Archive of Our Own

The sun was shining cheerfully through the window of the small breakfast nook they’d set up at the front of the house. The dining room predominantly faced southeast, allowing it to bask in gentle sunlight throughout the day. There was a certain luxuriousness in being able to lounge in the comfort of his space, relishing the warm rays filtering through the window and embracing a state of delightful laziness.

Erwin Smith never imagined a day would come when life slowed down enough for him to be a lazy bum, as Levi sometimes affectionately called him. It wasn't a life of total leisure, but things had settled enough that Erwin could relax and read the Sunday paper if he chose to.

There were no lives on the line, no stress or strategizing needed to make it happen. No guilt in taking time for himself while sipping a now tepid cup of tea.

Coffee was all the rage these days, thanks to the now-open borders between Paradis and the rest of the world. Marley exported it by the metric ton courtesy of its former colonies, but Levi refused to drink the stuff. He considered the brewing machinery messy and a waste of space, so Erwin opted for tea at home instead.

He thought he might someday convince the stubborn man, but for now, he loved having bi-weekly coffee dates with Hange at a local café in Shiganshina.

Their home was about an hour from the remnants of Wall Maria, which had been a gift from the Historia, well, the Crown to be exact. However, everyone knew who had signed off on the paperwork after the Survey Corps's official disbandment almost a decade earlier. Historia had offered them their pick of far larger, more stately homes closer to the capital. Still, this cozy house situated on a few hectares with enough room for their horses and for Levi's now growing garden suited them far more.

Erwin had wanted to leave the Walls behind, and although Levi hadn't minded where they went, he'd appreciated the distance from Mitras.

At the time, Erwin had been terrified of just what his future would hold as the former Commander of a now-defunct military branch would entail. His entire life revolved around the identity of a soldier. That and the dream of exploring beyond the Walls and validating his father's theories had consumed him throughout his life.

Once he’d done that, once they had found peace, true peace, he hadn’t known what to do with himself. Thankfully, he had Levi’s even keel and presence by his side to keep him from completely becoming unmoored.

There was still a need for the two of them in this new world, even if they’d both made the mutual decision to take things a little slower these days. What was the point of peace if you didn’t get to enjoy it?

Erwin heard the door bang on the back porch, indicating Levi had finished gardening. Looking up from his paper, he saw Levi come in with leafy greens and cucumbers he'd picked from his garden.

Erwin never expected Levi to take pleasure in gardening, considering its inherent mess and dirt. However, Levi admitted he found pleasure in turning nature's chaos into something productive. It put food on their table, and Levi had the pleasure of knowing he’d helped to create life rather than take it away.

Erwin sometimes found him in the garden, lost in thought with shadows in his eyes, haunted by past horrors. He would have to gently tug Levi’s hands free from the loamy earth and coax him back to the present with soft words and reassurances that they were safe.

In turn, Levi supported Erwin during his bouts of severe depression that threatened his ability to function. Erwin struggled to take care of himself, needing urging to eat and bathe while he felt distant from reality, as if he were among a sea of bodies. It wasn't a perfect system, but it worked for the two of them.

“Any mail?” Erwin asked as he carefully flipped the page of his newspaper. He adapted over the years to using his non-dominant hand, but the floppy newspaper was tricky, so he usually took one of Levi's cutting boards to hold it in his lap.

His field desk was still in the attic, collecting dust along with their military gear from decades past. They didn't want reminders of their service, so the only pieces allowed to 'live' in their home were their uniforms, which were stored in the bedroom closet. Erwin’s bolo tie hung off the hanger with his uniform and rarely saw the light of day these days, and he was okay with that.

Two ODM gear sets with sword quivers, which had vanished after their retirement, now sat by the attic door, easily accessible if needed.

You could take them out of the military, apparently, but you couldn’t completely take the military out of them. Levi had argued long and bitterly about stockpiling gas canisters for a rainy day, for ‘just in case,’ but Erwin had to put his foot down at the end of the day when it came to their creative repurposing of military equipment.

“Yes, Armin sent a letter. He and Onyankopon will be flying in next week for some more ‘peace talks’. Don’t ask me what kind, at this point, it seems like all they are doing is blowing hot air at one another.” Levi scoffed and pulled the open envelope from the pocket of his apron and, with a neat flick of his wrist, sent it flying across the room to land neatly on top of the crossword that Erwin had set aside for Levi to solve later in the morning.

"Better him than me," the blond chuckled as he adjusted his glasses to read his former protégé's neat handwriting. It had been a bit of a blow to his ego when he’d had to start wearing the reading glasses a few years back, but he'd adjusted.

The sight of his lover in gold-rimmed glasses turned out to be unexpectedly sexy for Levi, and he mercilessly teased Erwin about being old despite the scant four-year age gap between them. That had certainly helped ease the sting to his ego just a little bit.

Though the joke was on Levi, because Erwin hadn’t missed the way he was squinting at his crossword puzzle these days and knew the chances were high the man would eventually end up wearing a pair himself. Assuming the stubborn ass didn’t hold out on sheer bullheadedness alone, insisting his vision was excellent these days.

“He wants to know if we would be willing to visit them in Mitras." Levi pointed out as he frowned down at his garden haul.

"I noticed that, you realize they will probably want to draw us into this mess." The blond agreed cautiously and finished reading the letter.

"Tch, of course, which means it's going to turn into a whole affair and we'll be cooped up in that damn city for weeks." The dark-haired man scowled darkly at the thought of being back in the mire of Mitras. He had little love for the capital, and understandably so, considering his childhood spent in the Underground beneath the city.  

"Probably, but it will give us time to catch up with the others." Erwin playfully countered, setting the letter down and turning to observe his husband closely. "If you wish to stay here, I'm sure everyone would understand. But I feel like one of us should at least make an appearance." 

Neither of them relished the idea of being separated for so long, but it had been necessary in the past. These days, though, they were quite content to live in each other's pockets.

 "I guess, a few weeks isn't the end of the world, but tell Blondie not to fill out the social calendar with bullshit."

"I will inform him and Historia that we want to keep things low-key." The blond nodded in agreement, a satisfied smile gracing his face. 

"It would be nice to see the brats."  Levi agreed with a hint of gruffness, yet Erwin caught sight of a smile that almost appeared, then vanished from his face. 

"It would be nice, we could have a sort of Survey Corps family reunion." 

"I wouldn't go that far, Erwin." That earned him an exasperated look, but he knew the other man cherished his 'brats' and missed them now that they were so far-flung throughout the world on various duties and pursuing their own lives. 

"Either way, it looks like they are going to be here for a while, too. Hange will be pleased that Onyankopon will be sticking around for a few weeks." Erwin smoothly changed topics and picked up his paper again. “They probably have a backlog of stuff they want to show him.” 

“Assuming that shitty glasses can even find it in the travesty they dare call their laboratory these days.” Levi sniped as he started to wash the greens in the sink.

“Getting out of the lab and breaking their routine will be good for them, and taking a friend around the adopted city is always a nice way to get to know your home."

“Friend, right, that’s what we’re calling it now?” Levi drawled sarcastically as he concentrated on scrubbing the lettuce he’d brought in from the garden within an inch of its green life.

“We’re calling it whatever they wish to call it. They will figure out where things lie in their own good time.”

“Tch, guess it only took us the better part of a decade and countless near-death experiences to finally get our shit together.” Amusement glinted in Levi’s eyes as he slanted a glance over at his husband.

“Yes, well, let’s hope it doesn’t take that long,” Erwin said with a smirk while reading about a local building scandal.

“Armin really thinks all his plotting and planning is going to take off finally.” Levi's tone was indifferent, but two decades with the shorter man helped Erwin notice the subtleties in his words, so he looked up from the newspaper.

“I have total faith in him; if he says he can do it, then I believe it will happen.” The blond said with the same stalwart confidence he’d once had as he’d led them beyond the walls into danger and intrigue.

Levi hated that his heart still stirred at the sight of that confidence, even after all these years. Even now, he’d follow Erwin Smith into the depths of hell without a second of hesitation.

“What’s that stupid saying? You lead us through war, and now he gets to lead us into peace?” Levi jested lightly, and Erwin found himself biting back a grimace of distaste.

“I hate that saying. It’s not exactly untruthful, but it does cheapen everything we’ve done.”

“People love their cheap and easily marketable quotes,” the dark-haired man mused as he turned off the faucet. "If Blondie can bring real peace with his high ideals of a national peace symposium among nations, more power to him. I’m tired of war.”

“Aren’t we all, my love.”

Levi left the vegetables and went to kiss Erwin, but he frowned at the blond’s messy appearance. “I’m not kissing you until you bathe, wash your teeth, and shave that ridiculous scruff off your face.”

He proclaimed archly and dragged his thumb along Erwin’s bristly jaw with a hard look.

Erwin once spent two and a half months on a solo diplomatic mission in the cold north of Hizuru and grew a beard for the first and probably last time. It had been a practical choice, but it’d been hard to look at his reflection in the mirror because he’d looked so much like his father.

Levi had had a conniption when he’d met him at the foot of the gangplank of the flying ship he’d taken on his return trip home and had immediately demanded he shave the ‘fuzzy dead rodent’ he had growing on his face off.

He felt it reminded him too much of the 'damned Beast,' and the comparison to Zeke-fucking-Jaeger was enough to make him shave it off right away once they'd gotten home.

“It’s my lazy morning.” Erwin weakly protested as he leaned into Levi’s hand affectionately.

“It’s almost noon. Morning is over.” Levi said without an ounce of mercy in his tone as he offered the blond one of his patented dead-eyed looks that used to scare the recruits shitless. “Go get cleaned up.”

Erwin considered arguing briefly but decided it wasn’t worth it. By this time, he was mostly used to Levi’s weird little hygienic idiosyncrasies and his germaphobia.

It was a huge pain in the ass at times, dealing with his quirks and demands for cleanliness, but the blond put up with it because that was who Levi was. And he loved him, annoying quirks and all.

Sighing, he put the newspaper down and climbed to his feet.

“Yes, dear,” he murmured as he dropped a kiss to the top of Levi’s head where the gray was beginning to come in with a vengeance. It had begun to turn that formerly inky black head silvery when the light hit. Erwin had distinguished gray hair, but it was less noticeable unless you were close.

Levi made a displeased sound but didn't push Erwin away as he nuzzled into his hair, enjoying his lover's scent. It was as familiar to him as his own soul at this point and was more tempting than any cologne or perfume he’d ever smelled.

He could feel Levi getting antsy, so Erwin forced himself to pull away and hoofed it to the bathroom so he could clean himself up.

In the shower, as he soaped himself, the blond reflected on how a decade out of the military had changed his body.

Middle age had caught up with them both, but thankfully, Levi didn’t seem to mind if Erwin carried a few extra pounds around his waist or if he wasn’t the lean, trim fighting machine he’d once been.

Solid was a good word for his physique these days, and he wore it with contented pride. He still bore the scars of wearing ODM gear for more than twenty-five years. The harness left marks that chafed his skin, causing bare patches where his body hair was thin. This contrasted sharply with the thick, graying blond hair on his torso and legs.

Even after a decade without his gear, his body hair still stubbornly refused to grow back.

The scar tissue from when he almost severed his leg with a wire during an early mission outside the Wall had turned stiff and ropy over the years and caused pain and cramps in his thigh and calf in winter.  The whiplash scars on his torso from escaping a Titan in the summer of '37 had turned white over time, and soap flowed down his stomach along the scars in uneven streams. He bore dozens of scars from his time in the Scouts, the worst of which had culminated in the loss of his right arm.

Learning how to bathe himself with one arm properly had been just yet another thing Erwin had to learn once he’d lost his right arm. Levi had been indispensable in those early days and weeks. He’d been so patient with him, weathering his stormy moods and frustration, which might have driven a weaker man away. 

Levi had mastered the balance of patience and practicality that pulled the blond man out of his despair.

If he hadn't loved Levi before then, Erwin romantically believed he would have fallen in love with him during the quiet weeks after the war, when the horrors of the Titans felt like distant nightmares.

He imitated his lover's touch, scratching his scalp where it was itchy and vigorously applying shampoo before rinsing.

Visualizing Levi naked and their bodies pressed together gave Erwin a warm feeling, but he wasn't quite aroused. He contemplated taking himself in hand, but worried about his husband's possible disapproval when he next cleaned the shower.

He wasn't a randy thirty-year-old who could easily get aroused anymore. These days, when they fucked, that was about it, and all either of them wanted afterwards was a nap and some cuddles.

Instead, he focused on finishing the washing up, reached for his towel as he stepped over the lip of the tub to scrub himself dry, and wrapped it around his waist with practiced ease. The mirror was foggy from steam, so Erwin wiped it clear to see his reflection while brushing his teeth and shaving.

He made a mental note to wipe it clean of any smears so Levi wouldn't have anything to bitch about later when he was cleaning the bathroom. The blond bent his head to focus on working up a lather in his shaving cup.

The introduction of safety razors to a post-war Paradis had excited Erwin and given him a renewed sense of agency. Giving oneself a proper shave with a straight razor one-handed was nearly impossible, so Levi had taken up the duty of assisting him.

There was something almost unbearably intimate about trusting yourself to the hands of another, wielding a razor-sharpened straight edge. Thinking back on that time in their lives always brought a small smile to Erwin’s face. He'd recognized his feelings for the other man, but their obligations and the stress of their roles stopped them from acting.

It struck him how much time was wasted, yet he understood that neither would have made a good partner at the time. It was only in the blood-soaked chaos of the aftermath of the war that they had both taken stock of things and realized life was too damned short to waste any more time.

Erwin caught his reflection in the mirror and paused as a strange sense of déjà vu washed over him. The late-morning sun shining through the window illuminated his golden stubble, and for a moment, he thought he saw his father in the mirror, staring back at him.

Save for the bright blond hair he’d inherited from his mother, he’d always favored his father’s looks. They both had the same strong aquiline nose, strong jaw, and the same crystalline blue eyes. The resemblance had only been more uncanny when Erwin had been sporting his beard.

The only surviving picture of his father was his parents' wedding portrait, displayed in the living room beside a photo of himself and Levi from their second trip to Marley.

In recent years, photography, introduced to Eldian society on Paradis by Marley, has become immensely popular. The portrait of his parents was less detailed than the photo, but the painter effectively conveyed their joy and contentment.

Erwin remembered the smile lines around his father's eyes and how seldom he saw them after his mother died. In their place, lines of frustration had creased his brows as he frowned over his books and research at night with an almost slavish determination.

Years of concentrating on tactical maps and reports left him with noticeable lines between his brows as well. Except his smile and frown lines were deeper, more worn into his visage.

The startling realization that he looked older than his memories of his father struck him like a lightning bolt out of the blue.

Erwin was older than his father had been when he died.

He distinctly remembered his father's gray-streaked, sandy-blond hair, but he realized he had more gray than his father ever did. His crows' feet were deeper, more pronounced as well. The blond man, unknowingly, began comparing his features to the memories he had of his father. Was his face as care-worn and tired as his father’s had been? Did his eyes sometimes hold the same sadness and shadows, but also the same gleam of contented happiness on occasion?

Erwin was not prone to deep reflection, but in that moment, he wrestled with memories and accepted that he was now middle-aged and growing older. Every man matures, often facing the loss of parents, and some live longer than those they lost.

Poor bastards like Erwin Smith, who was wrangling with that knowledge, could only be considered blessed that they were given so much time on this earth.

That somehow, despite all the odds, he’d made it.

It seemed so unfair compared to the countless soldiers and friends he knew who hadn’t been given that opportunity. Even now, years removed from the battlefield, he still remembered their faces because they often haunted his nightmares. He wondered why fate had spared him during the Titan conflict, while countless friends had met tragic ends.

The first time he encountered the ocean, he'd been overwhelmed by emotion, as it symbolized the world beyond the Walls. When they arrived in Marley and saw how small their understanding of the world truly was, he wanted to share the groundbreaking discoveries with his father.

Except he couldn't do that because he was murdered decades earlier, accused of being a 'heretic' by the corrupt monarchy. The injustice of it felt overwhelming.

Most of his life, he'd been driven by the urge to prove his father's theories correct. That and to undo the corrupt government system that had murdered him and countless others over the last century. Erwin fulfilled his ambitions but was unsure whether it brought peace to his father's spirit or to his own. 

He'd forged a path of blood and bodies to accomplish those goals, and it was a guilt he would have to live with for the rest of his days. 

“Oi, did you get lost, old man?” Levi’s voice interrupted his thoughts, and Erwin could only imagine the picture he painted, standing there with his shaving cup in hand, looking like he’d seen a ghost in the mirror.

Unease flashed across Levi’s face as he stepped into the bathroom on careful feet.

“Erwin?” He could hear the mingled worry and uncertainty in his lover’s near monotone voice thanks to years of practice.

“Sorry, I got distracted.” Erwin forced a smile, but he could tell Levi wasn’t buying it by the way those eyes narrowed slightly. “I just need to finish shaving, I’ll be right out.”

“Lunch is done, I’ll help you. It’ll be faster.” The shorter man stated and moved to tug the shaving mug from Erwin’s reluctant fingers. Levi hopped up onto the counter without a hint of embarrassment. It brought their heights a little closer and wouldn’t require Erwin to bend down as much.

“I can do it myself.”

“I know you can. I want to help.” Levi stated plainly, and the way he said those words, so endearingly honest, unmanned Erwin. He accepted his fate, his eyes going suspiciously bright with the sting of tears, and the blond closed them to hide them from Levi.

“Thank you,” was all he said as he stepped closer, between the dark-haired man’s splayed thighs.

He heard the sound of Levi mixing the lather and then felt the cool, thick foam on his cheek. Erwin felt confident enough to open his eyes and observe his husband as he worked, after his face was fully covered with the cream.

“Hate these things,” Levi muttered more to himself than anything else as he picked up the safety razor. “Can’t get a close enough shave.”

“I know, but it’s convenient and a lot less work. And it’s easier to travel with.” The blond didn’t point out that it was much more practical for someone in his situation because that didn’t need to be said.

Levi kept his old shaving kit in a shabby leather bag under the sink and still preferred to use his straight razor every day.

“The things we sacrifice for convenience,” he sneered without any real heat in his words.

“Careful, you’re at risk of turning into a grumpy old man who yells at kids to get off his grass at this point.” Erwin teased lightly, as though he hadn’t caught Levi doing that same thing last month.

“You sure are mouthy for someone who has a shitty razor at his throat.” Levi threatened without any real conviction as he made his first pass over Erwin’s jaw. The blond could feel it drag against his skin with the same precise control the other man had always displayed when it came to wielding a blade.

“That threat didn’t scare me twenty years ago; it’s not scaring me now.”

“Tch.” He scoffed and was quiet for a few minutes as he concentrated on his work. “What happened? You were a million miles away.” The troubled comment finally came quietly.

Erwin briefly thought about pretending nothing was wrong and deflecting, as he had mastered this habit over time. But these days, they were both trying to communicate better and not fall back on old habits.

“It’s silly,” he admitted somewhat lamely. This earned him a raised brow and a scathing look from the shorter man. “I was just thinking that I’m now older than my father ever was. I shared his looks, so I had a vision of what my future self would look like, but now there’s no clear path. He never had as much gray hair as I do. Never had this many wrinkles. It's eerie, and it makes me sad that he never got that opportunity.”

Levi listened to him intently as he raked the razor up his neck to clean up the bristle there. “I guess you really are an old man now.” Gray eyes cut up to meet his, and Erwin didn’t miss the devilment that gleamed in them.

“Don’t be difficult...” Erwin sighed and frowned at his husband, stopping when the shorter man pressed his thumb against his mouth in the universal signal to be quiet.

The reason became abundantly clear after Levi began shaving the hair around his mouth, starting at his upper lip. Erwin couldn’t help but press a subtle kiss to that thumb, which earned him a tsk from the other man.

“I get it. I look in the mirror now and then and try to find Kenny, but I guess I won the genetic lottery with the whole stunted growth and childhood malnutrition." Levi mused with dark humor. Erwin fought back a wince because he knew what a touchy and off-limits subject the man’s deceased uncle was.

Levi had once shared with him in the dark that he’d always wondered if the man was his father. Considering the way he showed up to rescue him from his dire straits after his mother had passed away. And what a relief it had been once he’d found out he wasn’t that kind of blood kin.

Realizing he belonged to the Ackerman family was a tough truth to process, and learning he and Mikasa were related only added to the burden of being linked to a murderous bastard like Kenny the Ripper.

“At least you get to live with the knowledge you’ll one day surpass his life span as well,” the blond pointed out once Levi had finished the last strokes. A towel was shoved under the faucet and held there until the water ran hot, soaking the fabric through.

“Assuming Blondie’s mission of world peace goes through.”

“I believe in Armin and the others; they will accomplish what they set out to do.”

“Good, because both of us are too damned old to play at soldier anymore. And I don’t think our brand of soldiering would be particularly useful these days anyway.” They’d been trained to fight Titans, not human beings.

Erwin knew the weight of each human life he’d had to take weighed upon Levi’s shoulders. The knowledge that the Titans they had killed had once been human only served to complicate that guilt for a man who’d grown up in the inhuman, cutthroat world of the Underground. One who had run his own gang of thugs, Levi had a surprisingly tender and vulnerable heart. He hated to see the senseless waste of human life.

Erwin hated to waste lives as well, but it had become a necessary sort of evil for him at the end of the day. They were numbers to be sacrificed in the name of the greater good and the future of humanity.

Levi found it difficult to accept that bloody truth, and his strong sense of right and wrong often guided Erwin’s choices, especially during the darkest times of the war.

“I’m sure they could find positions for a couple of old warhorses, but I would prefer peace over war. I’ve lost enough friends and loved ones to that bloody conflict. I’m not sure my heart could handle any further loss.” Erwin confessed into the now-damp towel as Levi used it to wash the last remnants of shaving cream from his face.

Those gray eyes were sober as his husband looked up at him.

“If shit goes sideways again, I’m knocking your ass out, and we are running somewhere far, far away from the chaos. I don’t care if we need to go to the middle of bumfuck Hizuru, I’m not losing you. Not after all we’ve been through.” There was a deadly serious tone to Levi’s voice that warned Erwin his husband wasn’t joking.

Erwin felt something inside himself melt and go soft. Once upon a time, such a selfish desire would have conflicted with his sense of duty towards the Corps and humanity as a whole. But these days, his loyalty lay fully with this petite menace of a man who held his heart in his hands with a fierce grip.

Some of that emotion must have shown on his face because Levi's expression softened. He didn’t protest this time when the blond leaned in and kissed him softly.

It was a good kiss, the kind that lingered sweetly and sent warmth sparkling through his veins.

“Thank you,” Erwin murmured into the kiss when they pulled away a hairsbreadth to breathe. The dark-haired man hummed a wordless question in response.

“For always being there for me, watching my back, and for staying with me. I look forward to growing old and gray with you. It might not be the future we deserve, considering everything we’ve had to do, but...” he found himself trailing off as emotion choked in his throat like a lump.

“You’re gonna make me say it, huh?” Levi asked skeptically. “We owe it to those who died before us to live and to live our lives to the fullest in their honor.”

It felt too cliché and hollow coming from him. He much preferred hearing from Erwin with his sonorous, compelling voice to his own. The blond was built for spouting the most eye-watering bullshit and somehow managed to convince people it was perfectly sane and not at all a steaming pile of bullshit.

Erwin offered him a smile that was tinged with tired sadness. “Something along those lines. And I’m enough of a selfish bastard to be glad we have been afforded the time that we’ve been given.”

“We have all the time in the world now, Erwin.” Levi’s hands, small and yet so breathtakingly capable, settled at his waist above the damp edges of the towel. Fingers that still bore the calluses from his ODM gear brushed against his waist, and with a quick motion, the towel slipped to the floor.

Erwin’s impressive blond eyebrows rose ever so slightly and moved to toy with the buckle of his husband’s belt. “I thought you said lunch was ready?”

Levi’s hands skimmed over Erwin’s flank and reached out to grab two handfuls of his ass so he could tug him even closer. “I also said we had all the time in the world now.”

Gray eyes gleamed up at him as Levi's lips curved into a smirk, and the taller man stepped forward until they were almost in each other's space.

“I'm not very hungry anyway."

“Good man.”