cheeks. I pressed my palm against your chest and pushed you away. Your breath caught in your throat as my fingers splayed against your shirt. I let my body follow through, dismissing you to the side, and raced towards the exit of Mementos. I didn't hear your footsteps following me.
When I felt the familiar tightness of my uniform, I could almost breathe again. When the winter chill hit my lungs I coughed. I was still unsteady on my feet. I stumbled into an alleyway and collapsed against the wall, letting my forehead meet my knees. I was still trembling. It was pathetic. It was all over. You’d seen through the perfectly constructed character that I’d spent my entire life developing. I would have to kill you. Stupid- how could I be so stupid-
The duel was my own selfish idea. To test your limits before the final fight. For my own security. If it wasn’t for my incessant need to make sure everything is perfect- this would’ve all been fine. Stupid- Arrogant-
I must've been sick because when my mind finally cleared it was dark.There was an acidic taste in my mouth. I walked to the train station and waited on the edge of the platform. I had to focus on the cold wind against my face and the rhythm of my own breath to keep myself upright. I could hear again. There was a group of drunken girls to my right giggling. The gentle thrum of the trains. My breathing was loud. Too loud. Fortunately the train arrived. That’s when I collapsed. I felt the cold metal of the train door, and heard a loud crack as I dropped to the floor within the train.