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„Shaaaane,“ Ilya’s voice had that very particular quality he only displayed when he was annoyed at something. Or about to start trouble. Possibly both.
“Ilyaaaa,” Shane mimicked his boyfriend and stepped up next to the couch where Ilya was currently lounging and frowning at something on his phone. Even after a decade of dancing around each other while constantly gravitating towards each other, it still took Shane’s breath away how effortlessly Ilya fit into his life. How easily he took up space in his Montreal apartment, their quiet evening routines being something that he loved most about their time together. And something he dearly missed every time they were forced to be apart.
“Do not sound like that. My voice is more sexy. Like …,” Ilya was gesticulating wildly while he searched for an adequate comparison. “Like bear. Sexy Russian bear that will drag you into his cave for winter and not let out until spring!” His was grinning smugly and Shane couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous he was being.
“Sure, because that’s definitely a thing.” Before Ilya could answer he unceremoniously plopped down next to him on the couch and nodded to the phone that was still clutched in Ilya’s other hand. “What’s up? Did someone criticise your horrible posture again?” Now Shane was grinning because just last week some health magazine had published an article about how Ilya was slouching across a table during a post-game interview and that this kind of posture will cause him back problems before he hits 30. Shane had laughed himself shitless when he read it because come on, they were professional hockey players. Their backs were all messed up from various falls and full body checks during the years, a bit of slouching was nothing in comparison.
“Ha ha ha. Yes, was very funny. Good laugh. Not everyone has perfect yoga posture, Mr. I-am-so-boring-I-shoot-yoga-commercials-at-the-lake,” Ilya rolled his eyes and before Shane could protest and defend his yoga routine – it was FUN okay – his boyfriend shoved the phone display under his nose.
“No look. Hunter got engaged.”
It took Shane a second to process what he was seeing but true enough, that was Scott Hunter’s Instagram account that had just uploaded a new post. It pictured Scott and his boyfriend Kip Grady in front of a beautiful sunset and the Manhattan skyline. They were holding hands and smiling wildly at each other. The caption read a simple “He said yes🫐💍”. It was a very sweet post in Shane’s opinion.
“Oh that’s amazing. We should congratulate them!” They had both individually reached out to Scott two years ago after his very public and very viral coming out after winning the Stanley Cup with his team. They weren’t friends exactly but friendly enough to not come across as weird or suspicious if they publicly reacted to his engagement announcement.
“No no no not amazing. This is disaster. Horrible!” Ilya dramatically let his head fall back onto the cushion and okay, now Shane was really confused. Since when was his boyfriend being homophobic?
“Now the internet will again have meltdown because old man Scott Hunter did something brave and disgusting sweet with his boyfriend and he will win again!” And oh, now Shane understood what this was all about.
Ever since Scott’s kiss on the ice broke the internet and became the most clicked hockey video in the history of the NHL, Ilya was on a warpath. He obviously called it a “competition” but in Shane’s eyes it wasn’t a competition at all because shouldn’t the other party be aware if they are competing in something? And he was positive that Hunter had no idea that Ilya was secretly trying to generate as much media attention as possible because his ego couldn’t handle the fact that someone had managed to upstage him and generate more public interest. Even if it was something historical like coming out as gay as a major league hockey player.
“Is not faiiiiir. What’s next? Soppy wedding pictures? Or puppy running around in their boring kitchen?” Ilya was definitely whining now, and Shane’s heart did this funny little thing that always happened when they talked about such things. Shane knew that Ilya was tired of hiding their relationship, fuck, he was tired as well of keeping this part of his life – the most wonderful part of his life – hidden away. Still a dirty little secret that nobody could see. Like something monstrous that was too dangerous for the world or something so disgusting that they couldn’t possibly speak about in public. It couldn’t be further from the truth.
Shane thought about their ever-growing circle of friends that knew about them. How Rose had cried when he finally admitted that he was dating someone and that this someone was Ilya Rozanov, his biggest rival on ice and his biggest source of happiness behind the scenes. How Svetlana continued to call him “Jane” even though he tried to explain at least a thousand times why their phone nicknames were necessary.
How Hayden and J.J. and the rest of the Voyageurs thought he was messing with them after he finally found the courage to come out to them but unanimously declared their love and loyalty immediately afterwards. How they still nearly had a heart attack when they realised it was Ilya who he was talking about but kept this secret for him nonetheless and consequently developed a fiercely protective streak.
Ilya’s team, the Ottawa Centaurs, also took the news in stride, even teasing their new captain mercilessly when they realised why he suddenly got traded. It’s true, they had a very good support system now and all the important people in their lives knew about them, but it was still a huge difference from being out in public. From not having to hide anymore.
Even though their public image had shifted somewhat during recent years, the Irina Foundation and the hockey camps had managed to paint them as tentative friends rather than fierce rivals, most of the time the media still treated them as if they hated each other’s guts. It was tiring to say the least.
Shane was looking at Ilya now. At his stupid, soft hair that always managed to look effortlessly stylish and drove Shane absolutely crazy, the cute little frown between his eyebrows that stayed there while he continued to scroll through Scott Hunter’s Instagram comments, his ridiculously perfect lips that Shane wished to kiss all the time…
“What if we finally came out to the world?” Shane exclaimed suddenly and oh, he wasn’t aware that’s what he was going to say until the words tumbled out of his mouth.
Ilya’s head snapped to him so quickly he could hear his neck crack. His beautiful eyes were wide and full of barley concealed hope. “You serious? What about Hockey league? And the brand deals? What if they kick us out or…”
Shane quickly shook his head. He knew all these arguments well. Fuck, they were HIS arguments mainly. He had repeated them time and time again, trying to convince himself and Ilya why they must continue to sneak around behind closed doors. Why the world couldn’t handle two star hockey players dating each other.
“I mean… I mean maybe it’s time?” Shane was fumbling for words, and his throat was suddenly too dry, and he knew he was breathing too quickly but, fuck isn’t this what he wanted? Not having to hide anymore and show his love for Ilya for the whole world to see?
He was beginning to spiral again, his thoughts tumbling all over each other, all the worst-case scenarios flashing at once in his mind.
A light touch on his knee brought him back to reality. “Shane, my love, моя любовь, breath with me. In. Out. Good. We do not have to do anything if you are not ready. We can wait longer. We waited so long it does not matter. I will wait lifetime if I have to.”
Ilya’s voice was soft, soothing and tender in a way that he only ever used with Shane.
“It’s fine. I’m fine. Sorry, my thoughts were running away from me again.” He smiled softly and took Ilya’s hand in his. His boyfriend was looking at him with such a concerned expression he felt his heart stutter again.
“I really do want to tell the world though. I think we are done hiding.” The smile starting to bloom on Ilya’s face is like watching the sun rise after a cloudy day. “But –“ Shane quickly continued before he could be interrupted. “Nothing eccentric. I know you, and you would probably announce it in the middle of a game. With fireworks or something equally stupid and irresponsible.”
Ilya was grinning way too much now and Shane swore he could already see the mischief taking shape behind his eyes. “Aww but моя любовь, fireworks would not do justice. I would plan big romantic gesture, like in movie we watched, yes? Where he was singing in front of whole team?”
And Shane could definitely imagine Ilya mirroring Heath Ledger and breaking out in song in front of dozens of cameras. Probably going to sound good as well, with his stupid, irritable, gorgeous voice.
“Please do not re-create 10 Things I Hate About You. I would probably die of embarrassment. I was thinking about… a soft launch maybe?”
“What is that? Soft launch?” Ilya looked puzzled and Shane tried his best to explain how people teased their relationship on social media, letting the public figure out who they were dating instead of making any big declaration.
“I thought that I don’t know… we could start posting simultaneously? Just little things, like a coffee date or two sets of hands during a workout?” Ilya looked thoughtful which made Shane nervous again. Was it such a terrible idea?
“Okay, so we make this soft launch. But after we beat Scott Hunter, yes? Because it is clear that I love my boyfriend most!” Ilya was smiling wickedly again and gosh, Shane was so head over heels in love with this man he could never deny him anything.
“Yes, yes we will beat Hunter in your stupid competition. Which is still not a competition by the way. Let’s start slowly with some Instagram posts and then we’ll see where that takes us.”
But in his mind, a different plan was already taking shape. Because Ilya deserved the world. And if his boyfriend wanted to be a menace to society, well, the least he could do was being a supportive co-conspirator.
Is he going to regret this plan? Probably. But kissing Ilya now, feeling so incredibly loved and safe in his arms, he knew that it was time to be the brave one for once.
If this plan of his was going to work though, he needed some help.
@ilyarozanovthegoat 6:07am
[Picture of two coffee mugs – one with the number 81, the other one deliberately turned to the side - on a balcony in front of the Montreal skyline]
Caption: Is good morning waking up like this 😉
Comments:
@rozystan101 OMG?! Ilya?? Who does that second cup belong to??!
@hockeylover69 Why are you in Montreal? Aren’t you playing a game in literally Vancouver tomorrow?
@svetlana Short night? Enjoy the coffee
@rozystan101 TF. Does this mean he is dating someone???
@wyatthayesofficial Get your ass on a plane Roz. Coach is already in a bad mood.
@ilyarozanovthegoat yes yes you miss this sexy ass I know. Will be back soon
@wyatthayesofficial I honestly don’t know why I continue to be friends with you…
@ilyarozanovthegoat you would miss me too much, me and my sexy ass ;)
@gocentaurs_ bahahaha Ilya you are such a menace to your team
@hollander24 7:30am
[Picture of a huge stack of pancakes drenched in maple syrup and decorated with fresh fruits on a kitchen counter]
Caption: recipe was for 4 people… forgot to cut it in half… again :/
Comments:
@shanehollanderismyhusband awww Shane that’s so you <333 but who are you sharing with???
@yunahollander That looks delicious sweetheart! Enjoy!
@hockeylover69 why is everyone suddenly posting their breakfast??
@pikehq bro. why didn’t you invite me??
@hollander24 sorry, no can do. Maybe next time though
@pikehq you never cook me breakfast when I stay over :(
@shanehollanderismyhusband holy shit does that mean somebody who is NOT A FRIEND was staying over??
Group Chat
The Vo-Ya-Geurs – Montreal’s Finest
Shane: Guys, I need to ask a favour.
Hayden: shoot
Shane: So you know, we are playing Ottawa next week, right
J.J.: yes captain we know that we are playing your beau again, get to the point
Shane: OK shut up everybody. This is important.
Pat: Oh??
Shane: Okay so, Ilya and I have been talking, and we decided that we would like to come out. Like for real this time, to the press and everything. But we are keeping things slow. Kinda soft launching it, you know?
Hayden: OMMG that’s what the mysterious breakfast posts were about.
J.J.: yeSSSS this is amazing
Gil: Congrats!! What do you need from us?
Shane: I need you to be chaotic. Unhinged and chaotic.
J.J.: what? Now you’ve lost me
Pat: Same
Hayden: What??
Shane: I know, I know it sounds weird but trust me it will make sense in the end. I have a surprise for Ilya. I told him we’d keep things slow-paced and under the radar for a while, but this is Rozanov we’re talking about. He wouldn’t know subtlety if it hit him with a brick. So I am going to do something drastic. Maybe even stupid. And I’m counting on you guys to help me with it…
Hayden: keep going…
Shane: When it happens (and yes you will know when it happens) I need you all to stay nonchalant. Act like nothing is out of the ordinary. If the media asks you about it afterwards make up any story you like. Be as unhinged as you can but stay away from the truth of our relationship please. Like, you remember the time we all got drunk and you were trying to guess the timeline of our relationship?
Gil: J.J. asked if Rozanov kidnapped you during the summer and you developed Stockholm Syndrome
Shane: Exactly! Stuff like that. Most chaotic story will be awarded with free drinks at the next hangout. Our relationship will make state news anyways, I’d like to have a bit fun with the media first.
J.J.: Shaney boy, I didn’t think you had it in you, this sounds absolutely insane. I’m in.
Hayden: yeah your Rozanov is showing Shane but ofc you can count on us
Pat: gonna be funny af
Gil: I am impressed and in awe of you right now
Shane: Thanks guys! Knew I could count on you! See you at practice later!
Shane: Oh and please pass it on to your friends in the Centaurs team, yeah? Just make sure Ilya won’t hear about it yet!
Hollander^3
Shane: Mom? Dad? Could you pick some stuff up from the store for me please and put it in my cottage until Friday?
David: Yes, of course son. What do you need?
Shane: Candles, at least 50 and hide them in the cupboard under the sink, please.
Yuna: 50? Why would you need so many candles?
Shane: I want to surprise Ilya with a candlelight dinner after the game.
Yuna: Awww that’s adorable honey. Do you want me to prepare some food? I know you have a busy schedule this week.
Shane: I love you, Mom. That would be great!
Yuna: No problem at all <3
Shane: Actually there’s something else. Ilya and I have talked about coming out soon. We’re trying to ease the public into it right now.
David: Shane. That’s wonderful. Congratulations. We are so proud of you both!!
Yuna: That’s wonderful news, Shane! Have you talked to your agent yet?
Shane: Not yet but I will soon. If you watch the game on Friday, try to avoid the press afterwards please. If anyone corners you just refrain from commenting, it might get a bit chaotic.
Yuna: Oh Shane, what have you two got planned? Please tell me it’s not a repeat of Scott Hunter’s coming out show.
David: I don’t know darling, we all thought Hunter was being very romantic…
Shane: Thanks dad. And no, it’s nothing like Scott Hunter. You will see. And we’ll see you for lunch on Sunday! Love you both!
David: We love you too, kid!
Yuna: We do. And Ilya as well. Tell him to not do anything too stupid.
Shane: Will do!
So far everything was going according to plan. Shane came home from practice on Wednesday to find two little packets in his mailbox. He carried them carefully into his apartment and opened the first one gingerly. Gold metal glittered faintly in the kitchen light and reflected his pleased smile. It looked even better in real life than on the company’s website.
The second packet contained a book. An origami book of all things. As a six-year-old he was obsessed with origami after his mum had shown him how to fold a crane. Sadly, he had long since forgotten how to fold most of the things he loved back then. Thus, the book. He had some work to do.
@hollander24 7:30pm
[picture of a bouquet of white lilies, beautifully arranged in a glass vase on a coffee table]
Caption: I love lilies 😊
Comments:
@pikehq simp
@hollander24 ???
@pikehq you heard me
@hockeylover69 HELP what does that mean???
@roselandryacting nice bouquet Shane, Lilies got taste
@shanehollanderismyhusband do you know who sent them??
@hollanovshipper Ilya said in an interview recently that the smell of lilies reminds him of home, coincidence? 🤨
@dudewhoplayshockey omfg why do you freaks have to see something in every random post
@ilyarozanovthegoat 7:51pm
[picture of a TV screen in a living room, a documentary with Jane Goodall is on display, in the corner a vase with white lilies on a coffee table is barely recognizable]
Caption: Lol Jane and her monkey are cute together
Comments:
@wyatthayesofficial didn’t think you’d be into animal stuff
@ilyarozanovthegoat scene where he eats banana out of Jane’s hand is my favourite
@herooftroy ☠️☠️
@hollanovshipper WHY IS NOBODY MENTIONING THE LILIES????
@hollanovendgame RIGHT??? my exact same reaction
@svetlana Jane is a saint for putting up with her monkey
@hockeylover69 okay there is definitely some joke here we’re missing
Chat
Lily: so soft launch is working, da?
Jane: I think so?
Jane: thank you again for the flowers btw <3
Lily: anytime моя любовь
Lily: maybe it is apology for beating your ass in game later ;)
Jane: in your dreams
Lily: in my dreams I do far more than beating your ass, милая
Jane: ILYA
Lily: what? Is true. And do not worry, apology later will be most thorough
Jane: stop sexting me while I am with the guys. They already gave me shit about your monkey post.
Lily: but I do like eating your banana :(
Jane: I am blocking you
Lily: nah you would miss me too much
Jane: …
Jane: I would
Lily: See you on the ice Hollander
Lily: Try not to get distracted by thoughts about banana
Jane: you are absolutely insufferable
Jane: I love you
Lily: I love you too, милая
The atmosphere felt electric. It always did before games. Like a thunderstorm brewing in a distance, ready to unload all the pent-up energy once the puck hits the ice.
Shane was nervous. More nervous even than before his first game as a rookie in the NHL, or the Olympics, or the Stanley Cup final…
He knew his teammates noticed because they were shooting him concerned looks. His pacing probably didn’t improve his condition but no way in hell would he be able to sit still right now. The game would start in about 20 minutes and then –
“Shane, dude, I love you but if you don’t sit down right now and put on your skates I’m going to forcefully make it happen,” Hayden was looking at him like he was on of his unruly kids and honestly, Shane did feel like hyperactive 5-year-old at the moment.
He sighed but obeyed anyways, immediately reaching for his phone and checking his last messages. His mom had texted to let him know that they put the requested candles and the food in the cottage and whishing him good luck for the game. Ilya’s last message made him smile involuntarily and he felt himself calm down a little bit more with thoughts about his boyfriend. Tonight would shift their whole world up-side down but he remembered Ilya’s overjoyed face as Shane told him he was ready to share their relationship with the world and he knew it would all be worth it.
His teammates had obviously tried to get more information out of him than his cryptic messages, but he refused to share his plan with them. They were going to know soon enough.
He patted his pockets one last time, then followed the others out of the locker room to start his warmup. Ilya was already skating and Shane’s eyes automatically zoned in on him. He couldn’t help the magnetic pull that always pivoted them towards each other.
“Ready to lose, Hollander?” Ilya was wearing his most shit-eating grin, but his eyes were sparkling with mischief. Their games were as much foreplay to him than their usual banter. But tonight Shane had an ace up his sleeve. Figurately speaking of course.
“Fuck off, Rozanov.” Shane was grinning back and the two of them met each other in the face off because of course they did.
During the next few hours they did what they did best: play hockey and chirp each other mercilessly at every opportunity they got. The tension in the air was getting unbearable, or it was just Shane’s own ragged breathing that made it harder to stay focused. The right moment. He only needed to wait for the right moment to finally be able to-
There! He stole the puck back from Ilya and passed it on to Hayden. Predictably as always, Ilya couldn’t resist knocking his shoulder into Shane as payback, even though there was never any malice behind those hits. His stupidly affectionate boyfriend just couldn’t help himself.
A smile was on Shane’s lips as he mirrored Ilya’s shove, maybe a bit harder than necessary. But he got him right there where he wanted him. Centre field and in fully display of all the cameras. Now or never!
His heart was beating violently in his chest and he imagined that he must have the facial expression of a psychotic serial killer with how wildly he was grinning. His hands were surprisingly steady as he quickly took off his gloves and threw them on the ice.
He saw a split second of genuine confusion in Ilya’s expression, but he already went down on one knee and pulled the ring out of his pocket.
Some commentators’ booth – about 10min earlier
Niall: And we’re off again, ladies and gentlemen, the third period face off sees our favourites rivals turned friends haggling for the puck – and there goes Rozanov, always so swift with his stick
Louise: Niall, please, we are a professional broadcasting unit…
Niall: Right, my bad, but the game tonight really is heated, with the Voyageurs leading 3:2, it seems like their captain is out to get it tonight…
Louise: Hollander just stole the puck right back and made a beautiful pass to Pike…
Niall: Yes, that happened and everyone’s favourite Russian bad boy looks more than a little pissed about that, shoving Hollander out of his way with one shoulder. Of course that’s not the first time tonight these two are getting physical, Louise what’s the body check count on Rozanov and Hollander?
Louise: 15 times
Niall: You heard it here first folks, 15 times. Man I wish one of them would body check me 15 times…
Louise: Niall…
Niall: Sorry… anyways what’s happening, are you seeing this Louise?
Louise: Oh wow, our Canadian golden boy is running out of patience. He just pushed Rozanov right back… you don’t think we’re getting a fight here? Hollander vs. Rozanov? Our official *cough* unofficial betting pool has been running since the beginning of the season, maybe it’s finally time to cash some money…
Niall: HOLLANDER JUST DROPPED HIS GLOVE this is not a drill people, this is not a drill!!
Louise: ROZANOV LOOKS STUNNED, HOLLANDER IS STILL IN MOTION AND –
Niall: What??! What the fuck is he doing?
Louise: Niall, he just dropped to his knees?? Rozanov didn’t even touch him yet – what is going on??
Niall: I am confused. He looks fine, he’s reaching into his pocket and presents something to Rozanov…
Louise: oh my god I think it’s a ring! You don’t think -
Niall: A PAPER RING??? Dude, aren’t you a millionaire??
Louise: THAT’S your first reaction??? Did Hollander just propose to Rozanov in the middle of a fucking game in front of twenty thousand viewers??
Niall: With a goddamn PAPER RING???
Louise: Way to get your priorities straight Niall….
Niall: I think I am going to faint now…
Louise: No, look, look at Rozanov’s reaction!!!
Niall: He’s laughing…
Louise: Laughing?? He’s nearly toppling over with laughter… Holding on to Hollander’s shoulder pads… who is still on one knee by the way…
Niall: He accepted the ring!! And now they’re talking… shaking hands… what?
Louise: Hollander just presented Rozanov with a ring –
Niall: - a paper ring –
Louise: - a fucking paper ring in the middle of a game and Rozanov took it and now they’re skating off to their respective teams?
Niall: I am confusion…
Louise: We are ALL confused… No that’s not true – look at the teams?? They seem totally unfaced…
Niall: What did we just witness, Louise?
Louise: An intervention? A comedy sketch? Is this some hidden camera shit? For a second I thought we’d get another Scott Hunter moment…
Niall: I think we DID get another Scott Hunter… Look at their faces!! Look at them! They are in LOVE
Louise: I have no idea what do think anymore… If this was a proposal – and their coming out oh my god – it was the most unhinged shit that I have ever seen…
Niall: Goodbye, I think I need to actually lie down…
Post-game interview
Interviewer #1: Voyageurs – I think I am asking the question everyone wants answered tonight: What happened out there during the third period? And where are Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov right now?
J.J. Boiziau: Well, I am glad you asked. As you can see our beloved captain is not here anymore, and neither is Rozanov, because that little intermission on the ice was a distraction… I think it is finally time to tell the world that Hollander and Rozanov aren’t just hockey champions… They are also secret agents and working for the FBI! They are on a top-secret mission right now and had to leave immediately – in one of Rozanov’s stupid fucking sport cars I might add.
Interviewer #2: So you are telling us they aren’t even professional athletes? That was a disguise the whole time?
J.J. Boiziau: Yes and-
Hayden Pike: Bullshit J.J. We agreed to tell the truth even if it might be shocking. Shane Hollander is our beloved friend and captain. We spent so much time together during the last few years, we are practically one big family. But he hid one big secret from us! He is… hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobic! That’s a very serious phobia of long words and Shane has been struggling with it since forever. Tonight he did a very brave thing and asked Rozanov for help and support because the fucker is notorious for never shutting the fuck up and inventing new stupid words. We’re proud of you Shaney!!!
Interviewer #1: …so Rozanov and Hollander are doing therapy together?
Patrice Drapeau: Jeez no, have you all hit your head somewhere? Did honestly none of you listen when Shane told us that he and Rozanov had bought a wolf bird farm in in Saskatchewan? Honestly, I have no fucking clue what a wolf bird is because I am more of a cat person myself you see, but Shane likes them very much so… Pretty sure that display on the ice was a re-creation of some weird ritual that brings fertility to the animals…
Interviewer #3: Wait, hold on. They own property and run a business together?
Gilbert Comeau: When would they have the time to run a business? Please ask some realistic questions! Obviously, what we saw tonight was nothing less than their audition for Frozen: The Musical on Ice. Shane will obviously be playing Princess Anna and Rozanov is the evil Hans… although they kind of messed up their roles here and…
He was not allowed to finish his sentence because at this point the PR crew saw no other exit than to cut off all their microphones. Waving and grinning manically, the Voyageurs players left the media zone and headed out to celebrate this insane evening and their lunatic captain!
@ilyarozanovthegoat 11:24pm
[picture of a living room, lit candles on every surface in the background; a huge bouquet of lilies on the coffee table and two hands intertwined – a gold ring and a paper ring glistening in the candlelight]
Caption: Hollander said we were doing soft launch <3
The internet – predictably, understandably - lost their fucking mind…