Chapter Text
There are greater evils than death. Pains vaster than the grief borne by loss. Death whisks souls away, and forsakes you to grapple with the grotesque aftermaths. They were right, those wise, elderly people. Death is not the worst thing in existence.
My father could have gone out quietly, insignificant, a small exhale gone from the world. But his death was televised everywhere, and the news spanned millions in seconds. The reactions were immediate, whilst I’ve yet to shed a tear in all the months succeeding his perish.
People laugh, cheer, and rejoice like it’s the damn Second Coming or something. So cruel. Heartless bastards. I hate every one of them. I’m so angry I feel empty. Like I’ve been burnt by fire so many times I no longer feel the scathe of its flaming whip. Last I erupted in anger I shattered every glass-sculpted object in my room and tore my knuckles against the wall, tore everything with paper, and wept in the entropy. Now I sit emotionless in the disarray and wonder numbly the last time I have eaten. I wonder if I can force myself into caring, but it is an unavailing act to revive the bones of a will long dead.
“Distance yourself,” I say into the quietude of my room, watching my breath billow against the dust mites floating about. I laugh drily. Something Mom said. I was having another attack. Told me to separate the world’s noise from the truth. What damn truth? My father’s dead and it’s a fucking joke to the Godforsaken world.
I rise abruptly, ceasing these thoughts. Distance. Control. My quickening heart settles, its frenzy dying in the absence of the sparking anger I suppress. Today I will attend school for the first time in what feels like eons but is really a month, and I must decide on a new outfit to mark this day. Something flashy, cute, trendy even.
As I make my way to the bathroom I hum a Christmas song, shuddering against the January frost having seeped into the house. It feels like a good day. Distance yourself enough and life looks normal. Unchanged. Untouched and untainted. Yeah, a real good day.