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a faint, dry cough echoes. the castle may be made of incredibly advanced technology but the walls aren’t that thick. the cough sounds itchy; annoying but manageable. just miserable sounding enough to be concerning. none of them can afford to get sick up here. allura had given them the basic vaccines to prevent them from catching any of the really fatal space illnesses, but they were still humans. their bodies were fatigued and flawed and ultimately obsolete in the never ending stretch of space. that kind of thinking make it hard for hunk to breathe. pidge found it comforting.
“are you okay, keith?” a voice calls. it’s shiro, and it’s just a hint too worried to be casual. they’re wary now, more than ever. if one person isn’t okay, it threatens the integrity of voltron. it threatens the integrity of the entire known universe.
“yeah, i’m fine!” keith calls back, the coughing coming to a halt. he sounds exhausted, his voice scratchy but deceptively loud, like calling back doesn’t make his throat clench shut in protest. the tissue is raw and irritated, but it is children that lay down and rest while others take care of them. keith has never been a child and he wasn’t going to start being one now. he exits his room looking more tired than lance has seen him in a while, but startling young, like lance is really seeing him as a teenage boy for the first time.
we’re the same
it’s easy to forget that keith is young like he, pidge, and hunk were. that just last year keith had been in the same classes with him. he remembered hating him, but now when he thought about it he wasn’t sure why. maybe it was the way the teachers would say his name with a mix of reverence and annoyance, like keith was too good for them to ignore but too troublesome for them to be happy about it. maybe lance admired him a little bit back then, watching him from a few seats back. he had disliked how keith seemed to put so much energy into faking nonchalance, but now that he’d been with him for awhile, he’d realized that it was not faked at all.
keith coughs dry puffs of air into his fist to muffle them. they don’t sound good, reminiscent of a countryside dog barking into the open air. lance is glad he remembers dogs. keith doesn’t see lance standing a few feet away. lance knows it, because keith wouldn’t be coughing in the open if he did. lance’s eyebrows furrow. he fills a glass with something to drink. they haven’t named it yet, but it’s wet and almost tastes like peach juice if they think hard enough about it. it’s cold and he hopes it will soothe keith’s tattered throat.
“why did you tell shiro you’re okay? you look like shit.” lance says. he cuts right to the chase. he’s learned keith prefers it that way. keith clears his throat. lance can hear the wetness there, mucous lining the tissue. it rattles. there’s liquid in his lungs. thinking about it makes lance’s own chest feel congested, so he takes a step back. it’s a precautionary measure. better to be down one paladin than two.
“he worries.” keith says. it’s not enough of an explanation, but lance never gets enough of an explanation from keith. he takes a sip of the drink lance has given him and goes on his way. the thank you is implied. lance almost lets him leave in silence, but he just can’t stay quiet in good conscience.
“keith.” he says firmly. keith’s head whips around. he hadn’t been expecting lance to address him again. they were okay on the team, could work together fine. however, their personal relationship wasn’t as functional as it could be. they both knew it was lacking, but neither knew how to go about improving it.
“yeah?”
“get some sleep. feel better.” he says it like an order. keith nods.
“okay.” it’s soft and not at all full of fight the way lance thought it would be. maybe if they were still on earth and a cold was just a cold but up here…
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keith doesn’t get better. he’s exhausted and can’t keep his eyes open and his abdominal muscles are sore from the tightening that comes with coughing. coran sits his down and looks at his tongue, the roof of this mouth, feels his lymph nodes. it’s not contagious. it’s not the cold they know of, though it presents similarly. it’s a minor strain of a space flu that. unlike earthling diseases, is contained within the individual. coran says that it doesn’t usually last long. keith needs lots of rest. keith looks mad at himself when coran pulls back, like he can’t believe the audacity of his body to fail him like this.
their bodies were fatigued and flawed and ultimately obsolete in the never ending stretch of space
later, lance hears coran, shiro, and allura talking.
“the strain of flu that he has contracted isn’t normally this severe,” allura says. “it is very much exacerbated by high levels of stress. he pushes himself too hard. he is to go absolutely nowhere near the training simulator until a week after he has stopped showing symptoms. we aren’t risking it.”
“we thought we’d tell you because he seems to listen to you,” coran chirps. “make him listen, yeah?”
“we can’t really blame him for being stressed. it’s a lot for anyone to take on; defending an entire universe. he’s a teenager. he wasn’t ready for this. none of us were” allura nods solemnly, and lance is reminded that she isn’t that old either.
“the bottom line is whether he’s happy about it or not, he needs to get a lot of sleep and not train or do anything resembling training until he’s better. i don’t think he realizes it, or maybe he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, but sometimes he needs help, too. he’s young like the other paladins. i appreciate his work ethic but i don’t know why he pushes it the way he does…” allura trails off. shiro’s mouth is a firm line.
“i don’t need parents. it’s okay. i’m not sad; you can’t miss what you’ve never had.”
“keith.”
“i’m my own mom and my own dad and i accepted that a long time ago. what’s the use in denying it?” shiro sighs.
“fine, then. i can’t change your mind now. that’s okay. just know that there are people who will help you. there are people who want to help you.”
“i don’t know either.” shiro says. lance decides he should leave.
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they all do their best to help keith. he hates it. it’s embarrassing and pathetic and he wants to smack the bowls of food that hunk and pidge bring him out of their hands but it’s not their fault he’s like this. it’s his own fault. he’s laying in his bed with his shirt clinging to his skin and his thoughts chasing themselves around in his head.
“i know that you want to be as good as you can possibly be,” shiro tells him. the look in his eye is fond. his human hand cards through keith’s hair and it makes him sleepy. he smells like keith’s past.
it is some form of mercy, he thinks, that they are able to have pieces of home with them on the ship. lance, hunk, and pidge. coran and allura. him and shiro.
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“are you guys related?” a voice asks.
“n-” keith starts to answer.
“yes.” shiro says.
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“but you need to allow yourself to take breaks sometimes.” keith grumbles nonwords uselessly into his blanket as shiro speaks. it makes shiro bite back a laugh. it’s funny how they are so so far from home and yet not much has changed. “part of being a paladin is knowing your own limits. alexander the great had conquered so much of the world only to die because of a fever.” he lifts up keith’s bangs and presses his wrist to keith’s forehead, clammy and hot.
“wow. haven’t seen your forehead in a while. you’re still pretty warm. do me a favor?”
“anything.” keith says, eager to repay him. too eager.
“take a nap. take the longest nap you can take, and then get up for some water or some food and take another one.”
“okay. i’ll try.”
“that’s all i ask.” shiro stands up and squeezes keith’s arms comfortingly in his hands. they used to hug, back before kerberos, but a year of nothingness made keith hesitant to do that anymore. they were working their way up to it, all of them. hunk was sick of group hugs with keith off in the corner. lance was sick of group hugs that took place while keith waited for them to be over. they understood of course, but it was hard. they were all waiting with arms full of love and keith wouldn’t accept it. it hurt their hearts a little.
when keith is asleep, lance lets himself in through the door. he’s in there to drop off a cup of the pseudo peach juice and some kind of altean medicine that coran has made into capsule form so it’d be “easier for an earthling to take”. he had seemed very excited about it but lance had considered chucking the pills on the way into keith’s room, worried they would do more harm than good.
keith isn’t sleeping soundly. his eyebrows are furrowed like he’s having a bad dream, his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. his hand is twisted in his sheets and lance hears faint little syllables crawl out of his mouth in protest. his shirt is soaked with sweat, clinging to his chest. he watches and waits, not sure what to do. shiro might be mad if he wakes keith up, but it doesn’t seem like keith is enjoying what he’s dreaming about. as keith begins to twist and his leg suddenly jerks, that feeling like falling, lance approaches the bed, sitting down in the area unoccupied by keith’s limbs. he pushes keith’s bangs out of his face with gentle hands.
“woah there, buddy. easy, easy. it’s okay.” he’s going to have to get keith a cold rag or something. the fever is unacceptable. he decides he should wake keith up anyway so he can take his medicine. keith lets out a sound of protest in his sleep.
“no,” he hears. it’s faint but pained. “don’t.” lance scoots closer to him and pulls keith’s body up a bit so that keith’s upper body is resting on his chest. he puts his arms around him. it would be weird under normal circumstances, but lance knows what nightmares are like, knows the images he’s seen that still remain in his mind, easily conjured. for all of his sarcastic bite, lance has always felt compelled to comfort people. so he sees a sick teenage boy whimpering in his sleep and does what he can, a hand sliding down keith’s back.
“you’re okay.” he whispers. his hand slides through keith’s hair. keith can feel the touch, but can’t interpret it yet through the thick sheet of sleep. it’s not shiro’s hand, too small and not enough pressure. there are arms around him, comforting somehow though he isn’t sure whose they are.
sana, sana, colita de rana
his eyes flutter open.
si no sanas hoy, sanarás mañana
it’s lance
he almost startles when he sees his face. he looks sheepish, almost guilty.
“sorry,” he says. “i get it if you’re mad at me, but...you were having a nightmare. i felt bad.” lance says. his hand is still in keith’s hair, but he removes it slowly. keith doesn’t know what to say. his throat hurts.
“coran gave me this medicine to give to you, and some peach juice to wash it down.” he gestures to the cup and the small plastic bag next to it. keith isn’t moving from his spot against lance’s chest and lance doesn’t know what that means.
“are you mad at me?” he asks. keith turns and coughs into his elbow. lance feels keith’s entire body shake against him.
“no,” keith says, raspy and uncertain. he sighs. his body hurts. “i don’t feel good, lance.” lance can’t help it. his heart breaks. keith looks young in the artificial light, helpless in a way he hasn’t ever seen him look before.
“i know, buddy. maybe the medicine will help. i mean, i’m not sure i trust coran’s medicine making skills, but it has to be better than this.” he speaks so gently. he is reminded of nights spent taking care of his little siblings.
“i hope so,” keith says. but then he says “why are you being so nice to me?” and lance freezes. he wonders if keith really thinks lance hates him. it’s a good question. lance can’t fully explain it himself. it goes beyond just wanting to help someone in need. it’s beyond even wanting to help a fellow teammate.
“i will ignore the insinuation that i am not a naturally caring person.,” he says, pretending to be offended. “you’re sick.” he says. “we’re all a big family up here.” there’s an almost unperceivable twitch of keith’s eyebrow, like the word “family” puts him on edge. “that’s what families do. they take care of each other.” do they? keith thinks. lance tries to convince himself that he’s sitting on keith’s bed with keith laying against his chest because he has a familial obligation, but even to himself he sounds ridiculous.
“should i leave now?” he’s surprised keith hasn’t kicked him out yet, to be honest.
“no.” keith says. it’s that same raspy voice. “i’m really tired. you’re...it’s comfortable like this.” lance’s mouth spreads into a soft smile. keith’s eyelids are droopy. he blinks twice, fighting off the wave of sleepiness. like this, he reminds lance of his cat percy at home, all lazy and snuggly and tired.
“no sleeping til you take these pills.” he reaches down to get the bag carefully so he doesn’t launch keith off of his body and then hands him the peach juice. keith knocks the pills back like they’re nothing and lance tries not to stare.
“um. okay,” he says. “you can sleep now if you want to.” keith adjusts his body a bit but can’t seem to get comfortable.
“lay down.” he says, and lance quirks an eyebrow. “uh...please?” that does the trick. it would be weird ordinarily but keith is sick and their usual relationship dynamic seems to go out the window. lance slides down and pulls keith up, but keith insists on burrowing in lance’s chest. he’s not sure how this can be comfortable when keith’s body is on fire, heat pouring out of him like he’s more furnace than human, but he doesn’t question it. it is vastly unusual for keith to show so much lenience and acceptance with touch and lance doesn’t want to ruin it. he attributes it mostly to keith’s being delirious with sleep and flu but a distant part of him wonders. dangerously, it wonders. lance’s skin feels hot with something like embarrassment, but he’s pleased too, like this is keith admitting that he likes lance, that lance is actually a pretty neat guy.
when keith seems to be asleep, or mere seconds from that, lance runs his fingers through keith’s hair again.
sana, sana, colita de rana
the nightmare changes.
it’s always the same idea, the same thoughts. keith sees everything he’s ever loved get sucked into a blackhole. he cries out but there is no sound, and keith doesn’t love many things. he loves shiro and his knife and at first that was all he lost because it was all he had, but then time went on and more and more things got sucked away. it was his lion. it was the other paladins. it was lance, clad in his blue suit with his hand outstretched like it had been when he was stuck in the airlock that day, calling for keith,
keith.
keith.
“keith, wake up.” lance’s groggy, sleep laced voice filters through the room. he shakes keith gently.
“i have to get up. i- i must’ve fallen asleep,” lance says. he looks around the room with confusion.
“i’m glad you got some rest, but for i and the other healthy paladins…we have training. if you’re feeling up to it you can come down, but if you aren’t please stay here. like, seriously.” keith nods. it’s hard to get up when lance is next to him and so comfortable. if he were a little more awake right now he might pretend he’d never let lance into his bed, deny that he had slept with lance wrapped around him, but the truth was that now he just didn’t care.
“i’ll come down. if i can’t train with you guys i want to at least watch, but i’m gonna wash up first.”
“okay. see you down there.” lance pulls his jacket back on. apparently at some point he had taken it off. keith couldn’t blame him when he had to deal with keith’s own feverish body against his all night. it must’ve been unbearably warm. keith was still trying to understand why lance had let keith lay with him like that at all. he had expected to wake up with lance gone, but instead lance was in his room with a pleased, almost smug and groggy look on his face. keith wasn’t sure how he felt about it. lance left through the doors and keith got his stuff ready so he could take a shower.
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“fuck! allura i don’t care what you say, this is not the usual gladiator difficulty. you hiked the level up. we’re dying out here!” lance screams. keith sits with his arms crossed behind coran and allura, watching intently. so that’s what they look like from up here. losers.
“you know what? i did, because i can’t baby you guys. you should be able to take down this gladiator if there’s four of you to do it. come on, paladins!” allura could get pretty brutal in training sessions. keith hadn’t understood her frustration at first, but earlier pidge had yelled “why don’t you do it, then! if you’re so strong!” and allura had stormed down there and taken down the gladiator in seconds. pidge sighed.
“fair enough.” and then a grumble. “i hate being wrong.”
“aw, pidge. everyone does.” hunk said.
“yeah, but it’s such a rare occurrence for me. i don’t know how to deal with it.”
“okay. i don’t feel bad for you anymore.”
“we’re going to try this again.” shiro says. he was annoyed now, keith could tell. although he wasn’t sure who with. “and i need you guys,” he says, pointing at pidge and lance, “to be quiet and focus. i know we’re down keith,” at that keith slumps, “but it shouldn’t matter anyways. we need to know how to fight as a team regardless of how many people are with us. i know keith has a bit more experience with hand-to-hand combat than you guys, but that shouldn’t matter. just try your best and quit complaining.” it was that same tone that had made keith want to better himself back at the garrison, his advice that was both humbling and inspiring.
they all nod, steeling themselves for a moment before allura sends out the next gladiator. it’s set at the same level as before, and keith whistles.
“hm?” allura asks, hearing the sound.
“it’s on level 9. i’m still having trouble beating level four. how did you take it down like that?” allura smiles. she looks proud.
“well, i happen to have altean super strength and it helps that i know every preprogrammed strike that the gladiators are capable of. however, it’s pretty impressive that you can hold your own up to level four. you’re young, keith. it’s not easy to beat them. the only reason i have it on level 9 is because i know you all are capable of beating it. your combined strength as a team should be more than enough to take it down. if you were to start being able to take down a level 9 gladiator on your own..that would be incredible ” keith smiles back.
“all the more reason to keep practicing, then.” he hears coran chuckle to his right.
“we’ll make an altean warrior of you yet, keith.” he says cheerfully. turning his attention back to the fight at hand, he watches as pidge launches herself off of hunk’s shoulders and gets a nice hit on the gladiator, knocking it over. it’s too early to celebrate. the gladiator picks itself up with startling quickness, but shiro comes in from behind with his hand glowing. he nails it right in the small of the back, and lance gets it in the side with his gun. hunk, to keith’s surprise, gets a good hard kick on it while it’s still reeling from the last two attacks, and the gladiator is pretty much history. it goes down with the thunk of broken technology, and allura’s smile is brighter than the sun.
“good job, paladins!” she cheers, and the paladins below are whooping and high fiving each other and smiling. keith smiles, despite the way his face feels full of pressure and it kind of hurts. he’s proud of them. him, allura, and coran walk down to see them.
“that was a wonderful display of teamwork,” coran says. “i’ll have to whip up a victory dinner. are we thinking green goo or purple goo?” he queries, and everyone winces. shiro smiles sheepishly.
“we appreciate it coran, but i think that won’t be necessary.” the others look relieved. coran, unnoticed by anyone, leaves the room.
lance comes up behind keith, clapping him on the back. he does it with a little too much force and almost knocks keith off balance, but keith doesn’t say anything because he’s in a good mood.
“guys, if we’re that strong when there’s four of us, imagine if we had keith out there with us!” lance says. keith’s eyes are wide with surprise and the others turn their gazes on him, smiling.
“we’d be unstoppable.” shiro says. he looks at keith knowingly and grins. pidge and hunk shout words of agreement and keith is happy, if a little embarrassed. he looks at lance, searching for something in his face, but all he sees is lance’s joy at their victory.
“then, how about this?” coran says, returning with a few bottles. “i believe it’s similar to what you earthlings call “alcohol”.” everyone looks at it with wide eyes, and then they look at shiro. he looks doubtful, but then smiles. he’s the only one of the drinking age, and he’s very responsible, but this is an exception.
“okay,” he relents, but then looks at pidge. “you’re not quite old enough for me to do that in good conscience, and i know matt and your dad wouldn’t be very happy with me. coran, you got anything for pidge?” pidge nods, unsurprised. coran disappears for a moment and comes back with a different bottle. it’s a bit dusty on the sides, but he blows the dust off.
“this is a non-alcoholic drink. it’s...well. i don’t know how to describe it in a way you would understand.” shiro raises an eyebrow, and coran hands him a cup and he pours some in. he takes a sip and swishes it around in his mouth.
“um. okay, so...it’s like...yoo-hoo?”
“what.”
“it’s like chocolate milk but it’s more watery and there’s like a coconut kind of taste.” he elaborates, and pidge smiles.
“okay, that’s good. that’s more than fine.”
they change out of their armor into more comfortable clothes and keith is cold but his cropped jacket doesn’t do much to keep his torso warm so he keeps shivering. they’re sitting on the couches with a table in the middle and the bottles and cups set up. allura smiles.
“it’s like an altean dinner party.” coran shares a knowing look with her, and allura’s eyes sparkle with a mix of fondness and sadness.
“you okay, keith?” hunk says, noticing how keith keeps rubbing his hands up and down his arms.
“i’m fine.”
“you’re cold.” shiro says. “the alcohol should make you feel a little warmer.” then he turns his gaze on lance and hunk.
"a hoe never gets cold," pidge whispers, and then gets up and high fives lance.
“boys.” he says in his i’m-giving-orders tone, and hunk and lance sit up ramrod straight out of habit and jerk their heads around to look at him. “be careful with this. this is a rare event and i don’t want you to give me a reason to make it a one time thing. don’t be crazy with it and pace yourself.” they nod seriously, and it’s nice, because they know shiro is only warning them because he cares. coran goes around and pours them all a glass, except for pidge who has her cup full of the chocolate milk drink and is waiting to clink glasses. shiro tries to tell coran they can all get their own drinks but coran insists, and then they’re all sitting with a glass in their hand.
“well,” shiro says. “cheers!” and then all clink their glasses in the middle and take a sip.
it’s unlike alcohol on earth. it’s definitely an acquired taste, and shiro makes a face when he first tastes it, warmth burning down his throat. keith coughs on his first sip because it’s stronger than he expected and it becomes a coughing fit. he’s still cold. lance sets his glass down and takes his jacket off, placing it over keith’s shoulders. it’s fuzzy and so, so warm.
“what’s…” keith begins to ask.
“you’re cold.” lance says, like no other explanation is necessary, and then picks his glass back up. allura starts telling a story about a particularly disastrous dinner party her father had once hosted and they all laugh and drink. it’s easy and nice like this. keith feels the warmth from the alcohol that shiro had told him about and he wonders if his face is getting pink. he’s a glass in and his tongue feels a little heavy. he finds himself leans against lance and the back of the couch subconsciously.
“sorry,” he says, when he notices he’s using lance like a pillow (again) and lance laughs. “no worries. i know i’m incredibly comfortable.” he smiles in that way that keith used to hate when he first met him but it’s not the same anymore. the annoyance he feels is a vague simmer under his skin replaced by fondness.
“keith, keith.” shiro says, tapping on keith’s shoulder to get his attention. “remember the treehouse?” it was supposed to be quieter, but it ended up getting everyone’s attention. keith laughs at the memory.
“what’s the treehouse?” pidge asks, and shiro laughs too.
“so i met keith when he was fifteen, right? and i had him come to my parent’s house a lot, because they loved him and my mom was always asking me to bring him so she had someone to cook for. you know how moms are. they just want to feed everyone until they burst-”
“my abuela is the same way!” lance says, happy at the thought. “she was always like ‘mijo, you are too skinny.’ and i was like abuela, i’m not hungry, and she would get mad if i didn’t eat so i had to sit down and eat like seven extra helpings that i didn’t even want in the first place.” he was laughing now.
“yeah, that’s like shiro’s mom. she wouldn’t make me eat until i was sick or anything, but i always left a little too full.” there was a beat, everyone thinking about their families.
“so, the treehouse…?” hunk prompted.
“oh, right. so i was 23 and i wasn’t really sure how to bond with keith. i go to my cousin yuta who’s like 14 and i ask him what teenagers are into-”
“you are such an old man,” pidge snorts.
“hey, i was doing my best. so yuta goes ‘treehouses’ and i’m like great. i’ll build him a treehouse.”
“by yourself?” lance asks incredulously.
“yes! shh, that’s important later. so i’m building this by myself and it looks pretty good and stable and everything and i go inside to check it out. guess what i did.” shiro waits. nobody answers, and keith laughs loudly.
“i think to myself ‘wow, this looks great’ so i pick up the last wall from outside and from the inside i’m attaching it, and then i realize.” everyone shouts.
“he fucking doored himself in!” lance howls, trembling with laughter. he wipes a tear from his eye.
“shiro.” pidge says, admonishing.
“i’m pretty sure the first rule of building a treehouse is to not get stuck in the treehouse.” hunk says from the floor where he fell after hearing the latest part of the story. allura is trying not to spit out her drink. coran seems to be regretting their decision to make shiro the head of voltron and keith is laughing harder into his hand, half laugh and half cough. he speaks up.
“so i get this call.” he says, and everyone groans shiro’s name.
“‘help! keith! i’m stuck in a treehouse!’ i thought he was pranking me! i hung up!”
“that is such a keith thing to do oh my god.” lance says, doubled over. he’s wheezing. the paladins might not survive long enough to hear the end of the story.
“so i called him again.” shiro says, and he’s laughing too in between sips and sentences.
“and i’m like ‘fuck’s sake, shiro. where is this treehouse you’re stuck in?’ ‘uh, my backyard’ ‘shiro.’”
“and i get there and i hear someone knocking from inside this treehouse that was never even there before, and lo and behold, it’s fucking shiro.”
“he had to saw me out!” shiro yells and laughs at the same time, and everyone is crying with laughter.
lance is hitting hunk’s leg because he can’t take it. keith is getting nauseous from laughing so hard so consistently.
“my mom comes out ‘oh, takashi!’ it was ridiculous. have you ever seen a fifteen year old saw a grown man out of a treehouse? you don’t want to.”
“oh, i totally fucking disagree!” lance says.
“that should’ve been a garrison field trip.”
“does anyone else know about this?”
“no!” shiro shouts. “i made my mom and keith promise not to tell anyone. keith is great at keeping secrets.” he looks at keith. “i love you, buddy.” he calls, and keith smiles.
“i know.” it’s been awhile since he’s seen shiro this happy and carefree. it’s nice. he’s missed it.
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the conversation fizzles out two glasses in because everyone is sleepy, sore from training, or both. they bid their goodnights and keith realizes as he gets to his door that he still has lance’s jacket on. some part of him revels in wearing it and doesn’t want to give it back, but the logical part of him knows he has to return it. he knocks on lance’s door and hears a voice say “come in!” still happy from the night’s events.
keith comes in (he’s not wearing lance’s jacket anymore, but he’s holding it) and lance turns around.
“what’s up?” he says, speaking just a little slower than normal still, tongue thick. allura said they’d sober up quickly after drinking their altean alcohol. the alteans were a diplomatic warrior planet, she said. they had to be ready to fight or negotiate soon after drinking, couldn’t afford anything else. “oh. i, uh, forgot to give this back to you. thanks for earlier, by the way. i don’t know why i was so cold.”
“no prob. it’s usually kinda chilly in the castle. maybe we were just still warm from training so we didn’t notice.” keith nods. he feels like he doesn’t want to leave yet, but there’s not much reason for him to stay. the room smells like lance and the bed looks inviting. somehow the room looks so much more lived in and enticing than keith’s room, cold and devoid of any evidence of occupancy.
“yeah, you’re probably right.” it’s silent.
“are you feeling better?” lance asks. he’s putting some kind of green stuff on his face. a face mask. he gets a weird feeling, watching lance do something so calmly, so comfortably. it’s like affection.
“yeah, actually. i think tomorrow will be my last day of being sick. although, i think the cough’s gonna stick around for a little while.” he pauses. “that motherfucker.”
“do you get sick a lot?”
“no. that’s why i was so pissed when i found out.”
“so it was overdue then.”
“i suppose so. i couldn’t really get sick when i was in the desert because it was just...me.” he doesn’t realize until after it’s out of his mouth how sad it sounds. it makes lance, a member of a large family, stop and turn around to look at keith with green mask all over his hands.
“sorry, it wasn’t supposed to sound sad.” lance gets up and leaves, and keith is frozen in place. he wonders if somehow he’s pissed lance off. as he goes through what he said though, there’s nothing that seems offensive. lance walks back in a second later.
“sorry i had to go wash my hands off. anyways,” and keith lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. asshole. keith thought he had upset him but he was just washing face mask off of his hands. lance climbs onto his bed.
“come here.” he says. keith stares.
“what?”
“well, you don’t have to. you can leave, if you want. but you can also stay. you want a massage?”
“what?” the situation is growing increasingly confusing.
“calm down, dude. listen. it’s not easy being up here. we all know that. you’re stressed. allura said that’s why you got so sick. i heard her talking to coran and shiro. i bet your body aches.” keith processes the new information. being stressed had made his sickness worse? his muscles did feel sore, despite him not doing anything the last few days...
“okay, so i can see you need a second to mullet over.” keith glares. lance puts his hands up in apology, and then wiggles his fingers.
“okay. okay. so i have these hands, and they’re really good at giving massages…” keith takes off his jacket and climbs into the bed besides lance. when he’s settled in, he turns and looks at lance.
“okay.” lance grins, cracking his knuckles.
“you have come to the right place, my guy. my massages are life changing and magical. lay down on your stomach.” keith flushes a little. he’s voluntarily allowing lance to touch him all over. he’s nervous and maybe reconsidering, but he lays down anyway.
“under or over shirt?” lance asks, and keith blurts out “over” before he can even finish.
“okay. luckily this shirt isn’t too thick so it should still feel nice.” he says, and then, because he knows how avoidant keith is. “i’m gonna put my hands on your now.” keith nods, thankful for the warning. lance’s hands come down tentatively on his skin, warm and sure of themselves. they feel around his back and shoulders and lance whispers “holy shit,” so keith looks up.
“dude. your knots have knots. and those knots have knots. you have like 9 generations of knots in your back. what the fuck. is this why you look so mad all the time. jesus christ.” he’s rambling to himself and it makes keith smile into the blanket where his face is smashed down.
“wow, i’m a baby. one time i had this knot in my back- i whined about it forever. pidge almost threw out of the simulator because she was sick of hearing about it…” he trails off, hands resting on a place where the muscles are particularly taut and tense. he presses down lightly and keith gasps.
“okay, so yeah. this might hurt a little while it’s happening, but then you’ll feel so much better. this was supposed to be a really casual massage but in light of your back being a fucking minefield, i’m gonna try to help you out a bit.” he presses into the skin and it hurts a lot, but it feels so good at the same time. keith is thankful the bed muffles the noise he makes. he hadn’t expected to enjoy it so much. lance’s hands work skillfully over his back, massaging where back becomes neck, and then his shoulders, and then dangerously low on his lower back which keith finds kind of embarrassing but nice in its own way, and back up again. he can feel his muscles relaxing and the tension melting away under lance’s gentle touch. he picks his head up from the bed and lance looks at him expectantly.
“where’d you learn how to- oh.” he gets interrupted by a particularly good placement of lance’s knuckles in his back. he flushes. “give massages?”
“my mom made me rub her feet and back and stuff like all the time. it was because she wore high heels to work. i told her she’d feel better if she wore sneakers but she never did,” he sighed fondly. “yeah, my mom is stubborn.”
“maybe one day we’ll all get to meet her.” lance looks at keith with wide eyes, clearly surprised by that statement. then his face relaxes, and he smiles a happy, almost private smile.
“yeah. maybe one day.” he yawns, and he rubs little circles into keith’s back. “hey, sit up. let me get your shoulders some more.” so keith sits up and waits. lance adjusts so that he is sitting behind keith, but his legs are too long for him to sit with them crossed comfortably for a long time and they put about a foot between him and keith’s shoulders, so he sits with the outstretched on either side. keith is sitting against lance’s chest and the realization makes him blush. he doesn’t mind it (not even a little) and tries not to make it awkward with a weird comment or something so he stays quiet. lance’s hands are rougher when they get to his shoulders, enough that the force of them shakes keith a little. it feels so good, though as his thumbs press into his shoulderblades. he feels...calm. which is something he hasn’t been able to say for a long time. at ease, maybe. lance’s hands slow down on his back and then he pulls them off.
“i’m really tired,” lance says. keith doesn’t know how to reply, already missing lance’s hands on him.
orphans grow up to be touch starved, says the lady in the kitchen. he’s supposed to call her mom, but instead he called her tanya.
“me too.” he says. he waits for lance to say something along the lines of “you better get going” but he doesn’t. instead, he says:
“left side or right side?”
“hm?”
“which side do you want? i’m not picky. i’ll sleep on either.” oh, he thinks. oh.
“um...right side.”
“you got it. wait. go get your pillow real quick.” it’s weird, how the idea of keith leaving lance’s room and sleeping in his own isn’t even mentioned. keith is thankful for lance’s affection, just detached enough to stop it from being awkward. he gets up and gets his pillow and brings in his blanket too (just in case) and waits at lance’s door. he hears shuffling and muttering and then lance is opening his door. the room is a little neater and he takes the blanket and pillow to set up his bed. then he leaves to go wash his face and tells keith to get comfortable which, for keith, means just staying in his normal clothes.
lance comes in with a noticeably less green face and takes a look at keith.
“uh. what are you doing?”
“what do you mean?”
“where are your pajamas?”
“these,” keith says, looking down at his clothes. “are my pajamas.” lance gives a long suffering sigh.
“this kid,” he mutters. ever since keith told lance that he was born in october lance has taken incredible satisfaction from the fact that he is older than keith, even if it’s by a month and four days. he uses it to his advantage in moments like this. he goes in his closet and rummages through some stuff. keith doesn’t know why or how he has so many things in there. they’d come up with only the stuff they were wearing, but it seemed like with every planet they went to lance’s closet got fuller. apparently he could knit, so that helped him some. he pulled out a shirt and a pair of pants and went “aha!”, throwing them at keith.
“wear this instead.” keith picks up the clothes and examines them. they’re soft and smell like lance and are slightly too big and somehow he finds that very pleasing. it twists nicely in his stomach, the thought of wearing lance’s clothes.
“okay. thank you, lance.” he says, and lance freezes for just a second, like he’s never heard keith thank someone for something in his life, and then smiles.
“you’re very welcome. lay down, i’m gonna turn the lights out.”
“i have to get changed.”
“oh, right. well then it’s even better that i’m turning the lights out. i won’t look.” he gets up and flips the light switch and hears keith grunting and mumbling angrily as he misses the leg hole a fifth time.
“are you good?” he says when the mumbling stops, and keith just sighs. out of curiosity, he gets up and turns the lights back on for a second, and then promptly dies laughing on the floor.
“shhh!” keith says. it’s late now and they’re being loud, but he can’t help but smile, too. “what’s so funny?” he says, but starting laughing halfway through.
“have you recently noticed both your legs are in the same fucking pantleg? i’m crying.” he says, wiping a tear. keith looks down at his legs and laughs too, his face slamming into the bed. it’s too much. he doesn’t understand how he didn’t notice that. he can’t move his legs and he’s laughing too loud.
“the shirt is on backwards, too. holy shit, it’s too late for this. i’m gonna turn around and you’re gonna...fix that.” he turns around but he’s still laughing. keith can tell by the way his body is shaking.
“don’t laugh! i need to focus.” but that just makes lance laugh more.
“okay, i think i’m good now.” lance turns around smiling and seeing keith in his clothes makes him feel grossly warm inside. he remembered feeling like this with a girlfriend he had briefly in middle school when she showed up in his hoodie that he’d left at her house, or when his boyfriend in 9th grade came to school in his t-shirt. oh shit, he thinks to himself. he looks cute. i hate this. he’s been quiet for a moment too long.
“you gonna turn out the light or…?”
“Oh, yeah!” he hits the switch and walks over to the left side of his bed, getting under the covers. he is hyper aware of keith close to him, body warm and comfortable in lance’s clothes. his heart clenches. he is so tired, but his heart is so very awake.
“goodnight, lance.” keith says next to him. he knows he’ll fall asleep quickly, because the massage had been so relaxing.
“goodnight,” lance says back. keith falls asleep within minutes, absolutely exhausted. he’s snoring slightly, because his nose is still a little stuffed up, but it sounds so much better than it had a few days ago, than it had last night when they were just like this, when keith was nestled in lance’s arms. it seemed like this was becoming a habit. was it becoming a habit? fuck. was that necessarily a bad thing?
any other night he’d just be glad he has new blackmail on keith like that he sleeps with his day clothes on and snores and can’t put on pants unless the lights are on but for some reason he doesn’t care about that. for some reason all he can think about is keith in his bed with him, asleep and calm, and how he’s responsible for that.
so what if his chest fills with pride. no one is awake to see it anyway.
lance turns his body towards keith and lets himself fall asleep under both of their blankets, keith’s body heat washing over him. it’s the best he’s slept in a while. he doesn’t even need his music.
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they wake up wrapped in each other’s limbs and keith stretches and makes a pleased sound. ugh, god. lance wants to smash his head against a wall. he can’t believe this. he’s known for a while now that he doesn’t hate keith, and he’d even accepted that they were kind of friends, but now he’s sure of it; he likes keith beyond even friendship. he’s pretty sure at the very least he has a crush on him. the information is alarming, but considering they’re laying side by side right now under the covers, his heart is pretty happy.
“what time is it?” keith groans. lance checks the clock near his bed.
“it’s like 10:30 am. it could be worse. i should probably get up and see what we’re doing today. stay here.” keith is too tired to protest. he stays nestled under the covers, buried until lance almost can’t see him. he sees him there, all calm and relaxed, and his heart hurts. he wishes he could see keith like this more often.
lance gets up in his pajamas and walks out like that. he sees the crew in the kitchen and takes a seat next to pidge.
“what’s the plan for today, you beautiful people?” pidge and hunk look at each other.
“nothing really? unless we get ambushed or something. coran and allura are doing some routine check ups and repairs.” hunk says. “you know, fix up the gladiator we absolutely demolished the other day, strengthen the particle barrier...that sort of thing. i think shiro is working out or something.” pidge snorts.
“of course he is. we have a day to do absolutely nothing and he’s working out.” lance looks at pidge, who’s messing with some robot.
“who are you to talk? you’re working, too.”
“it’s not work if you enjoy it, and i really enjoy my robots, thanks. they do whatever i say and don’t ask me ridiculous questions.”
“they only do whatever you say because you program them that way! you can’t do that with humans.” pidge sighs.
“an unforgiving truth.”
“hey,” hunk says. “where’s keith?” lance is about to tell the truth, but then realizes that it’s just too embarrassing and he can’t deal with being teased relentlessly this soon after waking up.
“no idea. he better be sleeping. we need him to get better as soon as possible so we can-” he’s cut off by hunk saying “hi, keith!” as keith rubs his eyes and walks into the kitchen. he’s wearing his jacket over the pajamas lance has lent him, but the pants are still visible, and it does not escape hunk and pidge’s notice that they are definitely lance’s pants.
“good morning,” keith says, and his voice sounds so much better. he doesn’t sniffle and his cough isn’t as dry or severe as it was the day previous.
“feeling better?” pidge asks, but now her eyebrows are raised knowingly, her lips in an evil smirk.
“yeah, actually. a lot better.”
“i see…” pidge looks at lance, and lance looks at pidge, and for a moment there is unwavering eye contact, as if lance is trying to say “pidge no” and pidge is saying “pidge, yes.”. pidge runs out of the room and lance is right behind her, running like he’s never ran before.
“where are you going?” he demands. pidge’s only answer is laughter. keith looks at hunk questioningly and hunk just shrugs.
“shiro!” pidge says, sliding around the corner onto the training deck. “keith and lance are sleeping together!” lance slaps a hand over her mouth and tries to carry her away but it’s hard to hold her when she’s struggling like this and shiro has already heard her. shiro falls out of his plank with a scandalized expression.
“excuse me?” he says, sounding equally surprised and kind of offended. lance jumps to defend himself.
“that is a lie! pidge is a liar.”
“why’s he wearing your pajamas the-” lance puts his hand back on her mouth.
“tell me what’s going on, lance. and put pidge down.” he does, and pidge blinks innocently, as though she hasn’t just ruined lance’s life.
“okay. well first off, pidge made that sound way worse than it is. keith slept with me in my bed. like literally sleeping. next to me. completely clothed.” shiro nods slowly.
“okay. i don’t see a problem, then.” he’s even kind of smiling. “why was that such a big deal?” he asks, uncrossing his arms.
“because pidge likes to make my life miserable.” he whines.
“is keith feeling better?” shiro asks, changing the subject, and lance brightens up. that’s a question he can answer.
“a lot better. i kind of...gave him a massage last night to make him feel better.” shiro is trying not to laugh.
“the keith that’s your rival?”
“yes.”
“you gave him a massage?”
“yes.”
“and then lent him some pajamas.”
“yup.”
“and then let him sleep in your bed with you.”
“pretty much, yeah.”
“because he’s your rival, right?” shiro asks, and now he’s just being condescending.
“alright, listen. he’s not my rival anymore i have one rival now and that’s zarkon. i have decided that keith is my friend now, and i don’t wanna hear shit about it.” shiro nods.
“fine with me.” lance is confused.
“that’s it?” he asks.
“yeah. what did you expect me to say? we wanted you to be friends in the first place.”
“...good point.”
the day passes and before he knows it, it’s night time again. he wants to sleep with keith again, but he isn’t sure if keith will be willing to now that there’s not really a reason for it and neither of them are already in the other’s room. he shouldn’t want to sleep with keith so bad, but something about it had been so nice and comforting. he had slept so well, so peacefully. he walks to his room and enters, noticing that the other pillow and blanket are gone. his bed looks lonely. he frowns to himself and tries not to think about it too much. he’s slept in this bed by himself every day they’ve been up here except for last night. he can manage.
but he lays in his bed with his headphones on and his one blanket pulled over him and it’s just not the same.
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the next night, lance decides to bite the bullet and go ask him.
“so, keith.” keith turns around.
“hey. what is it?”
“you seem lonely. you want to sleep in my room again tonight?” keith looks around as if he expects a hidden camera. he had enjoyed sleeping in lance’s room a lot but now that he was being asked out of the blue it felt suspicious somehow.
“what happens if i say yes?”
“then you can sleep in my room.” lance says simply, maybe a little more hopefully than he was going for.
“hm…” he says, narrowing his eyes at lance.
“why does this feel like a trap?” there’s a loud crash as something falls from the ceiling, and then they see hunk stand up and dust himself off.
“what the fuck.”
“see, it kind of is a trap.” hunk says. “lance wants you to sleep with him in his bed, but instead of just saying that, he asked you if you’d like to do that so it looks like it’s all on you.”
“why were you up there?” keith asks.
“eavesdropping with pidge.” lance sighs.
“just get back in the fucking ceiling, hunk.”
“you got it lance, my man. you two are so cute. hey, pidge!” he calls, and a robot arm descends from the hole in the ceiling and locks a massive hand around his midsection. “see you guys later.” he says as he gets lifted back into the ceiling, and keith is pretty sure his jaw is on the ground.
“that was...an event that occurred.” keith says, staring at the ground.
“certainly was.” lance responds. the air is awkward between them. “so are you gonna sleep with me?” nevermind.
“yeah. yeah, okay. same arrangement as before?”
“unless you’ve decided you prefer the left side.” keith smiles.
“right side is nice.” it’s quiet for a minute. they’re not ready to stop talking to each other yet.
“you know that you become a human cage when you sleep?” keith asks. his voice sounds fond. lance blushes a bit.
“what?”
“your legs are like 8 feet long. i tried to move at one point but i couldn’t. it was like i got put in leg jail while i was asleep and no one could come bail me out.” lance starts laughing.
“i’m sorry. i’ll try to keep my legs to myself tonight.”
“i didn’t say you had to.” keith says.
“oh.”
“i’m gonna go get my pillow and blanket.” keith says, leaving for his room, and lance nods, distracted by the thoughts running through his head.
keith doesn’t go to his room.
“shiro?” he calls, knocking twice on his door.
“come on in, buddy.” shiro says, and keith comes in. seeing keith’s troubled expression, shiro’s eyebrows knit together.
“something wrong?” he asks, awash with fatherly concern.
“so lance wants me to sleep with him.” keith begins, and shiro clears his throat.
“um.”
“like literally sleeping.” he clarifies.
“gotcha. that’s better.”
“but it’s so weird, shiro.”
“why is it weird? did you say yes?”
“yeah but i’m...i’m looking forward to it? that’s so weird. why am i looking forward to it?” shiro laughs and ruffles his hair.
“i hate you two.” keith looks scandalized. “no, i’m kidding. do you like lance?”
“of course, we’re on the same team.”
“keith. like romantically?” keith stops to think about that for a minute.
“oh shit.” he says, looking up.
“that’s what i thought.”
“that sucks. he probably doesn’t like me back.” shiro gives keith the most unamused glare.
“he gave you a massage.” shiro says, drawing out the last word. keith gasps like shiro just insulted his lion.
“how do you know about that?”
“i have my sources.” keith snorts.
“it was pidge.”
“classified info.”
“don’t ‘classified info’ me.”
“is this how it’s gonna be?” shiro moves like he’s gonna put keith in a headlock but he’s smiling.
“go take a nap with your new boyfriend.” keith glares at shiro and shiro starts cackling.
“you are a despicable man who gets himself stuck in treehouses.” shiro gasps.
“take that back! i built that treehouse for you! we had a great time in it!” keith smiles.
“alright, we’re even.” he startles. “shit, lance is waiting for me. goodnight, shiro.” shiro pulls keith into a nausea inducing, bone crushing hug and keith is tense at first but then just accepts it.
“you deserve to be happy.” shiro says into keith’s hair, and keith smiles. it’s a soft smile this time. keith is reminded of their talks under the stars at the garrison, of their talks in the treehouse. it was just in shiro’s backyard, but it had felt like a whole new world. it had felt private and safe.
“you do, too.” shiro notices that keith doesn’t say “thanks”. which is good, because that means keith agrees with him.
“goodnight, keith.” shiro says, and keith leaves shiro’s room feeling happy and comforted. he gets his blanket and pillow hastily and rushes into lance’s room.
“sorry,” he says. “i had to ask shiro a question. did i take too long?” he asks, and lance sits up and shakes his head. “not at all. your pajamas are over on your side.”
your side. keith likes how that sounds.
“okay. turn around.” he says, and lance faces the opposite direction while keith gets dressed. this shirt is bigger and roomier, so very different from keith’s usual tight black shirt. it’s a good kind of different.
“okay, i’m ready. want me to hit the lights since i’m up?”
“if you would,” lance answers, and keith walks over and flips the switch before getting under the blankets. a few moments of comfortable silence settle over them. they both are warm and happy, but won’t admit it.
“hey, keith. can you hold this?” lance asks, and nudges his hand against keith’s under the blanket.
“what is it? i can’t see anything.” lance intertwines their fingers.
“what?” keith says. “i don’t...oh.” lance laughs.
“this okay?” keith’s face feels hot.
“yeah. although, i imagine my answer will change when i find out how hard it is to sleep like this.”
“well. maybe we don’t have to sleep just yet.” lance says gently. he’s implying something. keith knows that much, but he doesn’t know what it is exactly that he’s implying.
“stop being confusing.” keith says, and lance kisses him, a quick peck. it’s over so fast keith kind of feels like he imagined it.
“wow. it is dark as fuck in here. how did you manage to not miss my mouth?” lance groans.
“oh my god. i thought we were having a moment. i can’t believe you.” keith squeezes lance’s hand.
“don’t be upset.” keith whispers.
“oh trust me. i just kissed you. i am not upset.” keith blushes.
“yeah. about that.”
“hm?”
“try it again.” play it cool, lance.
“i can do that.” lance says, and leans in again. this is a different kind of kiss. later he’ll say this was their first kiss and the peck was a practice run. keith will say he’s not a computer program and there are no practice runs.
“oh. you’ve done this before.” keith says, pulling back.
“you haven’t?” lance asks, and keith shakes his head. lance’s head threatens to explode.
“what?” he asks. he’s not good at hiding his surprise. “oh my god. no. that’s so cute. don’t do this to me, man. i’m soft.”
“i know. that’s why you’re comfortable to sleep with.”
“now you’re just lying to me to make me feel better. hunk makes me get off of him because i’m too bony.”
“okay well one, i don’t lie to make anyone feel better. i thought you were well aware of that. and second, that’s understandable. i don’t know if i’d want you laying on me either. something tells me it’d feel like a bag of remotes.” lance sighs.
“that is sadly most likely true.” he makes eye contact with keith. something passes between them, lance’s heart beating quicker with something that is not quite anxiety, but is definitely something. anticipation, he thinks. keith’s face is so close to his, his eyes pretty and his lashes long.
“hey,” he says softly, his eyes already fluttering shut as he dares to lean in.
“hi,” keith whispers back, and he tries to meet him halfway. keith just does his best to make actual contact with lance’s mouth in the dark and lets lance take it from there. lance’s lips press against his successfully and he rests the hand that’s not busy holding keith’s hand on keith’s hip, sliding up and down the side of his waist where the skin is exposed.
then he deepens the kiss, and it’s a change, although not an unpleasant one. it’s...a lot. that’s the best way keith can describe it. there’s a lot of feelings all at once, both physical and emotional, but he’s pretty sure they’re all good. he kisses back, getting used to it, and it’s nice. he likes the reassurance of lance’s touch and the pressure of his mouth against his and his eagerness because the only people here are lance and himself and if lance is eager then it’s to kiss and touch more of keith and that gives him a new feeling that he doesn’t know the name of. he only knows it’s exciting and alive and it twists within him, alive and demanding. he could kiss him forever, it feels like. he doesn’t think he’d mind, but lance will have to get up early tomorrow and so will he so he pulls away (and their mouths make a wet popping noise that keith finds satisfying) and at lance’s dazed and confused expression he says “it’s getting late, and i’m new to this.” lance nods.
“okay. we can go as slow as we need to. that’ll never be a problem with me.” he pants, and keith feels safe. they kiss one more time, and when they pull away they’re both grinning.
“shut up.” keith says.
“i didn’t even say anything!” lance says back, but he’s smiling bigger than keith is. he places a kiss on keith’s neck and keith gasps. that’s a different feeling altogether.
“no. sleep.” lance laughs.
“alright, alright. i’ve been thinking about this all day. i’m just happy, okay?” keith groans, shoving his face into the crook of lance’s neck.
“enough. you can say stuff like that tomorrow.” he says. he’s embarrassed but so happy.
“and the day after?”
“then, too.”
“and the day af-”
“go. to. sleep.” lance brings keith’s hand up to his lips and kisses it, and keith makes a face like he’s disgusted even though he regrettably finds it a little cute.
“‘kay,” lance says, pulling keith into him and keith lets himself be held.