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Over the past two years, the so-called “Hat Guy” of Vahumana has made a name for himself, if only for being an antisocial, rude young man with a tongue sharper than most blades. People have learned to leave him alone, and Hat Guy seems to prefer it that way. That, if nothing else, Alhaitham can relate to.
People are predictable. Perhaps not to the extent that Siraj once believed, but once you pinpoint habits and personalities, it’s only a matter of reading their faces. Alhaitham can’t say he knows Hat Guy that well — or at all, really — but out of everyone in the Akademiya, he is the most interesting. He showed up one day out of nowhere, with little more than what is obviously an alias, and has been spotted around Lesser Lord Kusanali too many times for it to be a coincidence.
So it’s only natural that Alhaitham would observe him for a while, if only to see what he does. Beyond writing a thesis, that is.
If Hat Guy notices, he doesn’t say anything. Sitting in a corner of the House of Daena, the table around him empty and silent save for the sound of a scratching quill, he looks like the very picture of what Alhaitham imagines him to be.
Boring.
Just as Alhaitham fished out his book, the doors of the House of Daena crack open. Sunlight spills through it directly onto Hat Guy’s face, and he finally looks up at the person who just entered.
“Hat Guy! There you are!”
Alhaitham tears his eyes away from Hat Guy’s frosty glare to Nilou. He’s not the only one either. Students all around have turned to stare and whisper amongst themselves. It’s not surprising — the star of the Zubayr Theater is not normally spotted in the Akademiya, for all that it has been opened to the general public since LesserLord Kusanali started ruling Sumeru directly.
Nilou ignores the whispers and the impressive glare Hat Guy levels at her as she takes a seat beside him.
“What is it?” Hat Guy says. “I’m busy.”
“Sorry, sorry,” Nilou says with a laugh. “I was just thinking about those records you showed me about the Goddess of Flowers, and I thought I could maybe incorporate some of that into my performances. I was thinking of all sorts of things, and I barely slept last night, and—”
“Fascinating,” Hat Guy says, going back to whatever he’s been writing.
Undeterred, Nilou continues, “Sorry, I was rambling there, wasn’t I? Anyway, my point is that I’m going to need your help for that.”
Hat Guy’s quill pauses again, and he turns to her almost quizzically. “And what makes you think I would help?”
Despite his words, that’s the nicest voice Alhaitham has ever heard from Hat Guy.
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it. It’s not too difficult.”
“That’s not what I— Oh, forget it.”
The scratching sounds from the quill somehow seem louder, but that could be just as much the silence in the House of Daena as it could be Hat Guy taking out his frustration on the essay.
Nilou beams as she stands up with all the grace of a dancer. “Great! Thanks! See you this evening.”
All she gets in response is an eyeroll, and Nilou beams like it’s the pinnacle of enthusiasm.
It’s only when the door closes behind Nilou that Alhaitham realizes he was staring through the whole interaction.
Scholars are not as immune to gossip as they like to pretend, so it’s only natural that the news spreads that there is someone in this world whom Hat Guy at least vaguely tolerates. It’s been weeks since then, and there has been no new behavior from Hat Guy, so Alhaitham has already written it off as one of those strange friendships that make no logical sense and scraps the interaction out of his mind entirely. It makes no real difference to Alhaitham.
The next time he even thinks about it is during one of their get togethers at Lambad’s Tavern. Amongst their group of four, it is of course Kaveh who brings up the subject.
“So,” he says, setting down his wine glass on the table, “I heard Hat Guy has a friend? What’s been going on while I was in Port Ormos?”
“He’s been visiting Zubayr Theater a lot recently,” Cyno says as he flips through his TCG cards. “Apparently, he and Nilou get along quite well.”
“How do you know that?” Tighnari asks.
“Dehya told me. She wanted to know who Hat Guy was.”
“Wait, wait, hold up,” Kaveh says. He leans forward over the table with wide eyes. “Hat Guy is friends with Nilou? How did that even happen?”
“It is strange,” Cyno says. “They’re nothing alike. And Hat Guy still won’t accept my TCG challenge.”
“Alhaitham, you were at the Akademiya that day, weren’t you?” Tighnari says suddenly.
From the top of his book, Alhaitham gives Tighnari the driest look he can muster. From the way Kaveh is bristling at the sight, it’s working. “I work in the Akademiya. I go there everyday.”
Kaveh scoffs. “Do you always have to be so difficult? You know what he meant.”
“Well—”
Before he can argue back, Tighnari says, “Really? I would never have known.”
“Did you notice anything unusual?” Cyno asks.
“Beyond Hat Guy having friends?”
Alhaitham ignores Kaveh and says, “Nilou mentioned them talking before, so it’s probably not a new thing.”
“But since when?”
“You know,” Tighnari says, “we can just ask Nilou the next time we see her.”
The other three turn to him at the sudden bout of common sense. Kaveh runs a hand over his face theatrically and Cyno sighs to himself, and Alhaitham goes back to reading.
The next time Cyno sees Nilou is when she is dragging him by the arm to the Akademiya. Hat Guy rolls his eyes and huffs, but makes no move to free himself from her grasp — and after fighting him in the Interdarshan Championship, Cyno can confidently say that he could if he wanted to.
“It’s not a big deal,” Hat Guy says.
Nilou whirls around with an uncharacteristic glare. “No, it’s not! Those Treasure Hoarders—”
“Were weak and pathetic and got exactly what they deserve,” Hat Guy says.
Cyno summons his spear. Treasure Hoarders may not be the biggest threat in the world, but it is his job to ensure the safety of the people in Sumeru. It would explain why they are walking — or letting themselves be dragged, in Hat Guy’s case — to the Akademiya.
Nilou throws her arms up in the air. “That’s not the point! Sure, you beat them up but they could easily attack someone else. We have to report it.”
“Then do that in your own time. I don’t see why I have to be there.”
“I’m sure Cyno would like to talk to everyone involved.”
“The General Mahamatra has more important things to deal with than a bunch of degenerate losers like them.”
Well, the sooner he deals with this, the better. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?” Cyno says as he walks over.
Nilou jumps in surprise, but Hat Guy only turns to him with an unimpressed look.
“Cyno!”
Cyno nods to Nilou in response to her greeting and says, “What is this about Treasure Hoarders?”
“Nothing.”
“We encountered a bunch of them in the forest nearby.”
Hat Guy turns to shoot her an annoyed glance, but that’s pretty much his default expression so of course Nilou remains unphased.
“It’s been dealt with,” Hat Guy says through gritted teeth.
“I was out practicing for one of my performances, and they jumped me,” Nilou continues without pause.
Hat Guy sighs to himself irritably.
“Hat Guy fought them off, but I still thought you should know.”
Cyno nods. “Good thinking.” He turns to Hat Guy. “Are you injured?”
Hat Guy glares at him with so much vitriol that one would think that Cyno murdered his entire family and danced on their graves. “No,” he practically spits out.
“I see. Well, thanks for letting me know. I’ll take care of it.”
Hat Guy rolls his eyes. “Great. Can we go now?”
Nilou smiles at him. “Sure. Thanks, Cyno.”
Cyno blinks after the two as they walk away. Since when does Hat Guy ask for permission?
Tighnari can’t quite say he’s friends with Nilou. They don’t get to see each other much, and they mostly know each other through mutual acquaintances. And, of course, Nilou’s complete inability to differentiate between poisonous and edible mushrooms.
Sitting in the beds of one of the houses of Avidya Forest yet again, Nilou gives him a sheepish look. “Sorry for bothering you with this. Again.”
Tighnari rubs a finger against his temple — he can already feel the beginning of a headache. “At this point, it’s a part of my schedule.”
“Sorry.”
Tighnari shakes his head. He can’t exactly be mad at her, not when these incidents are genuine accidents and Nilou is genuinely remorseful — unlike those stupid Adventurers he usually has to deal with who like to tempt fate as a challenge.
“Never mind. I’ve written the prescriptions, and I’m sure you know what to do.”
Nilou laughs abashedly. “Yeah. Thanks.”
Tighnari sighs. “Just part of the job.”
“Actually, do you know where I can find some Rukkhshava Mushrooms? I need them for Hat Guy.”
At that, Tighnari turns around to face her. “Hat Guy?”
Nilou nods like it’s not unusual to be giving gifts to Hat Guy. “Yeah! He said he needed a few for an experiment, but I only understood maybe ten percent of what he said? Although, come to think of it, he’s in Vahumana, right? I didn’t know Vahumana scholars conduct practical experiments like this. Isn’t it mostly history they deal with?”
“Nilou,” Tighnari says when she finally stops to breathe, “since when are you and Hat Guy friends?”
“Hm? Oh, it’s a long story.” Nilou laughs a little. “The Traveler was there too, actually. We got stuck in a storybook.”
“What?”
“Wait, so let me get this straight,” Kaveh says. “You were teleported into a storybook where you were a forest fairy and Hat Guy was a hero, and you brought a hamster to life, and you fought and befriended an evil dragon and gave him a blessing so he wouldn’t be evil anymore, and the storybook was actually a whole world created by a mage?”
“Pretty much!” Nilou says and devours the Padisarah Pudding in front of her.
“Told you it makes no sense,” Tighnari says.
They’re gathered in Lambad’s Tavern again, the four of them and Nilou, because once Tighnari heard her explanation of the bizarre… thing between Hat Guy and herself, he needed a drink. Or a dozen.
“A mage who can create a whole world, huh?” Alhaitham muses to himself. Tighnari can already picture him missing sleep for the next couple of nights trying to figure out how it’s even possible, and he makes a mental note to put a stop to it.
“And Hat Guy has been, what, carrying a dragon in his hat for almost a year?” Cyno says incredulously.
The mental image makes Tighnari snort, and he and Kaveh share an amused look.
Nilou laughs. “Pretty much.” Almost immediately, her amusement dies down and nostalgia takes its place. “Simulanka was incredible. It’s a shame you guys couldn’t see it,” Nilou says. “Oh! I almost forgot, Hat Guy said that the Chief Alchemist of Mondstadt is planning to turn Durin into a human, so maybe you guys can meet him soon.”
She looks up to find all four of them staring at her.
“I’m sorry, what?”