Chapter Text
Spencer sighs and kicks her legs impatiently, scrunching down from her sitting position on her bed.
"Emily, I am so not in the mood for a sleepover with the girls."
Emily's soothing voice comes over the phone. "I know. But you've been withdrawn lately and they've noticed. I'm sure Aria feels bad for teasing you the other day at lunch."
"I'm sure she doesn't," retorts Spencer. "She still looks at me weird when I sit down with you guys."
"And that's why you've been eating lunch alone?" Emily's voice sounds disappointed, and Spencer feels a stab of guilt. "I've missed you at lunch, and Hanna's been asking about you."
Spencer frowns and studies her hands. "Well, I've been busy. And avoiding my parents. And . . . lots of other stuff. Homework. That kind of thing."
"Spence."
"I just don't want to constantly be judged, that's all," mutters Spencer. "I'm not ready and I'm not at the stage you guys are. I just . . . want to be left alone about it."
"So what if the girls all agreed to leave you alone? You know I certainly don't care if you want to drink from bottles or still wear diapers, Spence. I thought I'd made that fairly clear." Emily now sounds a little hurt, and Spencer feels more than just a stab of guilt this time.
"No, Em. I'm really . . . I'm grateful for, uh, the other night. I am." Spencer twists the edge of her blanket through her fingers and feels her cheeks flushing red. "You were there when no one else was. I can't help but be grateful for that."
Emily sighs. "Well, then you know that I'm not going to let them be mean to you. If anyone says anything, I'll be right there, okay? I think it'll be good for you to socialize again, Spence. You know how crazy you get, living inside your own head for too long."
Spencer grins despite herself. "Yeah, yeah."
"Okay. So we'll come over on Saturday night. You said your parents were out of town with Melissa this weekend."
"Yeah, some kind of college thing she's doing. They agreed to go with her and watch her present her latest paper or whatever. I wasn't paying that much attention."
"You never do when it comes to Melissa," teases Emily, and Spencer makes a face.
"I do pay attention, most of the time. She's just been mean lately. I haven't really felt much like hanging around her, only to be teased and twitted constantly."
"I know," says Emily, her voice soft, and Spencer feels herself relaxing. Emily just has that effect on her . . . and it's nice.
"Okay, Saturday it is. I'll expect you all around 7. And I guess I'll sit with you guys at lunch tomorrow . . . I guess."
"Well, if you want to bring your bottle to school, then do it. If anyone says anything, I'll take care of them."
Spencer laughs at the idea of Emily kicking anyone's ass, and Emily laughs with her. "Don't think I won't!"
"Oh, oh, I believe you," assures Spencer, and Emily laughs again.
"Talk to you soon."
After Spencer hangs up with Emily, she looks down at the homework she's doing and makes a face. She's getting hungry, and anyway, she's been doing homework for three straight hours. Time for a break.
Spencer wanders down the stairs and almost feels like going right back up when she sees her mother and father leaning over the counter, talking to each other earnestly. But her dad catches sight of Spencer on the stairs and beckons to her.
"Come on down, champ. We're about to decide what to order for dinner."
"Oh . . . I wasn't that hungry," lies Spencer, and turns to go back upstairs, but her father's voice pulls her back.
"Spencer. Come here."
Spencer unwillingly drags her feet back down the stairs and towards her parents, both of whom are looking concerned. Mr. Hastings takes her hand when she comes to stand beside him and for a split second, Spencer wants him to hug her tight like he used to when she was little.
He doesn't, however.
"Spence, we need to talk," says her mother, scrutinizing Spencer like an eagle would watch its prey. "I was in the closet the other day, packing for this weekend, and I noticed that a few things were moved. I also noticed that the bag of diapers that was in there was out of place, and that there were diapers taken out. Can you explain yourself, please?"
Spencer looks at the floor. No matter what she does, she never gets away with it. "I was in there looking for a pair of pants the housekeeper mislaid and found the package. I took a few out, because I don't like waking up wet at night," she says, going for an honest, direct tone, and leaving Emily out of it.
"But you're supposed to be using the diapers we bought you," says her father, looking disapproving. "You're not supposed to enjoy the process, Spencer. It's supposed to get you ready to train."
Spencer looks up at her father, her eyes pleading. "Dad, I'm not ready to do that yet. And the other diapers cut down on the mess, which Mom hates anyway," she says, looking at her mother pointedly.
"Of course I hate the mess," says Mrs. Hastings reasonably. "It means you're not trying."
"No, I'm not trying!" Spencer's voice begins to rise in volume, and Mr. Hastings holds up a hand for silence. After a second, Spencer continues in a lower, more reasonable tone.
"I'm not trying because I'm. Not. Ready." Spencer bites off each word, her cheeks flushing red with frustration. "I wish you guys would LISTEN to me instead of assuming you know what my motives are or my feelings about the matter!"
"Oh, you've made your feelings quite clear, young lady. And I think being as you're resisting so much, losing something that ties you to this . . . lifestyle . . . might just wake you up to the importance of this." Her mother opens the cupboard and starts pulling out Spencer's bottles. "I think it's time to get rid of these, don't you?"
Spencer's mouth drops open and she just stares in horrified silence for a moment as her mother piles the many glass bottles on the counter. Spencer's father ruffles her hair.
"That's better. It's not so bad, is it? You mostly drink from glasses now anyway."
In response, Spencer begins to cry, and her mother turns to her, her face a little repentant. "Oh, Spence. You know this is a necessary step."
"But I like them," whimpers Spencer. "They make me happy."
"I know, sweetie. You'll find other things to make you happy." Mrs. Hastings finishes putting all of Spencer's bottles into a plastic bag and then leaves the room with it. Spencer covers her eyes with her fists and sobs.
Mr. Hastings takes his daughter by the elbow and leads her to the couch, where he offers her a Kleenex from the box on the side table. Spencer takes it and scrubs her face, fisting the tissue up and glaring at her father.
"I suppose you're both happy," she bites off, and he just sighs.
"No. I don't like seeing you this way. Your mother doesn't either. But you know this has to happen, champ. You're a big girl now and it's time to start moving on. We wouldn't be good parents if we didn't help you take these steps, even if they hurt."
"Who's been talking at the club, Dad?" Spencer widens her dark eyes and stares him directly in the face. "Who's been pressuring you about me?"
She knows she's hit her mark when Mr. Hastings looks uncomfortable. Spencer leans forward, her eyes glittering with unshed tears, and asks again.
"Who's been asking about me? How do they even know what stage I'm in?"
Mr. Hastings sighs. "Well, Spencer, you haven't exactly been discreet about this, have you? They can tell when you suck your thumb or need a bottle. Come on, sweetie, it's pretty obvious you're . . . not really trying."
"So this is about saving face? Of course it is," Spencer answers her own question. "It's not about me at all. It never is. It's about being the perfect Hastings family."
"Spencer . . ."
"Dad, I've told you and told you how I feel and you don't care. You and Mom both don't care. You don't even care that Melissa is constantly mean to me about this. It's all about me being a failure, again."
Spencer stands up and goes up the stairs, leaving her father sitting on the couch, alone.
"I hope you're happy," she says, her voice wobbling. "You've taken away the diapers. You've taken the bottles. I don't know what you'll take next, but it doesn't matter, does it? It only matters that I appear to be moving ahead, no matter if I'm ready or not."
She runs up to her room and closes the door, bursting into tears and falling facedown onto her bed. The only person who seems to understand is Emily, and even Emily doesn't completely get how Spencer feels.
After crying for a while, Spencer feels wet and in need of a change. She creeps out of her room and sneaks down the hall to her parents' room. She's run out of the good absorbent diapers, and she wants to get more before her mother gets rid of the package altogether.
But when she gets into the huge walk-in closet, the package is gone. Spencer sinks down onto her knees and begins to cry again. Why is everything she loves and needs being taken away?
She sits on the floor of her mother's closet for a little while, and then hears footsteps behind her, so she scrambles to her feet, grimacing at the wetness of her diaper peeling away from her skin. She turns and comes face-to-face with her mother, who holds out three of Spencer's old diapers to her.
"I know this is hard, sweetie. Here. These are the last of them. After these, no more, okay?"
Spencer nods and takes them, her chest hitching from so much crying, and her mom gives her an awkward hug. Spencer's parents aren't demonstrative, and Spencer doesn't really know how to accept this sort of affection from her mother. But after a moment, she melts into her mother's arms, and Mrs. Hastings strokes her hair.
"I know you don't want to be alone this weekend. Why don't you come with us?"
Spencer wipes her eyes and tries to smile, pulling back from her mom. "Oh, the girls are going to come over on Saturday night. I won't be alone for long."
Mrs. Hastings smiles, a little relieved. "Well, that's nice. I'm glad, sweetie."
Spencer smiles and her mother strokes her hair. "Why don't you go and change and we'll get some dinner? I know you're partly cranky because you're hungry. It's been a long time since you got home from school."
Spencer frowns a bit, but she nods anyway. "Okay." Anything to keep the peace at this point.
As she goes back to her room to change, she notices a slight diaper rash in the mirror and wrinkles her nose. She needs to change those Pull-Ups much more often if this is happening. Ugh. She's never worried about this on her own before – up until a few months ago, her mother was changing her regularly, or the nanny/housekeeper was.
Once she's dry, Spencer washes her face and hands and sets her expression before going downstairs. She isn't going to let her parents upset her anymore – she vows it.
/~/
On Saturday, Spencer moves her furniture to the walls of her room, creating a big space for her friends to put down their sleeping bags. She's actually sort of happy that this is happening – she has missed hanging around her friends, and despite the judging, she's happy that they're going to spend time with her.
Emily is the first to arrive, and she hugs Spencer closely. "I've been worried about you," says Emily, smiling at Spencer sweetly. "I know it's been a rough couple of days."
"Well, my parents aren't budging," says Spencer dryly, leading the way upstairs. "I don't think they ever will. But whatever."
"I just can't believe they took all your bottles away. That's so mean."
"Yeah, it was mean," says Spencer, looking a bit sad. "But I still had one in my lunch, so. They don't know about that one." Spencer looks down at Emily and winks, and Emily laughs.
"You are resourceful!"
"Always," says Spencer, and then gestures to the floor of her room. "Spread out anywhere. You're first, so you have first choice!"
Emily places her sleeping bag right next to Spencer's bed. "Just in case," she says lightly, and Spencer flushes a dull red. This is the second time Emily's alluded to what happened three nights ago, and Spencer doesn't know how to sort through her feelings about it at all.
The thing is, she wishes Emily were there all the time. And she enjoyed Emily's gentle care more than she could say . . . or wants to admit. But Emily keeps bringing it up, and it's uncomfortable. Spencer certainly hopes nothing happens to alert the rest of the girls to the new twist in her relationship with Emily.
By early evening, all the girls are enjoying Chinese food around Spencer's counter and laughing. Aria looks amazing, perched up on Spencer's counter, showing off her new leggings and boots. Hanna is eating her food with relish, telling everyone sheepishly that she's been trying to lose weight to afford a special dress at her favourite store. Emily is simply quiet and watchful. Several times, as Spencer goes back and forth from the fridge to the counter, getting everyone drinks, she catches Emily's eyes on her.
It's more than a little strange. It's getting oddly uncomfortable.
Spencer pulls out four glasses and pours everyone their drink of choice. Aria leans down from the counter.
"So, you finally gave up bottles, Spence? I don't think I've seen you drink from a glass before." Aria's voice is mild, but there's a slight bite behind her words, and Spencer frowns.
"My mom got rid of them," she says lightly, and picks up her glass, clinking it against Hanna's. "Cheers!"
Aria joins in the toast, but then presses further. "Why did she get rid of them?"
Spencer shrugs, feigning disinterest. "I guess she thought it was time?"
"Oh, you weren't using them anymore?"
Emily interjects at this point. "Let's watch a movie when we're done. I bet there's some good stuff on Netflix we haven't seen yet."
Spencer shoots her a grateful look and digs into her chicken fried rice. "I agree!"
Hanna smiles. "I know what we could watch. I saw Spiceworld on Netflix the other night!"
Aria forgets about Spencer and turns towards Hanna with a smile. "That'd be awesome!"
Spencer smiles at Hanna, too, but feels Emily's hand squeeze hers under the table. She turns to Emily, trying to be discreet, and meets the other girl's dark eyes.
Emily has her back tonight.
/~/
The real truth of who is in what stage really comes out when the girls start getting ready for bed. Hanna is wearing the same type of diapers that Spencer's parents want to get rid of, and Spencer feels a stab of jealousy at how comfortable Hanna looks in her baby doll pajamas, her thick diaper visible under them. She's also got a pacifier and a teddy bear she's brought from home. The adorable blonde girl snuggles in her sleeping bag, sucking on her paci, and Spencer can't stand watching her so she turns towards Aria, who she expects is going to brag about being completely free of any babyish stuff.
Sure enough, Aria isn't wearing any type of protection. "I don't need it anymore," she says airily. "I started waking up dry about three weeks ago. And about time, too. What a waste of diapers." She's wearing plaid pajama pants and a black tank top, and is engaged in brushing out her long dark hair in slow, methodical strokes. "I'm definitely glad to be done with all that."
"And no accidents since?" asks Emily, a slight edge to her voice, as she comes out of the bathroom dressed in a light blue T-shirt and striped cotton pajama pants. She keeps her eyes on Aria as she joins Spencer on the bed.
"Nope. I guess I've gotten lucky." Aria fixes Spencer with a wide-eyed expression. "What about you, Spence? Any closer to getting rid of the diapers?"
Spencer blushes. She's wearing one of the last absorbent diapers that her mother gave her and a long-sleeved purple pajama shirt with purple plaid PJ pants. She's cross legged on her bed, really wishing that she could suck on her pacifier, or better yet, her bottle, but knowing Aria would make a comment about it.
Spencer also feels fairly annoyed that Hanna gets a free pass from Aria's pointed comments. In fact, Hanna's nearly asleep.
Spencer just shrugs at Aria. "Not really, nope."
"I'm surprised. Your mom must be breathing down your neck about it." Aria swings her legs into her sleeping bag and arranges a pillow so that she's leaning against Spencer's dresser. "I'd be really pissed if my parents just kept riding me."
"It's not pleasant, no," says Spencer, picking up the remote control for her bedroom TV. "What movie should we watch to go to bed with?"
Hanna speaks up sleepily from her spot on the floor. "Something nice. I don't want nightmares."
Aria scoffs then, and Emily raises her head sharply. "Oh, you and Spencer are such . . . babies still. What, should we put on some Disney film?"
"If everyone's fine with it, why not?" Emily's voice is definitely sharp now, and Aria looks a little taken aback.
"Sorry, Em, didn't know I hit a sore spot."
"I'm just a bit tired of you always making comments about the other girls, namely Spencer, not being at our level, Aria. Come on. Surely it doesn't matter in the long run."
Aria shrugs. "It just is a little weird. That's all. Like Hanna I can understand, because she's at least trying. But Spencer doesn't even try."
"So who cares if she doesn't?" Emily's eyes are flashing dangerously now, and Spencer puts a calming hand on her arm.
"Em, come on. Let's not do this tonight."
Aria wheels around on Spencer. "Because the less we talk about it, the more you can live in your own little world, Spence? Where all this stuff is okay?"
Spencer's lower lip trembles. Aria sounds exactly like Melissa. "What does it matter to you?"
"Just that I'm tired of being in the group with the last baby in high school, that's all. It's hard to keep explaining it away, Spencer. I'm just saying."
Emily puts a protective arm around Spencer. "If you don't like it," she says, her voice angry now, "then I'm sure you can leave. I'm sure Spencer doesn't need you doing this, too. Not when her family never lets up."
Spencer cuddles into Emily despite herself, and Aria takes it in, her lip curling. "Ah, okay. I see. You're her protector or something, are you? I'll lay off." She puts up her hands in mock-surrender and glances over at Hanna, who is watching the whole thing with wide eyes.
"Relax, Hanna. They're right. I should lay off." Aria lies down in her sleeping bag and faces the dresser, away from the girls. Hanna shrugs and turns over, closing her eyes again.
Emily smiles at Spencer. "Put on the Lion King. That sounds nice."
Once the movie is running, Emily moves to the floor and curls up in her sleeping bag. Spencer finds it very endearing that she still snuggles with a threadbare blanket to get to sleep. Grown-up Emily still needs her comforts.
Spencer curls up in her bed and picks up her pacifier from her bedside table. After carefully checking to see that Aria isn't watching her, she slips it into her mouth and begins to suck blissfully. This is when she feels most comfortable and relaxed. Snuggling down into the warmth from her pajamas and diaper, she quickly drifts to sleep, having no trouble falling asleep tonight. She feels warm and safe.
Later on in the night, Spencer wakes up. She hears a low sobbing, and raises her head out of curiosity to see what's going on. Everyone appears to be asleep. Emily is on her side, her hands curled under her chin, eyes tightly closed. Hanna is on her stomach, her blonde hair covering her face, her pacifier lying beside her on the floor. Spencer smiles a little at that, and then feels around for hers, which has fallen under the covers.
Aria appears to be asleep, but after a moment, Spencer notices that she actually isn't. She's still facing the dresser, but her shoulders are shaking and in another minute, she's sitting up in her sleeping bag, casting a frightened look around the room. When her eyes meet Spencer's, her face crumples again.
"Aria. What's wrong?" Spencer whispers, trying not to wake Emily, directly beside the bed. "Did you have a bad dream or something?"
"No . . . no. Just go back to sleep, Spence."
Spencer looks down at her skeptically. "Yeah, no. What's going on?"
Aria doesn't answer, and after a moment, Spencer just shrugs. "It's okay, you know. You can tell me. Maybe I can even help."
"I don't want to tell you," whispers Aria, and then Spencer has a sudden idea what could be wrong. The way Aria is sitting . . . the way she keeps shifting . . .
"Did you have an accident?" Spencer tries to keep her voice gentle, but Aria starts to whimper again, and this time, Emily opens her eyes, and after a few seconds, sits up.
"What's going on?" Emily's voice is blurred with sleep, and Spencer feels slightly bad that Emily is awake. She shoots a look over at Hanna, but Hanna is fast asleep, even snoring a little bit.
"Aria . . ." Spencer trails off at Aria's glare, and Emily looks confused.
"Aria what?"
"Nothing!" insists Aria, pulling her sleeping bag up around herself. "Nothing. Go back to sleep, Emily."
Emily stares in confusion at Aria for a moment before realization dawns on her face. "Oh. OH. I see. Aria . . ."
"Don't say it," warns Aria, shifting her seat uncomfortably. "Everything's fine. It's not what you think."
Emily looks suddenly sly. "I thought you said that this stuff didn't happen to you anymore."
Aria looks at Emily in desperation and then brings her fists up to her eyes, sniffling, her lower lip trembling uncontrollably. "It didn't. It hasn't. Not til tonight."
"So I guess you still need some kind of protection, huh?" Emily crawls out of her sleeping bag to kneel beside Aria, her voice matter-of-fact and with more than a slight edge to it. "I guess you're not totally out of the baby stage after all."
Spencer frowns. This isn't like Emily. "Em, lay off. She had an accident. It could happen to anyone."
Aria shoots a look bordering on hatred at Spencer. "Oh, yeah, that's easy for you to say, you who doesn't ever want to get out of diapers." Aria mops her face with the edge of her sleeping bag and looks upset, and Emily glares at Aria.
"Don't take it out on Spencer. It's not her fault you wet the bed."
"It's no one's fault," snaps Spencer, getting tired of the constant sniping between the two girls. "Let's just get Aria cleaned up and get back to sleep. It's the middle of the night."
Emily sighs and looks resigned. She turns to Aria. "Well, since your bed is soaked, you can sleep in mine. I'll sleep with Spencer."
"And Aria, there's a spare pair of pajama pants in the upper right drawer. They're too short for me, but they should fit you. And you can take one of my Pull-Ups, as well," adds Spencer.
"I'm not wearing those," scoffs Aria, but one look from Emily stops her cold.
"I don't think so. You're not pulling that crap with us. You just soaked your bed – you're wearing one, especially if you're sleeping in MY sleeping bag," says Emily sternly.
Aria just looks upset and taking the pants out of the drawer, she goes to the bathroom to change. Emily turns to Spencer and giggles in a low voice.
"Serves her right. She's been riding you for the past week. It's time she got some of her own back."
Spencer just looks uncomfortable. "She hasn't been nice, Em, but that's upsetting. She really thought she was past all that."
Emily looks thoughtful for a moment, but her annoyed expression returns. "Well, hopefully it'll stop her from being mean to you again for a little while. Definitely Murphy's Law!"
Spencer has to laugh a bit at that. "That's true."
Aria comes back into Spencer's room, looking a little tentative as she makes her way to Emily's sleeping bag. Her lower lip is still trembling, and finally Spencer holds out her arms.
"Why don't you come up here for a second?"
Aria looks as if she'd like to refuse, but after a minute, she climbs up onto the bed with Spencer and Emily and Spencer gives her a warm hug.
"It's okay. We're not going to tell anyone. Don't worry."
Aria curls up into Spencer's arms for a moment and looks down at her thumb, which is twiddling slightly in her lap. Emily leans forward and pulls out a pacifier from a package in Spencer's drawer and hands it to Aria.
"Here."
Aria looks at both Spencer and Emily distrustfully, and Spencer gently laughs a little bit. "It won't bite you, Aria."
After a moment, Aria puts it in her mouth and begins to suck on it. Her eyes start to close as she cuddles against the girls, but then they fly open and she takes the pacifier out.
"I can't get back into this habit. I've been doing so well."
Emily shrugs. "Suit yourself."
Aria climbs back down and climbs into Emily's sleeping bag, turning away from the girls and refusing to say another word. Spencer looks slightly hurt, but after a moment, she settles down in bed and waits for Emily to climb under the covers.
Now that it's just the two of them, things aren't awkward anymore. Emily pulls Spencer close to her and cuddles her for a moment, and Spencer feels herself melting back into her comfortable baby stage. She starts to suck her thumb and Emily smiles at her sweetly, pulling Spencer's thumb from her mouth.
"Don't do that, silly. How much did your parents pay for those teeth to be straightened?"
Spencer makes a face and pulls her pacifier from her bedside table. The one Aria used, Emily tosses onto the other table, furthest from the girls.
Spencer puts her paci in her mouth and sucks on it peacefully, her eyes closing as she snuggles against Emily's shoulder. Emily smells sweet, and Spencer feels comforted by her friend's slow, steady heartbeat.
She falls asleep quickly without thinking to roll away from Emily.
In the morning, Hanna doesn't ask why Aria is in Emily's sleeping bag and Emily is in Spencer's bed. She simply gets up and starts talking about breakfast.
"Maybe eggs or something. Spence, do you have bacon?"
Spencer yawns and stretches out her long legs, noticing that Emily is lying as close to the other side of the big bed as possible.
"I don't know, Hanna. We'll go look. Probably. The housekeeper went grocery shopping on Thursday."
Hanna clutches herself. "I'm wet. I think I want to take a shower first."
Emily rolls over and studies Spencer. "I know someone else who might want a chance to clean up a bit after last night."
Aria, who has been quietly sitting on Emily's sleeping bag brushing her hair, shoots an alarmed look up at Emily, and Spencer pokes Emily and shoots her a look. Emily falls quiet.
"Who?" asks Hanna, getting up and grimacing. "Ooh, my back is stiff."
"Me," says Spencer. "I'm wet, too."
Aria shoots Spencer a grateful look, and Spencer gives her a small smile.
Hanna just shrugs. "There are enough showers in this house that all of us could probably take a shower at the same time."
"We'd run out of hot water, though," says Spencer. "The hot water heater's old."
As the girls begin to get ready for the day, Aria is oddly quiet. Spencer squats down beside her as Emily and Hanna leave the room to get ready in the bathroom, Emily heading to Spencer's parents' bathroom.
"I'm not going to tell Hanna, okay? And neither is Emily."
"Okay," whispers Aria. She looks upset again, and Spencer awkwardly rubs her shoulder.
"Just . . . lay off me, okay? I'll keep your secret if you just stop making comments."
Aria nods, and Spencer leaves her alone, grabbing clothes and heading to the guest shower at the other end of the house.
She only hopes Aria keeps her promise.
/~/
A few days pass and Spencer enjoys being able to be herself without her parents constantly watching her like a hawk. But on the day they're due to come home, Spencer feels a little off. She's tired and doesn't feel like doing anything except lying on the couch and sucking her thumb. Her head feels fuzzy and achy, and there's a slight itch at the back of her throat.
She's run out of diapers, so she's back to using the Pull-Ups, and just as she gives thought to changing, she feels the diaper give and leak under her bottom. Damn.
Standing up quickly so that the wetness doesn't go on the couch, she starts to head to the laundry room to strip off her pants, but at the moment she stands, she hears the back door open and her parents and Melissa come through.
"Hi, honey," greets her mother cheerfully. "You wouldn't believe how Melissa's presentation went. She totally rocked it, just like we always knew she would!" She squeezes Melissa's shoulder and Melissa smiles, a little smugly.
Mr. Hastings looks at Spencer and smiles. "How was your weekend, champ? Enjoy the time with your friends?" He comes towards her, maybe to hug her, but stops short. "Spencer . . ."
Spencer feels a slow blush come over her cheeks, and she tries to explain. "It's the first time all weekend, I swear. I've been trying my best to do what you want."
Mrs. Hastings notices Spencer's wet pants and sighs. "Spencer. Honestly. We leave you home and expect you to be able to take care of things and you can't even manage to take care of yourself." She comes over and makes to undress her daughter, but Spencer takes a step back, looking horrified.
"Mom!"
Melissa rolls her eyes. "Well, she may as well change you just like she did a year ago. You're clearly not interested in taking care of yourself."
Mr. Hastings nods in response to Melissa's comment, and then his eyes fall on the side table next to the couch. Spencer's last bottle is sitting there on the coaster.
"Spencer," he begins, his voice stern and angry. "What is this, young lady?"
Spencer whirls away from her mother. "Don't, Dad, please! Don't take it away!"
"You're not supposed to have any!" He snatches the bottle up in his hands and hands it to Melissa. "Melissa, can you get rid of this, please? She was supposed to have given up all her bottles last week."
"Trust Spencer to lie about it and keep one back," scoffs Melissa, but Spencer charges over and snatches the bottle from Melissa before anyone can do anything about it, and stands her ground, her face red, her eyes screwed up.
"I'm keeping this! I want it and it doesn't hurt anything!"
Mrs. Hastings just shakes her head in disgust. "Spencer, don't, please. Just hand it over and let's finally move on from this. I am so tired of having the same old fight again and again."
Mr. Hastings makes a grab for the bottle, but Spencer clutches it close to her, and then pushes past her father and Melissa to run out the back door.
"I hate all of you! You just want me to be miserable!"
Mrs. Hastings starts to run after Spencer, but Melissa stops her. "Let the crybaby go if it's that big of a deal. She can sit in the barn and get sick because she's wet and refuses to change. Whatever."
Spencer doesn't even stop to address this. She simply runs to the barn, turned into a small loft for guests that stay at the Hastings' home by Spencer herself, and locks the door behind her.
The loft is stocked with food, water, and supplies, everything that anyone would need to be comfortable. Spencer places the bottle on the counter and begins to cry, hard. Now she's stuck out here, at least until her parents deem fit to let her back in the house. At least she has a few diapers stashed away in the bathroom out here. Her parents often let her study here in the afternoons when she needs a change of scenery.
Spencer sinks to her knees on the carpet and pulls out her phone. There's only one person she wants in these situations, and she's wishing now that Emily had just stayed with her after the sleepover. She texts SOS to Emily and waits for the response.
/~/
When Emily comes to the barn loft, she sees Spencer through the wide swinging doors, standing beside the counter and crying. She also sees that Spencer's bottle is sitting up on the counter, and wonders what's happened now.
She knocks tentatively at the door, and Spencer looks up, coming over and unlocking the door. Her face is tearstained and her nose runny, and Emily's first impression is that Spencer needs a bath. Badly.
"Oh, honey. You're soaking wet. What's going on? What happened?" Emily strokes Spencer's hair back from her forehead, trying not to look grossed out by her friend's appearance, but Spencer just begins to sob again, and Emily knows at this point that what Spencer needs is someone to take over her care.
"Let's get you cleaned up, okay? I'll run a bath for you. I guess the water's hooked up out here, now?"
Spencer nods, unable to speak, and Emily goes into the bathroom across from the kitchen, running a bath in the large and spacious tub. The Hastings don't do anything by half.
When it's ready, full of lavender-scented bubbles, she beckons to Spencer. "Come on. Get out of those wet things and get in. Sweetie, you can't stay wet like that. You're going to get really sore."
"I'm already sore," sniffles Spencer, and Emily rubs her shoulders.
"Do you have supplies out here?"
"I have diapers. No cream. And I don't have any pajamas or anything either," sniffles Spencer, and Emily sighs.
"Spence. I take it you're out here because your parents and Melissa are home. I can't exactly sneak into your house this time."
Spencer just shrugs and rubs her eyes tiredly. Emily puts a concerned hand on Spencer's forehead.
"Are you getting sick, Spence? You're kind of warm."
"Maybe," says Spencer, her voice sounding a bit clogged, and Emily sighs again.
"I'm going to go home and get the stuff we need, okay? You'll fit into my things, and I think I have an old tube of rash cream somewhere. You get in the bath and soak, and I'll get what we need."
Spencer just nods and pulls off her shirt, and Emily closes the door behind Spencer, giving her some privacy.
It doesn't take long for Emily to grab a pair of PJ pants and a long-sleeved shirt and the tube of rash cream. She also takes some cold pills from the medicine cabinet, just in case Spencer is getting really sick. She's going to be even more miserable if she is.
When she arrives back at the loft, she notices that Spencer's parents' car is gone. All the better. They won't be bothering Spencer tonight.
Emily lays out the clothing and a fresh diaper on the bed upstairs and then washes out Spencer's bottle. There is milk in the fridge, so Emily starts a pot of milk heating on the stove. When Spencer emerges from the bathroom, her eyes and cheeks red, Emily comes over and rubs Spencer's shoulders under the towel.
"Feel better?" Emily strokes Spencer's soft hair, and Spencer nods, looking tired.
"I guess so. I don't feel good," she whimpers, and Emily kisses her forehead. It's burning up.
"Oh, sweetie. I know. I've got some medicine for you. Go upstairs and get changed, okay?"
Spencer holds onto Emily's hand, though, and Emily knows what she wants.
"Spence, let's not make it . . . weird. You can do it by yourself."
Spencer just begins to cry then, her chest hitching painfully from all the sobbing she's been doing, and Emily sighs. "Sweetheart . . . you can do it by yourself, okay?"
Spencer shakes her head, and Emily finally gives in. "This once, I'll help you. But you're a big girl. And this is weird. I don't think this is necessary at all, in fact," she adds, trying to make herself clear, but Spencer just tugs on her hand.
Emily lets go of Spencer for a moment to pull the milk off the stove, and notices Spencer starting to shiver. "Come on. It's going to get even worse if you stand there all wet."
She accompanies Spencer up the stairs and carefully unwraps the towel from around the thin girl. She's never seen Spencer completely naked – as friends, they maintained a certain amount of modesty, and Emily can't help the blush coming up on her cheeks as she takes in Spencer's thin body and small breasts.
But Spencer doesn't even notice. She just lies back on the bed and lets Emily put on her diaper, then her pants. Lastly, she sits up and raises her arms, and Emily pulls her shirt over her head. At the last, Emily touches Spencer's nose as her head emerges from the neck hole, and gets a ghost of a smile from the other girl.
"Okay. Come on. Let's get you your bottle and some medicine. You've definitely got a fever."
Spencer doesn't let go of Emily's hand as they go down the stairs, and Emily has to pour the bottle one-handed, because the minute she tries to take her hand back, Spencer's lower lip starts trembling. Being as Spencer is relatively self-sufficient in most things, this behaviour is weird.
When the bottle is ready, Spencer picks up a soft, minky throw blanket from the sofa and rubs it against her cheek. She looks so sweet with her sleepy eyes and curling hair that Emily can't help giving her a hug. Spencer puts her head on Emily's shoulder and sighs deeply and a little shakily.
"Oh, you've had a hard time today, haven't you?" Emily asks Spencer, stroking her hair. "My poor girl."
Spencer just cuddles more into Emily, and Emily kisses her hair again. She sort of likes comforting Spencer this way. The other girl responds so well to affection, probably due to having never had any regular affection in her life.
She hands Spencer two pills and watches as the girl swallows them, then gives her the warm bottle. Spencer sucks at it raptly for a few moments, but then grimaces.
"Throat hurts," she whimpers, and Emily holds out her arms.
"Come here and cuddle."
Holding Spencer much as she did the first time this happened, Emily wraps Spencer in her blanket and arranges pillows so that the girl is cradled against her chest, her long legs spilling over the rest of the couch. Spencer attempts to suck on her bottle, but she keeps stopping to gasp for breath. The third time this happens, Spencer lets go of the bottle altogether and begins to cry, her voice sounding cracked.
"Oh, Spence. Is your nose clogged?" Emily strokes Spencer's hair and grabs a Kleenex from the side table beside the couch. Spencer sits up and tries to blow her nose, but it doesn't do much good. She has to drink her bottle sitting up to be able to breathe.
After half of it, though, she pushes it aside and turns into Emily, shivering a bit, even under the heavy blanket. Emily rubs her back.
"Poor sick girl."
Spencer knows how Emily feels about thumb sucking, but there's no pacifier in the loft and she just really needs to suck on something. She sneaks her thumb into her mouth, looking up at Emily as if for permission.
Emily just smiles. "You're sick. You do what you have to, honey."
Spencer closes her eyes as the cold medicine takes effect, and Emily can feel her fever going down. She strokes Spencer's hair and back until the girl falls asleep.
But just before she does, Spencer opens her eyes to catch Emily's, and looks at her questioningly.
Emily just sighs. "I know. Don't tell the girls. I'm not going to, Spence, not after what happened with Aria the other night. Everyone wants this stuff to remain a secret. I do wish you'd tell me what's going on with you and your parents, though."
Spencer just shakes her head, and when she speaks, her voice starts to sound hoarse. "There's no point, Em. I just want to . . . I just want this to be our thing. Our secret."
Emily cuddles her friend close and smiles as Spencer's hand clasps her shirt again.
"Of course I'll keep the secret. What are friends for?"