Chapter Text
“Sorry this sucks, but you’re going to have to hug me” Max speaks up.
The group hug disbands. “Oh, Max,” Will cries and he rushes over to pull her into a hug. Mike sits back down in his spot with an uneasy feeling in his chest that he can’t quite place.
“Just imagine I’m hugging you really tight, okay?” Max says into their tear filled hug. Will pulls away and turns to the group, ready to explain that he needs to be there too, to help fight and defeat Vecna.
He opens his mouth to speak, but then glances over at Mike who is sitting up straight with his eyes rolled in the back of his head. “Oh my God, Mike?!? Mike!?!” Will is in his face shouting as Nancy joins, beginning to shake Mike. “ROBIN, GET MIKE’S SONG.” He screamed, as she raced to the storage room. He turned to El and grabbed her hand, “El, we have to save him.”
…
WIll Byers had just come out and Mike was fine, really. His chest felt as though it were closing in on itself, and his thoughts spiraled as a throbbing headache took hold. But that was completely unrelated to the events that just happened moments ago. He just needed a moment alone to catch his breath.
As he stepped out of the bathroom at the squawk, it seemed eerily quiet. He continued down the dimly lit hallway, listening close for the sound of voices to try to pinpoint where everyone went. They still had 15 minutes before they were going to leave, did they all go outside already? Mike wracked his brain. He guessed it made sense, everyone was on edge and just wanted to get going.
During his brief moment alone in the bathroom, he realized he needed to talk to Will. He knew he could have handled things better, and Will needed to hear that Mike would always be his best friend. That this doesn’t change anything between them. Or does it? No, Mike shook that thought from his head. He needed to find Will and tell him how much he meant to him. And maybe ask who the hell Tammy was?
In his quest to find Will, it felt like he was moving in circles. He didn’t remember the hallways being so long at the Squawk. Mike’s breathing began to quicken as he went on high alert. Something was definitely off. He glanced around, and that’s when he heard it—a deep, growling voice, seemingly coming from the depths of his mind.
“Michael…”
Mike’s eyes went wide and his body rigid. He slowly turned around to see the walls of the squawk disappear, replaced by Mike’s basement—only the upsidedown version. And then he saw him. Vecna.
“Hello, Michael.”
Mike rolled his eyes, determined to play the tough guy. “What do you want with me?”
“I know your secret Michael.” Vecna sneered, and he slowly approached Mike. Mike glared but didn’t back away. “Friends don’t lie. That’s what you always say. Yet you lie most of all, don’t you, Michael?”
“I do not.” Mike huffed.
Vecna brought his hand up to Mike’s face. Mike couldn’t move, why couldn’t he move? His feet felt like two cement cinderblocks. “You lie to yourself most of all.” Mike gasped on an inhale as Vecna caressed his slimy branch-like limb across Mike’s cheek. Tears threatened to spill, and his lip trembled. Vecna continued. “You’ve been lying to Eleven.” Mike shook his head. “You don’t love her. You can’t love her.”
“That’s not true!” Mike snapped, tears beginning to slide free.
Then Vecna cocked his head to the side, really studying Mike. “Oh, but it is. And you feel such shame about it. You’ve lived your whole life in shame. Pushing those feelings down. Burying them in your relationship with Eleven.”
And then the basement walls fell away, and they were in Mike’s garage in the pouring rain. “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” He heard his own voice yell at Will.
A muffled sob escaped Mike’s lips, “Please. Stop.”
“It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.”
Over and over the scene repeated. Mike fell to the ground, no longer in Vecna’s grasp. He covered his ears as he screamed to drown out his own 14 year old self. The scene suddenly changed again, and he was at the skating rink in California. Still on his knees, but his hands fell to his lap as he looked up and watched himself yell at Will yet again. “We’re friends. We’re friends.” Again, the scene repeats over and over, forcing Mike to relive words and arguments with Will that he regrets every night while he struggles to fall asleep. Mike thinks he vaguely hears the faint melody of "Smalltown Boy" in the distance, but the sound of his own voice drowns it out.
The scene faded again, and they were back in Mike’s basement, as Vecna kneeled above him. “You know he’ll never forgive you. And he’ll never love you back the way you love him.”
Mike resigned, muttering softly under his breath, “I know.” He knows he’s treated Will horribly. He knows those words were really to convince himself. He knows it’s the real reason he can’t tell El he loves her. He knows Will will never love him back. He knows his friends and family will hate him when they find out the truth. He’s just filled with so much shame and guilt that at this point, he knows he deserves whatever Vecna has planned for him.
Vecna brought his hand up to Mike’s face again, covering it completely. “Join me, Michael.”
Mike, resigned to his fate, began to scream as it felt like his head was going to explode. The pressure was building and building, a small stream of blood started to slide from his eye. And then it just stopped.
Mike opened his eyes to see Venca’s hand pulling away from him. It looked as though he was at war with himself. And then, “Mike. Run!”
Mike looked up, head still foggy and woozy, now utterly confused. It looked like Vecna was speaking to him, but it sounded almost like… “Will?”
And then it seemed Vecna was starting to break Will’s hold on him. “Mike. Come back.” Will struggled to get out as Vecna began fading and glitching between the monster version of himself and Henry.
“Leave him alone.” Another familiar voice came from behind him as Vecna went flying backward.
Mike turned around, too fast for his head to handle just yet. “El!?”
“Mike, we need to go now!” She ran to him. Then Mike heard it clearly—“Smalltown Boy.” He wasn’t imagining it. And he saw a portal back to the real world, where he saw himself unmoving, surrounded by his people—all of them looking terrified, Nancy most of all.
“Mike. Now.” He didn’t think twice, only grabbed El’s hand and ran like hell.
Mike opened his eyes with a gasp, and he was back in the Squawk.
Nancy kneeled in front of him and let out a relieved gasp. “Oh thank God you’re okay,” as she engulfed him in a hug. Mike should be relieved. He should be celebrating that he’s alive. But he can’t. He can’t get Vecna’s words, his revelations, the truths he was forced to face, out of his mind.
He suddenly pushed Nancy away. The touch was too much, and he didn’t deserve it. He pulled himself into a ball and began to sob.
“Mike, are you okay?” He distantly heard a concerned Will ask. He’s so kind and sweet and caring. But Mike didn’t deserve his concern, which only made him sob harder. His chest was constricting and he genuinely couldn’t catch his breath. How embarrassing, he thought. He survived Vecna, and was now going to die of a panic attack. How pathetic.
Slowly Nancy began to come into focus, and he could hear her words though the fog in his brain. “Mike, please. Breath with me. In… out… in… out…” slowly she took his hands, and he let her. Surprisingly, the breathing thing helped, and he came to enough to realize that everyone else had left the room, and it was just him and Nancy.
His breathing was finally semi under control, and he locked eyes with Nancy. “Mike, please tell me what happened.”
With trembling lips, he tried to explain, but he didn’t know how without exposing his secret. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times before another sob escaped and Nancy pulled him into another hug. She rubbed soothing circles on his back as Mike whispered into her shoulder “I can’t tell you, you’ll hate me.” he hicupped, “Everyone will.”
Nancy pulled back from the embrace and held Mike at arms length. He stared resolutely at the ground as he tried to keep his breathing under control. “Mike. Look at me.” He glanced up and caught the worry in Nancy’s eyes. “I would never hate you. I mean, actually hate you. Of course, you’re my little brother, so I’m obligated to sort of hate you…” The corner of her mouth quirked up as she tried to lighten the mood.“You’ll always have me and your friends and Holly, mom and dad. Nothing you do or have done would change that. Besides you know what Vecna does. He lies.”
“He didn’t. Not this time. He showed me the truth. The truth that I’ve known but have pushed away and avoided for so long…” There was a long pause as Nancy studied him. She wanted him to continue to share and didn’t want to push too hard. “Dad would hate me.” Mike said matter of fact, crossing his arms across his chest.
Confused, Nancy blinked at him, “What makes you think that?”
He took a deep, shaky breath in, “I’m a liar. I’ve been lying to everyone. I’ve been lying to El. I don’t love her, Nancy. I don’t and I can’t!”
Nancy sighed in understanding, “Mike, there’s a difference between lying, and not understanding your feelings.”
“But I do understand them, Nancy, that’s the thing! It’s never been El, she’s just been the safer placeholder because I couldn’t be with him.” Mike stared wide eyed at Nancy. He wasn’t sure he was going to admit it to her, but there’s no taking it back now.
“Will?” She asked after a pause, and to Mike’s surprise she didn’t look shocked or disgusted. She just watched him with kind comprehension. Mike tipped his chin down in a nod. “Mike, I need you to listen to the words I’m about to say and I need you to promise me you’ll try to believe them.”
Mike looked up at her through tear filled eyes and nodded. “I’ll try.”
Grabbing his hands tight, Nancy looked him directly in the eyes, “Mike, there is nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with having those feelings, and there’s nothing wrong with being scared of them. You may have done things in the past you’re not proud of because of that fear, but we’ve all done things we’re not proud of. That doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure, and it doesn’t make you less deserving of love.” She pulled him into one final, deep embrace as he sobbed into her shoulder again.