Chapter Text
Bedrotting became a hobby of Jax’s. Ever since the button incident that happened.
Originally, Pomni was worried after not having seen Jax all day, and after hearing her worries Ragatha was beginning too. It was contagious.
Caine didn’t make them go on any adventures that day, no one had the energy after the shock that was the last one. So, they all sat in the commons area, not saying much. The only sounds coming from the area were the scratches and friction of Gangle’s pencil meeting her sketchbook, Zooble and Kinger took a peek every few minutes, complimenting the girl every time.
“Do you guys…” Pomni opened her mouth, her hands drawing to her button to fiddle with, “Think we should check on Jax? I haven’t seen him all morning…”
Regret would soon wash over Pomni when she received an odd look from Zooble. They turned her head to Pomni, “I forgot the %$!#hole existed, why’d you have to remind me of him?” Zooble groaned, leaning a hand on the edge of their face.
Pomni fumbled with her words, “S-Sorry, I just-”
“No, don’t apologize," Zooble raised their claw hand, “I just…%$!# I don’t wanna see him right now, like, at all.”
Pomni looked down, “I understand…”
“Like, I know the adventure was fake and all, and even if he pressed the blue button we wouldn’t get home. But, %$!# why would he take the choice from us? And what if it had been real, he would have trapped us here forever! What the %$!# Is he hiding from in the real world, the mafia?!”
All eyes were now on Zooble as they ranted, he hadn’t realized they had been ranting so much until they caught a glimpse of everyone else. He sheepishly slumped on the couch looking off to the side, “Sorry…”
Ragatha waved her hand, giving a reassuring smile, “D-Don’t worry about it…I’m still…A little shocked from yesterday too…Besides, maybe Jax just wants time to himself for today.” Ragatha turned to Pomni, “Maybe…Give him some space…He can’t stay in there forever.”
Pomni looked downwards, “Okay, I trust you.”
So, they returned to their arduous blather. But for Pomni and Ragatha, their talking was not so arduous. Not after becoming friends, Ragatha almost thought Pomni would never give her a chance like this. Guess she was wrong.
An hour passed, then another hour. No sign of Jax.
Ragatha wished she could take her own advice when it came to Jax. But her mind began to involuntarily remind her of Kaufmo, the day of Pomni's arrival.
Kaufmo hadn't come out of his room all day, even though Jax briefly knocked on his door because the theme song was starting (the bunny gave up just as fast), he didn't come out. Kinger said that the last time he saw Kaufmo, he was blabbering endlessly about some "exit." Just like Pomni.
Soon after Pomni's arrival, everyone would find out just why Kaufmo wouldn't come out of his room.
What if it was Kaufmo all over again?
The thought of Jax abstracting made the cotton in her stomach twist into painful clumps. Even after the mess that was yesterday, she didn't hate him. She didn't know what she felt when she saw Jax, running towards the console like a loon and slamming his fist on the red button as aggressive and rapid breaths left his mouth.
If Ragatha had a literal heart, it would have stopped. She didn't even feel anger at that moment, just raw unfiltered shock.
She watched as Jax slowly turned around, eyes wide as regret washed over him, he couldn't even speak a single word. He searched desperately for something, anything to say. But he couldn't come up with anything.
And that was when the screen turned a blinding white and Caine came out.
That was the moment when it was revealed Caine was lying when he said he had no control their minds.
So that was why Kinger was the way he was in light.
But right now, they didn’t have to think about that, they could just enjoy the company of each other.
No one realized how long time had passed before it was nighttime and they were all walking to their rooms.
But Jax had beat them all to it, a whole day in advance.
For 12 hours, Jax laid in his bed with the covers to his chin. Staring at the ceiling with the glowing star stickers.
Jax wasn’t able to sleep, and after the shit that was just a couple of hours ago who could?
It was an honest fact he fucked up pressing that button, Zooble didn’t keep it opaque. For the three months Jax has known Zooble, he had never seen them this mad.
If it wasn’t for Gangle stepping in between them, Zooble would have beaten him senseless. And Jax wouldn’t have been able to stop it. It wasn’t like he could move, or look anywhere else but straight ahead as his mind became foggy.
When he blinked again, he was in front of his bedroom door preparing to go in.
He shut the door behind him, forgetting to lock it. The only place he wanted to be was his bed.
Jax slowly climbed in and got underneath the covers, pulling them right below his eyes.
The moment the blanket was actually on him, it felt heavier than ever. He gripped the sheets, they felt even heavier.
Cotton brushed against Jax’s fur, the weight of the blanket kept him locked under the softness. Gloved hands brought the softness over his face for a second he swore he was suffocating.
And honestly he wouldn’t stop it.
Lungs had been stolen from them so the necessities of air evaporated. However for some, the phantom pain of holding their breath for long periods of time followed them into the circus. An example being Pomni and Ribbit.
It took awhile for Jax to get over said phantom pain and discomfort, but with some practice from Ribbit and Kaufmo, Jax could hold his breath for years if he needed too.
“C’mon, toughen up ya dumb bunny!”
“Ribbit, come on be nice to him…”
“Kaufmo, you know I’m right, stop coddling him.”
That was probably the jump start to him realizing none of this shit mattered.
So if he truly did suffocate, it wouldn’t matter.
Jax brushed his fingers across his blanket, taking in the cotton that smelled like it had just been washed, the softness that was like a hug, and the feeling of being protected for the first time in years.
Has he ever felt safe? Let alone protected?
Jax turned over on his side, wrapping the blanket around him. The blanket felt even heavier than before and there were strings wrapping themselves around his chest, shortening his breath.
But it didn’t matter.
None of this mattered.
Jax guided his finger tips over to the singular photo not turned around, he had forgotten to turn that over like the rest. Not after he nearly-
Jax frantically turned his body to the other side, wrapping the blanket around himself even tighter.
He managed to sleep for a solid five hours before he was back to staring at the ceiling. He stared at the ceiling for another five hours before he heard the footsteps of Ragatha and Pomni leaving their bedrooms.
The blanket was tangled within Jax’s legs and his body was stiff. Was it morning already?
His mind suggested he go to the lobby like usual, but his body told him to stay in bed. A few minutes won’t do anything. His mind told him to get up and stretch out the stiffness in his joints, his body said that could wait.
He ended up staying in bed for the rest of the day.
Believe it or not, Jax felt no boredom.
He honestly couldn’t feel anything.
Realization that he had spent all day in bed did not hit Jax until he heard everyone else walking to their rooms to go to bed.
They probably didn’t even notice him being gone. No not probably, they didn’t, period.
Even if they did notice his absence, they were definitely happy he wasn’t here, yeah, bet they had one big party to celebrate Jax being gone. They must be hoping he abstracted! He bet they were waiting for him to come out, to- to- to do what they wanted to do back in Caine’s office!
But jokes on them, he wasn’t coming out. He wasn’t going to get yelled at by them, he was going to stay in his bed; where nothing bad happened and all he had were his thoughts. And his arts and crafts, his books, and his photos…
Jax turned over to his side and flipped over another photo at random, they had been turned over for so long Jax forgot which order they were all in. The photo was of him and Ragatha.
Smiling and happy and bright like the sun. They hadn’t been like that in how long?
The camera was wobbly and shaky, because Jax was using one hand to take the photo, as the other was occupied holding Ragatha’s hand.
Her fabric was so soft. Softer than his blanket, so comforting and nice. And when she put her bare arms around him, it felt just like a shield. He'd get so drunk on the softness of her fabric skin he’d get whiplash when she let go and he’d want to scream and scream until she’d put them around him again telling him everything was fine. Why wouldn’t it be fine? He had Ragatha’s softness to protect him, wrap around him like a Christmas present with just the right amount of tightness to make him feel like he wasn’t in such a byzantine place.
Jax pulled the blanket to his face, blocking all air from entering.
That was in the past.
They ended things for a reason, they burned their bridges long ago. And they were staying burned.
Jax laid back down, and took the blanket from his face. Now, it rested sandwiched between his chin and neck, as he counted his glowing star stickers until he slept a banal seven hours.
Sunshine was getting ready to spread itself across the circus. Everyone else was in their rooms asleep, all except for Ragatha.
Last night, she didn’t immediately go to bed like how she made it seem. She couldn’t, not a wink.
She couldn’t stop worrying about Jax. But she couldn’t go into Jax’s room, it was probably locked anyway. She wouldn’t waste her time trying.
It was crazy, a wicked invasion of privacy but she just had to know if he was okay.
In the dead of night, she pressed her non-existent ear up to the adjacent wall that worked as both a wall for Ragatha’s bedroom and Jax’s bedroom and listened.
For a while it was nothing, just silence. Ragatha got bored quickly and began knitting to pass the time.
Ragatha stayed like that for an hour, pressing her non-existent ear up to the wall for any signs of Jax while mindlessly knitting.
She nearly gave up, that was when she heard it.
Jax’s voice.
Tired and miserable, counting.
Ragatha dropped her knitting needles and listened even closer than before. Hanging on every one, then two, then three, then four, then five, then six, then seven, then eight, then nine, then ten-
At about ten did Jax start to get drowsy, and the counting stopped. Jax was asleep.
Ragatha didn’t bother guessing what Jax was counting, just let out a sigh that she heard his voice. She took the side of her head from the wall and got up, putting her knitting needles and project away.
Ragatha climbed into bed and breathed in. Jax sounded so depressed, was that why he wasn’t coming out?
Was Jax…Ever going to come out? He couldn’t stay in his room all day long. He couldn’t rot in bed like million-month-old milk.
He couldn’t…
No. More like he wouldn’t.
Because Ragatha was going to go in there and convince him to get out, and if she couldn’t go in, she’d talk to him through the wall.
The button incident still sting like a bee, but they all had to stick together. All they had was each other in this digital hell, no one was getting left behind, no matter how much of a bitch they’d act like to push everyone away.