Chapter Text
“Mal… do you think it’s like, sad? How hard Robert is trying so hard to get us all to like him? Do you think it’s a respect thing or like, he didn’t have friends growing up?” Sonar mused, swaying gently as he hung upside-down from the jungle gym.
“I don’t think it’s any sadder than us spending lunch break at a kiddy playground, babes. What’s got you so introspective? Blood rushing to your head, or are you finally remembering the empathy training? Or are you getting sentimental since one of us might get canned?” Malevola grinned, teasing, as she rocked back and forth from the nearest swing-set.
“Oh fuck no, I was high off my ass during that. Learned all the empathy I needed at Harvard. Better quality teaching than any of the hippie-dippy let’s-hold-hands-and-talk-about-our-feelings tree hugging junk they’d offer at SDN’s corporate training.”
Sonar’s knuckles dragged softly against the pebbles littering the ground. He began sifting through them, tilting his head up so he could watch as beetles and rolly-pollies scattered for cover. He absentmindedly plucked one off the earth and popped it in his mouth.
“I just think he's got this crazy ‘I was homeschooled and have stunted social skills’ vibe. It’s sad. I know not everyone can go to Harvard to learn how to interact with people and party away the college years, obviously, but sheesh. Like, learn to live a little.”
A voice crackled to life from Sonar and Malevola’s earpieces.
“Pretty rude to gossip about your boss. I went to public school, asshole. I got plenty of socialization.” Robert’s voice was lined with a light teasing tone. Suck up.
The hold Sonar had with his knees hooked over the jungle gym bars slipped, and he landed on his head. Malevola nearly fell off her swing from laughing.
“Ow, fuck, pretty rude to evesdrop on a guy’s private conversation Bobert.”
“Pretty stupid not to turn your comms off on break.” Robert retorted.
“Nothing about me is stupid, dear Bobby boy, let me know when you want to compare educational prowess. I’ll blow you out of the water. Not the fun kind of blow either, absolute, total, complete humiliation. I’ll destroy you. Crying baby versus atomic bomb type shit. I’ll scrape you off the floor when I’m done, don’t worry. We need your eagle eyes behind that desk. Bar’s suuuuper low but you’re managing to win at the dispatcher baby bitch competition, even on day 5.”
“Poor sad Robert, who went to public school but still has bad social skills and has to ask ex-cons to be friends with him. Woe is me. Get your asses back to SDN. I already told you about the meeting. We’re waiting on you two.” A slight electronic crackle signalled Robert’s departure from the team comms.
“Bustedddd.” Malevola sighed.
— — —
One portal later, the two joined the rest of the team in the conference room, just in time to watch Robert swing a chair into Golem.
Malevola leaned across the table to Sonar, hand cupped at her mouth so Robert couldn’t see what she was mouthing
“I think you ruffled some feathers with the homeschooled stunted people skills thing.”
Sonar flicked his ear, sighing as he leaned back in the chair.
“That’s what happens when you can’t afford the big leagues, you just stay on a lower level than someone like me. It’s just pitiful, really.” He didn’t even try to hide what he was saying
Robert slammed his hands on the table. Blazer and Chase exchanged a glance as they entered the room. “As you guys have heard, admin wants one of you off the team by the end of the day.”
Chaos immediately began, interrupting Robert.
“BUT.” Robert raised his voice. “Listen, you assholes. But, I’m working on a solution. And if you all would quit fucking each other over, I would be able to make it work.”
“He’s been trying to stand up for you assholes, and here you fuckers are making his fuckin’ job harder. If I were in charge, all you pieces of shit would be gone by now.” Chase interjected.
“Nobody fuckin’ asked you, old man.” Invisigal chimed in, finally making an appearance.
More chaos, this time worse. Prism held one of Coupe’s knives to Punch Up’s throat, then the two women began their own tiff.
“How kind of you to join us, Invisigal.” Robert managed through gritted teeth.
“I’ve been here the whole time! I turn invisible, asshole.” Invisigal spat, taking a seat.
Chase rolled his eyes. Blazer looked uncomfortable. Robert seemed to be re-centering himself.
He took a deep breath.
“What matters, is, I want to work with you guys. I want to be a team. You guys know what that is? Teamwork? The Phoenix Program symbolizes redemption. Giving you guys a second chance. The myth of the phoenix goes that the bird was so tired of its immortality that it tricked the Sun God into setting it ablaze. Burning it to shit. Instead of dying, the phoenix was reborn.”
“I can work with burnt to shit. Hope you can too, Robert” Flambae muttered the threat. Robert still shot him a glare.
“All of you are in the phoenix program because you are getting your chance to be reborn.” Robert continued. “I’m here to lead that operation, to help you. And I don’t think now is the time to rob one of you of that chance.” Robert glanced to Blazer, who nodded encouragingly.
“I’m working with Blazer to give you guys the shot to keep the team together. If you get your shit together, we can make sure nobody gets booted. That means no more sabotages. No more handcuffing your coworkers in the gym-” Robert set his gaze to Sonar and Coupe. Sonar rubbed at his wrist absentmindedly, his ears sheepishly pinned back. “-and no more running off and setting fires to boost your score.” Robert’s glare shifted to Flambae. “You’re heroes now. Fucking act like it. Have a better second shift.” Robert left the room, Chase and Blazer following.
The room erupted immediately.
“Fucking kidding me? They don’t have proof I’m setting those fires, absolute fucking bullshit.” Flambae stood up from his seat, leaving scorched handprints on the table.
“Way to talk about bullshit, lad. You keep up the hotheadedness, you’ll have to learn what it is I’m punchin’ up at.” Punch Up declared, shoulder, or really, knee-checking Flambae as he stormed out of the room.
“This is what trying to see boobs gets a guy. One slip up and you’re singled out in a meeting. Classy.” Sonar shot a glare at Coupe, flashing his fangs more than necessary as he spoke.
“The classiest. You should learn not to fall for obvious traps.” Coupe retorted, the hint of a smile at her lips. She was proud of the stunt, clearly.
Prism shot a beam of light, narrowly missing Sonar’s head. “Way to complain about sabotage. Great fucking going, Batboner, flash mobs of my fans are really helping everyone get missions done. You wish you were as famous as me.”
“Suck a fat one and choke on it, Sparkles.” Sonar scoffed, shoving his way out of the conference room. Malevola followed, but not before flipping off Invisigal.
The pair walked, making it all the way to the break room before the silence was finally interrupted.
“Do you think it’s really going to work?” Sonar asked.
“Guy seems determined. Hope so.” Malevola sighed. “It’d suck for all this work to go to shit. The team pisses me off, sure, but I’d like to see everyone actually work together, y’know?”
“Yeah. Fuck, dude, I need this job.”
“What, ‘cause no other office will let you do coke in the bathrooms?” Malevola’s tone was teasing, but there was an edge to it that told Sonar there was a right answer for his response.
“No, dick. I’m overqualified for all those pencil-pushing corporate office jobs, hell, you have to put cocaine addiction on your resume to get hired. Shit’s too boring for someone like me to waste my life on.” Sonar wrinkled up his snout. “SDN requires me to get better about that anyways. I think it’s good. Don’t think I’d be able to quit if there weren’t someone breathing down my neck making me be better. Need outside motivation, or whatever.” Sonar turned and stared down the woman, eyes wide. “Never repeat that Malevola. I’m so fucking serious. Nobody can ever know I work well with actual incentive. They’ll know I can be bought.”
“Is that not what the paycheck is?” Malevola snorted. “Secret’s safe with me, babes.”
“Shit. You’re right.” Sonar sighed, rooting through the fridge. He tossed Malevola a tupperware container, and shoved his own in the microwave. Three minutes, one minute for each side of the frozen rat. Only took one if he remembered to pull them out of the freezer, but who has time for that? Once his ritual was up, he sat down at the table to let his unconventional lunch cool down. Three minutes meant the outside was scorching, but if he only put it in for two, it’d still be cold in the center. Not ideal. Ah, the nuances of rat microwaving.
— — —
Sonar passed Robert’s cubicle on his way out. He heard her voice before he saw her. Invisigal.
Fuck, she was going to ruin this for everyone. She’d been clogging up the comms for days with innuendos and backtalk. Everyone was lucky that, if someone did get kicked, it was her on the bottom of the leaderboard.
Shit. The leaderboard.
Sonar left one ear turned back towards his coworkers’ conversation, listening in as he made his way to the bullpen. He’d show Robert real eavesdropping.
“You really care about keeping this team in one piece, huh?” Invisigal mused.
“Only a few days in. It’d be a shame to lose someone.” Robert replied. He tapped away at his keyboard. Fast. Sonar could hear him pause every few seconds, though, backspace. Typing. Backspace. Typing. Backspace. That wasn’t typical, at least not from what he’d overheard the past days. Robert was nervous. And hesitation breeds moments of weakness.
“Yeah, man? You starting to like our little rag-tag team of let-downs, or are you just a bleeding heart like that, getting your dick hard for charity work?” Sonar could make out the shuffling of fabric. She was leaning over the cubicle now.
The leaderboard confirmed that Visi was on the bottom. But nearly by a far enough margin. Sonar cringed as he noticed his name just above hers. Shit.
“No, I don’t get off on being a good person. Good to know you think that’s the kind of motivation it takes. If I give you Viagra for before every shift, will it make you do your job better? Would that have made the situation at Granny’s go better?” Robert’s tone took on a more lighthearted sound.
“There’s the thinking that big head got hired for. I assume so at least. I could show you the head I got hired for.” Sonar could make out her grinning, proud of that statement, as he walked over.
“Excuse me, beautiful, is this guy bothering you?” Sonar announced as he drew closer.
“Definitely, I was about to call HR-” Visi started.
“Sorry Visi, I was talking to our darling boss.” Sonar interrupted.
“Yeah,” Robert’s typing became a bit more consistent. “I’m very bothered. I think I know what would make me feel better though.” I’m fine, but thanks, he mouthed.
“Anything at all, Boberto.” Sonar said, taking a joking salute.
“Anything?” Visi interjected, an eyebrow raised, something suggestive clearly on her mind.
“Absolutely anything for our kind, kind, undereducated boss with a heart of gold who wants the best for us.” Sonar confirmed.
“What would really make my day is if you put effort into your dispatches.” Robert mused.
“Was hoping to hear more about that head, but I did say anything.” Sonar sighed dramatically, shooting a joking wink at Robert as he left the building. If anyone was getting fired, it sure wouldn’t be him.
— — —
The second shift went better, much to Robert’s relief. The sabotaging had ended, and Sonar seemed to have kept his word. Less backtalk, less failures, more willingness to ask advice. Invisigal, however…Well, she was making it easy to bet on who was getting cut.
“So. You’re off route.” He patched through, fumbling for the one-on-one comms.
“You’re observant.”
“What are you doing out there?”
“Making it easy for you, Robert. World isn’t fair. Why try when I know I’m just going to get let down when your next inspiring speech doesn’t work on the higher-ups?”
Robert managed to get into the cameras near her location. An elementary school playground, the same one Malevola and Sonar had been at earlier.
“You think they’re not going to listen to my hippy-dippy let’s-all-hold-hands speech? Sounds like you don’t believe in me.” Robert said.
“I don’t believe in myself, Rob. Look at me, I’ve got fuckin’ villian powers. It’s my fate, that no amount of trying will save me.” Robert watched Visi take a drag of her cigarette. He watched the smoke drift in the wind in the camera.
“You believe in fate?” he asked.
“I guess. Hard not to when it feels like the world’s steering you towards the same path, no matter what you do.”
“And you’re going to let that stop you? You’re going to give up? By all accounts, I should be at a pencil-pushing desk job, but I was a superhero. A damn successful one. With no powers. Are you seriously going to give up just because your abilities are ‘villianous’? It takes more work, sure, but it’s always possible to break past what fate has set for you. You’re really going to let some assholes who didn’t have to figure out how to make their powers be heroic cut you before you can even try to be good?”
Visi didn’t respond.
An alert popped onto Robert’s screen. “Oh! Shit! You wanna talk about fate? That Lightningstruck guy is robbing a jewelry store just a couple blocks from you.”
“I told you, Robbie, I’m out.” Visi sounded like she was trying to convince herself of that.
“You’re really going to let this guy slip past you a third time? Over the chance that if higher ups choose to let someone go, it’ll be you? Put your faith in my skills to keep this team together, Visi.”
Visi sighed. “You’re one hell of a bargainer, Rob.” He watched her icon move towards the scene of the crime.
And she had been right to put her faith in breaking out of fate’s patterns.
“That was.. One of the most successful shifts the Z-Team has ever had.” Blazer told Robert. “The first half of the day was… bad. But I talked with admin, and they’re willing to give it a shot. You convinced me, I did my best to convince them. Looks like numbers moving up was the winning factor. And.. uh, by the way, I heard your whole spiel with her. Did you mean that?”
“You.. heard it?” Robert looked apprehensive.
“This…” Blazer pointed at a button on his headset, “is your one-on-one comm.” She shifted her hand to point to another button. The one he had hit while trying to get to Visi’s one-on-one.
“And this one, well.. This one goes out to the whole branch.”
“Shit.” Robert exhaled.
“Not the worst thing someone’s broadcasted. Looks like it gave the whole team hope. You wanna deliver the news?” Blazer patted Robert on the back, and his gaze turned to the Z-Team, all celebrating Visi’s success, lifting her up and chanting, as she returned to headquarters. Most of it was senseless noise, but he could make out Sonar saying “I believed in you the whole time!”.
“Yeah. Yeah, I really do want to tell them.”
Robert made his way over to the group.
“How’d I do, Lieutenant Dan?” Visi’s tone was joking and aloof, but her face had lines of concern sewn through it.
“I can’t even begin to tell you all how proud I am of you.” Robert began
The team erupted into worried shouting.
“Come on Robbie, just tell us”, “You’re scaring us, lad”, “Yes or no question, Bobert” all overlaying as the group begged for a straight answer.
“Jesus! Nobody is getting cut! You guys did it! Calm down!” Robert managed, and he was very quickly swept into a similar position Visi had just been in, the center of a rowdy celebration.
“Maybe this narc is alright!” Prism shot an array of light into the air, which fell like shimmering glitter, covering the group before slowly disappearing. “Lets get out of here and party or some shit!”
“Bar hopping?” Punch Up proposed.
“No better celebration than to get blackout drunk on a weekday.” Robert grunted, as Golem set him back on the ground.
“Too true, Bobby my boy. How about we save this guy’s celebration for the weekend, so he can rest his poor frail bones.” Sonar patted Robert on the shoulders. “I’ve got dinner reservations anyways. Important business stuff, you know.” He brushed some imaginary dust off of his suit jacket.
“Waiting one more day does mean we can go real buckwild..” Malevola said.
“Look at you all, already turning your lives around.” Robert grinned.
“Yeah yeah, real hero behavior to wait for the weekend to party hard. Fucking whatever, bar is low. I just need more preparation if I’m going to spend my free time with you freaks.” Flambae muttered.
“It’s okay to say you like us, man.” Golem rumbled.
“I’ll see you all tomorrow. Again, I’m proud of you all. Good work today.” Robert turned to pick up Beef.
“Fucking whatever man, put your fatass dog on a diet.” Flambae barged out of the doors.
All things considered, a successful night. Robert smiled as he began his walk home. Things were looking up.
— — —
“Need a lift?” Sonar’s voice cut through the night, crisp against the quiet.
“Ah, I got it. I’m… not too far.” Robert shrugged.
“How far is that?”
“Thirty minute walk? Ish?”
“Jeez, Rob, at this time of night? Let me fly you home. Least I can do for you stepping up for the Z-Team, and… I’ve got some time to kill before my NA meeting.”
“Really, Sonar, it’s fine.” Robert tried to goad Beef into continuing walking, but the dog plopped down onto the sidewalk.
“Robbo, I’ve been trying to press down the Megabat for about 5 minutes. If I don’t do some extra flying, I’m going to pull up to my meeting all bat, all freak. Let me fly your normie ass home. Give me all the Vanderstenk calls as payback, if you’re going to get weird about it.” Sonar didn’t even wait until Robert nodded, he knew he’d give in. He could see it all over him, the exhaustion. He released the hold he had, and almost instantaneously, his bones crackled and shifted, extending and thickening, joints dislocating and popping back into place. He grumbled, now deep and resonant in his animal throat.
“You know, a lot of people would pay good money for a ride on the Sonar express. Hop on, boss man.” His voice seemed to echo inside his body more as he spoke.
Robert suppressed the surprise, he had seen photos of the megabat before, sure, but he was huge. Sonar’s eyes had taken on a red hue, harshly different from the usual stark white. His arms had contorted into wings, a vast expanse of leathery skin connecting the thin bones between. He certainly looked like he could handle a passenger.
“A ride in what context?” Robert’s tone was disapproving, but he chuckled, and hoisted Beef up with him.
“I’ll let you guess.” Sonar laughed, as Robert cautiously clambered onto Sonar’s back.
“Hold on, princess. All passengers, prepare for takeoff, remember to keep all limbs inside the ride at all times, aaand don’t forget to have fun.” The vibrations from Sonar’s speaking sent a shiver through Robert’s entire body.
As the three took off, Robert gave landmark directions to his apartment building. His voice was quiet and low in Sonar’s large ear, one arm wrapped around his neck and the other clutching the dog.
Shit. Sonar wondered if he had been too pushy, if he had revealed his hand too soon. The truth was, he was curious. Overhearing Robert shout at Visi, ‘You wouldn’t last a fucking day as Mecha Man’, seemingly so sure Sonar couldn’t hear him. Sonar had grown up a fan of the Mecha Man legacy, who wasn’t? A normie family, passing down a lineage of superhero work. It made all the scarring make sense. The lack of powers, the scrawniness. Mecha Man Blue had been in a coma for months, and the suit was destroyed. SDN would be almost natural, another chance at piloting something bigger than himself, but instead of a suit, he was in the ears of heroes much shittier than himself. Sonar had to know more.
“Our next stop, right up here, is dear ol’ Rob’s apartment.” Sonar rumbled, landing as gently as he could. It still jostled Robert a bit, but he dismounted elegantly enough, as much as one can with a ten-pound chihuahua under one arm.
“Thank you, Sonar. Seriously. It wasn’t necessary but -”
When Robert turned around, Sonar was gone. Silent as ever.
— — —