Chapter Text
CHAPTER 1
~Max’s POV~
“GUYS!”
Max screamed after FaceTiming the group chat named “Mike wheeler hate club” that was reserved only for emergencies, and that didn’t include Will or Mike, because she knew Will could never hate him. She hesitated before spitting out,
“Were Mike and Will acting strange today? Or was that just me?”
“What do you mean by that? Like, distant? Because honestly I noticed that too. There’s been like tension between them or something since y’know.” Dustin replies.
It’s been days since Will had gotten the whole party together to announce that he… doesn’t like girls. Ever since that Saturday the whole group dynamic had been off. Like there was something left unsaid. Everyone felt it. Even I had. Even though me and El knew about him before he came out to the group. It was kind of hilarious how Dustin, Mike and Lucas were dumbfounded. Maybe it was just obvious because I had known
“You guys don’t think that Mike is like that do you? He couldn’t be. Right?” Lucas
spoke in an uncertain tone.
“Huh? Like what, Lucas? ” El didn’t know about anything like that since she had been homeschooled for most of her life. She was just still learning about the real world and how things worked.
“Oh! Uhm... So El, you know how Will said he doesn’t like girls.” Max explained.
“Yeah and?”
“So there’s some people who think that’s weird and that people like Will are wrong for being like that. Liking people like that.”
“They’re just stupid homophobes! Will doesn’t deserve any of that shit. ” Lucas cut in Angerly.
Max scoffed, “Lucas is right, fuck, I feel so bad for him. Look El, I don’t know if this is true but Mike might be one of those stupid fucking homophobes. ”
I hate Mike Wheeler, especially knowing this is how he was treating Will, but, even more, I hate that there was a possibility that he was like that. Me, El, and Will have had countless sleepovers where Will had gone on numerous rants about Mike’s mixed signals. It hurt just thinking about it, the fact that it was obvious to a point that Mike had reciprocated Will’s feelings towards him. But now, I don't know what to
believe. Could Mike possibly think that about Will. I mean Mike was oblivious to Will’s sexuality before Saturday, I think.
“WAIT!? What if….Mike likes Will but is just scared to admit it!” Dustin blurts out.
Everyone’s suddenly paying attention. I am especially. I’ve stayed up all night on call listening to Will rant about Mike, after even the slightest interaction that could have been perceived as romantic. But I never thought that Dustin could tell. I could only really see the signs after Will had told me about his feelings. Maybe that’s the reason.
“Wait Dustin… You might be onto something, should I talk to Mike in English tomorrow? Just assess the situation y’know.”
“YES PLEASE…. I’m so sick of everything being so fucking awkward all the time. Why can’t our party just be normal for fucks sake. There’s always something happening.”
“Lucas, c’mon I got this.”
“Max, you and Mike, like, hate each other. What makes you think he’ll listen to you? I should be the one to talk to him.” He said proudly. Taking his headphones off and placing his controller on his desk.
“ What did you just say to me Lucas?” Max’s voice got higher as she spoke in a sarcastic tone.
Then El giggled, everyone heard. I had just noticed she hadn’t been talking.
“El? What are you giggling about over there? Are you reading more fanfics?”
“Nooooo!, I’m watching Percy Jackson silly!”
“What’s that?” Lucas says staring blankly into his camera.
“Your an idiot Lucas Sinclair…!”
Her and El burst into laughter. When Hopper busts into El’s room and starts yelling at her to quiet down. El mutes her mic then faces her phone.
“Sorry gang, I have to go to bed, goodnight guys, love y’all!” El says before leaving the call.
“Bro Hop is so strict, it’s only 10.” Lucas mutters.
“Yeah I know, he just cares I think. But… I will be talking to Mike tomorrow and you can’t stop me. I have class with him before you so there’s nothing you can do about it. ” I say switching my tone quickly.
“Ok we get it you two like each other and get to see each other everyday. ”
Dustin spoke sarcastically. He’s been missing his long distance girlfriend Susie ever since she visited last month, he complains about it all the time.
“Your just jealous of us and you fucking know it.”
“WOAHHH MAD MAX! CHILL ON ME, but… Susie did just ask me to play Minecraft so I’m gonna go now, bye guys! ”
“Bye Dustin.. ” Lucas hesitated before saying “So uhm… Max, hey… guess it’s just you and me now.” Trying to flirt.
“Shut the fuck up cornball, I gotta go. ”
“Love youuuu!” Lucas said, making kissing noises into the camera before leaving the call too.
I sat up in the bed staring down blankly at my phone. Ugh I don’t even know how to go about this. Do I ask Mike if he supports Will or likes him? I know he's not the type of person to just plain out admit his feelings, especially if it’s someone he likes. But, what if I ask him if he supports Will? What would he even say to that? I couldn’t sleep knowing I had the chance to either fix things or mess everything up.
⏔⏔⏔ ꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱ ⏔⏔⏔
I woke up late and scrambled to make myself look just a little more presentable knowing that I was about to have an actual serious talk with Mike for the first time in a while. It’s usually just been jokes and insults with us so this’ll be very different. I grab my bag and bike to school as quickly as I can, rushing to get to first period before him.
The bell rang just after I had gotten to class. My eyes immediately met mikes. He glared at me questioning the smirk on my face as I was frozen, panting, holding onto the doorframe. I walked over to the usually empty seat next to him, sat down confidently and placed my bag down on the desk while turning to face him.
“ Sooo, Mike?”
“Yes?” He said confused. His hair was all frizzy and he looked like he hadn’t slept much that night.
“First of all, are you good? You look terrible.” I said letting out a breathy laugh.
“Haha Max, your so funny, I’m fine I just couldn’t sleep last night.” He said sarcastically, but you could tell he wasn’t fully there.
“ I wonder why…” I said rolling my eyes to the other side of the classroom, but quickly glancing back to see his reaction.
“What are we talking about here?” He said annoyed
“Nothing, just wondering cuz you and Will have been acting weird.” I said nonchalantly.
“ What!? No, me and Will are fine there is nothing going on between us, we’re not fighting or anything! I swear! ” he said, panicking.
“I never said there was anything going on between you, I just said that you were both acting weird, and I wanted to check in on you. Jeez sorry I touched a nerve there.”
“Oh.. uhm… sorry about that there’s just been a lot going on lately.” He said, avoiding eye contact, And hiding his face in the hood of his sweatshirt
“Yeah I get that, do you wanna talk about it? It’s fine if you don't. I just don’t want you to get all up in your own head again.” I spoke softer now and tapped his forehead as I spoke.
I’ve known that Mike has struggled pretty badly with anxiety especially after being diagnosed with diabetes a while back. He went on meds a couple of months ago after a pretty bad panic attack and has been different since, quieter, tamer. He used to lash out sometimes when everything was just too much. He also had a health scare a couple of weeks ago which landed him a trip to the hospital where he was on watch for a few days. Will was the only one there when Mike had passed out. And then there was a whole thing after, where Mike was pretty sure he had scared Will away.
He didn’t of course, Will had stayed by his side the entire hospital trip. We tried to get him to hang out with us one day after school but he insisted that Mike needed him. And of course he did.
“Sure.” Mike said, pulling his face away from the window and bringing his attention back to me.
“Just not here, somewhere private.”
“Ok, do you wanna skip? I know a spot behind the school.” I suggested
“Yeah, after this though.” Mike nods his head gesturing to the clock above the door.
2 minutes until the class ends. Those two minutes felt like forever. Then the bell rung, we both flung our bags over our shoulders, but while we were walking out the teacher yelled,
“Wheeler! Hood down!”
Mike rolled his eyes and pulled the hood of his black sweatshirt down, we both laughed and I rolled my eyes as well. But as soon as we turned the corner he pulled it back up. I could tell he was hiding something. When it gets bad he tends to try and shrink himself, become invisible or something. He hates attention now. He’s so much different from when we first met. I don’t know what’s happening but it hurts seeing him do this to himself especially given the situation.
“ What is this place?” Mike raises an eyebrow, staring at the dumpster behind the cafeteria, frozen in place.
“A private spot where no one will come looking for us.” I said walking past him and sitting down with my back against the brick wall.
Mike sits down after me and reaches his hand into his backpack and pulls out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. He lights one then hands one out to me.
“Mike? Where the hell did you get these?!” I say, grabbing the cigarette he had passed to me.
“Nancy.” He says, taking a puff and leaning his head back onto the wall.
“Are you even allowed to smoke?” I questioned him.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I guess I just don’t really care anymore.”
He said it so casually, that he just “ doesn’t care anymore” I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. But, I’ll find out.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Mike, talk to me, please. I’m worried..”
Mike closes his eyes and slumps down lower than he was previously, pulling his hood down as well.
“I don’t even know where to start this, there’s just so many things going on in my head I just… I just don’t know how to explain it in a way anyone could even understand…. ”
He takes a deep breath then starts talking again.
“It's getting worse… My anxiety… And the meds aren’t helping, and my mom wants to get me a therapist because I refuse to talk to her! And she thinks I need to start dealing with it more. But the thing is I won’t talk to her because I know she just wouldn’t understand!”
His voice gets louder, more aggressive as he speaks. It’s kind of a relief seeing him like this again, yet kind of scary. He’s waving his hands in the air like it will help me understand. I just sit there as shock and worry wash over my face.
He turns to face me, realizing my expression, “ Fuck! I’m sorry, like I said the meds aren’t working and I just feel like I have all this pent up anger, the meds are supposed to help but they're just keeping the anger in and I feel like I'll explode if I get slightly pissed. So I’ve kind of taken like.. a vow of silence? I don’t even know anymore.” He explains.
“No! No.. it’s okay I just want you to be able to talk to me, like remember your panic attack, you just talked and it took some of the pressure off. C’mon just talk to me. I might not understand but, I’ll try, and I’ll listen.”
When he had his really bad panic attack it was just me, Will, and him at school that day. And when it happened Will couldn’t take it, seeing him like that. I mean to be honest, if I didn’t know what was happening and someone told me he was dying, I would've probably believed them. It was really bad, Will had to step out of the room, he felt bad about it for weeks.
Then, I had this heart to heart with Mike, and it was like a revelation. Before that I kind of saw him as this asshole that was friends with Lucas and El. Now, I see that he’s actually just struggling, he’s confused. Since the situation we’ve kind of had this unsaid promise, if it looks like one’s struggling we’ll struggle together to take some of the weight off. Honestly it’s been the best. We just act like we still hate each other in front of all the others so that it doesn’t have to be a big thing. It's not like we’re close friends or anything, we just have a lot in common. One thing, being, we both hate to be a burden.
“Yeah.. uhm.. okay, so…” he cuts himself off. Taking deep breath and pulls his hand up to his head.
I scoot closer, I place my hand across his back and rest my head on his shoulder. And start gesturing with my free arm, cigarette in hand.
“Okay so your mom wants you to start dealing with things right? And you and Will have been arguing? Have you talked to him about any of this stuff lately?”
“No.. but we haven’t been arguing..” he says with a noticeable look of shame.
“Well, I think you have to talk to him. Right now this vow of silence is just causing more confusion, he thinks you're ignoring him because he’s….”
“ Shit! Right…. I would never do that, you know. I don’t care. I mean. I- I care it’s just like, ugh! You know what I mean. ” He exclaims smacking his forehead.
“I don’t. But, both of you are going through your own things.. you need to talk to him. I know it’s scary but you need to open up to him because he’s completely clueless as to why you're not talking, he thinks you’re resenting him. He needs your support, you’re his best friend, not Lucas, not Dustin, you.”
I wrap my arm around his chest, hugging him tight.
“I just want to know why you two are acting so weird when you're around each other?"
His body jolts, like I had said something horrible. I release him from the hug and fix my posture, hand up. He stands quickly and starts pacing back and forth in front of me, holding his head in his hands.
“Mike!? What the hell is going on?! If you don’t talk to me you're gonna end up having another panic attack! And you don’t want that” I say, dropping the cigarette on to the pavement and walking up to him. I went to place my hand on his shoulder to steady him but before I could he shot back around.
"You want to know why I'm acting weird? Because Will shared something pretty fucking personal on Saturday, and everyone is treating it like some casual thing, and I'm just sitting here terrified because for the first time in my life, everything actually makes sense! And that's a lot scarier than not understanding! Usually everyone just tiptoes around me and doesn't tell me anything, and I’m perfectly fine with that! I’ve gotten used to that! But, right now I just feel like I know too much of everything and it’s freaking me out.”
“ Ohhhhh….” I say slowly, realization hits me like a brick. Does he even realize what he just admitted to? Does he know what he’s saying? A proud smirk grows across my face. I step back crossing my arms.
“ What!? Max? ” He says, slightly out of breath, annoyed.
I didn't laugh. I didn't even try to tease him. I just looked at him— really looked at him—and saw the kid who was scared of his own head.
"It's okay to be scared,"I said softly.
"But you aren't a burden for feeling this, Mike. And you're not weird. If anything, this is the most normal thing about you."
I shrug, hook my arm around his and reach down for my bag. Stepping on the cigarette and putting it out with my foot. We walk back into school just in time for lunch. The hallways are empty except for me, Mike. And, Will.