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Cigarette smoke curled into the dark sky, the light pollution from Central City glowing from below Shadow's high rise balcony. G.U.N had tried to place him in some dinky run down hole in the wall, likely just to get him out of their hair, but Shadow was not one to simply be thrown to the side like that, and he knew how to pull Abe's strings to get what he wanted from G.U.N, which was precisely how he wrung this apartment out of them. Cushy, spacious, and on the top floor of one of the taller apartment buildings in the city, above the oppressive lights that would otherwise drown out the stars. A cool breeze blew past him as he leaned on the balcony railing, blowing the smoke from his lungs and watching it get caught in the motion of the wind, twisting and contorting within the whims of nature, a distant, melancholic feeling settling into his chest as he watched its pull.
He put his cigarette out in the ashtray he left outside on the balcony table before retreating from the cold night air back into his heated apartment, taking his phone from the kitchen counter to check it. No messages. He clicked his tongue before calling Rouge, moving into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee from the pot that had been brewing. A few rings later she picked up, her image appearing on his screen.
"Hey, handsome, how's it going?" She asked sweetly as she propped her phone up on the nightstand beside her and Knuckles' shared bed.
"Fine," he lied. "How are things over there?" It hadn't been long since they had last seen each other in person, even with Rouge living in Station Square he made it a point to visit often, but she and Knuckles had their hands full with a pair of rambunctious two year olds, and he knew that their day to day was much more eventful, and troublesome, than it had been just a few years prior.
"Exhausting, Knuckles was out when it was the twins' nap time, so of course Ruby refused to lie down, and she spent the rest of the day grumpy, got into another fight with Opal, barely ate, and now Knuckles is lying in bed with her just to get her to calm down enough to sleep," she lamented, the bags under her eyes that formed from age and motherhood looking darker than Shadow remembered.
"That sounds exhausting," he commented, taking a drink from his mug.
"Honestly, I can't wait until they're over this terrible twos stage, especially Ruby," she sighed before raising her eyebrow. "Is that coffee? This late at night?" She questioned, leaning forward slightly from where she lounged in her bed.
"Yes. I can drink coffee whenever I please in my own home."
There were a few moments of silence that followed, Rouge's expression changing from scrutinizing to somber.
"You're still stressed, aren't you?" Her voice took a softer tone, though Shadow scoffed at the accusation.
"There's no need for me to be."
"But you are."
Shadow rolled his eyes, moving to lean his elbows down on the kitchen counter, but didn't deny it.
"Come on, Shadow, talk to me," Rouge pushed, and he relented.
"... I still haven't heard from him at all," he stated, his voice a murmuring rumble in his throat.
Shadow and Sonic's relationship had gone undefined for more than a handful of years, until Sonic decided to define it, but not without a stipulation. The domestic life Shadow craved from him was out of the question, though he knew that going in — for as much love as Sonic could harbor in his heart for another, he valued his freedom above all else, being tied down to one place would strip him of that, constrain him in a way that went against his nature and would suffocate him. Shadow knew that, he accepted that, no matter how much he may wish for something different with him, it was what he chose. Sonic would not wait for him, and Shadow wouldn't make him.
It wasn't uncommon for Sonic to take off on his own, unannounced to who knows where for an undetermined amount of time. He'd be gone, and no one would see or hear from him until he decided to show up again, or they'd see his face on the news and he'd appear as if summoned asking if they got his good side. It was the life he had grown used to with Sonic over the years of being together, however this time was different. It was going on five months now since Shadow had seen him last, this was the longest he had ever been gone before, and the longer the days dragged on the longer Shadow went without sleep, the longer he ran on cigarette fumes and black coffee.
"Still? Ugh, I don't get why you keep putting up with him doing this all the time, I mean, aren't you tired of it?" Rouge questioned. She was well aware of the intricacies of his and Sonic's relationship, prying all the information from him whether he liked it or not, and she knew the kind of life he wanted with him.
"I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to solidify our relationship, it's nothing I can't handle," Shadow stated plainly, as plain as the truth could be.
"It hardly seems fair though..."
"And it wouldn't be fair for me to try to change him to suit my wants. The only thing Sonic listens to is the wind, he goes where it takes him, where he's needed, even if it's far from here." His eyes drifted from his phone screen down to the coffee in his mug. "He's free, and he's stubborn, you know that just as well as I."
"He can be as hard headed as a diamond, that's for sure," Rouge sighed, leaning her head into her palm. "Well... Try not to worry so much, alright? He's a big boy, he can handle himself out there," she offered a sympathetic smile.
Before Shadow could look up from his coffee and respond, the sound of the bedroom door opening from off the screen stole Rouge's attention, Knuckles' voice coming from the distance through the speakers on his phone.
"Opal won't go to bed until you read him that story about the princess and the emerald or whatever you told him, he said I don't do the voices right." The exhaustion that clung to his words as he spoke was practically palpable.
"Right, I'll be there in a second. Sorry Shadow, we'll have to cut this short for now, toodles!" She blew him a kiss through the phone screen before Shadow waved his own goodbye, hanging up to allow her to tend to her children.
He set his phone down, and a sickening feeling of jealousy churned in his gut in a way that made his coffee seem unappetizing. The claws on his ungloved hand scratched at the ceramic of his mug as he held it tighter, peering down once again at the dark liquid inside. As the years went by and the others aged around him, they all began to settle, even Tails, in his twenties now, lived with his partner Charmy in a state of domesticity that Shadow could only partake in as a viewer — he shook his head with a sigh, heavy and forlorn as he picked himself up from the counter top, dragging his bones along with him to pour out what was left of his coffee into the sink, despondently watching as it swirled down the drain.
He couldn't control nature, he couldn't control which way the wind blew, and Sonic was just as much of a force of nature as the wind itself, and he, too, he could not control. Sonic would not wait for him, and despite his yearning, Shadow would not wait for him either, he would continue on knowing that the wind would lead Sonic back to him eventually, when it was right, just as it did every time. He supposed he should think himself lucky that the virtue of patience came more easily to him than it did Sonic.
There was a gust of wind then, the curtains from his still open balcony door wafting into the apartment, carried by the cool air, accompanied by the distinct sound of the railing squeaking under the weight of something, though Shadow didn't have to wonder what that something was. He hurried around the kitchen counter to look out onto the balcony, and sure enough, there he was. Cloaked by the darkness of night, the light of the city pooling from underneath him, Sonic stepped down off the railing, his bright green eyes that glowed ever so slightly due to the chaos energy he housed within his body looking up to meet Shadow's as the wind gently jostled his long quills, and Shadow thought this might have been the most beautiful image he's ever seen, and it made his heart ache knowing it wouldn't last.
"Hey, Shadow, long time no see," Sonic smiled as he walked into the apartment, that lopsided grin that made Shadow want to punch and kiss him at the same time.
"It certainly was, I was beginning to think you died out there," Shadow huffed, moving to shut the sliding door behind him as to not let anymore warm air out, or rather, in hopes that it might keep him in.
"Nah, if I died you'd hear about it, I always pictured my death to be dramatic, like a supernova up in space or something." His smile didn't falter as he talked so casually about his death, leaning back on the kitchen counter, something Shadow always hated, the reminder of Sonic's impermanence and how flippantly he treated it.
"Please, you're so cocky," Shadow crossed his arms with a roll of his eyes.
"What can I say? It's part of my charm," Sonic chuckled under Shadow's glare, unbothered by it.
Sonic's smile turned more sly then, his eyes becoming half lidded as he gave a tilt of his head.
"Did you miss me?"
"Yes."
"Were you worried?" He pushed himself from the counter and stepped closer to Shadow.
"...Yes." He knew he didn't have to, Rouge was right, Sonic was more than capable of handling himself on his own, but the fact of his mortality always clung to his mind like a spector, a reminder of the inevitable.
"Do you love me?" Sonic's arms reached around Shadow's shoulders, pulling their bodies together.
"Yes."
Shadow's hands moved to place themselves on the dark blue fur of Sonic's waist, and Sonic's smile never faltered as he leaned in, his eyes closing as their lips met in a kiss that felt too soft for them to share, yet they shared it anyways. They could afford a moment to indulge in their more tender whims.
Sonic was the one to break their kiss, pulling back slightly to speak.
"You won't have to miss me anymore," he stated, causing Shadow to quirk a brow in confusion. "I'm gonna stay, with you."
Shadow's eyes grew wide in disbelief at what he was hearing, hope rising in his chest as his brows furrowed and his ears stood straight and stiff, searching in those green eyes. What he was looking for, he wasn't sure, but what he found was a distinct sadness that laid within them, and that hope in his chest burst, his ears falling.
"Don't lie to me, I'm not a fool," he growled, pushing Sonic back.
Finally, Sonic's smile fell, being replaced with a frown, an almost offended expression taking over his face.
"Wha-? I'm not lying!"
"I am not a fan of these games you keep on playing with me, hedgehog. I don't know why you insist on my suffering."
"I'm not playing any games, Shadow! If you would just let me explain — !"
"Explain then, quickly, why now after so long?"
Sonic sighed, taking a step back from Shadow as his eyes casted down to the hard wood floor beneath them, seemingly searching for a place to start in the grain.
"... I'm getting older, you know," is what he decided on. "It took longer to catch up to me than it did everyone else, but... My back has started aching, my joints too, sleeping in trees and in bushes is starting to take a toll on me. It took me so long to come back because I was thinking —"
"That's new," Shadow interrupted, deadpanned.
"C'mon, I'm being serious here," Sonic huffed in annoyance at the jab. Shadow motioned for him to continue as he leaned on the back of the couch.
"I was thinking... That it would be nice to have somewhere to go at the end of the day, somewhere warm where I can rest my joints, in a soft bed, with someone there waiting for me."
"... And what makes you so sure I'll be waiting for you?" Shadow scrutinized, but Sonic only laughed.
"Isn't that what you've been doing?"
He scoffed, turning his head from Sonic as he took his own turn to study the wood grain of the floor. He was right, really, even if Shadow would continue to live his life in Sonic's absence, he would still wait for him in moments of stillness. Wasn't that exactly what he had been doing tonight?
"Is this truly what you want?" He questioned then, his eyes moving up to once again meet Sonic's. As much as Shadow hoped for it, yearned for it, he did not want Sonic to force himself into a situation that would cage him. He was wild and free, a force that couldn't and shouldn't be contained within the concrete walls of an apartment building in the middle of a city, Shadow knew that, he could see it in the reflection in his eyes and the way his ears got flatter at his question.
"Sure it is. Don't get me wrong, I'm not slowing down any time soon, I'll go for as long as my body will let me go for and then some, but... All things come to an end eventually. Life is just a cycle of endings and beginnings, when one thing ends another one begins, but the fact that it ends is what makes it all worth it, right? I'm happy for the time I could spend out there on my own, but I always knew it couldn't last forever, that's what made me savour it in the time I had, but now it's over, and I'm okay with that," Sonic explained, crossing his arms as a melancholic tone danced in his words, almost betraying him as his eyes drifted to the sliding glass door, to the bright stars that shone in the dark sky just beyond it.
"Then why do you seem so sad about it?"
The question caused Sonic to look back at him, almost seeming surprised that Shadow had caught on to the ache he felt. He was silent for a moment before he let out a soft chuckle.
"Nothing ever gets past you, huh?" He gave a playful shake of his head as he moved to lean against the couch next to Shadow. "Things end, and I'm okay with that, I wouldn't want it to go on forever anyways, but that doesn't mean it never hurts, I can grieve what was lost while still looking forward to what's next. Things end and things begin, this is just another ending..."
He looked to Shadow then, taking his hand within his to intertwine their fingers together, holding it tight as if they were particles of stardust coming together to form something new.
"... And another beginning."
Sonic finished, and Shadow looked from their hands up to him, to his emerald eyes that shared the same intensity as the rest of him, the same sadness, the same hope, the same honesty.
The way in which Sonic could simply accept the inevitable ending of all things with unbridled optimism never ceased to confuse and amaze him. Shadow had spent so long wrapped up in his own grief, in the anger and sadness that came with loss, in the fear that came with knowing that one day he would lose those he had now, that he could not fathom looking death in the face and smiling the way Sonic did, but Shadow was not bound by mortality the way he was, he did not have to make peace with a death that would never come for him. He could only harbor hatred for the thing that had only ever taken from him, and Sonic would be no exception.
He was getting older. Bags had begun to form under his eyes, stray quills and fur scattered around that had begun to dull and fade in color and stood out against his dark blue hue, not unlike the bright stars that hung in the inky darkness of the night sky. It seemed wrong, unnatural almost, for Sonic to be touched by something like age. Sonic was an enigma, a force of nature that would stop at nothing to do what he set out to do, with nothing in this world or any other that could make him, like a hurricane or the shaking of the earth during a quake. Sonic was the wind, and Shadow thought that he should not be bound by mortality either, but he knew Sonic wouldn't agree, he wouldn't want that, and that was truly what was unfair.
This was what Shadow wanted, though, for Sonic to stay, what he had yearned for for so long, what he envied the others for, what he had cast aside as nothing but a fantasy. Maybe this was still a fantasy, a bittersweet one that was more of a reminder of what he tried to forget than any actual wish fulfillment, but Sonic was here, holding his hand, looking in his eyes, and telling him he'd stay, and fantasy or not, even though it would end, he would savour it in the time he had, just like he knew Sonic would.
"You know, you can be very insightful when you want to be, when you're not being a pain in the ass, that is," Shadow finally spoke, getting a rather hearty laugh from Sonic in return.
"You love it when I'm insightful and a pain in the ass," Sonic retorted, his voice bubbling with mirth, and Shadow couldn't help the small smile that found its way onto his lips.
"Unfortunately."
There was a squeeze to his hand, one that he returned, and he felt himself beginning.