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Amanda is sitting on the couch with Angie in her lap after taking Spork out for an afternoon walk.
It's the first time Angela’s been little since she went to work earlier in the week, and Amanda wants to attempt to have an important conversation they probably should have had a while ago.
“Hey, Angie?” She asks gently, pulling the little's attention away from Amanda's rings and to her face.
“Yeah mama?” She answers sweetly, smiling up at her.
Amanda smiles, gently kissing her cheek. “You've done nothing wrong,” she assures her first, “Mama wants to have an important conversation about your thoughts and feelings, is that ok right now?”
Angela blinks at her a couple times, readjusting herself in Amanda's lap so she can look at her better.
“Mama ok?” She asks concerned, gently touching her face and Amanda nods, smiling softly at her.
“Mama's ok.” She confirms, “I just want to talk more about what happened at work,” she explains gently, sighing as the little’s face drops slightly.
“I know it’s not fun,” she tells her, “But mama wants to make sure you feel safe.”
“I do,” Angela says firmly, “Mama safe.”
Amanda runs a hand through the little’s hair, “I’m so glad mama is safe.” she murmurs, “I just want to talk about the differences between our big and little relationship.”
Angela tilts her head, “Big girlfriend, little mama.” she states easily, earning her a proud smile.
“That’s right,” she praises, “And you’re my baby right now, and when you’re big you’re my girlfriend.”
“I know,” Angela answers confused, “Why telling me?”
She takes a deep breath, “There are things mama does with big you, that aren’t ok with little you, and I want to make sure you know that.”
“Oh,” she mutters, her shoulders tensing, “No mouth kissing,” she says firmly and Amanda nods.
“Exactly,” she confirms, “No kissing on the lips.”
Amanda gently rubs her back, attempting to calm her as best she can during the conversation, “Is there anything that mama has done that you don’t want to happen again?” she asks gently.
Angela immediately shakes her head, “Mama perfect,” she praises, a small smile on her face.
“Is there anything you’re afraid of mama doing?” she continues, “Any boundaries you want to place?”
The little whines, “Trust mama no bad.” she mumbles hesitantly, “Stuff scare but know mama no do.” she explains.
“Do you want to talk about what scares you?” she asks kindly, “So mama can try to avoid it.”
She shrugs, “Cage,” she answers immediately and Amanda pulls her into her chest.
“Mama would never put you near a cage,” she assures firmly, kissing the top of her head before letting her go.
“Medicine thing” she says next, miming using a syringe. “Um, hit and yell,”
Amanda nods reassuringly, “We will stick to taking shots,” she confirms and Angela giggles, “And I’ll never hit or yell at you.”
Angela hums, playing with Amanda’s rings again with her eyebrows furrowed, “Nothing they did,” she decides, “They bad,”
She smiles down at the little proudly, “They are bad,” Amanda agrees, taking another deep breath as she gently lifts the little’s face to look up at her.
“Did he ever-,” she starts hesitantly but Angela shoves her hands over Amanda’s mouth.
“Red,” she says firmly, removing her hands and climbing out of her lap to sit on the other end of the couch.
Amanda quickly nods, “It’s done.” she says immediately, moving over to the furthest end of the couch to give her space.
Angela curls into herself, eyes clenched shut as she digs her nails into her arms and takes loud labored breaths.
The two sit in the silence of Angela’s breathing until she sits up, looking down at the ground.
“Need space,” she mumbles as she pulls herself up to her feet.
Angela walks into their room, grabbing her stuffed animals, blankie, phone, and pacifier before carrying them into the guest room. She returns to the living room to grab Spork, and retreats back to the guest room. She closes the door, not looking at Amanda the entire time.
“Fuck,” Amanda murmurs, staring at the closed door with tears in her eyes.
Through everything, Angela has never pushed her away, always wanting her comfort. She fucked up, bad.
She should have asked big Angela. She knew the second she said it that it was a mistake, but it was too late.
And now her baby is upset.
Upset with her.
And she deserves it.
She takes a deep breath as she stands, going to their room to check and see if Angela took her phone.
Seeing it gone, Amanda takes her own phone out to send her a quick text, sitting on their bed.
Manda: Take whatever time you need
Call or text if you need anything
<3
Deciding that’s the best she can do without disrespecting the asked for space, she stands and grabs her own stuffed cat, sitting back on the bed and letting herself cry as Angela’s sobs come through the wall.
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Angela closes the door and her composure cracks. She rips the blanket off the bed, throwing it in the empty closet, along with the pillows and the rest of the stuff she brought with her as tears stream down her face.
She curls up in the closet, pulling Spork to her as she shuts the door and finally lets herself really cry, sobs wracking her body until she falls into a restless sleep.
But sleep doesn’t keep her for long, she wakes up after about 30 minutes from a nightmare, with a muffled scream.
Spork licks her face and she pets him, eyes still clenched shut.
Angela clumsily pulls out her phone, ignoring her notification from Amanda, to call Chanse.
The phone rings and on the final one the call is answered.
“Hello?” says Tommy, clearly out of breath, “Angie, are you ok?” he asks gently, hearing her breathing through the phone.
“Chansey,” she whines and Tommy hums.
“One minute little bee,” he tells her, “Your bubba is in the bathroom.”
“Bubba?” she questions hesitantly.
“Yeah, your bubba will be here soon.” he assures her, but she whines again.
“No hurt bubba.” she says firmly, still audibly distressed, “Bye bye.”
She hangs up, clutching Gelato tightly to her chest as she tries to figure out what to do.
Declining an incoming call from Tommy, she calls the only other person she trusts to help her.
“Hey Angela.” Shayne says easily after a few rings, “Woah,” murmurs after hearing her breathing, “What’s wrong sweetheart,”
Angle whines, “Nightmare,” she tells him, “Bad day,”
He hums, “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks gently, “It’s Angie” he whispers to who she assumes is Court.
“Court little?” she asks with concern.
“Courtney’s big,” he tells her, “Wanna say hi?” he adds.
“Ya,” she murmurs sadly.
“Hey cutie,” Court says softly, “Shayne put you on speaker. Do you wanna tell us what’s got you upset?”
She whines, “Nightmare, alone,” she explains
“Are you home alone?” Shayne asks with concern, already confused why Angela wasn’t talking to Amanda.
“Mama here,” she answers quietly, “Upset”
Courtney hums in understanding, “You’re allowed to be upset at your mama.” they assure her, “I’ve had those moments with Shayne.”
“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” Shayne asks gently, “Or we can just hangout.”
“You doin?” she asks, answering his question without having to say anything.
“I was playing a game while Courtney watched,” he explains, “We’re just having a quiet day.”
Angela hums, her stomach growling.
“Was that your tummy, baby?” Courtney asks with concern.
She whines, not answering the question.
“It’s almost dinner time.” Shayne murmurs, more to his wife than the little, “Did you have lunch, Angie?”
“No, was big,” she tells him.
“Are you too upset with your mama to go have dinner?” they ask kindly, “Because Shayne and I can try to help you figure it out.”
“No wanna upset.” Angela admits quietly, “Love mama.”
“I know you do, honey,” he tells her, “Sometimes caregivers make mistakes, and you’re allowed to be upset and need space because of that.”
“Once I was so upset with Shayne that I had Damien come pick me up,” they admit, “I didn’t make it very long before calling him to take me home.”
Angela makes a sound similar to a laugh, “I talk,” she decides, pushing herself to sit up.
“That’s very brave of you, cutie,” Courtney praises
“Call me again if you need us, ok sweetheart?” Shayne says seriously.
“Ya. Bye bye Shay, bye bye Court, love you.” she tells them, listening to them say goodbye before hanging up.
Angela climbs to her feet, bundling all her stuff in her arms and picking up Spork. She opens the door hesitantly, looking over to find the living room empty.
Walking carefully to the kitchen she places Spork at his bowl and feeds him before turning around to walk into their room to find her mama.
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Amanda wakes up to the sound of her phone ringing.
She groans, her head pounding as she looks at the name and answers.
“Hey Tommy,” she mumbles, “What’s up?”
“What the hell is going on with your kid?” he asks concerned, “She just called Chanse’s phone crying and hung up when she found out he was little.”
Amanda sighs, “She’s upset with me,” she admits sadly, “I’m pretty sure she fell asleep, so she must have woken up and called him.”
“Sorry that she worried you,” she adds, “Everything will be ok,” she says, not really believing herself.
Tommy huffs, “Tell your auntie Amanda she’s being an idiot,” Tommy tells Chanse who laughs.
“You’re being an idiot.” he parrots happily, “What happened?” he asks, his tone immediately shifting to concerned.
She explains what happened with the least detail possible, “I accidentally pushed her a little too far when we were talking.” she admits, “She seemed fine, but I should have known better.”
“She safe worded out of it, said she wanted space, and went to the other room.” she continues, “I could hear her crying through the wall, I must have fallen asleep when she did.”
Tommy hums, “That was dumb,” he says, “But she’ll probably bounce back.”
“Angie’s probably never been allowed to be upset like this,” Chanse adds, “I get mad at dada and I can be grumpy in my room. She’s never gotten to be upset and safe.”
“Clever boy.” Tommy praises, “He’s right. This sucks right now, but the fact she was able to express her feelings without fear of you leaving is great progress for her.”
“Silver linings.” she mumbles sadly, tears in her eyes, “We can talk about this later,” she tells them quietly, “You two have a good night, ok?”
“Don’t beat yourself up, Amanda,” Tommy says firmly, “It’s gonna be ok. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Love you Manda.” Chanse adds quickly as Tommy hangs up.
Amanda sighs, letting her phone fall back to the bed as she closes her eyes again.
She doesn’t know how long she lies there like that until the bed dips next to her.
Cracking her eyes open she sees Angela sitting on her side of the bed, a concerned expression on her face.
“Hi mama.” she murmurs, hesitantly handing her a tissue.
“Hello my love” Amanda whispers, taking the tissue and sitting up, carefully wiping her tears, “Thank you.”
Angela hums, reaching over again to hand her Cannoli, “Take,” she says firmly when the woman just stares at him.
Amanda listens, gently placing him in her lap as Angela nods, draping her blanket from Amanda’s mom over her own shoulders.
The little takes a deep breath, looking down at Biscotti as she gently pets her.
“Didn’t like that.” she says quietly, “Don’t wanna talk ‘bout that.”
“You don’t have to.” Amanda assures her, “I’m sorry for bringing it up, especially while you are little. I made a mistake.”
She looks up in surprise, tilting her head, “Mistake?” she questions confused.
Amanda smiles gently, “I’m your mama, but I can make mistakes just like anyone else.” she reminds her, “Anyone can make mistakes.”
“Shay say that.” she tells her, “Allowed be upset.”
“That’s right.” Amanda confirms, “You’re allowed to be upset with mama.”
Angela crawls closer to her, “Don’t wanna.” she says quietly, leaning her head on Amanda’s shoulder.
She carefully wraps her arm around the little. “Do you not wanna be upset because you’re ready to make up, or because of something else?” she clarifies, “Because if you need more time, you can have it.”
“Mama sorry, I calm, we eat dinner.” Angela tells her, grinning softly when Amanda finally pulls her into her lap.
Amanda kisses her temple, “I’m so proud of you,” she praises as Angela wraps her arms around her and rests her ear over her heart.
“Using your words, telling mama how you feel and what you need, calling your friends for help. Those are so many scary things you did today.” she continues, “You’re so brave, Angie.”
Angela blushes, before freezing, “Tommy.” she mumbles, reaching for her phone.
“He called me,” Amanda assures her, “He and Chanse both know you’re ok.”
“Didn’t want bubba sad.” she explains to Amanda, who nods in understanding.
“Your bubba is ok, he was telling your mama how silly she was being.” she tells the little who giggles quietly.
Amanda laughs, handing her Cannoli before standing, “We gotta do dinner, baby,” she says as they walk to the kitchen.
“Fed Sporky.” Angela says proudly, “We have pasta?”
“I can make some quick pasta.” she confirms when there’s a knock at the front door.
Confused, Amanda places Angela on the couch and opens it.
On the ground in front of the door is a small pizza box with a note.
Picking it up and reading it, Amanda chuckles and hands the box to an excited Angela who rips the box open to find a small candy pizza.
“Woah!” she says excitedly, closing it to read the note, before huffing, “What say mama?”
Amanda reads the note out loud,
“For the bravest little girl - S&C”