Archive of Our Own ^beta

A break. Could be hours, could be days, could be months—or forever. Soobin doesn't know what to say, sitting on the edge of his bed with his fingers tucked under his thighs, forcing himself to stay still and not shake from anxiety. He feels sick, like he's going to throw up if he tries opening his mouth to respond. Yeonjun's gaze is soft; he looks tired (he's always tired nowadays), his lips pursed in hesitation. Soobin wants Yeonjun to look at him like he normally used to, full of love, a gentle smile on his face, always reaching out to hold him somehow, whether it be by hand or sleeve. He used to like invading Soobin's personal space, and Soobin never minded it. In fact, he loved it. 

He always told him this, when they were buried under the sheets of Yeonjun's bed, the elder’s hand in his hair. 

“I like your touch,” Soobin had said, holding Yeonjun's other hand to his lips, pressing a kiss into his knuckles. He wished he could give back all the love he got from Yeonjun. It never felt like it was enough, and now, sitting in his room, Soobin feels like he's finally failed to reciprocate. 

“I just…” Yeonjun trails off, words not coming to him easily. He's been repeating the same few things for the past few minutes. Soobin's silence eggs him on. “It's hard.”

It's hard knowing that Yeonjun finds him difficult. He thinks it's hard to spare Soobin a kiss in the morning. He thinks it's hard to reply to the few texts Soobin sends him—only a few out of consideration that his phone is probably being bombarded with updates from their managers. Soobin doesn't say anything. Yeonjun repeats himself again. 

“I think it'll be healthy for us.” For him. Soobin can't imagine a world where he would find joy in being away from Yeonjun. One of the reasons he finds himself wanting to get out of bed is just to see Yeonjun's face, to hear his sweet voice saying his name, to feel his arms around his waist and lips brushing his cheeks.

But he doesn't always need that. Even just meeting his eyes from across the room, a silent smile and nod is more than enough. Soobin doesn't need a lot, just enough. 

“If that's what you want,” Soobin forces out, his voice small and eyes dropping to the ground. The telltale sting begins, and he tries his best to focus on Yeonjun's socked feet. There isn't much else to say. What can he say to prevent this from happening? Yeonjun already seems set on taking a break—not ending the relationship just yet, but going through the preliminary stages of just that. “Then sure, let's take a break.”

Soobin hears the sigh of relief Yeonjun lets out, feeling the weight on his chest get worse, like a hand pressing down on him. He didn't realise how bad things had gotten, that hearing just a few words from Soobin was enough to take away so much stress from Yeonjun. He's always tried to be as small a burden on Yeonjun as he could be, but he knew it was never enough. He was always too much.

“I'm glad you understand,” Yeonjun says, taking a step forward. Soobin doesn't look up. He can't look up. If he looks up now, the tears held at bay in his eyes will spill over, and the guilt of having Yeonjun see them would be too much. “It'll be okay between us, right?”

Between them. What is between them? What is us? A love that turned sour over time? 

Soobin nods, not trusting his voice. Yeonjun stays for a second, hovering over him. Not too close, not too far. Soobin sees his shadow move, like he raised his hand towards Soobin, but then he pulls away, deciding otherwise, socked feet shuffling to the door. Any other time, Yeonjun would've crouched down beside him and held his hands, easing him into a conversation where he could express himself, his own thoughts. He would always tell Soobin to stand up for himself, whether it be to Yeonjun or anyone else. But he'd always reassure him that regardless of what happens in the future, Yeonjun will be there to help him through it. 

Now he was walking towards the door, to leave him.

“I'll see you in the morning then?” Yeonjun says from the door, lingering for a reason unknown to them both. What’s said was said. There’s no point in dragging this out any further. “Goodnight, Soobin-ah.”

Soobin's heart sinks, his fingers numb beneath the weight of his thighs. He somehow finds his voice, tilting his head to catch Yeonjun's eyes. He looks at him so warmly, with concern, as if he'd cross the short distance between them and gather Soobin in his arms if he said so. But Soobin knows better. Yeonjun made up his mind. This is their last night.

“Goodnight, Hyung,” he replies, the words rolling off his tongue smoothly. Yeonjun watches him, his expression shifting for just a second before—

He leaves.

The sound of the door closing is as quiet as Yeonjun's love for Soobin fading. It must've been that, right? He fell out of love. Why else would he ask for a break, need time away from Soobin to ‘collect his thoughts’, or so he said? 

He never said anything like that before, not even when the only time they spoke was to argue. At the end of the day, they'd find each other and apologise, not wanting to ruin something great between them over petty matters. Beomgyu always pushed Soobin to go to Yeonjun first, to open up about why he would get mad so easily. Despite that, Yeonjun would usually be at his door in the middle of the night, fidgeting with his thumbs and mumbling about how he doesn't want to sleep without talking it out.

Yeonjun made the first move. And he did it again just now.

Soobin stares at the closed door, hoping for a miracle to take place. Maybe he could go back a few minutes, hold Yeonjun's hands and ask them to fix whatever is wrong. Or maybe Yeonjun might burst through the door and take it all back, say he still loves Soobin.

The door stays closed. Soobin lets his tears fall.

He always knew he would never be enough, but for Yeonjun to confirm it today—Soobin can't control the way the tears keep falling, hunching over to bury his face in his hands, trying to muffle the sounds of his cries. He's thankful Yeonjun’s room is in the opposite dorm, as far away as possible from Soobin's, so he won't be able to hear him. He won't know about how Soobin broke down after Yeonjun left him, pathetically curling up in bed with a blanket drowning him, being the only shield from him and the world. 

His friends always gave him a look when he'd mention Yeonjun and he were dating, the kind of look that suggested Yeonjun was too good for him. Which he was, Soobin knew that much. He knows he got lucky, being given a chance to spend a few happy years with Yeonjun by his side. He's lucky he got to spend nights with him, go on dates with him, imagine a life where they could grow old together. And now it's all gone, slipped through the cracks between his fingers, disappearing as if it was never there to begin with. 

He feels like he's been thrown back to when he first met Yeonjun, blown away by his beauty, by the way he carried himself, the smug smile on his face while he pointed at his name on the rankings. Soobin knew he was in love with Yeonjun from the moment he laid eyes on him. And back then, the only thought in his mind was how unattainable Yeonjun seemed. Now he feels the same.

✶

“Something's wrong,” Beomgyu says, not even twenty-four hours later, eyes darting from Soobin to Yeonjun, who sat across the practice room, scrolling on his phone. “You guys don't spend every break together, but you still talk.”

Soobin tries not to shudder at the word ‘break’ and instead searches for an answer to give. Did Yeonjun not plan to tell the others until they've officially broken up? But they would notice in no time, especially if he keeps up this behaviour. In the morning, Yeonjun would always wait for Soobin by the door, and they'd take a car to work together. But when Soobin finally came out of his room, phone in hand and about to tell Yeonjun he was ready, the entrance was empty.

Taehyun hadn't said anything when Soobin climbed into a car with him, just passing over a snack bar before taking his phone out. Soobin could tell he was confused, though, that he had questions he didn't know if he was allowed to ask. 

“Did you two argue again?” Beomgyu asks, poking Soobin's knee. “Who's at fault?”

“We aren't arguing,” Soobin mumbles, shuffling away to avoid the next few smacks on his thigh. “We don't have to talk every day.”

Beomgyu raises a brow, clearly unconvinced, but he doesn't get to push any further when their dance instructor calls the lesson to resume. Soobin gets up slowly, feeling every bone in his body ache from exhaustion. He hadn't been able to sleep well last night, tossing and turning and crying—lots of crying. Only after splashing his face with cold water tons of times did Soobin feel like the puffiness had gone down. Maybe it was still as bad when he got in the car—might’ve been the reason Taehyun kept stealing glances. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Beomgyu asks as they walk to the centre of the room.

Soobin rolls his shoulders, eyes instinctively going to Yeonjun. It hurts when he finds Yeonjun’s back facing him. “Not now.”

Maybe never.

✶

A month ago, when they were still together, Soobin had snuck into Yeonjun's room after a long day of work. He had been the first to shower, speed running through his skincare and then walking the short distance between his and Beomgyu's dorm to the others. Kai kept his eyes on the TV screen as Soobin shuffled past him, opening and closing the door as quietly as possible. They all knew about them, but Soobin still felt awkward whenever he'd get caught sneaking into Yeonjun's room, like he was doing something wrong.

Their entire day had gone by so quickly, Soobin didn't even get a chance to breathe before they were being led to cars on their way home. As much as he enjoyed his work, it could get really tiring.

Which meant he hadn't been able to talk to Yeonjun the entire day. Yeonjun was always busy doing something, practising something, recording something. The first time he had been this busy, Soobin had tagged along to every schedule he could, just as moral support. But then Yeonjun insisted that Soobin shouldn't tire himself out, so he stayed back. It cost them their time together, though.

And so, Soobin climbed into Yeonjun's bed that night, snuggling into the blankets and forcing himself to stay awake. He had forgotten his phone in his room, so he counted the different photo frames on the top of Yeonjun's shelf, trying to make out the faces in the dark.

Eventually, the door opened and light spilt in, Yeonjun looking surprised to see Soobin in his bed, half-asleep.

“What are you doing here, Bin-ah?” Yeonjun asked, getting into bed with him. He ran his fingers through Soobin's hair, a fond look on his face. “Sleepy?”

“No,” Soobin’s words slurred, eyes blinking slowly. “Wanna talk to you.”

“About?”

“Anything,” Soobin mumbled, hands grabbing Yeonjun's. He pulled them to his chest and waited for the elder to lie beside him. “I missed you.”

Yeonjun didn't say anything, playing with Soobin's hair as he continued mumbling things. Finally, he said, “Go to sleep, baby. We can talk in the morning.”

The words were all Soobin needed before his eyes shut and sleep overtook him. That night, he had slept so well, waking up full of energy. Only to lose it when he turned to his side, the other half of the bed empty, cold. 

After that day, Yeonjun was always too busy for him. 

✶

“You aren't going to sit together?” Kai asks, raising a brow when he notices how Yeonjun and Soobin had left seats between them. The camera points between them at the empty seats, and the younger members stand behind it, looking at them in confusion. 

Soobin tries not to seem too affected by the fact that Yeonjun chose to sit a seat away from him. He shrugs his shoulders when the eldest doesn’t say anything, more focused on his phone. The others don’t question it too much, don’t tease them for being childish, or accuse them of arguing. Soobin suspects they understand what’s happened.

He remembers the conversation he had with Beomgyu when he first told the younger about his relationship with Yeonjun.

“Nothing will change, right?” Beomgyu had asked, holding Soobin’s hand. “If anything goes sour, which I hope it never does, you guys will still be good, right? You’d never let this come between the group, will you?”

The feeling of pride and faith in his relationship, Soobin still remembers it. The way he embraced Beomgyu and reassured him that no matter what, he’d never let this cause any harm to their group. And yet, the entire Weverse Live goes by, and Soobin could count on one hand the number of times Yeonjun even glanced at him—unsurprisingly, it was less than 2. 

“You promised, Hyung,” Beomgyu says later when they’re stepping into their dorm. He closes the door behind him and grabs Soobin’s arm to stop him from running away.

“Promised what?”

“That you would confide in me when things get hard,” Beomgyu continues, frowning when Soobin sighs and shakes his arm out of his grip. “Does this have something to do with Yeonjun hyung?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Soobin answers, not wanting to entertain this conversation. He doesn’t like how it’s started, how it feels like he’s being forced into an interrogation rather than being allowed a space to vent. 

Beomgyu doesn’t back down, following him into his room. “But I can see the effect it’s having on you. Hyung, you look so…”

He trails off, and Soobin glances over his shoulder to see the expression on his face. Beomgyu winces, the corner of his mouth twisting as he finishes his sentence, “...sad.”

“I’m not in the mood for this right now, Beomgyu. We’ll talk later.”

“That’s what you said two weeks ago! And you look worse than then.”

“Just leave me alone. I’ll deal with this then—”

“I’m just worried, Hyung!” Beomgyu says quickly, holding out a hand to stop Soobin from closing the door in his face. “You and Yeonjun hyung never stay mad at each other for this long. Did something happen? Did he say something? Did someone else say something? What’s wrong—”

Soobin pulls the door open, not helping Beomgyu catch his weight that was pressing against the door, and he finally says it for the first time out loud. The first person to know besides him and Yeonjun.

“We broke up. You wanted to know what happened? That’s it. He broke up with me.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widen and his mouth parts in a silent gasp. Soobin continues, “He finds it hard to be with me, and thinks it’s easier if we stay apart. Are you happy now? You know why I’m so fucking sad all the time. Are you done? Can I finally go to sleep and not have to think about this any further?”

“Hyung…” Beomgyu whispers, his eyes welling with tears as he reaches out for Soobin’s face, wiping a tear Soobin didn’t even know slipped out. Is he crying? Why’s he crying now? He thought he didn’t have any tears left to cry ever since the night Yeonjun left his room. He had felt dry and empty in the morning, like there was a void in his chest he’ll never be able to fill. “Oh, Hyung.”

Arms wrap around his shoulders, and Soobin finds himself sobbing into Beomgyu’s hair, his entire body shaking with every cry. The tears spill out easily, as if they’d been waiting for the moment he felt weak.

“It’s okay, Hyung. It’ll be okay,” Beomgyu keeps repeating, patting the back of his head as he leads him to his bed. “It’s okay.”

“He doesn’t love me anymore, Gyu,” Soobin cries, his fists balling the front of Beomgyu’s shirt. “He thinks we’re better apart. He doesn’t want me anymore.”

Beomgyu doesn’t say anything, but Soobin can tell he’s crying with him, the sniffle being heard once in a while. It hurts just thinking about that night again, the way Yeonjun looked uncomfortable being in his presence alone, like they were strangers and not once lovers. It hurts remembering the things he said, hurting knowing that Soobin’s very existence was causing him trouble. It hurts that Yeonjun’s been avoiding him ever since, barely saying a word to him, barely acknowledging him. 

Was that all the 4 years they spent together meant to him? Was it that easy for him to move on? Well, of course it was. He’s the one who said it was hard to be with Soobin. Breaking up with him must’ve felt like a burden was lifted off his chest. Soobin screws his eyes shut, tightening his grip on Beomgyu, hoping that at least he won’t leave his side. 

“He still loves you,” Beomgyu says once he’s calmed down. “I don’t know what he said to you, Hyung, but there’s no way Yeonjun hyung could ever stop loving you. There must be more to this.”

“What more could there be?” Soobin scoffs, trying to pull away, but Beomgyu’s hold on him is tight. “It’s easier for him to break up with me than to try to make things work out. If there was still love then…”

Soobin doesn’t finish his sentence. He doesn’t know what he wants to say, doesn’t know what he wants to think. He lets out a sigh and makes himself comfortable, holding onto Beomgyu’s arm the whole time. And with the way the younger wraps himself around Soobin, he can tell they won’t be moving from this any time soon. 

✶

He feels it again when they're filming an episode of To Do. Soobin plays with the edge of his apron, awkwardly shifting in his seat. Beomgyu purposely left that seat for him, the one next to Yeonjun. He eyed Soobin as he made his way over, making sure he didn't pull up another chair and make things awkward. Although maybe that would've gone better than how it is now.

“We'll start filming in a minute!” One of the writers calls out, and Soobin reminds himself to breathe. Why is he making such a big deal out of nothing? He is just sitting next to Yeonjun, existing in his space. It's not like they have to talk to each other. Everyone else is doing great in making content, all Soobin has to do is laugh and smile along with everything they say. 

Even when they start teasing him for messing up his dish. 

“It looks scary,” Taehyun repeats himself, giggling when Soobin rolls his eyes. “You should really start taste testing your dishes, Hyung.”

“I was too scared to try it myself,” Soobin laughs along, looking at his dish and feeling a little disappointed. It's not like he's a terrible cook—just inexperienced. Somehow, when he makes things off-camera, they work out just fine, but whenever he's trying his best for their fans, his cooking skills decline. “It shouldn't be too bad, right?”

When the others burst out laughing, Soobin pouts, leaning on his arm to stare at his dish again, cursing it for looking so unappealing that no one wants to give it a go. He's not actually hurt, maybe a little bit, but his shoulders sag at the thought that no one's going to try his dish. 

But then, Yeonjun raises an arm. “Let me have a bite.”

Soobin feels his chest fill with warmth, watching as Yeonjun prepares to take a bite. He shouldn't, Soobin thinks he's insane for even considering giving this a taste test, so without thinking, he grabs Yeonjun's wrist, trying to stop him. It's probably the first time they've properly come in contact in weeks, so he can't help the giddy smile that takes over his face, playfully pulling Yeonjun's hand away from the spoon every time he goes for it again. 

“I'll try!” Yeonjun laughs, freeing his hand from Soobin's grip and taking a bite. The reaction is instant, but that's not what Soobin cares about. All he can think about is how Yeonjun went out of his way to try the dish. There was nothing on the prompter telling Yeonjun to do it. It was his own choice. Did he notice how Soobin was feeling? Was he…paying attention to Soobin?

He’s always been so quick to notice Soobin’s mood changes, always the first to defend him or end a joke when he can tell it’s souring his mood. Soobin remembers the numerous conversations they’ve had about this, of Yeonjun worrying he wasn’t crossing any lines by jumping to his defence, and Soobin thanking him for always being extra attentive towards him. 

He pushes away the thought, forcing himself to turn back into what the others were saying. But he can't focus, he doesn't even care when Beomgyu comments on his dish, doesn't care that he didn't win. All he can think about is how Yeonjun might've been thinking about him. 

But then Soobin glances to his side and realises just how much Yeonjun's shifted away from him, as if touching him would burn—and all hope drains out of him.

✶

Happiness doesn't last long for Soobin. The tiny things that made him happy, like Yeonjun occasionally saying his name and asking him to lower the volume of his video, began to disappear. Soobin would find himself purposely increasing the volume, stealing glances at Yeonjun, who would either get up and leave the room or put his earbuds in. It was more effort to do either of them, but Yeonjun picked them over just talking to Soobin.

He couldn't figure out what the problem was. It's not like Yeonjun was acting this way with everyone. He still listened to Taehyun teaching him a new vocal warming technique, he still wrapped his arms around Kai’s waist and tried spinning him around, and he still went to Beomgyu to vent about things. So it was just him. And it was much more than their breakup. 

“You have one more schedule, Soobin-ssi,” one of the staff members calls out to him just as he starts packing his things. 

Soobin blinks in confusion, watching as the rest of the members leave the room. He had checked the calendar in the morning and was so sure that he finished work at the same time as the others. So why was he still being kept behind, and besides, what could they be keeping him back for?

“I do? What is it?” 

It's only a little after 3 when Soobin gets woken up by his manager in the car, telling him he's made it home. He feels bad that so many people had to stay awake with him just so he could attend a meeting that didn't need to last three hours. They kept going on and on and on about things Soobin didn't need to know. They could've just sent it in an email; that would've been easier for them all. 

“You just got home?” Taehyun asks when he catches Soobin at the entrance of their dorm.

Soobin raises a brow. “Where were you?”

“Gym. Why did you stay back for so long?”

Soobin shrugs his shoulders. “No clue. Check the calendar, they put another couple of meetings like this in for me.”

Taehyun looks as confused as Soobin feels, following him into the kitchen. “Want me to stay back with you? Maybe we could convince them to move the meetings to the morning instead. It's best if you get sleep in.”

“I don't know,” Soobin answers, because he doesn't know. He just wants to get cosy in bed, sleep, and forget about the way Yeonjun reached for his arm in the morning, only to pull away at the last second and pretend like that never happened. “I'll talk to you in the morning, Taehyun.”

He's about to step past him and towards his room when Taehyun catches his arm. 

“Hyung…are you okay?” He sounds concerned, even looks like it. Soobin smiles as best as he can, nodding. “Are you sure? You look a little sick.”

“I'm okay, Taehyun. Don't worry about me.”

✶

“I’m tired,” Soobin says when Taehyun opens the door to his room. He had already heard the not-so-inconspicuous plan he had been making with Kai outside his room door. They both share a look before sighing, knowing their plan has failed before they even got the chance to play it out. Nonetheless, they shuffle over to the edge of the bed and collapse next to Soobin.

“But Hyung, we all go together every year. Are you really going to break such a tradition over this?” Soobin doesn’t know how they know; maybe it was Beomgyu? Or even Yeonjun.  He doesn’t know, but at the same time, he doesn’t care. They were all going to eventually find out anyway. Soobin had decreased his visits to their side of the dorm, not wanting to cross paths with Yeonjun, so there wasn’t any way they wouldn’t know. 

Soobin knows Kai isn’t trying to belittle the inner conflict he’s going through, but it’s still something he’s feeling. He can’t just get over it like that. 

Taehyun takes Soobin's hand into his and rubs his thumb across the back of his hand. “You don’t need to talk to him at all. Just stay with us the whole time. He’s already said he’ll be coming with us. Don’t run away from this situation. Face him instead.”

But that’s the problem. Of course, he wouldn’t be so affected by the whole situation. He was the one who broke up with Soobin. 

“We’re going to be there with you, Hyung. You can lean on us,” Taehyun says, looking at him with the biggest doe eyes ever, and Soobin just can’t bring himself to refuse. The defeated sigh he lets out is enough to bring a smile to Taehyun's face, and before he can say anything, the two youngest members drag him out of bed, giggling to themselves after this little win.

By the time Soobin’s gotten ready and wrapped himself up in warm clothes, the other two have also gathered at the front door. Beomgyu is leaning on Taehyun with sleepy eyes, and Kai is rambling about something he had seen fans post on weverse. Yeonjun is the only one silently standing by the door. When Soobin arrives he doesn’t even spare him a glance, simply unlocking the door and taking the first step out. The others don’t say anything about it and follow Yeonjun out. 

It’s going to be a long night.

✶

“I want to sleep,” Soobin mumbles to himself, walking a few steps behind the others as they all excitedly check every stall they walk past. 

Attending the small spring festival that happened a few roads away from their old dorm every year was a tradition they had made up before they debuted. They would all dress up in cardigans, although Kai would always insist on wearing his hoodies. Taehyun and Kai would be leading the way, greeting the stall owners who recognised them from the many times they had visited them (and the fact that they were now idols). Yeonjun would trail behind them, stopping them from doing anything weird or paying for anything that seemed to go above their budget, though that wasn't a problem anymore. Beomgyu wouldn’t be far behind them, jumping in whenever he saw Yeonjun paying for something, occasionally slowing down to walk with Soobin and check on him.

And then there would be Soobin, watching them from the back. His eyes would normally be stuck on Yeonjun, who would sometimes turn around and wink at him or even make a joke about Soobin liking him too much. The looks the other members would send him made it clear that he was very obvious about his feelings, but Yeonjun always used to take them as a joke.

Beomgyu suddenly appears beside him, grabs his arm and leans into his shoulder. Before Soobin can ask what's up, he says, “‘m cold.”

Soobin doesn’t comment on the fact that he was wearing more layers than Soobin but instead takes it as his way to comfort him.

“Are you okay?” Beomgyu asks once they’ve stopped at a stall. The others are distracted, and they stand a few feet away from them. Soobin takes a deep breath in, scrunching his nose when the cold air stings him. “You’ve been so…busy.”

One of the comforts of Soobin's day would be to come home and have dinner with Beomgyu, fighting with the younger long enough to tease him but giving in right after. It felt nice knowing someone was waiting for him, and he wondered if Yeonjun ever felt the way he did when he was on his way home from work. Would Yeonjun ever think about what Soobin was doing? Would he be expecting Soobin to be waiting for him? Did he even want to see Soobin's face after a long day of work?

“I’m okay,” Soobin lies, not intentionally but just because he didn’t really know how to describe what he was going through. It hurts whenever he thinks about Yeonjun.

Beomgyu hums in response, the grip of his fingers on Soobin's arm tightening. “Yeonjun hyung has been taking it hard and hasn’t had a proper night's sleep in ages.”

Soobin's heart clenches at the thought of Yeonjun tossing and turning in bed because of him. But at the same time, he feels a little relieved to know that Yeonjun was still feeling something because of him, whether it be love or sorrow. Soobin’s been feeling a lot recently. He just doesn’t know what exactly it is. “I hope he gets some sleep today.”

Taehyun walks over to them slowly, almost as if he were trying to give them enough time to stop talking about whatever it was that they were talking about. He holds the cotton candy he had just made for Soobin, a smile on his face when Soobin accepts it. 

“Beomgyu hyung, do you want some too?” Taehyun asks, his eyes beaming with excitement at the idea of being able to make more. Beomgyu doesn’t seem convinced at first, but gives in when Taehyun starts smiling. 

“Are you really okay?” Beomgyu asks once again when Taehyun goes back to the others. Soobin contemplates for a moment, wondering what he should say when his eyes meet Yeonjun’s. They hold each other's gaze for a moment before Yeonjun's eyes dart down to Beomgyu before he turns away from them entirely. 

Soobin’s chest hurts. “I’m fine.”

✶

Getting ignored in the practice room is one thing; getting ignored while there's a crowd of staff around them is another. Soobin feels his face burn when his call to Yeonjun gets completely left unanswered. Yeonjun keeps his eyes on his phone, a blank expression on his face. Soobin's sure he's heard him, they're barely standing a foot away from each other and the waiting room is quiet, but he doesn't understand why Yeonjun wasn't responding. 

“Hyung?” He tries again, shifting uncomfortably when Yeonjun does finally look up. “Do you think I should wear a tie or not?”

They're filming something for a drama, Soobin knows far too much about it—result of another 3 hour long meeting he didn't need to be a part of. Ever since they've arrived at the venue, Soobin has exchanged more words with the actor they're working with than Yeonjun. It's not like it's one of Yeonjun's off days, Soobin is accustomed to trying to strike a conversation with Yeonjun and getting ignored, but he wouldn't act this way when other people he wasn't familiar with were around. 

“Tie looks fine.”

It's so monotone, like he doesn't care. He doesn't spare Soobin a second glance and turns back to his phone, typing away. And it stings. It stings so bad, Soobin has to close his eyes and turn away for a moment, to take a deep breath and let himself calm down. It was okay, Yeonjun didn't want to talk to him. He didn't want to be in his presence, didn't even want to look at him. It was okay. Soobin knew this already and still tried his luck; he should give up already. 

But there were still times when Soobin would catch Yeonjun’s eyes in the practice room mirror, and there would be just a second of familiarity in the look on his face. It wouldn't last long, however, getting completely wiped off the next second and no words would be exchanged. This was their new normal and Soobin had to accept it. 

“You’ve had a busy week, haven't you?” the actor for the drama says at one point, looking at Soobin and Yeonjun. “I heard the reason we're doing this recording this early in the morning is that you're booked for the whole day.”

Soobin nods, a forced smile on his face. He doesn't enjoy these early mornings and late nights, but their schedules keep piling up and Soobin doesn't know when it'll end. “Yeah, sorry for waking you up so early.”

“It's okay!” He laughs, shaking his hands. “It's a fun experience.”

When the shoot is over and they're making it back to the company building, Yeonjun surprisingly sits in the same car as Soobin. It's not only a shock to Soobin, but their managers as well, who had become accustomed to taking around two cars for them. 

“What time do you get home?” Yeonjun asks a few minutes into the drive. Soobin almost didn't hear him, with his headphones on, as he thought Yeonjun wouldn't initiate any conversations. 

He turns to him to see Yeonjun staring out the window. “Like, today?”

“Normally.”

Soobin thinks about it, and then, “Around 2? 3 am? Depends.”

Yeonjun nods, eyes still glued outside and it seems like that's the end of their conversation, but Soobin doesn't want it to end there. So he continues, “What about you? What time do you get home?”

He knows the answer, he's the one who's been in and out of meetings about Yeonjun's schedules. He knows that Yeonjun wants to release a solo mixtape later in the year, undecided of which date. He knows that Yeonjun's been invited to multiple shows and doesn't want to upset anyone so he accepted all of them, despite them being tough on his health. And he knows that Yeonjun arrives home just a few minutes before Soobin does, yet they never cross paths. 

“About the same,” Yeonjun answers, finally shifting in his seat to face Soobin. “What do they hold you back for?”

“Meetings.”

“About?”

You. “The members, variety shows. The show they've planned for Kai should get started soon.”

Yeonjun raises a brow. “And this takes you hours?”

“They sometimes have…” Soobin trails off, remembering the pile of papers they presented to him one night, explaining what the public thought of each member, what they liked, and disliked. “Odd requests.”

Yeonjun stares at him before glancing at the front, where their manager is. “Soobin-ah,” he starts and hearing his name being said by Yeonjun is an instant refresher. “You don't have to stay back for those meetings. Just tell them you're tired and head home.”

“Yeah, but I can't do that, Hyung.” A laugh escapes him as he shakes his head. “Taehyun told me he wanted to discuss something with our staff later, I need to ask them to schedule a—”

“Taehyun can do that himself. I do it myself.”

“I know, but—”

“No,” Yeonjun says it with such finality that Soobin finds himself spluttering. “End of discussion. If the maknaes want to do something, they can do it themselves. You don't have to stay back and tire yourself even more. Have you seen yourself in the mirror, Soobin? You look exhausted.”

For a moment, Soobin feels his heart swell at the thought that Yeonjun has been noticing him. He does look at him, he does care, he thinks about him. He sat in this car to tell Soobin to look after himself more, because it hurt him to see Soobin like that. Even the expression on his face makes Soobin think that he's genuine. 

Until Yeonjun continues, saying, “I'm not the only one who thinks this. Beomgyu told me how you've been getting only a few hours of sleep. I know you—”

Soobin doesn't hear the rest of it. His brain tunes it out as he realises: Yeonjun is only here talking to him because someone else asked him to. The members have known this since forever, Soobin won't stop working unless Yeonjun tells him to. When they were trainees, Soobin used to be a little afraid of Yeonjun, so when the elder would walk into the room, a frown on his face, Soobin would immediately reach for his bags and say he was leaving just then. 

But as they grew closer, it shifted into something else, something that wasn't meant to be between them anymore. 

“Okay, Hyung,” Soobin cuts him off, not knowing what he was saying anymore. He pulls himself back, wrapping his arms around himself as he feels silly. He thought Yeonjun was interested in his well-being, but why would he? When they took their break, Yeonjun let go of every thread that brought him back to Soobin, including where it all began. He broke their friendship along the way and Soobin still doesn't understand why he had to go this far. “I'll think about it.”

“Think—”

“I'm sleeping, let me know when we arrive,” Soobin says loudly to their managers before putting his headphones back on, knocking his head against the window. He watches through the reflection of the glass as Yeonjun waits before looking away, and his chest aches with loneliness. He wishes desperately that Yeonjun doesn't give up, and doesn't let him think it was forced sincerity. But just as the night of their break, Yeonjun leaves and Soobin doesn't follow.

✶

They don't talk for a while, not that they were doing much of that to begin with. But this time it isn't Soobin trying to chase after Yeonjun, seeking his attention; it's the other way around. Yeonjun appears by the door in the morning as Soobin steps out with his phone and wallet. Taehyun, who stands beside Yeonjun, looks between the two in confusion before grabbing a sleepy Beomgyu's arm and guiding him out of their dorm. 

“Let's go?” Yeonjun says, glancing up from his phone awkwardly. It's so obvious he's trying to make things seem normal, but they've come so far that Soobin can't help but feel like they can't go back.

Regardless, he nods and follows Yeonjun into the parking lot, fiddling with his headphones. If he's to put them on, he could keep himself from hearing any more of Yeonjun's forced worries, but at the same time, even pity felt good for those few moments. He doesn't get to dwell on it for too long when they reach the car, and Soobin finds himself sitting in the same spot with one Beomgyu. Even Beomgyu looks at him in confusion before glancing out and seeing Yeonjun get pulled aside by one of their staff members. 

“What's going on out there?” Beomgyu asks, leaning over Soobin to try and get a look. 

“I don't know,” Soobin mumbles, pulling the headphones on. He leans his head against the window, turning away from where Yeonjun is and lets out a sigh.

He doesn't know, and neither does he want to know. Every thought related to Yeonjun brings a sour taste to his mouth, making him start reminiscing about something he can never get back. So instead of mourning his loss, Soobin wants to look past it. No matter how difficult it is.

“Your lesson ends an hour before mine,” Beomgyu grumbles, glaring at his phone screen. “Want to get lunch with me later?”

“Sure.”

✶

“Temptation of a bunny,” Soobin whispers, his grip on the phone tightening. Yeonjun is sitting across from him in the waiting room, getting his makeup done. He's not sure if Yeonjun even intends for Soobin to come across this comment, or if the comment is supposed to have any meaning. Maybe it's just a way to counter the rumours about them—Yeonjun and Soobin hate each other. He suspected the same thing when Soobin tagged along with Beomgyu to visit him when Yeonjun was promoting his solo mixtape. The way Yeonjun had thanked Soobin, making sure their cameraman caught it on footage. Was he just…trying to clear their names?

“What did you say, Hyung?” Kai asks from beside him, looking up from his phone.

“Nothing,” Soobin dismisses, putting his phone away. The less he thinks about Yeonjun, the better. It hasn't been working the past few weeks, but Soobin doesn't want to give up just yet. “Right! Have you replied to your mum?”

Kai gasps, immediately swiping out of his game to open his messages, replying to the few his mum had sent almost over a day ago. “Thanks, Hyung. Almost forgot.”

“What would we do without Soobinnie?” Soobin freezes upon hearing the voice, slowly turning his head to see Yeonjun smiling at him through the reflection of the mirror. He looks silly, with a hair clip holding his hair up, and makeup that hasn't been blended yet. And yet, as always, Soobin's heart still flutters.

They look away after that, but Soobin doesn't know what it means. Especially when, after this, Yeonjun keeps talking to him, teasing him. It almost feels like he's trying his best to make things go back to normal, and Soobin can't help but assume it's because of their staff, who seem to swarm around them more often ever since. Were they trying to make things look normal? 

“Your engagement with Yeonjun's been…” Soobin snaps out of his thoughts and glances up, remembering that he’s in the middle of one of his strange, almost midnight meetings. There's no point of them actually being here at this time, and he can't understand why he is here. But whatever makes things easier for the rest of his team. For now, he focuses on what they're saying upon the mention of Yeonjun. “It's been low. Is there a reason for this?”

They never told their staff about their relationship; they had never told anyone but their parents and the members. It's not that they didn't trust them—most of their protocol team has been with them since they were kids, they practically are family—but just because the fewer people that know the better. 

“Uh,” Soobin clears his throat, sitting up straight. “There's no reason in particular.”

The staff member frowns, staring at the graph of their names before shaking his head. “I don’t get it. I know we asked for this, but it still feels a little out of hand, no?”

And that gets Soobin freezing up, clutching his pen tightly and turning to the staff member in confusion. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“Did Yeonjun-ssi not discuss it with you?” When Soobin shakes his head, he continues, “We asked him to create a little bit of distance between the two of you, only for a while. Just to get the fans talking. There's already always a spotlight on the two of you, so—”

Soobin stops listening. All he can hear ringing in his ears is that Yeonjun was asked to create distance between them; he was told to do it for the sake of engagements, for the fans. So had he broken up with Soobin for something as small as this? Had he hurt Soobin all because a staff member suggested it would do good for their popularity? Were the past few years of their relationship simply worth a half-assed break-up out of the blue, because someone told him to?

But Yeonjun had looked tired around him. It did seem like being around Soobin did him no good, with his dark eye bags and slow retreat from affection. There's no way this was entirely because of their staff. 

“Anyway, could you ramp it up a bit?” Soobin raises a brow, barely able to conceal the anger within him. Who was this staff member, and why did he think he could control their relationship, whether it be on camera or not? He had the audacity to step past Soobin, ignoring his role as the leader, and talk to Yeonjun about something so—so unbelievably ridiculous. 

“I'm sorry,” Soobin says, standing up and gathering his things. “I'm going to head home now, I'm tired.”

“But we haven't even finished—”

“Goodnight,” Soobin cuts him off, hand itching with annoyance just at the sight of the man. “And in the future, I'd like it if you didn't contact my members directly, and especially not for such nonsense requests.”

✶

When Soobin gets home, it's not as dark as he expected. The lights of the living room are still on, and light chatter is floating through the corridor. Soobin doesn't know why they're awake, whoever it is, considering they have schedules pretty early tomorrow morning. And it's not like they usually stay up waiting for him. 

“Good…morning?” Soobin questions, walking into the living room to find all of them scattered across the sofas. Beomgyu looks a second away from melting into Kai, while the other three seem to be a bit more awake. “What are you guys doing here?”

It's hard not to let his eyes instinctively fall onto Yeonjun, especially after the conversation he just had with all the questions running through his mind. Even when his eyes accidentally meet the elders, he looks away quickly, afraid he'll be able to tell what Soobin's feeling just by looking at him. Not that he'd been doing a good job at that since their breakup. 

“It’s time for an intervention,” Taehyun exclaims, clasping his hands together. The sound is barely there, but it gets Beomgyu startled in his seat. “Take a seat, Choi Soobin, while we're being nice.”

Soobin doesn't like the sound of this. He doesn't even know what they're going to ask him, but the concerned look on Kai's face is enough to tell him he's not going to enjoy this. Regardless, he drops his bag on the ground and settles into the seat furthest away from the others. 

“What is it?”

Taehyun sits up straight and looks at Yeonjun, who looks reluctant to be the one to start the conversation, but still ends up clearing his throat and saying, “We want you to tell us what goes on in your meetings with the staff.”

Soobin’s grip on his sleeve tightens, and he tries not to show how the mention of his meetings shakes him up. But with the way Taehyun's frown deepens, he can tell he hasn't done a great job.

“It's nothing,” Soobin starts, rolling his eyes when Yeonjun immediately opens his mouth to speak. “I've already told you it's nothing, right? They just call me in for a few hours, and we talk about fan activity.”

“Fan activities,” Beomgyu repeats. “What kind of fan activities? Like events they hold?”

“No.”

“Then fansites? Fanfiction? What is it?” 

Soobin lets out a groan, leaning into his seat. “Just about what they think of us, online.”

“Online?” Kai looks confused. “Why would they be showing you that, as if you can't check it out yourself?”

Soobin wishes he knew the answer to that himself, but even after almost a year of this, he doesn't. “I don't know,” he answers truthfully. “And it doesn't matter, I'm not going to go to them anymore.”

A resolution he made on his way home just now, seeing the way his managers were yawning endlessly in the car, probably worse off than him. If he had to be picked and dropped by them, he could make the excuse that, for their health, he doesn't want to do these meetings anymore. 

“You don't know?” Yeonjun scoffs. “What does that mean? You've been going to these for almost an entire year now, Soobin.”

“I think I'd know that much myself,” Soobin snaps, a pit forming in his stomach when he sees Yeonjun flinch. “I don't need an intervention over this. So if that's all, I'm going to bed.”

“That's not all,” Taehyun quickly says, reaching out to grab Soobin's knee and keep him from standing. “Hyung, we're just worried about you.”

“I know, Yeonjun hyung told me as much. That you guys were worried.” What is he doing? Why is he making this into a bigger issue than it is? They're just asking him a simple question and expressing their concern for him, but he can't help but feel like they're cornering him for no reason. After a night like the one he's had, he doesn't want to spend the rest of it like this. “At least some of you care.”

The looks on their faces only make the pit grow bigger. 

“I'm worried too,” Yeonjun says, a frown on his face. “Why do you keep acting like I don't care?”

“Sure you do, Hyung.”

“Soobin, where is this coming from? Why would I not care about you?”

It slips out before he can even stop himself, and the way everyone's faces drop, he knows he shouldn't have. “Because we broke up.”

They still hadn't said it out loud in front of each other, hell, Soobin hadn't said it at all besides when telling Beomgyu. It hurt too much to get the words out, feeling foreign and wrong in his mouth. And yet, when he says it this time, he doesn't feel hurt at the reminder but rather at the way they all look away. The glassy sheen of Taehyun's eyes and the way Kai’s jaw clenches, he didn't realise just how much his relationship with Yeonjun had affected them all. When Beomgyu cried with him, he had chalked it up to the younger being empathetic, but now, in the middle of his living room, it wasn't just him.

But then Yeonjun speaks up.

“We haven't broken up,” Yeonjun says suddenly, voice sharp with disbelief as his eyes snap to Soobin. “What are you talking about?”

Soobin stares back at him, genuinely confused. “We did. 8 months ago, Hyung. You broke up with me.”

“No, I didn’t?!” Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair, breathing unevenly. “Soobin, I asked for a break.”

“A break is a breakup,” Soobin exclaims, his chest tightening. There’s no way Yeonjun’s trying to rewrite history, trying to pretend like he hadn’t pulled all his warmth away, like he hadn’t made Soobin feel his absence in every room, in every breath. Like he hadn’t left him stranded. 

“No, it isn't!” Yeonjun turns abruptly, grabbing Kai’s arm. “Explain to him how it's not a breakup.”

“I—”

“Leave Kai out of this,” Soobin cuts Kai off before the younger could even try formulating a sentence. He hates the look on his face—the look on all of their faces. They all stare at him with pity, as if he really did misunderstand what Yeonjun said to him. But they weren't there, they weren't the ones who had to sit through Yeonjun explaining why being together was more painful than working through it. 

They weren’t the ones who lay awake every night staring at their phones, rereading old texts and wishing they could go back to that. They weren’t the ones who flinched when Yeonjun stopped meeting their eyes. They weren’t the ones who learnt how to exist without touching the person they loved. 

Soobin had seen the compilations their fans had made, all the slowed-down glances, the theories, the long, long posts. All of them were wondering just what happened overnight, and he was sure Yeonjun had seen them too. All of them had probably seen them by now. 

And most importantly, Soobin was not making this all up. 

“I'm not making this up,” Soobin says, his voice wet and shaky. “The break was a breakup.”

“Soobin,” Yeonjun sounds so tired as he says his name, and it does little to ease his mind. Even after all this time apart, nothing had changed. He wasn't able to heal, find whatever peace it was that he was trying to find, without Soobin by his side. “I never meant it in that way.”

“Then what did you mean?” Soobin asks because he just can't understand what to think of this all. Then he remembers the meeting. “Did you do it because you were told to?”

Yeonjun blinks. “What?”

“Did you do it because they wanted to make distance between us?”

“Soobin, what are you—”

“Did you do it just to make the fans talk?”

The silence feels deafening. Yeonjun’s expression falters, and something in Soobin’s chest stabs him. He hates himself for pushing so hard, being so hell-bent on hurting the elder. Deep down, he knows Yeonjun wouldn’t do something so drastic based on a mere suggestion, but he wants Yeonjun to feel the same pain he felt. 

“You know I would never, I completely forgot they even said anything to me. Soobin, I just wanted space.”

“... Space?”

Yeonjun runs a hand down his face before leaning back in his seat. He holds his head in his hands, taking a deep breath, and even from afar, he looks tired. 

“It's just—I’ve been…” Yeonjun struggles to find words, looking up at Soobin with teary eyes. “This past year has been so hard.”

Again, hard. Yeonjun had said it was Soobin that made it so.

“I just wanted a break from everything,” Yeonjun explains. “A break from work, a break from the internet, a break from—a break from existing. A space to breathe, to just not have to worry about something. I know it was unfair of me to throw that onto you, but—”

“You never specified,” Soobin whispers, feeling a lump grow in the back of his throat. 

Yeonjun smiles bitterly. “I didn't know how long I needed.”

“I didn't know if you ever even wanted me back.”

Yeonjun purses his lips before lowering his head. “I'm sorry for making you feel like that, Soobin. I really, really didn't want to break up—I still don't. All I wanted was some time to myself. I mean—I would come home and see you waiting up for me, or staying back at work for me. It hurt to see you put yourself through so much for me. You were also tired, but still tried to make time for me.

“I thought that if we went on a break, you'd be able to worry less about me,” Yeonjun pauses, looking back at him. “And this had nothing to do with the nonsense anyone said to me. They did tell me to stay away from you, enough to get people talking, or whatever. But I promise, trust me, I never listened to them.”

“You told me being with me was hard,” Soobin whispers.

“I told you I was scared,” Yeonjun corrects softly. “Scared that everything felt so hard for me, that it’ll become hard for you. Hard for you to love me the way you do—did.”

“So you left me?” Soobin says hoarsely.

“I thought if I stepped back, you’d finally get time to rest. I thought you’d…focus on yourself more, and not me.”

The silence stretches, Soobin feels awkward knowing the other three were still in the room to witness this, but he’d reached his wits' end and wanted this conversation out and finished as soon as possible. 

“I just wish you’d spoken to me,” Soobin answers, feeling small in their big living room, with everyone's eyes on them. “I wish you’d talk to me, confide in me. This is something we could’ve spoken about if you shared your worries with me. If my staying up or back for you made you uncomfortable—”

“Not uncomfortable!” Yeonjun stops him. “Never uncomfortable, just worried. Soobin, you…” He raises a hand, gesturing to the younger. “Even now, you look exhausted, like you haven’t slept for days. And I know you haven’t been eating well either. This is what I wanted to avoid.”

“If you were so worried,” Soobin can’t help it; all the memories of the past year aching in his mind. “Then why did you stay away from me. Hyung, we could have a break from our relationship, but was it necessary to break our entire connection? I couldn’t…I was afraid to talk to you. I was worried that by touching you, you might hate me more.”

Yeonjun winces before standing up and crossing the short distance between them. He kneels on the ground beside Soobin and holds a hand on his thigh. “I could never hate you, Soobin.”

“How was I supposed to know that if my boyfriend, who apparently was simply on a break from me, was ignoring me and treating me like I was the plague?”

“I…I’m sorry,” Yeonjun says quietly. He takes Soobin’s hand and guides it to his cheek. “Hyung’s sorry. I should’ve been clearer.”

“Please,” Soobin swallows hard. “Just talk to me? Tell me about this kind of stuff. We’re supposed to have trust in each other. “

The tears in Yeonjun’s eyes finally fall as he hunches forward. “I do trust you. I just didn’t trust myself to make it through the year without falling apart. And if that was the case, I didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

“You don’t get to decide that alone.”

“I know.”

“Hyung,” Soobin whines, shaking Yeonjun’s head gently. “Please, we’re supposed to be protecting each other. To do that, we need to talk to each other.”

Yeonjun nods desperately. “And I will. Soobin, I never—I don’t want to break up.”

Soobin exhales shakily, shutting his eyes and fighting the stinging in them. As they always joked around, when Yeonjun cried, he cried. To have his boyfriend clinging to his legs, crying about how he didn’t mean to hurt him the entire year, Soobin was finding it hard to stay upset. 

He threads his fingers into Yeonjun’s hair. “As long as you don’t disappear again.”

Yeonjun’s quick to look back up, his eyes wide and hopeful. “I won’t.”

“You promise?”

“I swear, even if I’m scared. Even if I’m tired, I’ll tell you.”

Soobin pulls him closer, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. In his arms, Yeonjun feels so small, and it aches his chest knowing he was trying to fight a battle of his own in his mind, keeping Soobin away from it. “Hyung, I don’t need you perfect. I just need you to be honest. I just…really, I just need you.”

Yeonjun clutches him like he might vanish, nodding. “I need you too. I love you.”

Words he hadn’t heard in almost a year, they seem unreal. “I love you too.”

Yeonjun pulls away, but his grip on Soobin’s shirt is enough for him to understand he didn’t want to get too far. “Soobin…”

Soobin waits patiently, but before Yeonjun can say anything else, Taehyun cuts him off. “I’m over the moon to know my parents are back together, but can we go back to the main reason for this intervention?”

And with a gasp, Yeonjun says, “Right! The meetings.”

“You don’t need to worry about them,” Soobin hums, caressing Yeonjun’s cheek. “This is definitely the last one I’ll have. Especially this year.”

“...this year? But it’s only November.”

“I know.”

✶

The dorm is quiet, just the way Soobin wants it. He kicks his shoes off by the door, relishes how there’s no laughter coming from someone’s room, no music bleeding through the thin walls. Just the faint humming of someone from the living room. 

Everyone else is still at their parents’ home, enjoying their end-of-year break, sending pictures to the group chat, trying to one-up each other. Soobin hadn’t sent anything yet, simply scrolled through the pictures on his way up to the dorms. 

Everyone, except for them.

Yeonjun’s already there, sitting on the living room floor with his back against the sofa, two glasses and a half-finished bottle of something Soobin didn’t know between his knees. 

“You’re late,” Yeonjun says lightly.

Soobin shrugs his coat off his shoulders, chucking it onto the other sofa. “You’re dramatic. It’s just been ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes too late.”

Soobin huffs a small laugh and sits beside him, their shoulders brushing. For a moment, neither of them moves. The space Yeonjun wanted, they’ve had more than enough of that for the past month, with Soobin being back at his own home, watching his boyfriend through a screen. Their calls, which probably would’ve never been this long had they not been miles apart, would go on from the moment Yeonjun stepped out of the company building till when his eyes would be drooping from sleep. 

Now, however, Soobin didn’t want any space. 

Yeonjun clears his throat, nudging a glass towards him. “Peace offering.”

Soobin eyes the drink, squinting his eyes. “Is this the same brand that made Beomgyu cry last year?”

“Yes.”

“And you still bought it?”

“I don’t see any Beomgyu here.”

Soobin can't refute that. He takes the glass, clinks it with Yeonjun’s before taking a sip. It burns at first, so Soobin lets out a cough and ignores the way Yeonjun laughs at him. “Laughing at your boyfriend choking…I see how it is. I want a break.”

Yeonjun snorts, shrugging his shoulders. “A break or a break-up.”

“Same thing.”

“Not the same thing.”

They sit there for a long time, talking and talking, shuffling closer and closer. Soobin can’t help himself from sliding an arm around Yeonjun’s shoulder, pulling him into him. Yeonjun continues recalling a story from when Soobin wasn’t in the dorm, but Soobin isn’t listening. He’s too focused on the way Yeonjun’s lips move, so animated. The way Yeonjun’s eyes sparkle at the mention of how all his cousins were planning to meet up soon. He can’t believe he managed to get through the month away from him, but it all feels worth it to have him back in his arms at the end of it. 

Soobin’s eyes glance over to his phone, a smile tugging at his lips when he notices the time.

“So…” Yeonjun sighs, leaning his head on the sofa. 

“So.”

“We survived the year.”

Soobin nods, playing with the back of Yeonjun’s hair. “Just about.”

Yeonjun smiles at him softly. “Thank you, Soobin.”

“For what?”

Yeonjun raises his hand, holding Soobin’s face. “For everything.”

Somewhere outside, fireworks crack faintly in the air, muffled through the glass and distance. Yeonjun hesitates for half a second, just long enough for Soobin to notice, and then he leans in. The kiss is gentle, careful, like he’s scared he’ll break the moment they were having. Except Soobin’s been waiting for this, ever since they finally spoke and cleared the air. 

He melts into the kiss, tightening his grip on Yeonjun’s hair, tilting his head to the side with a finger to his chin. They fall into a rhythm they’ve been familiar with for years, sliding their lips together, gently. Yeonjun’s hands wander onto Soobin’s waist, dragging him half onto his lap. He sighs against Soobin’s mouth before pulling away.

“May 2025 treat us better,” Yeonjun whispers, leaning in to kiss Soobin one last time. 

When he pulls away, Soobin smiles at him softly. “I hope so too. Happy New Year, Hyung.”

“Happy New Year, Bin-ah.”