Chapter Text
chapter 1: when the cheap wine's got you brave
"You look ridiculous.", Robin said, chuckling.
"You’re just jealous of me and my shiny blond hair!", Steve answered, crossing his arms.
"I think I’ll have to solve the mystery of who made you think this would be a good costume.", she grabbed her magnifying glass and closed one eye, looking at Steve through it.
"You’re just bitter ’cause I didn’t want to be Fred to match your Velma."
"No, I just think you and your girlfriend are completely gross for going as He-Man and She-Ra."
"What’s wrong with it?", Steve asked, looking genuinely confused.
"They are siblings, Harrington. TWIN siblings!"
"But they’re hot. Hot siblings.", he blinked at her.
"You are disgusting. Don’t talk to me ever again."
"Oh, so you’re telling me you’re not attracted to a heroic princess with a sword?", Steve provoked.
Robin could feel her face burning. In any other situation, she would have laughed and agreed — but not here, knowing that Nancy “Little Miss Perfect” Wheeler was getting dressed behind the door next to them. She had never planned on telling Steve she liked girls. She had carried it in secret since she was twelve, when Vickie kissed her at a sleepover, under the sheets, after Robin told her she had never fallen for a boy and was scared that it would never happen. That feeling, of being free to be herself next to someone for the first time, still warmed her heart, making her smile and think about the freckles on her best friend’s nose.
She truly loved Vickie, but growing up next to her made her realize that she loved her as a friend. For the first time, one girl actually wanted to be her friend and liked her for who she was, and didn’t call her weird for getting excited about the things she liked, or for not being able to stop talking and moving her hands. She never cared that Robin wore thrifted boy’s clothes, or that the other kids called her a dyke in middle school. She always thought of Robin as someone intelligent, artistic, and authentic. They were each other’s safe space, and Robin thought she would never find another person like that in Hawkins.
But, to her surprise, Steve actually liked her. And after a long time, she realized that she could trust someone else. It just happened.
"Steve. Shut. Up.", Robin whispered.
"What’s the matter?", Steve asked, putting on his best idiot face, to which she responded with exaggerated gestures toward his bedroom door.
"Robin, really? I already told you it’s okay to tell Nancy. She would totally understand."
"Yeah, sure. Totally. The same girl who can’t even talk to me for more than five minutes would be totally fine with a lesbian in the middle of Hawkins.", she answered in a lower voice.
"Of course she doesn’t talk to you. You act all weird around her. She thinks you’re in love with me or something."
"What? I don’t act weird. Not at all! Why would she think that?"
"’Cause it’s kinda hard to understand how the same girl who talks nonstop at WSQK can’t stop staring at her shoes in Nancy’s presence."
Robin opened and closed her mouth, not knowing how to answer that. She knew it was true, and she couldn’t understand it either. Being shy at first had never stopped her from talking to anyone, but she thought that maybe growing up as a bullying target for girls like Nancy had left some fear of it happening again. She stared at her Converse covered in doodles when Wheeler was around because it distracted her and helped her not rock back and forth or gesture too much while talking. She had always felt different from everyone, and it wasn’t just because of her sexuality. It was almost like she didn’t work the same way other people did, and no matter how hard she tried to fit in, it never happened. So depending on who she was with, it just seemed easier to try not to be so weird. Even though she couldn’t explain why she felt so anxious whenever she knew she was going to see Nancy, or why she tried to act nonchalant around her. Of course, to everyone else, she just seemed like a bitch who didn’t like her best friend’s girlfriend. Her mother always made sure to remind her that she didn’t know how to read a room.
"I… I just-", Robin stopped when Nancy opened the door.
Unlike Steve, Robin thought the long blond wig looked good on her. Her short white dress highlighted her skinny body and small chest, always hidden behind sweaters. The shiny purple eyeshadow made her eyes look bluer than ever. The high-heeled boots added a few inches to her height, and she only knew the golden accessories and the sword were handmade because Steve had told her Nancy had been working on them for a week. She looked stunning.
"So, what do you think?", she asked, looking at Steve.
"Wow.", he smiled at her. "Just… wow. Can you, like, insult me while holding that sword?"
"Shut up.", she answered, holding her waist. She couldn’t tell if it was the cleavage she wasn’t used to, or Robin’s stare, that made her want to crawl back into the room and hide under Steve’s bed.
"Yes! Like that, but louder."
She rolled her eyes. Steve gently nudged Robin’s arm, making her stop staring at Nancy’s eyes, thinking about how she had never seen that shade of blue, almost gray, on anyone else.
"Yeah, you look really pretty. I- I mean, pretty good. You look pretty good", she said, staring at her red shoes with orange socks this time, instead of her old red Converse.
"You look just like Velma. Your haircut matches perfectly.", Nancy said, trying to make Robin look at her.
"Yeah, who would’ve thought that cutting my own hair at home would turn out to be a good thing one day? I mean, I liked it from the first day, but it’s not everyone’s style, you know, and my mom said I look better-"
The doorbell rang, announcing the first guests.
"I’ll get it!", Steve said, not wanting to watch one more second of Robin’s social skills malfunctioning around Nancy. Even though he really wanted them to be friends and hang out together, he was starting to accept that this probably wasn’t going to happen.
(...)
Don’t freak out, Buckley. Not here, not today.
Robin was trying her best to control her breathing, but she hadn’t expected Steve’s house, with bathrooms bigger than her own bedroom, to feel so small in such a short time. She kept glancing at the door, growing more frustrated every time it wasn’t Vickie walking through it. For the third time that night, a senior boy dressed as Indiana Jones approached her.
Robin walked in the opposite direction, trying to escape him, feeling like the collar of the orange sweater was making breathing suddenly the hardest thing she had ever done. Before he could get to her, she reached the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
"Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit.", she repeated, pulling the fake glasses off her face and tugging the sweater over her head, finally able to breathe properly.
"It’s alright. I can do this. Everyone can do this.", she started taking deep breaths in and long breaths out, not even noticing her hands flapping as she tried to calm herself down. Even with the door closed, she could still feel the loud music pounding in her ears, wondering why it couldn’t feel the same as when she listened to her songs at the loudest volume on her Walkman.
After a few minutes, she stood up and unlocked the door.
"You know what?", she muttered to herself. "Fuck it."
After Robin had almost finished the cheap bottle of wine she had found in the kitchen, the Indiana Jones boy approached her again.
"Oh, not you. Not you again, please.", she said, sitting on the kitchen counter.
"Why’d you take off your glasses? I love seeing a hot nerd in a skirt.", he smiled at her.
"They’re fake, Indiana Jones. I might be a nerd, but my eyesight’s just fine. Now you can go. Bye.", Robin waved at him, not so sure her vision was as good as she claimed anymore.
"You can’t just tell me to go away without giving me a chance.", he grabbed her arm.
"Don’t touch me!", she tried to pull free, feeling much weaker than she remembered being.
Nancy was trying to find Steve when she recognized Robin’s hair.
"Come on, what is it? Are you really fucking Steve Harrington? I bet Miss Wheeler would love to know that.", Nancy stopped walking, waiting to see her reaction. She knew Steve loved her, and he always made sure she felt comfortable around Robin. But despite his intentions, they had a chemistry anyone could notice from a mile away, and she couldn’t help thinking that the only reason she felt so weird around Robin was jealousy.
"What? That’s ridiculous! He’s like a brother. A very annoying brother. His boring Barbie has nothing to worry about."
Nancy felt her body go cold. She knew she wasn’t being cheated on, but she was starting to accept that Robin was just really awkward, like Steve had told her. She didn’t want her boyfriend, but she did think of her as nothing more than a pretty face. She turned back when she heard his voice again:
"Oh, so you really are just a dyke.", he shouted.
"Don’t call me that. Get off me.", Robin said, her voice breaking, and it made Nancy feel a lump in her throat.
"What? Are you saying you and Vickie aren’t two little perverts?"
"She’s my friend, that’s all. If you’re gonna call every girl who doesn’t like you a dyke, I bet you’ll find a bunch of them here."
"Say that again!", he raised his voice.
"That’s enough. Let her go. Now.", Nancy stepped in.
"You should open your eyes, Wheeler, and stop letting your boyfriend hang out with a freak.", he punched the counter, making Robin close her eyes and cover her ears like a scared child.
"Nancy… I’m-", Robin couldn’t even finish the sentence.
"You’re an idiot, Buckley.", Nancy turned her back on her.
Damn it. Nancy kept walking. Why would she care what Robin Buckley thought about her? Damn it. I can’t leave her like that. Against her will to leave her alone, Robin’s terrified face when she heard his hand hit the counter made her remember the night Mike and the party brought home Jane, found alone in the woods, asking for Nancy’s help. She turned back with a huff.
"Princess! You came back to save me!", Robin smiled, completely drunk.
"Shut up. Get down from there.", Nancy grabbed her hand.