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CRASH!
The thunder was so loud, rattling around Pearl’s skull. She just stared at the two burnt spots of ground where lightning had stuck, axe growing loose in her hand.
They were all dead. Finally.
Now she and Scott were the only ones left, the last link of beating hearts. The final soulmates.
Pearl walked through the land as if in a dream, dragging her axe through the dirt. Her dogs trailed her, sniffing at her ankles and nudging her legs.
Tilly.
Tilly was gone. Her true soulmate. Killed by those who had outcasted her for weeks, called her crazy, up in her tower alone.
Pearl couldn’t even find it in herself to cry. All the rage, the pain, the grief, had funnelled out of her. She was a shell, an empty husk wasn’t capable of feeling anything at all.
No wonder Scott had cast her aside.
“Scott?” Her voice was hoarse from cackling, and she swallowed harshly. “Scott!”
“Pearl?”
There he was, his red tinted eyes gazing at her. He looked concerned, but that made no sense. If he was going to be worried about her, he was weeks late.
“Hi Scott.” Pearl felt a smile grow across her face. Blood, warm and slow, began to trickle down her cheek again.
They began to speak, but Pearl didn’t process any of it. She heard herself tell him Tilly had died, casually, as if she didn’t even care. But she did.
She really did.
“Y’know, Pearl...” Scott hesitated, then nodded sharply. “I think you deserve this more.”
“Excuse me...” Pearl flinched at the tnt that fell from his pockets. “What are you doing?!” She backed away, as if that would even matter.
“In the same way...Tilly death do us part Pearl!”
She tried screaming at him, tell him to stop, that it wasn’t supposed to end like this. They were supposed to fight, finally resolve this. Scott couldn’t just sacrifice himself. She nocked an arrow, arms trembling as she aimed.
“Scott! SCOTT NO!”
The final link was severed.
Pearl awoke in her bed with a jolt, head pounding.
Something was wrong. She could tell almost immediately, feel on her skin, crawling up her neck.
“I... why did it...hurt?” She mumbled it to herself, rubbing at her face. Blood smeared across her face, over her hands. Why had it hurt so much? Last life hadn’t been like that. It had been fun.
But looking back now...
Lizzie killing her, a hungry look in her eyes...
Cleo sobbing at night, betrayed by her teammate...
Scott, his hands shaking as his eyes turned red right in front of Pearl’s eyes, babbling about how he refused to listen as his own mind screamed at him...
The red haze had still been there. Pearl had just... forgotten.
She didn’t understand. She didn’t understand anything.
Pearl didn’t want to move, but she wanted to wash away all the blood, she wanted to cry and be held and Tilly, she wanted Tilly to by her side, but Tilly was gone, and no one cared, her friends all hated her and she was all alone and-
“Pearl!” She flinched, sitting up. There was someone getting closer, footsteps thudding towards her door. Her hands began to shake. She didn’t want to see anyone, especially not someone from the games who could see how damaged she still was, see that she was still broken. An ungrateful victor.
Pearl pulled the sheets over her head, huddling into her bed. At least she could hide.
“Pearl?” It was Gem. “Oh, sorry, are you sleeping? But you can’t be sleeping, you never sleep.” That was true. “Okay, I’m going to lift the covers, to make sure you don’t suffocate or something. Ready?”
She clenched her eyes shut, squeezing them tight as she felt the pressure move away from her face.
Silence.
She cracked an eye open, blinking against the light.
Gem was just there, eyes flickering over her. Pearl tried to give a weak smile, put up a front, just to get her to leave. So she wouldn’t have to look at her anymore.
“Hey, Gem. Did you need something?”
Gem brushed her cool fingers over Pearl’s cheek. It took all she had not to lean into the touch. Her eyes softened. “Oh, Pearl.”
That was all it took.
Her whole face began to twitch, trying to hold back the sheer force of the sob before it wracked through her body. It didn’t work, and Pearl just had to let herself slip off the edge and fall.
Gem caught her, arms wrapped tight, hands rubbing her back as she shushed her quietly. Eventually, the crying slowed, and Gem began to murmur gently.
“Okay, lets...lets run you a bath, hm? You’ve probably not been able to have one for a while, huh?”
She let Pearl trail her like a lost puppy as she filled the bath, adding oils that she just seemed to pull from nowhere. Pearl just stared at the steam, numb again. Gem gave her a soft nudge, smiling weakly.
“Do you want me to stick around?” She hesitated. It didn’t feel like a thing she was even allowed, anymore. Company. Gem nudged her again, still waiting for an answer.
“Um...if that’s okay?” The words were barely above a whisper, but Gem’s smile grew like it was something wonderful.
“Of course it is, you silly goose. I’ll let you just soak for a bit, make some food or something. Shout when you're ready.”
The water was warm, making her muscles relax slightly as she leaned back into the bath. Pearl rested her head onto her knees, letting out a sigh.
Why had Scott done it? Why had he just thrown her the victory with a smile on his face? Why did he get to be the poetic one after all of that? It wasn’t fair. None of this was.
Pearl hadn’t been this warm in so long, she realised. The powdered snow had still been in her inventory when she died, ready to dump out to make her mind numb again.
What was wrong with her?
Martyn had managed just fine without Cleo. Why had Pearl felt the need to harm Scott, harm herself? Was she really that shattered, that unhinged?
She glanced over at the door. How long would it be until Gem realised that Pearl was crazy, self-destructive? How long until she left, and Pearl alone and-
“Pearl?” Gem’s muffled voice came through the other side of the door. “I just wanted to let you know that food’s ready. No rush, I can just reheat it. Take your time!”
A hand came up to Pearl’s face, wiping away tears harshly. “Okay, I’ll be out soon!” Her voice shook slightly, but Gem didn’t comment, simply calling an affirmative back.
The water swirled through the plug hole, but it took a while for Pearl to get the motivation to push herself out of the bath. She moved slowly, pulling on the clothes Gem had left for her. They were warm as well, left on the radiator for her. The small, thoughtful gesture, had Pearl blinking back even more tears. She was such a wreck.
Pearl caught sight of herself in the mirror and paused. She looked awful, which made sense. No wonder Gem was so worried. Pearl would be worried as well, seeing one of her friends all pale and... hollow looking.
There was a thin scar, running down her eye, resting on her cheekbone. That explained where all the blood had come from, trickling down her face throughout the final weeks. Pearl didn’t really know where it had come from. Joel’s axe, maybe.
She turned away, and left the bathroom, closing the door softly behind her. Gem bounced up, clasping her hands together.
“Okay, so, I did make you food, but I have a new soup recipe that I think you’d like. So, are you okay with going over to my base instead? You...didn’t really have a lot of food to begin with, so what I threw together wasn’t great.”
Pearl took a moment to process all that Gem had said, before nodding slowly. “Yeah, I... that’s fine. We can go to yours.”
She didn’t feel like flying at all, but the idea of taking the bridge and running into Impulse had her equipping her elytra in an instant. The flight was short, thankfully, and Pearl very quickly found herself sat in Gem’s kitchen as the elf busied herself at the stove.
A heavy wave of exhaustion hit her, and Pearl rested her head on the table, closing her eyes. A hand brushed damp hair out of her face.
“Hey, no sleeping until you get some food in you, hm? You can crash here for the night, if you want. Sleepover.” Gem went back to the stove, pouring soup into a bowl and setting down in front of Pearl. “We could call Impy around, and-”
“No.” Gem’s face froze slightly, but she kept her composure, joining Pearl at the table.
“That’s fine. It can just be us.” She nodded towards the bowl. “Eat.”
The soup was good. Really good. It tasted like a crackling fireplace, or a bonfire. Like wood smoke and heat, dark and savoury. Before she knew it, Pearl had drained the bowl.
“It’s amazing, Gem. Thank you.” Her friend grinned at her, finishing off her own serving.
“I’m glad.”
There was a silence, and Pearl felt her eyes drop to the table. Gem was watching her, and she felt slightly like a bug being examined.
She felt like she had to say something. “I can...leave. You came by to say hello, and I’ve made you do all this. Sorry, I-” Pearl stood up, shoving her hands into her pockets.
“Hey, no, that’s not true at all.” Gem shot up her feet immediately. “I decided to come bother you right after a death game! It’s the least I can do, to run you a bath, and make you soup. I’m your friend, Pearl. What kind of person would I be if I just left?”
It felt like she was fracturing into pieces.
Pearl saw Gem’s green eyes widen in horror as her vision began to blur. Tears spilled over, rolling down her cheeks in streams and hitting the floor.
Waves of ugly sobs shook her body, and Pearl dug the heels of her hands into her eyes, pain flashing in her mind. Exhaustion was set deep in her bones, pulsing and pounding round in circles.
She couldn’t really articulate why she was even crying. Gem was being so sweet, and being such a good person, and all Pearl could do was mess things up. Now Gem would hate her as well and see that Pearl wasn’t worth helping at all.
There was a hand on her back, rubbing in slow, grounding circles. Pearl distantly realised she was sat on the floor, huddled into her knees. Trying to make herself small.
Gem didn’t talk, whisper words of comfort.
Instead, she gently pulled Pearl to her feet, and led her through the palace, up a winding staircase. Pearl was still crying, trying wipe away her tears with a sleeve desperately, before Gem noticed.
Gem’s bedroom was right at the top of the tower, and she wasted no time pulling Pearl over to her bed.
She hit the mattress with a soft thump, and Gem sat down next to her, watching her carefully.
“Pearl, I...” she cut herself off, looking torn. “Do you want to tell me what happened, in the games? You don’t need too, but this... isn’t normal. It shouldn’t be normal.”
The silence was loud. Pearl bit on her lip, hard, blood seeping into her mouth. Gem nodded and leaned back onto the bed.
“Sorry...” Pearl murmured. Gem shook her head.
“Don’t be sorry. You can tell me later, or just not at all. I just need you to tell me what you want me to do to help you.”
What Pearl wanted felt like a thing of the past. She had wanted Scott to stay. She’d wanted friends. She’d wanted Tilly to live.
She took in a deep breath. “I don’t want to be alone. Please.”
Gem nodded, adjusting both of them on the bed. Pearl suddenly remembered how exhausted she felt.
“That can be arranged. Do you want me, specifically? Or I can get someone else to stop by, someone from the games, maybe?” Pearl rapidly shook her head at that.
“Just you.”
Gem let out a quiet laugh, wrapping her arms around Pearl. She was almost completely asleep when she heard a fond whisper.
“I can make that happen.”
Pearl just stared at Gem, slightly incredulous. Her friend just shrugged.
“What? Why not?”
She paused. “Well...but why?”
“Because getting your nails painted is fun. Doing things that are fun are good for you.” Gem smiled at her expectantly. Pearl sighed.
“Yeah, okay.”
“Great!” Gem bounced up, rummaging through her drawers. Pearl pushed herself up, watching in silence. She felt less sleepy, at least, but there was a deep weariness set in her bones.
She stayed quiet, as Gem focused on painting her nails. Sky blue. She watched Gem’s eyebrows furrow in concentration, hands steady.
“I won the games.”
Gem didn’t look up, cleaning a smudge with her thumb. “Are you glad you won?”
Pearl hesitated. “I don’t know. The whole thing felt like a mistake.” Gem nodded along, and she kept going. “I wish it hadn’t ended the way it did.”
“How’d it end?”
“Scott sacrificed himself.” Gem let out a small chuckle. “What is it?”
“Sorry, just...that’s typical Scott. That’s not the first time he’s done that.” Pearl frowned at her, confused, and she waved her hand. “I interrupted you. Did you want to fight it out?”
She shook her head. “No... I just don’t understand why. Why, after all that, would he give me the win like that? If he felt guilty, why wait right until the end to make things right?”
Gem let out a breath through her teeth. “I think you need to talk with Scott about that. There’s something strange about these games, I think. If it makes you turn against each other like that. Did it feel real?”
“Real?”
“Yeah, did it feel...like you weren’t pretending, with all the enemies and fights? I don’t know what happened, of course, but it was clearly traumatic.” Pearl nodded, tapping the table with her free hand.
“It did. It was different last time. This time was...they hated me, Gem. They all called me crazy, outcasted me.” Gem stayed quiet, letting Pearl vent. It felt good, like she was finally sorting through her thoughts. “I was trying to find Scott, I swear, but Martyn...and then Scott and Cleo left, Gem. They left me all alone, and then Martyn left as well, and then Ren blamed me for killing him. I killed Joel and Etho, but I didn’t mean too! And Joel killed me, and Scott and Cleo kept hurting each other because it hurt me as well...but then when I hurt myself with the powdered snow, I was called insane-”
“What?” Gem looked up sharply. “What did you-”
“Not like that, I swear. It was just to hurt Scott. And...it made everything quiet in my head, I don’t...” Pearl stared at her hands. “I stopped, though. During the last few days, I just went numb.”
Gem was still looking at her worried. “Still...that’s all a lot, Pearl. I... that shouldn’t have happened to you. That shouldn’t have happened at all.” She looked quietly angry. “I have a bone to pick with Grian, I think.”
“No, Gem, I don’t want to speak with him about it. I don’t want to talk to the others about it at all.”
Gem finally released Pearl’s hands. She’d painted tiny crescent moons on the thumbs. They didn’t look like they could be covered in blood, red with cold, clutching an axe at all.
“You don’t need to, right now. If you don’t want to.” She hesitated, packing away the polish. “Pearl?”
“Yeah?” She rested her head back on the table.
“Do you want to stay with me? Just for a while. I’m worried, to be honest. Do you think you’ll be okay alone?”
The question was like an arrow to her heart. Pearl clenched her eyes shut, squeezing them tightly. Anything to make the tears not come.
Gem brushed her hair away from her eyes again, placing her head on the table so they were level. Her eyes were so green, like emeralds. Pure green, not that strange tint that told the red names that they had lives for the taking.
Pearl took a breath. “I don’t want to be alone.” She felt like a broken record, spinning and skipping. “But if you get sick of me-”
“Never, Pearl. Never.”
Two hands stretched across the table, linking fingers together.
Pearl let out a gentle sigh and let the world quiet again.
The days moved slowly. They would start their mornings slowly, Gem clinging to Pearl like a barnacle on a ship, refusing to let go for a while yet.
Gem would go out, build, restock shops, collect heads for that dungeon that she insisted wasn’t scary or weird at all.
Pearl would just wander aimlessly around Gem’s area, bare feet in the dirt, placing down flowers. Sometimes she would help, make paths, dig out the river. Sometimes she would work on her own base, build up the landscape and plants, before flying back over to Gem’s before someone spotted her.
Other times, she would just sit there. Lie in bed, staring into nothing, feeling nothing. Gem would bring her cups of tea, squeeze her hands gently.
“You’re drifting,” she whispered, kissing Pearl’s head. “You’ll come back soon.”
Pearl didn’t know what Gem meant. She didn’t know how Gem understood so well, when she wasn’t even there. Gem was just...like that, and Pearl didn’t understand why. She was right, at least. Pearl would come back, stand in the dirt, sit on the roofs of the houses in Gem’s village.
Once, Gem joined her, hands stained with dirt that she wiped away on her skirt.
She leaned her head on Pearl’s shoulder, her braid coming loose.
“I’ll have to go away, for a bit. Run some errands in the world hub. I’ll be gone for a few days.”
“Lot of errands, huh?” Pearl rested her head on Gem’s, swinging her legs. Her feet hit the quartz rim. Thud, thud, thud.
“You could say that. I’ll have to keep coming and going for a while, if that’s okay. You’re welcome to hang around, though. I like the base being lived in.”
Pearl accepted it. It became a new part of their routine, Gem leaving for a few days a week, coming back with new types of tea and honey that she’d make for Pearl. She never asked what Gem’s errands were. She always came back.
It became easier, being alone with herself. It was different on Hermitcraft, a world built for creation, not survival. Pearl could just build, the blocks calming her mind instead of the snow, knowing she could go back to bed and wrap Gem in her arms, not alone for forever.
She didn’t quite know what held her back from speaking to the others. Gem was safe, steady. They were all her friends, and missed her at that, according to Gem. But she wasn’t ready, and Gem never pushed her.
They both skipped the meetings, making friendship bracelets by the fire instead. Gem spoke to Xisuma, and told him that Pearl wasn’t doing great, but she was getting better. He didn’t say much, just sent Pearl a kind card and gave them the summary notes of each meetings.
It was peaceful. Until Grian showed up.
Pearl left the dining room, bare feet padding against the floorboards. She had started to forego shoes, enjoying the texture of the ground against her skin. It reminded Pearl that she was alive.
Her tea was still hot, mug warm in her hands as she cradled it to her chest. Maybe she would do some more work on her base before lunchtime.
“You aren’t wanted, Grian.” Pearl stilled. Gem was at the entrance, firm and serious. Pearl looked around the corner and watched Gem fold her arms.
“You don’t understand, Gem. I need to speak to Pearl. I really, need to speak to Pearl.” Grian sounded urgent, and Pearl could imagine him wringing his hands.
Gem sighed. “It’s up to Pearl. But frankly, I don’t think she’ll want too. Can’t you just leave a message?”
“No, no, I need to speak to her. Please, Gem.”
Gem hesitated. “I’ll...I’ll ask Pearl, okay?”
Pearl inhaled deeply, before stepping into view. “I’ll listen to what you have to say.”
Grian’s eyes widened at the sight of her. He stepped closer, Gem looking back over her shoulder at her.
“Yeah? You sure Pearlie?” Pearl nodded, and Gem stepped aside to let Grian in. “You’ll have the place to yourselves, I have some errands to run again. You’ll be okay?”
“I’ll be okay.” Pearl smiled at her and Gem nodded firmly.
“Alright. I’ll be back tonight.” She glanced at Grian. “I won’t give you a shovel talk, but you know what will happen.” He held his hands up placatingly, and Gem nodded again. “Okay. Catch you later.”
They both just stood there, staring at each other. Pearl broke first. “Tea?”
Grian gave her a weak smile. “That sounds nice.”
Pearl was soon breathing the steam of her second cup of tea, plans for the day forgotten. She stared at Grian, chewing her lip. “Why did you come?”
He shook his head. “I should have come sooner.”
“But you didn’t,” she pointed out. “It’s been a month.” He nodded, looking miserable.
“I didn’t... why didn’t you tell anyone you’d won?”
Pearl blinked at him. “What? Who’d you think won?”
Grian shrugged. “I assumed Scott. We all assumed Scott. Cleo told me you were the last pair and I... you didn’t say anything. Why didn’t you say?”
She almost felt defensive. “Why did I need too, huh? What’s it to you?”
“Because! It means you remember.” Pearl just blinked at him again. She had no idea what he was talking about. Grian leaned across the table, eyes intense. “Look, are there things about Last Life that feel...different? Does it seem worse than you remember?”
“I...” Pearl thought about it. “I just assumed I was looking at it more negatively, because of how terrible the last game went for me.”
Grian buried his head in his hands. “Exactly. You weren’t supposed to remember how terrible it was. Why did Scott...” He trailed off, letting out a strange sort of groan. He looked back up, and Pearl realised with a jolt that he was crying. “I’m so, so sorry Pearl. We treated you terribly, and we all just left you to it because I didn’t think you’d know how bad it was for you. I don’t...”
“What are you saying, Gri?” Pearl blinked at him.
“Okay, um...so when you leave the games, you don’t remember everything?” He looked at her, trying to gauge her reaction. “Your mind erases all of the bad memories, like the red haze, the grief, the killing. It all gets dulled. Like rose coloured glasses. Right? And when you win, the glasses get pulled off, so to speak. You remember all of the bad things.”
Pearl stared at him. “So, I wasn’t supposed to remember?” When Grian nodded, another thought struck her. “The others won’t remember what they did to me, then? They won’t apologise?” He nodded again.
“I’m so sorry, Pearl. For everything.”
“No... it’s, it’s fine, everything is great, it’s all fine, all cool...” She felt almost manic, standing up from her chair and walking out of the room. She didn’t even know where she was going.
“Pearl, wait! I’m really sorry, do I, do I need to call Gem?”
“Everything’s fine, Grian!” Pearl felt a hysterical scream of laughter bubble out of her.
“Okay, um, I’ll call Gem-”
“No. Don’t.” Pearl didn’t know what Gem did when she ran ‘errands’, but it didn’t seem to be something that she wanted to share. Pearl wasn’t about expose her because she couldn’t handle a basic conversation.
Grian was staring at her, trying to look into her eyes. He looked terrified, and Pearl dully wondered if it was for her or of her.
He swallowed. “Pearl, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”
She laughed dryly. “Well, you have now.” Her hands were shaking, and she balled them into fists. “I suppose it’s easier, now. I can pretend nothing bad happened. And they’ll believe me.” Pearl tilted her head back, letting the tears roll down freely as she let out another cackle. “Why wouldn’t they? Who would treat their friend like that...that would be terrible...”
“Pearl-” Grian stared at her. He looked horribly guilty. She just shook her head.
“I think it would be best if you left.”
“No, I can’t-”
“Leave.” Pearl watched him shrink back, and she tightened her fists. “Do you really want to be here when Gem comes back?”
He flew off without another objection.
Thud, Thud. Thud.
Pearl was back on the roof, slamming her heels into the rim. She wasn’t particular high up, thankfully, sat on one of Gem’s smaller houses.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
She wasn’t angry. Not quite.
Grian couldn’t control the games, not as much as he would like. It was a complex process, weaving a world together, changing the rules of nature. It needed bloodshed to survive.
And Grian needed the world to survive.
He was finally free of the watchers, but they were still there. The chaos and bloodshed kept them away. She couldn’t blame him.
She couldn’t blame Scott either.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Her heels were beginning to sting as they bounced off the quartz, turning red. Pearl squeezed her eyes shut, tight. They stung. They always stung.
“Hi, Pearlie.”
There was a warm head on her shoulder, and arm around her waist. Pearl sighed.
“Hey Gem.”
Thud. Thud.
“Do I need to speak to Grian?” Gem fiddled with her sword at her waist; probably not even aware she was doing. She was just naturally violent, it seemed.
Pearl shook her head. “No, you don’t. I’ve forgiven everyone.”
“Oh?”
Thud. Thud.
“Yeah. I want to forget about it. Move on.”
Thud.
Gem let out a sigh. “Pearl...are you sure? What if the others want to talk about it?”
They wouldn’t. But Gem didn’t know that.
Thud.
“If they do, then I will. But otherwise, I want to forget.”
Thud.
Gem pulled away, looking up at her. Pearl studied her friend, scanning her eyes over her green eyes and pointed elf ears. She wondered if Gem would keep them, in the next Hermitcraft world.
Thud.
Fingers brushed over her cheek, wiping away tears Pearl wasn’t even aware of.
Thud.
“You can forget, if you want.” Gem brushed her thumb over Pearl’s skin, just under her eye.
Thud. Thud.
“Do you hate me?” The question came out of nowhere, but Gem didn’t react.
“I could never. In fact, it’s rather the opposite.” Pearl went to swing her feet again, but Gem placed a firm hand on her knee. “It’s late. Look, the moon is out.” She was right. Pearl wondered why she hadn’t noticed.
“When did that happen?” She murmured the words to herself and felt Gem giggle.
“Let’s get off the roof, hm? Bedtime.”
Gem’s bed was always warm, soft. Pearl leaned into her best friend, letting Gem sprawl out across her, head tucked against Pearl’s shoulder.
Sleep came easy, and the peace resettled.
Things seemed to go back to how they used to be. Pearl moved back into her own base, for one. She didn’t actually sleep that much at all, and so didn’t miss Gem’s presence as a result of it. She was right over the bridge, after all.
Ignoring everything was surprisingly easy. When everyone else didn’t remember, Pearl could just forget as well. And she had missed her friends, so much. She didn’t plan on being left alone again.
When Pearl received the message, she deliberated heavily on what to do.
It was simple, innocent looking. Just an invite to tea, in the world hub. Xisuma would have no problem letting her leave and attend.
“There will be things you aren’t ready for. Still good to do them.” Gem leaned against Pearl’s shoulder sleepily. She just hummed in response, chewing at her nail. The polish had chipped off, but she didn’t mind.
Gem was right, she decided. Gem was often right about these things, Pearl observed.
The cafe was quiet, tucked into a corner of the hub. Pearl stepped in carefully, scanning the room.
“Pearl.” She hated how he could just appear like that. But she didn’t, not really.
Pearl didn’t hate Scott at all.
“Hey, Scott.” He gave her a friendly smile and led her to a table.
“I got you tea.” He nodded towards the steaming mug. He remembered how she took it, Pearl realised. All she could do was nod.
“Thanks.”
“I’m just going to tell you why I asked to meet. Let’s not chitchat.” She nodded again, looking down into her mug. “I sacrificed myself, so you would remember.” Pearl looked up sharply.
“Excuse me?”
He ran a hand through his blue hair. “It was the best way. If you had won a later game, then you would have remembered multiple games at once. It’s too much, and I was worried it would be so much worse. Especially if the next game went badly.”
“There might not be a next game,” Pearl offered tentatively.
“There’ll be another. It’s inevitable. You... I’ve never seen a red haze so intense. Even with Joel. You were...insane, Pearl.” She flinched, and Scott placed his hand on top of hers, across the table. “Not insane. Broken. I don’t know why we all...collectively chose to do that to you. But we did. I felt like it was the only courtesy I could grant you.” He looked at her. “I’m so sorry, Pearl. I’m so, so sorry.”
Pearl took a deep breath in. Let it go. “I accept your apology. I... understand, now. It should have been my choice, though.” He nodded, slowly.
“Yeah. But if I had asked you, would you have agreed?”
She thought about it. She thought about that day, when she was just a bloodthirsty husk.
“I would have done anything to forget.” Scott nodded.
“Exactly. Imagine how bad it would be if you won...say the fourth game? You would remember three games all at once.” She shuddered at the thought. “Exactly. It felt like the best decision, at the time. I’m really sorry. But I hope you can understand.”
The dark cloud hanging over their conversation vanished, and they spoke of other things. Nice things. By the time they parted ways, Pearl’s heart felt lightened.
Pearl did love her friends. It didn’t really matter what they did to her. Pearl knew that they would apologise when they remembered. And she would forgive them all.
That night, Gem was the one to visit Pearl. Pearl silently let her in, pulled her close as they snuggled deep into the bed.
Gem wiped away her tears roughly, not speaking. She never spoke about her nightmares.
They just held each other, against sleep, against the universe.
Pearl knew Gem wouldn’t let her feel lonely again.
She rested her head on Gem’s.
They breathed.