Chapter Text
Dear Jay,
It felt cruel…
It felt unfair,
It was unjust,
To put it simply it was
Fucking Bullshit.
My eyes never left, as you were lowered into the ground.
It was a closed casket.
I didn’t even get to see your face again.
The glint in your eyes, the gentle curl of your hair or the mischievous smile that never failed to lighten my mood.
Dick and Babs said that you were beyond recognisable.
That it would’ve hurt more to have seen you in that state of pain.
…I don’t think he realised that I wouldn’t have loved you any less. My heart would’ve simply ached more knowing that your last moments were in torment.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
We were supposed to grow up together.
Graduate school, go to university together and show everyone from Gotham Academy that the two ‘street urchins’ were so much fucking smarter than those trust fund kids ever realised.
We were supposed to study literature or history or whatever we wanted, joke about our professors, complain about deadlines and exams, and spend hours reading in the library.
We were meant to be in this together.
I hate you
I hate that you left
I hate that you fucking died before we ever got to live.
I hate that you were my best friend,
You selfish asshole…
You weren’t meant to die before I told you that I love you.
Forever Loving You, Y/N
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You and Jason were as thick as thieves.
Just two young kids, rough around the edges, a little jaded by the world in which they grew up in.
It felt so long ago.
You had met at Gotham Academy.
The school for the trust fund babies of Gotham.
Which also happened to have some of the best educational opportunities in the city.
You had been enrolled through the Martha Wayne Scholarship - a lifeline for your inquisitive mind.
He was recently enrolled after having become adopted by Bruce Wayne, not that you had known at the time.
It was just by chance that you had met.
You had gone to the library, spending your lunch in the peaceful alcoves surrounded by so many books.
When you had rounded a corner to find Jason, seated against the shelves, slouched – and blocking the book you were after.
“Are you ok?”
His eyes never lift to meet yours, “yeah, just fine.”
You pause, unsure of what to do.
You really wanted that book.
“If you’re just going to make fun of me like those other kids just get it over with” his words dripped in a defensive sharpness, eyes lifted to meet yours squarely.
His words simply made your brow furrow. You noticed the slight sheen, and red rimmed eyes.
While he was in the Gotham uniform, properly pressed and put together.
The tussle of his hair and calloused hands were unlike that of the gelled back looks and smooth hands of the other students.
He almost fit in.
But not quite.
Just like you.
With a small shake of your head, and a sigh, you walk slowly towards him and slink down to sit beside him, staring out into the distance.
“Was it Cindy? Or was it Asher?” you ask blankly
“Hm?”
“I swear they can be so mean, meaner than a cat after you’ve refused to share your food”
His lip quirks up a little, into an amused smile.
“Especially if that cat is the stripy grey and brownish one that seems to always be hanging around Pablo’s Pizza Place on the corner of Greenwood and Morrison street. I can’t prove it but that cat has a personal vendetta against me”
His eyes flash with recognition, “you don’t mean Sardine?”
“Sardine?”
“Yeah, it’s Pablo’s cat!”
“You’re telling me that my greatest arch enemy is a cat, called Sardine!?” you say aloud in exasperation, while he laughs at your realisation.
A comfortable silence falls upon you both.
“My first day here, all I can remember thinking was that everyone here was so strange. So proper. So copy and paste. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever known”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, I’m here on a scholarship, without it I would’ve never been able to go here. I grew up in the East End. We only recently moved, so that we were a little closer to here”
At this he had perked up, “no way, I grew up near there too… I also just moved. I’m Jason by the way,”
“Y/N, nice to meet you Jason. Do you mind scooting over a bit so I can grab the book I was after”
“Oh yeah, sure. Sorry” he shuffles over, allowing you to reach and pull the book out from the walls. It’s dusted deep lavender hard cover, felt weighted and satisfying in your hands. Even the books felt rich.
“What’s that about?”
“Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. I’ve always wanted to read it, it’s a classic”
Jason’s eyes peer at it in curiosity,
“Would you like to read it with me?” you had asked,
“If that’s ok?”
You smile at him in response, before opening the book and sitting closer for him to be able to see. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife…”
And so began the friendship between Jason Todd and Y/N L/N.
Their lives began to intertwine throughout their school years, time spent reading in the library as an escape from the outside world, growing closer and closer as years went by.
Neither felt defined by their upbringing, instead feeling completely themselves when with each other.
Each lending a listening ear whenever the other needed.
Whether it would be Jason grumbling about his struggles with Bruce, or if Y/N had been having issues with another student in class.
Sometimes without even having to say anything, they understood the other all too well.
They were there for each other.
Through thick and thin.
Spending time exploring the city, going to book stores, as he insisted on buying her new books to add to her ever growing collection, roaming the halls of Wayne Manor, helping Alfred bake cookies as a ruse to eat the dough.
You were incrementally added into the fold of the Wayne household, a common face around those halls.
Dick and Barbara were always welcoming, and Bruce often had a small smile when he would see you and Jason simply hanging out together.
Your dynamic with each other added a much needed relief and joy to the stifling mansion.
Just being free.
Early evenings spent on rooftops, watching the hazy sun set, casting a fiery glow upon the city.
Eerie, beautiful, and so very special.
It was there upon one of those rooftops where Jason had confided in you.
Revealing that he was Robin.
It made you burst into laughter, at the image of your best friend, clad in brightly coloured spandex prowling the dark streets of Gotham.
“I’m serious!”
“I know, I know – It’s just” another bout of laughter wracks your body, as Jason looks at you in exasperation, “You mean to tell me, you fight crime in those shorts!?”
A teasing smile sneaks onto your face, as you watch his face flush in embarrassment.
“It’s a legacy! It wasn’t my choice…the former robin set the standards…”
“I’m just teasing, you know. It’s pretty cool what you do.”
“You think?” he questions, a little unsure of your sincerity.
“Yeah.” Your hand reaches out slightly, placing it beside his in assuredness.
“You’re saving lives, making a difference. You’re giving hope to this city. And this city fucking needs some hope”
His hand envelopes yours, a loose squeeze in appreciation, “thank you.”
“....so does this mean Bruce is Batman?”
“You just had to ruin it?” eyes rolling at your unseriousness, “yes…”
“I knew all those billionaires had weird hobbies…Wait if Robin is a legacy? Does that mean you’ll become discowing one day??” as you fall into a fit of laughter, imagining your best friend prowling the streets in the iconic, but short lived, suit.
His eyes widen, simply choosing to shove you slightly “Why did I think telling you was a good idea”
“Cause you love me” you teasingly say in a sing-songy voice, not noticing Jason as he huffed a small yeah, eyes softened and full of warmth as he looked at your grinning face.
That was just how the two of you were.
You felt at home when you were around him, never knowing why or how to verbalise it.
Everyone in the manor could see it, even the kids at school thought you two were together, it just made sense.
Typical, that you two were the only ones who didn’t.
Neither of you had ever said just how much you meant to each other.
Sure, you knew you both cared deeply for the other.
But you never verbalised it clearly.
It was always in the little actions.
The off handed remarks, or teasing I love yous, that never ventured any further than friendship.
The small moments that could go easily unnoticed.
Glances when they thought the other wasn’t looking.
Words of love and affections were just not something shown in the neighbourhoods they grew up in.
Healthy loving relationships were few and far between.
Neither of you knew how to be something you had never seen before.
And then it was too late.
Jason had died.
Died in pain,
Died, thinking that he was alone,
Died, not knowing that you loved him endlessly.
A closed casket.
And with it sealed, so was the closing chapter of yours and Jason’s story.
…
The world had promised that dreams can come true, they simply failed to mention that nightmares were dreams also.