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Buck jogged up the front steps to the Wilson house, shifting the basket of baked goods in his hands to knock on the front door.
“Come in,” Hen called.
Buck stepped inside and smiled at Hen, who was sitting on the couch with a few blankets on her lap. She gave him a tired smile and held her arms out for a hug.
“Hey, you look good,” Buck said as he walked toward her. He dropped the basket onto the coffee table, then bent down and gave Hen a hug.
“You’re a terrible liar,” Hen said as she squeezed him, not as hard as she used to.
Buck waved her off, then flopped down onto the couch beside her.
“So what’d you bring me this time?” she asked, craning her neck to look toward the basket of goodies.
“Okay, so I made some blueberry almond butter breakfast cookies, apple cinnamon bread, another loaf of sourdough and some chocolate chip cookies,” Buck said proudly.
He’d stumbled on a website the other night that had recipes with ingredients that were supposed to strengthen your immune system. A few of the things he’d baked were from there.
“The breakfast cookies and apple cinnamon bread were recipes I hadn’t done before, so…so let me know how those taste. I tried one of the breakfast cookies, it was pretty good.”
“Thanks, Buck. I really appreciate it,” Hen shifted, adjusting the pillow behind her back. “Tell me about work. Give me the gossip.”
“O-okay, so, Eddie and I think there’s somethin’ going on with Ravi and May…”
Hen closed her eyes and listened like Buck was reading her a bedtime story.
—
Buck walked up toward the Wilson house, baked goods tucked under his arm. He stopped in his tracks to admire the freshly built ramp leading up to the front door. It looked good - solidly built, stained a nice color so it didn’t stick out from the rest of the house. It was so well done it almost looked like it had always been there.
Buck knocked on the door as he opened it and stepped inside. “Hey, it’s Buck,” he called out.
“Kitchen!” Hen responded.
Buck walked into the kitchen to find Hen in her wheelchair, pulled up to the table, making herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He tried not to notice that her hands were shaking.
“Hey you,” Buck said, then bent down to give her a quick hug. He held up his offerings. “Cinnamon swirl bread and more of those breakfast cookies,” he said.
“You spoil me,” Hen swooned teasingly.
“Not nearly enough,” Buck said, setting the baked goods on the counter. “You want any help with that?” he asked, nodding toward the sandwich.
“Nah, I’ve got it.”
Buck really admired how hard Hen was working every day to fight off the effects of this disease. He knew there were better days than others, which was why he usually texted before he came over. Sometimes Karen even pre-emptively let them all know it was a bad day for visiting.
He understood the anger and frustration of being stuck in a body that won’t let you do what you were meant to be doing. It took its toll.
“The ramp looks good out there,” Buck said, glancing over his shoulder toward the door. “Denny or Mara try skateboarding down it yet?”
When he was their age he absolutely would have.
Hen laughed. “The second it was finished Denny insisted on ‘testing’ it, yes.”
“And i-it’s working out for you?”
“Yeah,” Hen said carefully, bitterness bleeding into the edges of her voice. “I mean, I don’t love that I need to use the chair all the time but the ramp is definitely a godsend.”
“I-I’m glad you got that taken care of. I used to do construction, y'know, I could have helped.”
“You do more than enough already,” Hen said as she cut her sandwich in half. “No, give me the latest.”
“Eddie was here yesterday, right? So you already know about the-the temp paramedic they brought in…”
Hen chuckled, her mouth full of a bite of sandwich. “Uh huh. Sounds like a nightmare.”
“Yeah I dunno who’s gonna kill him first, Chim or Eddie.”
—
“She fell asleep,” Karen said as Buck set a container of blueberry muffins and a loaf of banana bread on the counter.
“That’s alright,” Buck said, then wrapped Karen up in a hug. She melted into it, needing comfort, so he held her close until she pulled away, wiping at her eyes.
“Sorry, I thought today was gonna be a good day.”
Buck put a hand on Karen’s shoulder. “What can I do for you?”
“Oh,” Karen fanned her face, trying to dry the tears. “I’m alright, Buck. That’s really nice of you to ask.”
“I’m sure there’s something,” he said. “Last time I was here the bathroom faucet was dripping. I can fix it.”
“Already fixed,” she said. “Can’t think of anything around here right now that needs fixing other than the people.” Karen laughed humorlessly and Buck sighed, his heart aching for their family.
“What else can I do?” he asked. “You wanna go out somewhere? I’ll stay here i-in case Hen needs anything.”
“Do you mind? I just have a few quick errands to run. I won’t be gone for more than an hour.”
“I’m happy to,” Buck said earnestly.
“Thank you so much,” Karen said, giving him another hug before she left.
—
“I can’t believe how much that elephant peed. It was like, gallons,” Denny said.
He and Mara both cracked up and Buck tried to be the mature adult, but could help chuckling too.
They were just coming back from spending a day at the zoo. Buck was doing his best to find fun things to take the kids to when he could - the planetarium, the aquarium, the pier, the zoo. Chris and Eddie joined them most of the time too.
“Whoa, look at the flowers,” Mara said as they started toward the house.
Lining both sides of the walkway up to the front steps were cheerful pink and yellow impatiens, freshly planted in rich, dark soil. Buck looked around and noticed all the flowerbeds looked freshly weeded, beauty bark spread over them. The grass was mowed and neatly edged. It also looked like someone had pressure washed the walkway too.
“It smells gross,” Denny declared as they marched up the steps.
“It’s the beauty bark,” Buck explained.
The three of them walked into the living room.
“Mama, guess what we saw at the zoo!” Mara called out excitedly.
Buck closed the door behind them, then stopped short. Sitting on the couch, eating a slice of the lemon loaf Buck had brought, was…
“Tommy?”
“Evan,” Tommy said, his mouth full of cake. He sort of froze in place like he’d been caught red-handed.
The stared at each other for a beat, then Tommy finished chewing and swallowing his bite of food. He licked his lips and swallowed again. “Hen said Mara and Denny were at the zoo, I didn’t realize you…”
“Took them…yeah…” Buck finished for him.
Hen and Karen look at each other conspiratorially.
“Kids, why don’t you come to the kitchen and tell us about the zoo,” Karen said, shooing Denny and Mara in that direction. Hen looked between Buck and Tommy, then winked at Buck and followed her family into the kitchen, using her wheelchair.
Buck stared at Tommy, feeling completely unprepared. Not that there was anything to prepare but just, would have been nice to let his brain ease into the idea of seeing him.
His heart raced in his chest, galloping away like a wild horse, hooves thundering in his ears.
There were times he thought he was over Tommy. Baking wasn’t a coping mechanism anymore, it had become a hobby he enjoyed. He’d gone on dates with other people and had a good time. But none of them made him feel the way Tommy had.
And for a while he’d convinced himself that it was just rose colored glasses. He’d try to gaslight himself into thinking it hadn’t been as incredible as he remembered.
But it had been.
And then he’d get pissed off because Tommy had ruined him for anyone else. No one could meet that standard. And it was just so…unfair.
There were so many things he wanted to say. Conversations he’d played out in the shower or when he was trying to fall asleep at night or when Eddie convinced him to watch a boring movie. Reunions that were passionate declarations of love. Reunions that were yelling at each other until they had it all out there. Reunions that were full of tears and apologies. So many scenarios and none of them were this.
“You want a slice of this lemon loaf? It’s really good,” Tommy said, reaching toward the plate it was on.
“I know it’s good. I…I made it,” Buck said with a nervous laugh.
“Really?” Tommy’s eyebrows rose. “I didn’t know you baked.”
“Yeah I started after we…broke up,” Buck said, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. “And we haven’t really talked much since then.”
“Ah,” Tommy said in understanding.
“So, what are you doing here?” Buck asked, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He thought he should probably sit, but he didn’t really know where. Too far was awkward. Too close was…too close.
“Howie told me when Hen got sick. I’ve been coming by every week or so to help out where I can, do stuff around the house.”
“Ah,” Buck nodded in understanding.
It was easy to forget Hen and Chim had known Tommy before. It was easy to think of Tommy as…his.
Buck paused. “What kind of stuff have you been doing around the house?”
Tommy shrugged, eyes drifting to the lemon loaf for a split second. That damn sweet tooth. “Whatever they need me to do. Did some gardening today, which my back is gonna be pissed off about in a few hours. I built that ramp out front. And just little stuff around the house, leaky faucets and drawers that stick.
“That’s been you?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah. Hen says it’s not doing favors, though, since she pays me in baked goods.”
Now it was Tommy’s turn to pause. “You made them, didn’t you.”
“Yeah I did.”
“You’re good,” Tommy said, sitting back, impressed. “I haven’t stopped thinking about those strawberry cupcakes from a few weeks ago.”
Buck couldn’t help his smile, his cheeks warming a bit. “Thanks. You uh…you did a great job on that ramp.”
“Got paid in sourdough for that one.”
Buck laughed. “This is unreal.”
“It really is.”
“I’m um, It’s good to see you, though. You look…good. Is everything good?” Buck stammered.
“Good,” Tommy said with a dry, teasing smile. “Yeah, I’m good. You good?”
Buck nodded.
Tommy pushed himself up off the couch with a groan and a few popping joints. He stretched his back and Buck pointedly did not look at the strip of bare skin across his stomach when his shirt rode up.
“We should catch up some time,” Tommy said, slipping his hands casually into the pockets of his jeans. “I’d suggest dinner tonight but if I don’t get home and take something—”
“Yeah, your back,” Buck said in understanding. “You should use that heated wrap I got you before it seizes up. I-if you still have it.”
“I have it,” Tommy said with a soft smile. He took a few steps toward Buck, then clasped his hand around the side of Buck’s shoulder. HIs hand was warm, his touch achingly familiar. Buck wanted to lean into it, but he held himself still.
“I’ll text you, okay? We’ll get together. I really do want to talk,” Tommy said earnestly, his eyes searching Buck’s. “I’ve missed you.
“Yeah, I’ve missed you too,” Buck said.
It sounded like an understatement on both ends.
Longing tugged at Buck’s chest, Tommy’s touch on his shoulder like a hit from a drug. He wanted more. And if this was his last chance, well…
Buck stepped forward and Tommy’s arms opened to him. They embraced, Buck’s arms around Tommy’s ribcage, Tommy’s around Buck’s shoulders. Buck breathed in Tommy’s scent mixed with dried sweat, beauty bark, and dirt. He didn’t hold back from pressing his cheek against Tommy’s, the scratch of his stubble was like no one else’s. He’d recognize it in the dark, he was sure of it.
“God I’ve missed you,” Buck whispered.
“Me too,” Tommy whispered back.
When they pulled apart, eyes were shining, cheeks were pink.
“Why don’t you go home, take something for your back, shower, get that heated wrap going, and I’ll come over, make dinner and we can talk,” Buck said.
“And we’ll actually talk, right? Because I know us and…” Tommy chuckled.
“We will talk,” Buck promised. “What happens after that, well, I dunno, your back—”
“Will be fine,” Tommy said quickly, then laughed.
After Tommy was gone, Buck wandered into the kitchen. Hen and Karen were sitting at the table, each cradling a mug of tea.
“So…?” Hen asked.
Buck rolled his eyes and blushed, unable to stop his smile. “I’m going over there tonight and I’m gonna make him dinner.”
Karen clapped “I knew it!”
Hen beamed at him. “I’m happy for you, Buck. I really am.”
“We were trying to think how we’d repay you for everything you’ve done,” Karen said, then smiled over at Hen.
Buck laughed, then gave them each a hug. “Thank you both. I’ve gotta go, I’ve gotta figure out what I’m gonna make, go to the grocery store—”
“Go, have fun,” Hen said, waving him off.
Buck walked down Hen’s front stairs, looking at the ramp with a new fondness, smiling at the fresh flowers and tidy flower beds. Things seemed a little brighter this evening.