Chapter Text
"Fuck off, Fear."
Keith's quiet hiss is unheard by any of his fellow Paladins in the room, but the Emotion he was addressing clearly heard him. Fear smiles innocently at him and Keith has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Or punching him.
Fear has no place being here. It's their first day off in forever, and all they want to do is relax. Keith himself would really prefer to be training, but he knows he'd only overwork himself if he went to the training room.
His point is, there's no reason anyone here should be scared. Fear's just there to be his normal shitty self.
"Dude, what are you glaring at?" Lance's question makes Keith jump. He flushes red when he sees that the other Paladins are staring at him in confusion. When he glances back quickly to where Fear had just been, he's gone.
Asshole.
"Nothing. I just want to be training."
"Relaxation never hurt anyone," Shiro says, with his normal fatherly concern. Keith huffs and looks away. He distantly wonders if he could stab Fear with his bayard.
Later, Keith sees Sadness following Lance around. It's not like he hasn't seen it before, but Keith's noticed that Sadness has shown up more and more lately. Especially around Lance. When Keith feels the touch of another emotion on his own shoulder, he looks, and sees Worry.
"I'm ignoring you," he says to Worry. Denial shows up and touches his neck, then disappears without a word.
He almost wants to go and check on Lance, but Denial's influence stops him. With a a soft sigh, he decides to turn and head to the training room.
Keith always knew he was different. He knows no other humans - Paladin or otherwise - can see the Emotions like he does. He can't really recall when he first knew that he was different. It's almost like he's always known. Like it's a fact known on a subconscious level, the same way he instinctively knows the names of every Emotion when he first meets them.
He's never told anyone about this little 'talent', not even Shiro. He's not sure how he'd even be able to explain it without sounding like he's just hallucinating.
The only thing that could count as 'evidence' he has are the drawings he keeps. Simple sketches of all the Emotions, so he doesn't forget them. He's sure that's impossible for him, but he figures it's better safe than sorry.
Keith always has kept the sketchbook on him - It's small enough to fit in his jacket pocket. Now, he keeps it on the desk in his room. Every time he sees it, he considers taking it and showing it to everyone. But then he stops himself and he decides against it. He's thought on it so much that Apprehension has stopped coming when he does. Her influence is ingrained on him now, so chances are he'll never tell anyone.
Just because he'll never go and actually plan to tell them, apparently doesn't mean someone won't find out.
Lance doesn't make an effort to bond with him that much. And if he does, he claims not to remember afterwards. So he's sure that when Lance knocks on his door on another free day, it's from Shiro's orders.
"Um. Want to hang out?"
Keith catches a sight of another Emotion behind Lance, but it's gone so quickly that he can't really be sure which one it was. "Sure?" It comes out more like a question. He steps aside to let Lance in. Lance comes in and looks around the room. There's not much to see, it's pretty similar to Lance's, so Keith's not sure why he bothers looking.
Lance sits down in the chair in front of Keith's desk and spins it around to face Keith, who's sat himself down on his bed. They stare silently at each other for a minute, then look away.
Keith doesn't really notice until it's too late, Lance's gaze has gone straight to his sketchbook.
"'Emotions'? What's this?"
Keith looks up and sees that Lance has picked it up. "It's personal," he says. He feels his face heating up, and his heart is pounding. He glances to the side - Of fucking course. "Go away, Fear," he whispers. Lance doesn't seem to have heard him, but Keith bites his lip anyway.
"Aww, but this is fun!" Fear is the most chatty Emotion Keith has ever met. And he's goddamned asshole. "I wanna see what happens!"
Fear leans back on his hands, having sat right next to Keith on the bed. Keith huffs and turns his gaze back to Lance. Who, he has just now noticed, was flipping through the drawings in his book.
Fuck.
"Did you like, design these yourself?" Lance asks. He looks up at Keith, and Keith sees Amazement appear behind Lance. A quick touch to Lance's cheek, a wave to Keith, and then they're gone. "They're really good," Lance says. Keith blushes and looks down.
"I mean, I didn't really 'design' them, but those are my drawings."
Lance tilts his head, then comes to sit next to Keith. "What's that even mean, huh?" His tone is lighthearted, joking. "Don't tell me you see these all over," he says, waving the sketchbook around.
Fear snickers behind him, and Keith turns to glare at him. Fear holds up his hands in surrender, then disappears. Keith sighs, and turns back to Lance, who now has shock on his face. Also, Shock behind him. "This seems to be going well," Shock says jokingly. Then she's gone, and Keith crosses his arms and turns away, not willing to meet Lance's gaze.
"I know it sounds crazy, but yeah. I see them, but they're like... Spirits, or something." Keith shrugs, and the oh-so familiar feeling of apprehension crawls up his spine. "I'm not crazy, I know they're there. They just exist on some other plane and no one else can-" He cuts himself off with a sigh. "I sound crazy, right?"
When he peeks back at Lance, he sees his fellow Paladin flipping through the sketchbook again. "I mean, considering everything we've been through," Lance says, "this is really no shock at all."
He means them being Paladins, fighting with giant robot cats up in space. Keith smirks. "Yeah, that's fair."
"So, do you see them all the time?" Lance asks, closing the sketchbook. He hands it back to Keith. "I mean, people feel things a lot, so there must be a lot of those... Spirit guys around, right?"
"You'd think so, but no." Keith smiles and leans against the wall. "They only show up in certain situations. Most of the time people are capable of creating their own emotions. But when they do it on their own, they're just sort of there. You can notice it but it's nothing to really care much about." He closes his eyes, and thinks back to when Happiness and Excitement both showed up at his side, as he looked up at the stars and decided he wanted to go see them up close. "But when there are emotions that could shape your entire future, that's when they show up, to make those feelings stronger. Or when something's just such a big part of who you are, and you miss it so much, Sadness or Anger, or Loss or Longing or any combination of them will show up and make you miss it a lot."
He pauses, and opens his eyes halfway. "And Fear... Half the time he is doing his actual job. Most of the time he's just an ass though."
Lance snorts and laughs into his hand, as if trying to hide his amusement at what Keith just said. Not like he can do that, really. Mirth shows up just as he starts laughing and touches Lance's shoulder, and stays until Lance stops laughing. "Well, okay. How can you tell if he's doing his job and if he's being ass though?" Lance seems like he just wants to see what Keith says, and wants to see if he says something so out of character again.
"Have you ever been totally horrified by something that's totally mundane?" Keith asks. "Like, you see a giant knife in your friend's house, and suddenly you think that they could kill you with it? That's Fear being an ass. Things like not wanting to get on an airplane because you're scared of heights - Well, I haven't really figured out if that's him being an ass or not, honestly." He pauses to think about that, then shrugs. "Anyway, stuff like thinking you'll die in the middle of a giant war like we're in now, that's definitely him doing his job."
"I'm always doing my job, Keith."
Keith sees Fear sitting on his desk, and glares at him. "Fuck off, Fear. I'm having an actual conversation here."
Lance starts laughing again, and Mirth shows up once more. Fear does as Keith has asked him, for once, and leaves. Then there's another Emotion at Lance's side. Keith flushes when he recognizes them as Affection. They wink at him as they place their hand on Lance's back.
"Shit, Lance." The words leave his mouth before he can stop them, and Lance just grins blindingly at him, unaware of the Emotions at his side.
"I wasn't even scared that time," Lance says.
"Emotions have to be touching you, or they have to be around you for a long period of time," Keith says, not meeting Lance's eyes. "Otherwise you won't be affected by them."
Lance clicks his tongue. "You know that this is like, really cool, right?"
"I sound crazy," Keith says.
"I don't think so."
Mirth has left Lance's side, but Affection stays. Keith looks away, but he starts feeling their influence anyway. It's not as strong as Lance is no doubt feeling, since he's the one they originally came for, but it's definitely there.
"A-anyway," he stutters, "if you experience an event enough times, and you feel the same emotion over and over, that effect will become ingrained into your psyche. Then, if that event, or something similar enough to it, happens again, you'll feel that same emotion at a strong enough level on your own and they won't even show up."
He starts telling Lance more and more of what he knows about Emotions. But he doesn't mention that he sees Sadness so often beside Lance. It doesn't seem like something he should bring up, now that they're just getting along.
"Does anyone else know?"
Lance's question, even though it was expected, is sudden. Keith shrugs, and he's thankful that Lance can't see Embarrassment materializing next to him. "You're the first to know."
"Not even Shiro?" Lance looks really shocked, but Keith sees Affection tighten their grip on Lance's arm, and Hope appears to grab hold of his other arm.
"Shiro, while he is the closest thing to a brother I have, doesn't know." Keith shrugs. "I might've told him if he'd asked, but he never even asked about the drawings. Guess he thought they were some sort of coping method."
Hope disappears just as fast as he'd come. "So, you wouldn't have ever said anything to anyone if I hadn't looked at your drawings?" Disappointment takes Hope's place. Keith glares at her but quickly looks back to Lance.
"I am glad you were the first one I could tell, though." Disappointment leaves, and Lance grins, looking away in an attempt to hide his blush.
Keith doesn't tell anyone else, and Lance doesn't try to make him. It's a sort of secret, one that's brought them even closer than they were before.
"Hey, Keith?"
Keith looks at Lance, having just finished a round of training. He wipes sweat from his forehead and speaks, "What's up?"
"You know I never hated you."
It's not a question. "Yeah, I know."
Lance is blushing. Apprehension is behind him, touching his neck. "You know, that most of that whole 'rivalry' thing," Lance says, "it was just me wanting you to notice me."
Keith smirks, even though he can feel his face heating up. Affection stands in the room, not touching either of them, but Keith knows they'll be affecting both of them soon enough. "Yeah, I guess I knew that. Most of the time you looked at me I'd see Envy or Admiration."
Lance huffs and looks away, but he doesn't reply.
"Is that all you wanted?" Keith asks when Lance doesn't speak for a bit.
Lance hesitates. "You know that I, well..." Lance doesn't finish his sentence. Keith raises an eyebrow. He looks over at Affection, then back to Lance.
"Yeah, I can take a guess." There's a small smile on his face. "I feel the same, you know."
Lance's blush intensifies. Even if Keith couldn't see Joy materializing next to Lance, the giant grin on his face would've been clue enough.