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“Welcome,” a voice on the bus loudspeaker intoned, calm but firm over the smooth jazz leaking out of the radio. “To the Jurassic Space Colony.”
Erik glanced up, distracted from his Dinosaurs and You: Staying Safe in the Face of Ginormous Teeth pamphlet. The pamphlet had been very informational thus far, explaining that the park was equipped with top of the line electric fences, round-the-clock security, a camera system like no other, and the ability to launch problematic dinosaurs directly into the atmosphere without disrupting the guests.
“The Jurassic Space Colony exhibit is set to open in six weeks,” the voice continued. “Following the successful colonization of Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta, a small planet with an atmosphere nearly identical to Earth’s located on the outskirts of the asteroid belt, and several peaceful years of living in a stable environment, scientists decided to embrace the ultimate challenge: bringing the extinct back to life. Starting with the dodo, which served no practical purpose on Earth, complex cloning techniques were used to revive the bird, which was transported to Earth and now threatens Canada’s wild cat population. Aside from that unforeseen dilemma, the experiment has been seen as quite the success.
“Next, scientists chose to aim higher— seeking to clone dinosaurs. Deemed too dangerous for Earth, the experiment was designated to Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta— one that could be abandoned should the dinosaurs break containment. Almost exclusively funded by eccentric billionaire Charles Xavier, who spared no expense—” the monologue cut out as the shuttle shook, the captain’s voice taking over the loudspeaker.
“Some slight turbulence folks, we’re entering the very edge of the asteroid belt now. The rest of the flight is going to be a little bumpy.” The captain’s voice cut out.
Erik looked around the empty shuttle and shrugged, flipping another page in his pamphlet, reading some bullet points under the heading God Creates Man, Man Goes to Space, Space Man Creates Dinosaurs .
The shuttle jolted, the pamphlet floating away from Erik’s reaching hands as the gravity simulator began to fail. Erik rose in his seat, the restraints the only thing keeping him in place.
“Just some more slight turbulence folks, but it seems as though the fake gravity’s done for. Hold on tight and you’ll be just fine.” The captain’s voice crackled and cut out.
Erik began to worry that he wouldn’t be just fine.
The shuttle emitted a highly ominous creaking noise.
“This is perfectly normal, folks. It happens when you bump an asteroid.” The captain hiccuped. “Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta is in sight, we’re nearly entering the atmosphere.”
The shuttle went dark.
“Peeerfectlllllly normal!” The captain yelled at the top of his lungs, the echo bouncing over to Erik. Apparently, the loudspeaker had malfunctioned. A moment later, there was a small popping noise. Erik glanced out the window and saw the captain in a spacesuit, aiming for Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta. He engaged a parachute and floated out of sight.
Erik closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and focused his powers on the shuttle.
The shuttle was not perfectly normal.
It was, in fact, about to break into pieces. Emergency alarms started going off. Oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling. Erik strapped one on, raised his arms above his head, and steered the shuttle down towards Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta. If he could aim for the right large land mass, he figured he’d be in good shape.
He regretted accepting a free ticket from an overeager airline that was ecstatic about ‘expanding our range to certain colonized minor planets!’ and had pasted a large dinosaur decal on the side in anticipation. The sticker had peeled right off and floated into the atmosphere the second they left Earth. (Several hours later, an elderly man had been on an afternoon walk when he was struck and killed by a piece of molten plastic. Authorities made no connection to the Jurassic Space Colony.)
Erik wasn’t used to steering by looking out the passenger window, but then again, he wasn’t quite used to space either. He was giddy, guiding the shuttle towards Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta. There were only two land masses, separated by a large river. It looked, Erik thought as he hurtled towards one land mass, quite like a habitable tennis ball.
It was then that he realized putting on the oxygen mask had been a terrible idea and that he was fairly lightheaded. Erik made the incredibly smart decision to pass out, then and there.
The shuttle hit the ground a moment later, collapsing into hundreds of pieces. The only thing that remained intact was Erik, unconscious, sitting upright in his seat.
*
He woke some time later, still strapped in for safety.
His head pounded. His arm throbbed. When he had gathered enough energy to turn his head to look at it, Erik was confused to see that he had two right hands. He only panicked for a moment before realizing his arm was broken and his left hand was actually just twisted the wrong way.
He wiggled his toes. He blinked. Everything else seemed to be in perfect working order.
With his good arm, Erik unbuckled himself from the seat, stumbling to the ground. He gasped as his broken arm made contact. He flattened himself out in the grass, deciding that it was highly intelligent of him to just sort of lay there for a while.
He stayed still until he started to sweat. Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta was very warm. Erik sat up, stripping off his suit jacket. While his arm continued to throb, he summoned some of the pieces of the shuttle remains to him, shaping them into a modified splint. It didn’t fix his arm, but it would hold it still.
Erik didn’t want his arm to heal backwards. It would be hard to open doors if he had to turn around and do it behind his back.
A moment later, it occurred to Erik that most doorknobs were made of metal and that he could open them with his mind. He’d be fine.
His head hurt.
With no other options, Erik started to walk. Hopefully he’d find someone that lived somewhere in the area, that could help and give him some tylenol.
Unfortunately, the first living thing he saw was a dinosaur. Doubly unfortunately, it saw Erik too.
And promptly charged.
Erik turned and ran, heading any direction in which the dinosaur was not. Until he tripped, fell, rolled a bit down a hill, before somehow landing on his ass in a perfect position to watch Death Itself come over the crest of the hill, looking very pissed off.
The dinosaur, headed straight for Erik, roared. Its feet shook the surface with each impact, until it stopped suddenly, only yards away.
A small orange cat strolled across the dinosaur’s path. The dinosaur roared again, saliva dripping from its teeth. It snapped its jaws, beady eyes darting between Erik and the cat. The cat sat in place, inspecting one of its paws before licking it daintily. The dinosaur roared. The cat meowed. The dinosaur’s eyes went wide. It keeled over, massive body rocking the ground as it crashed down.
Erik watched the whole thing with a very profound sense of confusion. He had an inkling he should thank the cat.
Another dinosaur appeared on the crest of the hill. Erik groaned and let his head flop back into the grass, wearily resigning himself to the fact that he was dinosaur meat. He closed his eyes and hoped another cat would save him.
“Oh, he’s not dead, is he?” A voice cut into Erik’s attempt to find inner peace in his last moments. He cracked one eye open.
Another dinosaur was standing by his side, its face inches away from his. The dinosaur sniffed his face once, snorting loudly. A cloud of eucalyptus-scented air landed squarely on his nostrils.
“Behave yourself,” the dinosaur warned. Erik blinked. A dinosaur was criticizing him for minding his business in a field. If they were discussing manners, the dinosaur seemed to be the rude one for intruding on his personal bubble.
The dinosaur’s neck shifted, and a head popped into view.
Oh , Erik realized. I’m an idiot .
“I apologize for Perry’s misbehavior, but I thought you might have died in the crash,” the head said. It was better than the dinosaur speaking, at least. It was a good head. Erik vaguely wondered if he was concussed.
“I’m…” Erik paused, trying to remember how words worked. “Perfectly normal.”
Perry the dinosaur snorted in his face again. The head laughed, crystalline notes dancing in Erik’s ear.
“I’m very glad to hear that. If you’re able to get up, I’d like to take you back to base, so that you don’t become dinner for any hungry carnivores.”
“Dinner sounds lovely,” Erik replied, standing up slowly, trying to stop the world from spinning so fast. The head laughed again. Erik looked at it. The head, he realized, was attached to a body. That seemed good. He was pretty sure that’s where heads were supposed to go. But this was space and a dinosaur with terrifying breath kept invading his personal bubble, so Erik logically concluded that if the head hadn’t been attached to anything, that would have been okay too.
“Down, Perry,” the head-with-a-body commanded. The dinosaur folded its legs underneath itself, settling into the ground. Head-with-a-body beckoned.
“I’d really prefer if you called me Charles. Head-with-a-body is too long of a name,” Apparently Charles said.
“Erik,” Erik said belatedly, distracted by the oceans dancing in Charles’ eyes, “is my name.”
“Yes, I know, I read your mind. Now kindly hop onto my parasaurolophus’ back and we’ll be off,” Charles insisted.
Erik shook his head and blinked rapidly. “You put a saddle on your dinosaur.”
“I had to, otherwise I’d slip off. Perry doesn’t mind at all.” Charles rolled his eyes.
“Well, as long as the dinosaur doesn’t mind,” Erik rationalized, stepping close enough to the dinosaur to swing one leg over and sit on its back. The saddle was big enough for Charles, but other than that Erik couldn’t fit. As he got close, Erik noticed that the saddle had a low back that kept him separated from Charles.
“If you’ll put your good arm around me, we can move,” Charles said, the patience in his voice wearing thin. Erik listened. Charles patted the dinosaur’s neck, and they were suddenly galloping up the hill. The dinosaur ran mostly on its back legs, but sometimes used its front legs too. Erik clung to Charles for dear life.
Glad I aimed for the land mass , Erik thought.
Charles fiddled with something in front of him that Erik couldn’t quite see. Music blared out, and Erik figured out that it was a music player. Charles turned up the volume as they went.
“Is this… Avril Lavigne?” Erik asked after a moment of close listening.
“It is, my friend,” Charles yelled over the music. “Dinosaurs hate it. I’ll explain more when we get back.”
Erik held onto Charles tightly as they crossed a grassy plain. A grey building loomed in the distance. Erik’s arm dropped to Charles’ waist, sort of. There was a big hunk of leather in the way.
“How’d you get leather into space?” Erik asked.
“Wifi,” Charles said, glancing over his shoulder. “To put it frankly, I’m rich. It wasn’t hard to order a saddle on the internet and tinker with it when it got here on a shuttle.”
“You have wifi?” Erik asked, suddenly curious if now was the right time to sign up for twitter, given that he was getting into some shenanigans.
“I do.” Charles turned back, focusing on the building. The building, Erik noticed, had gotten bigger when he wasn’t looking.
“How come your belt is so thick?” Erik asked. Was he drooling? He couldn’t tell if it was the wind or the fact that his mouth had been hanging open in confusion for so long. Charles made an exasperated noise.
“It’s a part of the saddle. I’ll fall off if I’m not secured. It’s no bother though, because I’m quite fond of going out and about with Perry.”
They arrived at the building. Erik had no idea dinosaurs were so fast, but he wasn’t surprised. Charles turned the music off as the dinosaur scampered around the building, stopping near a door.
“You’re safe to slip off now, if you like,” Charles said, looking over his shoulder. “We’ll be going inside momentarily.” Erik shrugged, sliding off the dinosaur. He landed lightly on the balls of his feet, focusing on the pavement that surrounded the building until the world stopped spinning.
When he glanced up, the dinosaur was sitting again, legs folded under her as she waited next to a small ramp with a wheelchair on it. Charles undid the belt that kept him secured to the saddle and moved into the wheelchair in a move so fluid and practiced it was almost a blur. He wheeled down the ramp, taking off the dinosaur’s saddle in another fluid and practiced move.
Erik watched curiously, eyes drawn to the muscles rippling in Charles’ arms. Charles had worn short sleeves, which made sense in the muggy atmosphere. He appreciated it.
Then the other shoe dropped.
“You’re the billionaire Charles Xavier who almost singlehandedly funded this park,” Erik realized aloud.
“Your power of observation is astounding, my friend,” Charles replied drily. “But yes, after the crash I needed to leave because my family was suffocating me. Since leaving Earth to raise dinosaurs was an option, I was quite thrilled to take it.”
“I remember that crash,” Erik remembered.
“I’m sure you do, it was big news when it happened. Come along,” Charles said cheerfully, turning around and heading down a long hallway.
Perry made a small gurgling noise, lumbering after Charles. She nudged his arm with her snout and chirped at him. Charles didn’t stop, but did lift one hand to scratch at the side of the dinosaur’s neck. She leaned in, angling her neck toward Charles while turning her head in the other direction, encouraging him to scratch further.
“But… you’re a recluse,” Erik said, following Charles. Charles stopped suddenly and turned around, raising one eyebrow.
“I beg your pardon?”
“You’re a recluse,” Erik repeated. “You haven’t made a public appearance in months. There have been press releases saying you’re bedridden and there have been all sorts of charity balls in your name.”
Charles looked confused for a moment before bursting into delighted laughter. He doubled over, shaking, shoulders heaving. The dinosaur in the hall looked from Charles to Erik in confusion.
“That’s incredible,” he finally replied as he straightened. Charles wiped a tear from his eye. “They’re awful. Terrible people.”
“Um,” Erik said, eloquently demanding more information.
“Before I left the planet, I hired a lawyer to protect all of my assets. I took my fortune so I could play with dinosaur genetics and left them a fair amount, but given my mother and stepfather’s spending habits, I can only assume that they’re out of money and trying to get more in my name. Nobody knows I’ve been on Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta?”
“Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta hasn’t been in the news much,” Erik recalled. “Not since scientists rebred the dodo here and transported it back to Earth. That’s become a big deal. But at the rate we’ve been setting up colonies on formerly uninhabitable planets, they don’t stay in the news for long. The planet keeps popping up on travel sites next to discount trips to the Mars and moon colonies for their weird spas and late night comedy shows... As a scientific preserve.”
“Which it will be,” Charles assured. “Once I get the dinosaurs under control.”
Perry bumped Charles’ shoulder, apparently insulted.
“You are not a wild dinosaur,” he told her in a syrupy voice, rubbing her forehead. “You’re a good girl and I love you.”
Apparently satisfied, Perry blinked and snorted, shaking her head as she kept pace with Charles and Erik, taking up most of the hallway. Erik wanted the dinosaur to leave, so it could just be him and Charles. He didn’t know what the mood was, but he thought the dinosaur was killing it.
“Nobody knows I’m here though?” Charles asked again, seemingly for confirmation. Erik shook his head. Charles clapped.
“That is delightful! Nobody to bother me with stupid matters of estate and such and such. What a relief. I can return in a blaze of glory and dinosaurs when the time comes. This has made my whole day. Thank you, Erik.”
“I’m going to need more explanation on the dinosaurs,” Erik said. “My pamphlet got destroyed.”
“I’d be delighted to!” Charles exclaimed, turning back around to propel himself down the hallway.
“Can you fix my arm first?” Erik asked, suddenly remembering that he was injured. It had been a long day. He had been on a questionable space shuttle that had dropped all the other passengers on it off on the moon, before it broke apart and hurt him. And now there were dinosaurs and Avril Lavigne music. He needed some coffee or something.
“Of course,” Charles said, turning back around for a moment, glancing over his shoulder quickly as he wheeled himself backwards down the hallway. “Then I’ll explain the park and the dinosaurs’ questionable taste in music and whatever else you want to know.”
Erik nodded, following Charles and the dinosaur down the hallway, around several corners, and through a door. They ended up in a lab of sorts, one corner decorated with a computer desk and several desktops, another corner with another desk covered in paper notes and drawing, and a living space in the other half composed of a delightfully cozy-looking bed and several dogs’ beds haphazardly stitched together.
The dinosaur lumbered over to the pile of dog beds, walking all over them before she flopped down, her impact sending a thudding noise echoing throughout the room.
“Your dinosaur has a dog bed,” Erik observed.
“Technically she has several. But it’s one big one, because I had to keep getting more as she got bigger,” Charles pointed out, crossing to the desk covered in notes. “But she’s done growing now, so I should be done ordering more dog beds.”
“Well, that’s good,” Erik said faintly, sinking onto the edge of the bed for lack of anywhere else to sit.
Charles hummed in agreement, scattering his notes around until he came up with a first aid kit. He glanced at Erik, then back to the small white box in his hand.
“This might not work,” he realized. “Follow me.”
Erik followed him to a med bay.
“Your mind is fuzzy, I’m guessing based on that and how you’re acting that you’ve got a mild case of shock,” Charles said, putting around and opening drawers as he searched around. “Which makes sense, given that your shuttle crashed on a minor planet in the asteroid belt and now you’re walking around with dinosaurs that don’t like the song Girlfriend .”
“Sounds right.” Erik hopped onto the examination table, watching Charles look around. “How do you know my mind is fuzzy?”
“I’m a telepath. I’ve been listening to your very loud and confused thoughts,” Charles clarified. “However, Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta also dampens mutations. I’ve yet to figure out why, but I’m really only at half of my full potential now, hence my only getting your surface thoughts. I don’t mind that it’s less, things are quiet out here anyway. But your powers might be slightly muted while you adjust to this environment. I promise they’ll be fine on Earth when you return.”
“Oh. Okay,” Erik said. That sounded reasonable. He needed a nap.
“You can sleep after I’ve fixed your arm,” Charles said, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was listening to Erik's thoughts.
Charles appeared in front of him, a box of plaster strips in his lap. “You need an x-ray.”
Erik held his arm out. The splint he had fashioned from the airplane pieces had held well, and he carefully separated them, chunks of metal peeling away from his arm and floating above his head.
Charles watched with wide eyes, taking in the careful use of Erik’s powers.
“That’s magnificent,” he murmured, watching the hovering metal. Then his gaze fell to Erik’s arm. “Oh dear lord that’s horrendous.”
Erik glanced at his arm. It was swollen now, large purple splotches decorating the skin. He frowned at it.
“That’s going to be painful to set,” Charles frowned. “Let’s get an x-ray first.”
The med bay was surprisingly well-equipped, and Charles was hanging up an x-ray in no time.
“Well,” he said, staring at the image with frank astonishment. “It’s a relatively clean break, given that your hand is literally backwards. It’s going to hurt like a bitch though. I don’t envy you that.”
“I’ve had worse,” Erik shrugged.
“That was the most ominous thing I’ve heard all day.” Charles looked concerned. “I’m not going to ask. Hold out your arm.”
Erik did, looking away as Charles poked and prodded at it. Suddenly it was wrenched back into place. Erik squeaked and glared at Charles.
“You didn’t give me any time to prepare,” he accused. Charles shrugged, already working on a cast.
“I’m not a medical doctor,” Charles said. “Nobody told me I’m supposed to give warning.”
“Don’t you have a PhD?”
“In genetics,” Charles said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Erik had been living under a rock. “Why do you think I’m up here playing with dinosaur genes?”
“Because you like dinosaurs?” Erik countered Charles’ question with one of his own. Charles paused before answering.
“That may have factored into it, yes,” he finally said, finishing the cast. “Now, I don’t have any fun colors for this, but I can draw a dinosaur on it if you want. I’ve gotten quite good at that.”
“I think I’ll be fine,” Erik muttered, easing himself back to the floor. He was exhausted. “I just need some coffee. Or a nap.”
“You’ve had quite a day,” Charles agreed. “As far as clocks go, we’re about midday. I have no idea what time it is on Earth, but you should sleep.”
Erik mumbled something about being saved by a cat and agreed to sleep. He let Charles lead him to a bed and he fell into it face-first.
He dreamed about space shuttles piloted by cats, all them parroting how perfectly normal the situation was.
He woke up to a dinosaur face inches from his. Her eye darted back and forth, examining Erik. Then she snorted. Erik made a noise of surprise and scrambled back, hitting his head against the wall.
“Erik, are you awake?” Charles wheeled into the room. “Perry! I told you not to bother him.”
Perry flicked her gaze to Charles then looked back at Erik, snorting into the mattress. Erik inched around the dinosaur, landing on her dog bed mattress. Perry glared at him.
“Oh, that’s her special spot,” Charles said. “You should probably get off of it.”
Erik did, crossing the room as quickly as he could in socks to stand next to the other man. They both looked at the dinosaur, Charles lovingly and Erik with distrust. Perry glanced at them before closing her eyes, her head resting on the mattress.
“Did you have me sleep in your bed?” Erik asked, a confusingly flattered blush creeping up his neck.
“I wasn’t going to make you set up a cot,” Charles said.
“Your dinosaur was in my face,” Erik said, blush receding as he thought about his rude awakening.
“I saw!” Charles said brightly. “That’s how she likes to wake me up in the morning. She seemed very confused to see you there.”
“Your dinosaur wakes you up in the morning?” Erik asked.
“Someone has to,” Charles shrugged. “May as well be the hungry dinosaur.”
“She hasn’t eaten you,” Erik said.
“Perry’s an herbivore. I’m not mad, I didn’t try and train a carnivore,” Charles retorted, crossing to the computer desk, clicking through several tabs. “Now I know you have questions about everything I’m doing here. This seems like a good time to ask all of them.”
Charles minimized everything on the desktop, revealing a picture of him giving the camera a thumbs up while a significantly smaller Perry slept on his lap as his background. Charles folded his hands on his lap and smiled.
“You’re breeding dinosaurs on Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta.” His first question wasn’t a question.
“Well I think that much is obvious by now, but yes.”
“How is this planet warm enough for dinosaurs? We’re too far away from the sun for the planet to be that warm,” Erik moved on, trying to keep science in his mind now that he had slept a little.
“Synthetic environment. They were testing it out on some other minor planets and since Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta has an almost identical atmosphere to Earth’s, some scientists who got here before me messed around with different methods of creating a livable environment. They figured out how to set one up that’s contained by the atmosphere and now I have to go around in t-shirts because it’s constantly muggy out.”
“Is that safe?” Erik asked.
“I’ve been assured that it’s perfectly normal,” Charles said. Erik gulped.
“Why dinosaurs?”
“Why not?” Charles countered, grinning. “We brought back the dodo.”
“That’s actually been a huge catastrophe on Earth. Most of the wild cat population is at risk,”
“The dodo doesn’t eat cats.” Charles looked confused. “Why are they at risk?”
“The dodos are showoffs,” Erik said. “They puff up their chests near cats and waddle around like they’re all that. It releases a pheromone that’s killing them.”
Charles looked appalled. “Are you serious?”
Erik nodded and shrugged. “Weird shit keeps going down on Earth now that everybody’s leaving the planet to go explore.”
“That explains it, then,” Charles said.
“What are you going to do with all of the dinosaurs you’ve bred?” Erik perched on the edge of the desk, crossing his arms.
“I’m going to open the planet up as a nature preserve once I’ve got things under control,” Charles said.
“You keep saying that,” Erik replied. “Are they not under control now?”
“They are,” Charles said. “But they don’t live in enclosures or anything. I’ve been letting them roam free, it seemed rude to put them in a cage. The herbivores outnumber the carnivores, so the population isn’t at any risk of another extinction.”
“You let the dinosaurs... roam... free?” Erik asked, trying to make sure he had heard right.
“Well of course,” Charles said. “They all have certain areas they gravitate to anyway. I just breed them and let them join their packs when they’re big enough. I haven’t even had to breed them lately, they’re reproducing fine on their own.”
“On their own?” Erik demanded, running one hand through his hair. “Are you crazy?”
“I don’t think so. I’m just letting things go naturally, then I’ll separate them into enclosures at some point, and those will be determined by where the different breeds are naturally living and breeding, then I’ll open the colony up as a park.” Charles looked put out. “Have I done something wrong?”
“You sound like a lunatic is all,” Erik said, dazed. “Where are the other humans?”
“Um,” Charles glanced up, as if trying to remember. “Let’s see. Hank left on the last shuttle that didn’t crash land to get more food and to visit someone but he’ll be back. Hopefully soon, because the dinosaurs quite like him. I gave Alex and Darwin the week off to go to one of the moon spas to celebrate their engagement, so there’s nobody here now but the two of us.”
“We’re alone?” Erik asked aloud, making sure he had heard properly.
“We are,” Charles confirmed with a bright smile that quickly fell off his face. “Oh dear, that might be worrisome.”
“You don’t say,” Erik groaned, sinking to the ground. “When will people be back?”
“I should say any day now, I’ve been alone quite a long time,” Charles opened up a calendar on his computer. “Nearly a week and a half. Not that I’ve been worried, I’ve got plenty of food and water to get by, but it does get lonely when your one companion can’t converse with you.”
Charles glanced over his shoulder at Perry, who woke up, lumbered over to him, flopped back down on the ground, and dramatically lowered her head into his lap. Charles sighed fondly, rolled his eyes, and rubbed the crest on her forehead, making kissing noises that Erik thought were, frankly, disgusting.
“What kind of dinosaur is Perry?” Erik’s gaze falling to the dinosaur. He had a sneaking suspicion Perry didn’t trust him.
“She’s a parasaurolophus,” Charles said brightly to the dinosaur. “Isn’t that right?” he asked, making more of the noises that Erik thought were, frankly, disgusting. Erik thought about the name, barking out a laugh a moment later.
“What, you named your parasaurolophus Perry? Is there a Tyrannosaurus Rex out there named Terry?” Erik demanded. The tips of Charles’ ears turned pink, and the ensuing flush that bled across his face made Erik consider taking it back. Almost.
“No,” Charles mumbled, turning away. “And the velociraptor isn’t named Very, I named her Sharon, after my mother. She’s a problem child, I’m worried that she’ll figure out how to get in here and eat me.”
Perry glared at him, emitting a small chirp.
“Erik, you should apologize to Perry. I think you’ve insulted her,” Charles said, not looking at him. “Otherwise she’ll just try to bite you when you go near her.”
“I think you’re projecting onto your dinosaur,” Erik said, reaching one hand out to her crest. He retreated a moment later, nursing a bite mark on his working hand. Offended, but not surprised, he looked darkly at Perry and apologized. Perry blinked at him, then laid at his feet, offering her neck for a scratch.
Erik rubbed her crest, and Perry’s leg started twitching.
“How in the world did you train her to be a guard dog?” Erik asked.
“I bred her specifically to help me. I wanted an efficient way to go visit my dinosaurs, and Perry’s quite fast when she’s up for it. And she’s great company, really. A colorful personality.”
As if she were fully aware that she was being discussed, Perry released a small groan of contentment and rolled onto her back, tapping the wheel of Charles’ chair with one foot, claws echoing dully against the metal.
“She’s really smart too,” Charles added, leaning forward to scratch her stomach. “She’s very adept at getting my attention.”
“I think you’ve spoiled your dinosaur,” Erik murmured, watching the pair with fascination. Perry growled at him and rolled over, putting her head back into Charles’ lap so she could glare at him while still being petted.
“She’s not quite used to her size,” Charles replied absentmindedly, still looking at Perry. “She grew quite rapidly, you know. She still tries to fit her entire body into my lap sometimes, but she’s starting to learn that she’s a little too big for that. I used to let her nap on my lap all the time when she was smaller.”
“I noticed,” Erik said, nodding towards Charles’ computer.
“Might I ask something of you, Erik?” Charles asked, looking back to Erik after one last loving gaze toward Perry.
Erik shrugged.
“Not that I’m not enjoying your presence here, my friend, I am,” Charles paused. “But what brought you to Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta in a poorly constructed shuttle with no pilot?”
“Well, that’s a fair question,” Erik said.
“I thought so, given that I’ve treated you, a stranger, incredibly well when I could have let one of my dinosaurs eat you,” Charles agreed.
“I don’t think you have a single cruel bone in your body,” Erik narrowed his eyes. He barely knew Charles, but he was confident he was right here. “You’d never leave me to a dinosaur if it was going to hurt me or the dinosaur.”
“You’re right,” Charles readily agreed with a shrug. “If I have a cruel bone in my body, perhaps it’s in one of my feet. I’ve been a bit out of touch with them for a while, but I’d really rather not find out if I can be mean. Now, your presence here?”
“Right. I, uh,” Erik patted his pockets, pulling free a crumped piece of newspaper. He held it out to Charles.
“ Help Wanted ,” Charles read aloud. “Well, I suppose that’s a fair reason for popping by. Seeking an engineer or someone otherwise certified to use metal and create large barriers at a specialty animal preserve. Food and lodging provided. Friendly work environment but potentially dangerous .” Charles read the last of the ad and looked up at Erik.
“I didn’t write this,” he said, crumpling up the newsprint. He tossed it to the trashcan, where it disappeared from sight. “Whoever did was quite succinct. Didn’t mention the dinosaurs once.”
“I think ‘animal preserve’ and ‘potentially dangerous work environment’ had that covered,” Erik muttered.
“I do recall asking Hank to put out some kind of ad so we could construct fences, but that was before I started wondering if we really need fences at all.” Charles pursed his lip, thinking. “But I’m glad you’re here and I’m happy to provide food and lodging.”
“I had a pamphlet—” Erik started, but Charles continued to think aloud and thusly cut him off.
“I mean, the dinosaurs have their own areas anyway, why enforce them with fences...”
“I had a pamphlet—” Erik started again, louder this time. “That I was reading on the shuttle. It said there were fences, security cameras, and you could launch problematic dinosaurs directly into space.”
“I have no idea where you got that information.” Charles had the audacity to look both adorable and confused at the same time. It was, Erik thought, frankly, disgusting.
“I also heard an announcement saying that the park would be ready to open in six weeks.”
“Well, this is a nature preserve, and definitely not a park,” Charles clarified. “How did you get here again?”
“On a shuttle from some seedy airline,” Erik said, sitting up. “What does it matter?”
If they were in the movie, they had just reached the point where the camera zooms in dramatically on Charles, a harsh shadow falling across his face as he realizes there is upcoming conflict. He paused dramatically, to deliver his line in a low voice.
“We might not be alone on this Minor Planet,” Charles said softly. “And if it is who I think it is, we might be in a great deal of danger.”
“We’re not already in danger surrounded by dinosaurs?”
Conveniently to the story, it was at that moment that footsteps echoed in the hall.
Charles froze, looking out. Erik slammed the door shut with his power.
“They’re all set to auto-lock, you need my handprint to get into this room,” Charles reassured, hesitation slipping into the bottom of his voice. “Might I inquire again as to the shuttle you came on?”
Erik thought back, struggling to remember. The past day was a blur of action.
“Marko Airlines,” he finally came up with.
The door slid open.
“Hello, Charlie.” A menacing character appeared in the doorway, his shadow filling the room ominously.
Charles said a bad word, which, for his dignity, will not be repeated at this time.
*
Erik looked at the strangely proportioned man who was stepping into the room. He looked like an elephant who had taken a delightful romp into a zoot suit that was six sizes too small and had gotten stuck. His sense of fashion, it could be said, was not properly fitted to his bulging head and even bulgier eyeballs.
Erik tilted his head back, trying to look at the man’s face. It was rare that Erik encountered people who were taller than him, but this figure really towered over him, to the point where an irritated itch took hold behind his ear.
“Cain,” Charles greeted coolly. Erik looked at Charles, who hadn’t moved. Rage seemed to roll off of him in waves, but Charles looked absolutely calm and resolute. It was, Erik realized with a start, unfairly attractive.
“Charlie,” the man who was apparently called Cain greeted again. His voice made Erik feel the intense need to shower.
“Care to explain your presence here?” Charles asked, raising one eyebrow. “Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta makes it harder for me to read your mind.”
“I think you’ve figured it out,” Cain replied, crossing his arms.
“I think you want to take my dinosaurs,” Charles stated the extremely obvious.
“Well, I think that’s extremely obvious, innit?” Cain said. “Dad said I had to watch you, so he could go out and round up the dinosaurs.”
“There’s another one?” Erik asked, profoundly uncomfortable with the first man’s presence.
“Unfortunately,” Charles replied. “This is my stepbrother, a stupid git who I’m presuming is here to try and turn this Minor Planet into a park.”
“You presume correctly, Charlie,” Cain snickered. “Then we’ll be rich.”
“You’ve squandered away what money I left you all, then? If I recall correctly, and I know I am, you were rich two years ago,” Charles sighed.
“It doesn’t matter,” Cain insisted.
It was at that moment that Perry’s eyes snapped open and she awoke from her light doze. She took one look at Cain and growled.
“What— what the— you’ve got a monster,” Cain jumped, apparently having missed the presence of the dinosaur.
“I do,” Charles jumped on the idea, a slow grin spreading across his face. “And she’ll eat your face off if I want her to, isn’t that right, Spike?”
Perry, in an incredible show of paleontological intelligence, hopped to her feet and growled again, stalking toward Cain.
“No, I don’t want her to bite my face off,” Cain whimpered, shrinking into the doorway.
“She will,” Erik insisted, realizing that he should capitalize on Cain’s stupidity while he had the opportunity.
“I won’t let her!” Cain yelled, pulling a gun from the back of his suit.
Erik raised one hand, melting the barrel of the gun. He twitched his wrist and the gun smacked into Cain’s forehead. He sank to the ground, much in the same way an errant hot air balloon encounters some pavement.
“He was going to shoot my dinosaur.” Charles sounded deeply insulted.
“I think he was ready to shoot anyone,” Erik said, standing slowly. Charles had said that his powers might be different, but he was still annoyed with himself for not noticing the gun sooner. “We should find whoever he’s here with and make sure the dinosaurs are safe.”
“My stepfather, Kurt. That’s who we need to go after. Cain’s an imbecile, but he’s also a willing lackey for whatever plans Kurt’s got cooked up,” Charles explained. “Come on, Perry needs to get saddled up before we take up the chase.”
He hurried past Cain, disappearing into the hallway, Perry trotting after him like she had no idea what imminent danger they faced, but she probably did.
Erik stopped in the doorway, nudging Cain with his foot. The other man was still unconscious.
He knelt down, hand hovering over the gun as he stretched it out so it resembled a rope, looping it around Cain’s wrists. He had a feeling Cain wasn’t capable of getting up to much on his own, but to be on the safe side, Erik wanted to make sure he couldn’t get his hands into anything they didn’t belong in.
Down the hall, Charles was already mostly finished securing the straps on Perry’s saddle. Erik caught up as Charles opened the door and headed up the ramp to climb onto Perry’s back.
“Erik, feel free to hop on,” Charles called as he worked on getting himself situated. “We’ll be off in just a moment.”
Erik carefully climbed onto Perry’s back, settling in behind the saddle. Charles started some music and urged the dinosaur forward.
“Is this… Is this Sk8er Boi?” Erik asked, leaning forward to shout his question in Charles’ ear.
“It is!” Charles called back. “For some reason I’ve yet to figure out, all of the carnivores despise Avril Lavigne. Playing her music allows me to roam freely without worrying that they’ll eat me.”
“Can’t say I blame them,” Erik muttered, wishing they hated music he didn’t mind listening to.
Charles turned up the music, cheerfully shouting the lyrics as they bounded across the plain. Erik closed his eyes and reached forward with his powers, slowly turning the volume knob down. It seemed that Charles didn’t notice, he was too busy with his Minor Planet karaoke.
A light sheen of sweat broke out across Erik’s forehead. He hadn’t expected that using his powers could be so exhausting. He was starting to wonder if Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta was actually the best planet to try to get a job on.
In the distance, a dinosaur roared.
“That’s either a cat or my stepfather,” Charles said, turning Perry in the direction of the growling.
“You know, some people would argue against going in the direction of angry dinosaurs,” Erik said. “You’re not inclined to listen to them are you?”
“I don’t want to lose Terry!” Charles yelled. “Especially not to Kurt.”
They ran over a hill, and the biggest dinosaur Erik had ever seen came into view.
“Not a cat,” Charles confirmed, running right at the dinosaur. “Terry!”
“What is it about cats?” Erik wondered, figuring that he’d probably never know.
Someone who also looked like an elephant in a too-small zoot suit was pointing a long and pointy stick at the dinosaur.
“He’s trying to stun my dinosaur!” Charles said. “A cattle prod isn’t going to do a damn thing, but I’m furious that he even has the gall to try.”
Erik blinked. Charles was cute, but he was confusing.
“Kurt!” Charles said, flying down the hill. “Leave my dinosaur alone!”
Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) turned around, dropping the cattle prod as Charles charged. He ran away from the dinosaur, disappearing into a cluster of trees.
“I don’t like this,” Erik shouted in Charles’ ear as they pursued.
“Your reluctance has been noted,” Charles replied, almost giddy as they ran past the tyrannosaurus, who reeled and roared as it tried to cover its ears to block out Sk8r Boi.
They went deeper into the trees. Erik looked around nervously.
“You said there was a velociraptor. Where is she?”
“Oh, Sharon? She’s somewhere, but I only bred one so she’s probably off trying to reproduce somewhere,” Charles said confidently, turning up the volume of the song nevertheless.
Erik figured that they were at the part of the story where they would come upon the villain suddenly, surrounded by his evil plan and also probably a weapon. Because the story was a big one, the weapon was also probably big.
Erik figured correctly. They emerged in the clearing, finding a waiting Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.).
Erik knew his name, but didn’t say it, because Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) was really a much better name for him.
“I won’t let you take my dinosaurs,” Charles engaged Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) with all the bravado of a hero of the old west. Erik half expected a tumbleweed to roll by.
“You think I’m worried about fighting you?” Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) sneered. “I have a big weapon.”
“Typical,” Erik muttered under his breath.
“I have a dinosaur,” Charles countered.
“This island is full of them,” Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) retorted. “I can have one too.”
“Not as cool as mine,” Charles boasted.
Erik vaguely wondered if he had never woken up after crashing the shuttle, and if this was all some crazy fever dream.
It wasn’t, because Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) pulled out a gun. Erik could feel it in his gut the moment before he saw it, an insistent tug towards the metal. He sighed. His good hand shot out, and the gun flew from Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.)’s hand and into his. Erik leaned out from behind Charles.
“Stupid humans want to play with guns,” he growled. “Bad idea.”
“Well, you see, you know,” Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) countered brilliantly, before turning and running off into the forest.
“What just happened?” Erik asked, reshaping the gun into a harmless blob before tossing it to the ground.
“We must give chase!” Charles proclaimed. Perry reared up, Erik slipping from her back before he could grab Charles around the waist.
He landed on the ground, the air driven from his lungs. Perry disappeared into the trees.
Erik rubbed his back and waited.
Perry emerged from the trees a moment later, dinosaur and rider both looking chagrined.
“Perhaps… I was a little too enthusiastic about the chase,” Charles apologized. “I leaned back to talk to you and you were gone.”
Erik stood up and climbed back onto the dinosaur, silently accepting the apology. He gripped Charles’ waist tightly.
“I’m ready to proceed with the chase,” he murmured. Charles shivered and Perry lurched forward, bounding into the trees.
Charles looked back over his shoulder, his eyes meeting Erik’s. He batted his eyelashes, closing his eyes and tilting his head.
Erik, helpless to decline, started to close his eyes and meet Charles’ lips with his.
Perry honked, looking back at Charles and Erik with disdain. Erik’s eyes flew open.
“Tree!” he shouted. Charles and Perry whipped their heads around. Perry swerved, narrowly missing the tree. Erik tilted dangerously, narrowly missing the ground.
“What were you thinking?” Erik asked as he carefully righted himself on the back of the dinosaur.
“Romantic things!” Charles said. “I was feeling the Thrill of Adventure and the time seemed right.”
“There’s a maniac in a zoot suit running around with some big weapon trying to steal your dinosaurs and probably do something bad to you, and your thoughts are romantic ?” Erik demanded.
“Well, you seemed awfully excited to reciprocate, my friend,” Charles argued. “So you’re clearly feeling something too.”
“That’s not important right now,” Erik insisted, despite the fact that he was feeling something happening in his pants, just being with Charles.
Yes, they were arguing about romance on the back of an extinct dinosaur, and yes , it was turning him on. It was, Erik decided, frankly, disgusting.
But was it possible that this could be his new perfectly normal?
Erik rested his forehead on Charles’ shoulder as he thought about the possibilities-- living with Charles, sex, sleeping in bed with him, waking up with him, not having to deal with too many people, sex…
Erik could get used to this. Maybe he could get a Perry of his own, but with a better name. He could name her Magneto, and she would be a glorious beast. And a friend to Perry, if Perry would be so willing.
Erik was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn’t notice them running right past Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.).
They skidded to a stop, looking at the shrub the other man had climbed into, and apparently gotten himself stuck in.
“You really thought you could take over the Minor Planet with a cattle prod and a gun?” Charles asked.
“I had more bullets,” Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) said grumpily. “And Cain has a gun too.”
“No he doesn’t,” Erik contributed cheerfully. Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) paled.
“I also have cats ready to go.” Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) tried to stand, failing in his tangled position. “This whole island can be overrun in seconds and all your research will go down the drain.”
“You wouldn’t,” Charles gasped, though everyone knew full well that Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) was more than capable of some amount of evil.
Though cats seemed confusing , Erik thought.
“I know you said that your powers are dampened out here,” Erik said, leaning forward, “but can’t you look into his head and see if he’s lying?”
“I can,” Charles realized. “I will!”
Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.)’s eyes rolled back and he slumped over.
“He’s lying,” Charles declared. “He saw a cat next to a dead dinosaur and thought that cats would pose a problem for them.”
“Well, don’t they?” Erik asked, thinking about the dinosaur that had keeled over in front of a cat before.
“Well,” Charles shrugged. “The dinosaurs, for some reason, think that my cat, who I let run loose on this island, is the king dinosaur. They all worship him. Sometimes, they get a little overzealous, and it stops their hearts. I wish I could explain it. I try to keep Perry and Patches separated for the most part.”
“Dinosaurs are weird,” Erik shook his head. “And you’re terrible at naming animals.”
“We should make sure that Kurt’s placed somewhere secure,” Charles said, pointedly ignoring Erik’s other comment.
The shrub rustled. Erik and Charles looked at it.
“How long ago did Sk8r Boi end?” Erik asked quietly, watching the shrub continue to rustle, Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.) blissfully unaware.
“I’m afraid I don’t know,” Charles said, urging Perry to back up slowly.
There was a brief shriek, and a dinosaur’s head popped up, scrutinizing Erik and Charles.
“Don’t. Move,” Charles hissed, going tense.
The dinosaur looked at them one more time, its gaze flicking to Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.). It looked back and forth between them and the unconscious man. It slowly opened its jaws, gently clamped them into Zoot Suit Elephant Man (Sr.)’s skull, and dragged him away, several gory and disgusting things happening to his body in the process.
It was, Erik decided, frankly the most horrific thing he had ever witnessed. He very much wanted to vomit, but held back, staying queasy and pale.
Charles turned Perry around, urging her to run away at top speed while he got the music playing again.
“Well,” Charles said. “I always knew Sharon would be the death of him.”
*
Epilogue:
One week later, Cain left. He wasn’t welcome in the first place, but still, he had to be kicked out. Charles sent him back to Earth on the next shuttle out, a note safety pinned to his front that an unfortunately named velociraptor consumed his father. Cain, grumpy and silent, merely crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out at Charles.
Everyone processes their grief differently , Charles told Erik. They spent the next several months riding around Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta and each other.
Six months later Charles changed his desktop background to a picture of Erik, with his own baby parasaurolophus curled up in his lap. Erik glared at the camera, hands resting protectively on baby Magneto.
Eight months after that, Magneto was old enough and had grown sufficiently, so Charles ordered Erik a saddle. It arrived on the next shuttle, and the pair spent the day making dinosaur-sized adjustments while Perry and Magneto curled around each other and napped in the sunshine. Charles looked repeatedly toward the dinosaurs, nervous expressions dancing across his face.
Three months passed and Charles’ worst fears were confirmed when Perry laid several eggs and Magneto began to guard them. Erik laughed.
It was one week before Charles accepted Erik’s apology for his dinosaur impregnating Charles’. Erik was finally allowed to return to Charles’ bed. Erik never meant the apology, because he couldn’t control who Magneto mated with.
Six months later, Charles and Erik saddled up and went out on patrol together. The dinosaurs loped across the grassy fields, their sides bumping into each other. Erik and Charles linked their fingers together gently, bridging the gap between them. On the ground below them, several baby dinosaurs scampered around, exploring Minor Planet 6-B-52 Delta for the first time.
They watched the artificial sunset together and Charles told Erik he’d never been happier. Erik, after some playful grumbling, returned the sentiment.
It was, frankly, perfect.
The End.