Work Text:
Robert is very, very tired.
He thought it would be easier, now that he doesn't have to see her at work. It should be. But instead, the looming dread of her presence has leaked into every aspect of his life. At least before, he knew she'd be somewhere in the building. Now, she could be anywhere. Lying in wait, holding her breath. She could be right behind him and he'd have no idea.
He can almost feel her breathing down his neck, pressing against him, lips and hands and hands-
C'mon. Focus. You're fine.
"What's up with you, mecha bitch?" He jumps at the hand on his shoulder before he can even register the voice.
"Yeah, what's been eating you?" He stiffens, ever so slightly. Malevola.
He doesn't really know what to do about her. She's his friend, right? It was all in good fun. A joke. A joke that made him scrub his skin bloody, cry himself to sleep, imagine the sensation over and over and over again.
A shitty joke, maybe, but a joke all the same. She didn't mean anything by it.
"Just tired. Noisy neighbors, you know how it is" He does a terrible job of selling it, but they back off. The last thing he needs is them poking around in his business, stirring up all the shit he's trying to stamp down.
He feels worse alone. Vulnerable. Like she'll come back any second, and even though he knows the chances of that are abysmal, it doesn't stop him from fixating on the fact that there is a chance.
In a moment of weakness, he stops Waterboy as he drops off a pile of paperwork - in a large ziplock, this time. Clever.
"You busy?"
"No-Nop- I-I'm not" He stammers.
"Mind hanging around, then? I'd like some company" He looks confused, and then ecstatic.
"I'm-I'd be honor-honored!"
The persistent chatter about bands he's never heard of and cats he'll never meet soothes his nerves for reasons he can't understand.
But soon, the shift ends, the team goes home, and he's alone with his thoughts. Even Beef is gone, being looked after by Chase because his own apartment has officially reached a biohazardous state. He refuses to subject his furry son to the same torment he allows for himself. Only one of them deserves it, after all.
He finds himself on the balcony, lighting a cigarette. He tried one once in middle school and hated it. So he doesn't smoke.
He puts the lit cig out on his arm, lets the burn consume his thoughts for a moment.
A guilty pleasure of sorts, but pleasure isn't quite the right word for it. He doesn't enjoy it. But he craves it when he starts to feel off, the sharp, gnawing sting of a cigarette against soft flesh his go-to way of feeling real again.
He uses cigarettes for plausible deniability. People would ask questions if he carried a lighter around with no cigs, and had a mysterious collection of burns on his arm. They'd be suspicious. With cigarette smoke clinging to him, the lighter makes sense, and the little burns on his wrist are easily explained away by his clumsiness. It also gives him more control over the severity of the burns, and the placement. In theory, at least.
"Hey" his ritual of self destruction is interrupted by the last person he expected to see after hours.
He keeps it cool, dropping his half-gone cigarette and crushing it under his heel, as if he doesn't know damn well it's not lit anymore "Hey Flambae"
"We're off the clock. Call me Chad." He leans against the railing, watching him with searching eyes.
"Chad, then. What's up?"
"You've been acting weird, Bob-bob" He says.
Fuck. "You're gonna have to be more specific"
His face scrunches, "I don't fucking know, you've been all- jumpy and tense lately. Moreso than usual" Chad gesticulates a little too suddenly and he can't stop himself from flinching.
Chad opens his mouth like he's just about to exclaim that he caught Robert in the act of being 'weird', but pauses, looking at him in a way he can't describe.
A beat of silent watching, neither wanting to be the one to break first.
"What's wrong with you, Robert? And don't bullshit me"
Chad says it so bluntly and suddenly that it breaks the mask of composure he'd been clinging to. He shakes his head and lets himself slide down to the ground, a sob escaping before he can even think to stop it"I don't know"
"Talk to me." He mutters with unusual gentleness. Kid gloves, maybe, but it works.
Everything comes tumbling out of him all at once. The monotony of life that he's been feeling, the paranoia, the drinking far too much and not eating nearly enough because he feels more hollow than he has in his entire life. The apartment rotting from the inside because he can't bring himself to do anything but fear what he can't see.
"Did something happen?"
His fingers pick at a healing burn on his arm, "I guess. Not really. It's stupid"
"You're stupid" Chad says reflexively "Fuck, sorry. Just- tell me"
"...Invisigal cornered me in the locker room. She went invisible a-and I thought she had left but I guess she hadn't, and she um. She kissed me?" His throat feels tight, the balcony far away "I didn't- I tried to push her off. I don't know why, I mean, what kind of guy doesn't want a hot girl to kiss him-"
His hand is encased by warmth, steadying unnoticed shaking.
Chad is kneeling in front of him, looking him right in the eye.
"That's not fucking stupid."
"... Really?" He asks in an uncharacteristically small voice.
"Yes." Chad replies with conviction.
Shit. He needs a drink. Maybe a few more minutes with a cig. Maybe to bury this deep, deep down with everything else he wants to ignore.
"Hey, earth to Bob-bob. We'll figure things out. We tell Blazer, Invisibitch gets blacklisted from SDN-"
"No. We won't. We won't do anything"
"Robert"
"It's not that big of a deal, and it's definitely not worth going to Mandy over. Visi's her friend. I can't- I can't ruin that because I'm the only guy in the world who's upset about being kissed by a pretty girl"
"Why do you keep saying that like it means anything?"
"Because I should've liked it and I didn't."
"The hell are you talking about? She kissed you when you did not want to be kissed. That is assault. She assaulted you. Obviously you didn't fucking like it."
Fuck. Fuck. "Fuck" he hisses, because suddenly everything makes sense and it is crushing him. Now he really needs a drink.
"Yeah. Fuck." Chad's words are abrasive, but he can tell they're coming from a place of care.
"...that wasn't the only time. Just the only time she really got- physical." His skin crawls just thinking about it "She'd say weird stuff about me all the time. Sometimes in front of people. Mostly in private. On my first day at SDN she went invisible to watch me change. Mandy didn't say anything about it, and I just sort of thought- I don't know"
"You're telling me this has been going on this whole fucking time?!" Chad looks beyond horrified "And you've still taken to dispatching better than anyone else we've had. Don't tell anyone I said that"
"I'm used to putting my head down and getting shit done. No matter what" He shrugs. His father's words echo in his head. Get up.
This does not seem to help his case in the slightest, if the withering look he receives is any indication.
"So, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to make you dinner. You're going to sleep on my couch tonight, because I've heard about your biohazard of an apartment and I refuse to let you go back while you're having a breakdown. In the morning, we'll talk more about next steps. Okay?"
He holds out a hand. An olive branch, a buoy in the sea of darkness Robert's drowning in, the precursor of a handshake, whatever. It doesn't matter. What matters is that it's a step forward.
He takes it. He gets up.