Chapter Text
It’s almost like McKay can tell when it’s going to be an off day. Something in the patients she gets, the way she’s slightly more distracted than usual.
She’s been blaming it on the sheer lack of sex in her life - but there are definitely other factors.
One of them is Victoria, still a med-student but a few months in the E.R action have done her well. She’s more confident, less shy and Bambi-like, even if she still sometimes looks at McKay a certain way that does awful things to her stomach.
More confident and more chatty. Gone is her fully shy demeanor; she's growing into herself.
Hanging out with Santos has done Victoria well, and it’s great that she has friends here and is on her own and excelling - it just…. Cassie has problems. Issues that she’s aware of and guilty of.
Her eyes linger on Victoria too often; she keeps glancing down at her collarbone, her pouty lips - it’s ridiculous how good the girl can look after an eight-hour shift. Sweaty and hair curling and undoubtedly beautiful.
It drives Cassie mad. How good Victoria looks. She can't stop looking at her when she has the chance. Her eyes naturally drift to where Victoria is in the room.
She’s half of Cassie's age.
Her twenty-first birthday is today. Jesus, Cassie needs to confess her sins to someone. Really, as soon as possible.
When Cassie was twenty-one? She was an absolute shit. Hooking up with girls and getting into a lot of reckless trouble. Victoria is doing much better than her, another thing that makes Cassie feel all weird about this…. Crush. Thing. This admiration.
Victoria is a genius, to put it in easy terms. A genius who will probably be one of the smartest doctors by the time she even gets close to Cassie's age. So much potential is stored in her; Cassie doesn’t want to ruin that.
All someone like Victoria needs is a scandal, which would probably ruin her career and the life she’s been looking up to for so long. Cassie's not going to do that to her. She can’t.
So she’s been dying, silently. Watching Victoria from afar as she swallows down this feeling she gets around her.
It’s been bearable, but it’s not anymore. She keeps overhearing conversations, Santos and Whitaker - a duo that makes more sense the more she learns about both of them. Also, knowing now that Garcia is involved. They don’t really talk much, but maybe she could go to her for advice on dating younger students - keep talking about it.
Victoria's big birthday plans at a bar, Santos is inviting everyone. Literally everyone. She invited Cassie, who turned it down gently with some excuse about time. She and bars aren’t good together; the kid doesn’t need to know the extent of it.
It's a bad combination, being in a bar where the main focus is her pretty med-student. That's a recipe for a Cassie disaster that she's staying far from. It's not like she'll be tempted by the drinks; she's been sober long enough that the urge doesn't overcome her. She just might be tempted by something else, whatever outfit Victoria is wearing to this birthday bash.
Despite turning it down, it seems to be haunting her shift.
Every time someone teases Victoria about it, she gets flustered. She immediately will look away and explain anxiously, it’s not a big deal! Don’t make it an entire thing. In that high-pitched, nervous voice, she does.
Cassie finds it too endearing; she wants to soothe her anxieties. She wants to see that same flustered face in a completely not HR friendly scenario.
She sighs, looking at the list of patients on their monitor. Trying not to listen to what she’s sure is Whitaker asking Santos what time they should be getting ready.
When she blinks, the screen is still there with a hand waving in her face briefly. Smells like nicotine and mint.
"Done dozin' off?" Dana asks with a raised brow. Looking over her glasses as she always does.
Cassie swallows, looking away - seeing Javadi walk into a room with Whitaker, then she looks back at Dana, “Yep.” She breathes in, “Just… feel like today is gonna’ be one hell of a day.” She sighs, laying it heavily on the just-tired narrative.
Dana tilts her head, a little smirk on her face, “That’s the first week of July for you. Heat makes things slow.” Then she goes over to her desk, spinning her chair to face the computer. A few clicks until, “ I heard it was our little med students' birthday today.” It feels a little pointed.
Another click, but nothing else said.
Dana has a way of knowing things about everyone. It’s the reason Cassie likes her, but also knows when to keep a distance from her. Sometimes you don’t need Dana Evan’s knowing every little secret. Sometimes you want to keep it a secret.
Cassie looks at Dana, humming, “Yeah. Twenty-one.” She goes for nonchalance.
The silence that follows is so thick. This reminds Cassie that this is the week when she needs to stay away from Dana for a few days, maybe let someone else be the victim of Dana's analysis.
She sees Dana open her mouth, look at her over her glasses - and then Cassie grabs an iPad. “I’m taking the kid with the broken arm,” She clears her throat and then slithers out before Dana can start again.
Dana just grunts, "Uh-huh." She calls out.
The kid with the broken arm is the best distraction.
It gets her thinking about her son, about the way he is in school. Roughhousing with his friends. She’s happy that Harrison is so well-adjusted. There was a lot of worry. Of course. She worries so fucking much about that kid.
A lot of it feels like her fault. It is her fault, but she’s getting over it. She’s put in the effort for things to change, and sometimes cases like these remind her of how much work she’s done.
It’s the worst when she doesn’t have Harrison for the night or hasn’t seen him in a while. It’s not like he’s a baby, but he’s still a kid. He's still her kid, and being a parent will do that to you.
That constant worrying. Constant doting.
The mom of the broken arm kid is unbelievably anxious. The son fell from his treehouse with his other friends, and the mom is fretting over every little detail. Asking for double checks.
It’s when the son groans in annoyance that Cassie smiles sympathetically at her.
“He’ll be fine, I promise. A little broken bone never hurt a kid this rowdy.” Cassie gives the son a look, and he grins a little sheepishly in return. The mom nods, eventually taking a seat after pacing. She runs a hand through her hair, a deep breath escaping her.
”I just - I get really scared.” She laughs softly, “He’s my only kid, and I can’t imagine if I miss something that spirals into something bigger.” She explains.
Cassie nods. Damn, does she get it. Harrison is her only kid, too. There’s so much fear that goes into parenting that they sort of tell you about. They never tell you the extent of it. She’s always got a pang of worry in her chest.
She walks over to the mom, rubbing her shoulder, “I get it.” She says quietly, “I worry about my son all the time.” Cassie shakes her head, “To the point where it’s a little unbearable for him. It’s just what we do.”
The mom's shoulders relax a little bit, and Cassie hums, “Look, he’ll be fine. But I can send you two home with pictures of the most recent X-ray. You can look up all the symptoms and stuff to ease your mind.”
She exhales, nodding, “Okay.” She looks up at Cassie, “Thank you.”
Cassie smiles, letting go of her shoulder, “Of course.” She looks at the son, “No more falling off tree-houses, alright, kid? You’re scarin’ your mom.” She teases, “I’ll be right back with your scans.”
The mom lets out a little wet laugh as Cassie leaves the room, closing the door quietly. She exhales, sanitizing her hands and looking around the E.R.
Okay, good case. Easy. Connected a little. Cases like that are nice; they actually make her feel a little refreshed. She handled the problem, she even got to get a little introspective -
“Dr. McKay.” Cassie turns. It’s Victoria.
She genuinely can’t help the way her eyes look Victoria up and down and then focus on her face. She tilts her head. Cassie is so calm. It’s not like she’s been avoiding Victoria; their paths just haven’t intertwined in a while.
Her eyes take in the way Victoria inhales and exhales, her chest rising, her neck when she swallows.
Cassie nods, “Javadi.” She gives her the best friendly smile she can. Cassie can see how fast Javadi is breathing. The little intakes of air she does make it look like she’s been running around a bit. The necklace tucked into her scrubs. In… Out.
She needs to get water. What is wrong with her?
Victoria tightens her grip around her iPad, “I was wondering if you could, um, check this case out with me? I was going to find Dr. Al-Hashimi, but she’s busy and -“ Cassie's already prepared to look at the case for her. She takes the iPad from her smoothly. It feels like an instinct. Interrupting Victoria's spiral.
The kid gets like that sometimes, despite growing in her confidence - there are some things you can't change. Like the obvious anxiety Victoria seems to always be carrying. Birthday or not. Cassie is sure it comes from a lifetime of high expectations for herself, from herself and others. Her parents.
“Of course, what do we have?” She asks as she starts walking.
Victoria follows quickly and then leads her to the room, “This is Liam. He’s got a burn from the grill while making food.”
Cassie whistles, looking at the burn, “Looks like bbq gone wrong.” She smiles at the patient, who returns it with a soft chuckle. He’s about Cassie's age, a little gruff. She looks at Victoria, who doesn’t look quite happy to be in this situation.
Which is weird. Cassie looks closer at the burn; it’s not too extreme. It’s definitely something Javadi could’ve done with the help of an intern or another student. She tilts her head at Victoria, “Anything else I need to know?”
Victoria rounds the room, looking at the computer and tapping it a little impatiently, “No. That’s it. He insisted he be seen by a doctor who knows what they’re talking about.” Her voice is tight. Cassie sees the way she inhales sharply, how her fingers tap against the keyboard.
Oh. No wonder Victoria looks a little pissed. Cassies dealt with guys like this for forever; it’s almost a doctor-hazing experience. You have to go through one hundred people thinking you’re not qualified, to actually get in the position.
It’s definitely worse for Javadi. Being that young, and also beautifully doe-eyed. People don’t take her seriously when they should.
Cassie looks at Liam, then Victoria. She looks at Liam again, “Well, that’s unfortunate. Dr. Javadi, here is a very qualified med student.” She looks at the burn, “So I’ll let her patch you up while I oversee, how about that, Liam?”
Liam rumples his brows, looking at Victoria like she was the one who burnt him herself. He huffs, “Make sure you watch and see what she’s doing.” He looks away, “I’ll sue this damn hospital if this preteen fucks me over.” He avoids making eye contact with Victoria.
Victoria lets out a little scoff that Cassie does hear. Bad bedside manners, but this time she’s allowed. This guy is a dick.
Cassie hums as she watches Victoria get to work. The procedure is quick and easy, and anti-infection and burn care is easier to handle when it’s from something small.
Liam doesn’t even thank Victoria as they send him off. Which leaves a bad taste in Cassie's mouth, Cassie puts it in the back of her mind to make sure more assholes are thanking their doctors. Especially the woman. Especially Victoria.
The girl is gifted, and she should be praised for exactly that.
Victoria leaves the room, disposing of her gloves and sanitizing her hands, when Cassie catches up to her.
”Hey,” Cassie says, leaning up against the wall. Victoria looks up at her. Her face twisted slightly in a pout. Cassie swallows. She’s too fucking pretty. “He was a dick, but you handled that well.” She smiles at her.
Victoria's face stops being so scrunched up, and she smiles back, looking away, “Thanks.” She puffs out a little breath, “I’ve been so stressed today, and he just made it worse with that whole… thing. I’m glad it’s over.” She explains.
Don’t bring it up, Cassie. Really, it’s probably the one thing she shouldn’t bring up. Victoria doesn’t even like her birthday. She doesn’t like attention like that. Cassie knows this. Maybe that's why she does it. Victoria doesn't want attention; Cassie wants to shower her in it.
”Because of your birthday?” She asks. Cassie can’t help herself. It's a bad habit she has.
Victoria's eyes widen, and her face flushes slightly. She leans away in shock, “What?” The high-pitched tone is back. Oh, Cassie is going to hell, isn’t she? This is what she wanted to see, Victoria getting flustered. Now that it’s happening, in front of her, Cassie feels her stomach turn over.
The pretty blush is prettier up close. The damn look in her eyes. Cassie watches as Victoria nervously spirals, “How did you hear about that? Is - is Trinity telling everyone?”
Cassie can also see that Victoria seems… genuinely stressed about this. Which is less sexy than the flustered look. She furrows her brow, “No, I just overheard. Is…. You don’t like your birthday?” She questions.
Victoria shifts on her feet, a little two-step before she responds.
Her hand runs through her ponytail, her finger twists around a curl, “Not really.” Victoria says, “It’s just - everyone gets really weird about it. About my age and my, uh, accomplishments. My mom thinks I’m running out of time.” She laughs, “Isn’t that insane?”
Okay, Cassie knows Victoria's mom. Everyone knows Victoria's mom. She’s stern, a very no fun, no home and work life balance type of person. She knows the stress of having that as a parent is probably killing Victoria.
Hearing it out loud? It’s depressing. Victoria should be having a great twenty-first birthday right now.
She frowns, “I’m sorry.” She says, genuinely, “That sounds like it sucks.” She looks at Victoria, eyes going slightly down, then up, “If it makes you feel better. You’re doing a hell of a lot better than I was when I was your age.”
Yeah, in multiple factors.
Victoria smiles, cheeks a little warm. She hesitates before saying, “I doubt that.” She says, a little softer than anything they’ve said before. “You were probably the coolest twenty-one-year-old. I’m nervous about just going to the bar.” She anxiously laughs, then looks at Cassie.
Which feels like she's looking at Cassie for reassurance. Victoria is bad for her health, bad for Cassie in general. This whole first-time, doe-eyed thing she's got going on is doing rotten things to her brain.
And Cassie just wants to teach her so much. She’s so… inexperienced. And nervous, and it’s hot to Cassie in the weirdest way. Victoria, so much potential and innocence. Calling Cassie cool like she’s flirting with her outright.
”If cool is hooking up at shitty house shows. Then sure.” Victoria blushes, opening her mouth and then closing it. Cassie swallows thickly, “Sorry. Not appropriate." It’s been a while since I been laid. She can’t say that. She feels herself flushing too now.
It's really by luck that Dana appears out of nowhere. Her saving grace. Maybe being on Dana's watch is a good thing; she knows when to come in and save your back.
Dana then clears her throat, holding the printed photos in her hand as she walks between the two of them. She pushes the photos into Cassie's hands, “Screenrays of the broken bone boy in your care.” She looks at Victoria, then Cassie.
They stay quiet for a few seconds before Dana is called to look for something for one of Mels' patients. Dana chews her gum and then nods to Victoria. “I’m taking your med student,” Dana says to Cassie, and then turns around.
Victoria smiles sheepishly at Cassie, giving her a little wave before rushing after Dana.
Cassie tries not to groan into the screen-rays. She really just needs to get through this day without running into Javadi again.
The rest of the shift isn’t as interesting as the start. Before Cassie knows it, she’s packing up to go home. The end-of-day speech isn’t as good as it is when Robby's here, and it wasn’t even that good then - so that says something.
She watches as Trinity mutters something to Javadi that has her blushing a bit. Looking at Trinity, scandalized. Trinity holds in a laugh.
It reminds Cassie of her youth, which makes her feel damn old as her eyes wander to Victoria once more.
She lets herself be distracted briefly. Victoria is paying attention to what Al Hashimi is saying. Focused for some reason. Nodding intently. Then she licks her lips.
Cassi feels like she's going to die. Suddenly, Shen's cheering - and it’s time for the day shift to finally go home.
Go home to an empty apartment. Maybe some shitty tv too. Cassie can’t wait to have an eventful night. Maybe she can ignore this situation entirely.
She really, really needs to get laid. A good distraction would be great right now. Something to get her mind off of how badly she wants to put her hands on Victoria. How badly her mind wants to wander to her lips.
They look soft, and like they'd taste like sweet things. It’s her twenty-first. Her brain scolds as she finally gets home.
How would she kiss? There's no way she hasn't had her first kiss yet, either. Twenty-first is the beginning for a lot, a different part of her says.
She puts on a shitty doctor show to distract her. Something stupidly medically incorrect, so she can laugh at how ridiculous it all is and ignore the age-gap subplot that is randomly in this episode.
The universe must be playing a trick on her, but now that she can hopefully fall asleep to this. By tomorrow, Victoria will be twenty-one, and Cassie will have forgotten about this day.
Hopefully.