Chapter Text
They had beaten the mind flayer and had started high school everyone has grown up except for Mike he feels like.
Max has been separating herself from the party. She doesn't sit with them at lunch anymore. Everyone has been giving her room to let her grieve. Mike thinks that bullshit and that they should be there for her but he doesn't say anything because he doesn't know her as well as the rest of them.
Dustin had been getting pretty close to their new dungeon master Eddie. Eddie was a cool guy who would protect them from bullies on occasions. Mike would be lying if he said that he wasn't kind of jealous of him though. He thinks Dustin prefers eddies campaigns rather than his own.
Lucas has started basketball. He's been sitting on the bench most of the time. He's trying to become less of a ‘weirdo’. Mike doesn't know why but it feels like Lucas is trying to leave the party and he's getting pretty bitter about it.
El has moved to California with the Byers.They send each other letters back and forth and from what she's said she is making friends there. She fits in, she doesn't need Mike to ‘guide’ her anymore.
Will was in California. He hadn't gotten a call or letter from will since he had moved. Mike had tried to call Will but Joyce was always on the phone because of her new job. He hasn't sent letters though he would write them but he wouldn't send them it always made it too real for him, Will was gone again and there was nothing he could do about it.
Mike doesn't blame will for not reaching out to him. Mike could never be mad at will. He also knows that he doesn't deserve Will, he's too good for him. He was such a jerk to him last summer. He thought if he could become less attached to will it would hurt less when he eventually left him again.
He was wrong, It hurt even more. He could never become less enamored with Will, and knowing that he was such a bad friend before Will left and it made his heart clench anytime memories of Will flooded his mind. Bitter sweet thoughts no matter how happy or how sad the memory was, because he had ruined it.
Will wasn't the small little kid that needed Mike anymore. If Mike was honest with himself he always needed Will more than he needed him. Mike just didn't wear his heart on his sleeve like Will does. Will was grown now and probably realized this. Mike was the one who needed him, Will didn't need him back anymore.
Mike wasn't needed.
And who was Mike if he wasn't needed.
Mike was standing at the quarry's edge, laid below was the lake where ‘Will’s’ body was found in winter 83. This was also where he jumped the same year after finding that body. He tried to convince himself the reason he jumped was to protect Dustin and while that was somewhat true. That wasn't the only reason.
Mike closed his eyes and felt the wind blow around him. It was the winter of 1986, so it was chilly outside. Mike wasn't dressed appropriately for being outside in this weather. He was in plaid pajama pants and a flimsy sweat shirt. The chill of the air numbed him inside and out he was kinda thankful for that. It would make what he was about to do easier.
His feet slowly creeped forward closer and closer to what awaited him. Memories started flooding his head.
“That's not will, it can't be”.
“What's wrong with you, what is wrong with you”.
“Mike don’t do it, Seriously dont do it man”.
“LIAR, LIAR, LIar, lia-r”
“Its not my fault you don’t like girls”
It's like the universe wanted him gone, showing all the reasons why he was on the edge in the first place.
Mike took a deep breath and lifted his right foot slowly over the edge. He began to shake. He didn't know if it was because of the adrenaline or if it was because of the goosebumps that quickly raised out from his skin.
He had finally built up the courage to lean forward and jump when suddenly something from behind had grabbed him and yanked him back.
His body froze in shock he couldn't think no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't tell what was holding him. He can't get control of his body to move. He felt claustrophobic, feeling arms wrap around him tightly not letting go.
His mind and body finally caught up to each other. He realized what just happened and that he had to go to run like he always did. He started thrashing in the persons hold trying desperately to break free. He couldn't, he was weak like he has always been.
He could hear someone screaming and could feel his throat yelling at him because it was so sore. He thinks he recognizes the voice.
Its his own
“PLEASE LET ME GO”
“I JUST WANT TO GO”
“I NEED TO GO”
“Please, please, plea-se”
“Let me go”
Even after all that screaming nothing seemed to get the creature to release their grasp on him. So he curled in on himself. That seemed to get him released from whatever held him down but instead of quickly getting up like he planned to, he just layed there still curled up in a ball.
He was too tired to get up, his whole body felt like jello sinking into the ground where he laid. He probably could get himself to fall asleep, if he couldn't feel the presence of the person staring down at him right now.
He felt as if he was out of his body. Like all the times his friends or parents would yell at him. This time it felt better though. Right now he couldn't be bothered to care about anything. His whole entire being went numb, as much as he would like to say he hated it he didn't.
For his whole life he can't remember a time when he felt this at peace. His mind always worked a million miles per minute and everything that happened with the upside didn't help that part of him.
But like every good thing that happened to him this moment had to end. The person that was originally just staring at him grabbed his arm and started to yank him upwards. If he focused hard enough he could hear that there was noise coming from them but he couldn't figure out what.
Now he was being dragged to who knows where. He didn't care about that though he still was trying to process the way he felt now. He couldn't quite find the words to describe it though
He finally felt his body stop moving. He looked around and it seemed that he was in a trailer. His body then got pushed down onto a couch. It was a simple brown couch that looked like it was stained with multiple things and he could feel a spring poking his butt.
Still it felt better than the ground he was previously laying down on and he was oh so tired. So he slowly let his body fall so that he could now be flat on his side with his legs moving up onto the couch to rest.
He could feel himself slowly going in and out of consciousness, literally this time. He didn't fight it, he just closed his eyes and waited for sleep to take him away.
When he woke up, all of the past events from yesterday came back to his mind, but the numbness from yesterday also came back as well. This time he could tell where he was though, he was in Max's trailer. He doesn't come here often but he thinks he's been here at least once or twice.
Max was at the table that was near the couch. He thinks she was eating toast by the way he could hear the crunch and the crumbs falling on the table. He couldn't fully tell her because she was facing the opposite way as him.
He wondered what time it was he could see outside since all the curtains were closed. He feels really well rested so it must have been awhile since he first fell asleep.
Now that he thinks of it he didn't have a nightmare which is rare because he usually has them every night. They were all different parts of his life but they all connected back to one thing: Will.
Best not to think of him though, his mind was finally calm and he knows if he went down that whole hi racing mind will back again something he doesn't wish will happen, so he decides to focus on something else.
His stomach started to growl but he didn't really want to alert Max to him being awake. She will probably ask him a bunch of questions that he doesn't have the energy to answer. Just to his luck though Max turned her head while he was staring at her.
“Are you some type of creep wheeler” Max said staring at him with a grin on her face
“w-what “ is all he could manage to say. His throat was sore which he could imagine was from him screaming yesterday.
“Nothing, thought you would never wake up” max said standing up and getting two slices of bread and placing them in her toaster.
“How long have I been out?” he says, slowly sitting up groggily.
“Ummm” Max looked at the clock and it read 11:27. Looks like no school today, she thought.
“ you've been asleep for about 14 hours, I was genuinely gonna call the cops if you didn't wake up soon”
“Damn guess I was really tired” Mike said, it didn't make sense because he was getting at least 10 hours of sleep every night because he didn't like being awake even though when he did fall asleep he would have nightmares it was still better than being awake though.
He guessed that adrenaline crash hit him harder than he thought. “You want butter on your toast” Max said, turning her head in his direction waiting for an answer. “Ummm… yes” Mike said surprised. Max buttered the toast then placed it on the table that she was originally sitting at then patted the seat beckoning Mike over to also sit down there.
Mike got up, his bones ached and he could hear the crack of his knees as he fully straightened his legs. He sat down at the table with an ‘oof’ and picked up the piece of toast max had made for him.
It was bland but he didn't remember the last time he had eaten so it settled his stomach. “Why did you try to kill yourself”. Mike choked on the piece of toast, that question startled him. He supposed he could be truthful with her; her opinion of him couldn't get any lower and if he tried to lie she would just call him out on his bullshit.
“I'm not needed anymore” he stated simply like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Max just stared at him in disbelief. If she was being honest with herself she didn't expect him to answer or he would even try to deny that he was trying to kill himself. She also didn't expect that to be the reason either.
She always thought Mike was selfish and hated him for it. Well at least that's what she told herself. Deep down she knew though that mike was just a little too much like her and that's not something she could handle.
This answer of his was the most selfless thing she had heard. “Why would you think that” is what she said she needed to find out more of what he meant.
“It's just as I said, I'm not needed by anyone anymore, all my friends have moved on and don't need me” mike said chewing on his toast.
“and why is that a reason to kill yourself” she asked bluntly they always had this relationship where they wouldnt stumble around words just to not sound insensitive, it was refreshing.
“What do I do with myself if I'm not needed?” Mike said, staring down looking as if he was going to cry.
“You live your life for yourself, that's what you're supposed to do”. Max said. Mike didn't reply so she added on “also you're still needed by a lot of people but being needed isn't a reason to decide if you deserve to live”.
Tears started hitting the table from where Mike sat. Max has never seen Mike cry before .No matter what was happening he always seemed to have his emotions in check. That was probably why he was called Mike the brave.
She guesses though that him always putting on a brave face and keeping all his emotions to himself was a bad thing. Look where it got him now.
“Since there is no point in going to school we are going to stay here, and you're gonna watch romance movies with me” Max said, getting her CD folder and pulling out a movie. She popped it in her mini TV that she had and turned on the TV.
Max and Mike were sitting on the couch together. Mike wasn't really paying attention to the movie; he was more just zoning out and letting his mind leave him so he could feel the calming sensation of not thinking.
Mike couldn't tell how long it has been since they started watching movies but he thinks it's been awhile since the sun has started to set. He told Max that he had to get back home because his family was probably worried about him (with the exception of his dad).
They said their goodbyes and Mike had started the walk to his house. It wasn't that far away but seeing how it was so cold it felt longer than it should have been and all he was wishing for right now was to get in the shower and turn the water all the way to the hot side.
He was standing on his porch thinking for an excuse he can make up for why he was gone without telling anyone. Someone inside must have seen him since the door had flung open almost slamming him in the face.
“MIKE, where have you been”. Nancy had yelled at him. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she looked like she was about to jump him. For some reason her looking at him like that got him angry, angrier than he usually is.
“I was just with a friend, there is no reason to bite off my head” he said while rolling his eyes and pushing her out of the way of the door and stomping in the house. He could hear his other family members talking to him but he couldn't understand them.
He rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in. He went to the mirror and stared at himself, he knew he wasn't ‘ugly’ but he never liked how he looked, his proportions were weird and he couldn't gain any weight. He turned around from the mirror not wanting to look anymore and started to get undressed.
Once undressed he hopped in the shower and turned the water on. At first it was cold and shocked his system but gradually it got hotter and hotter until it was burning his skin.
Mike wasn't sad but he couldn't stop the tears from coming out of his eyes. He didn't have a reason to cry, it just happened and it wouldn't stop. He tried to muffle the sobs that came out of his mouth but it was to no avail. Someone could probably hear him but he couldn't care about it.
He started scrubbing his hair with the shampoo ruffly still crying. The whole time he was in the shower he was crying. He had realized as he was getting out of the shower that he had accidentally scrubbed his skin raw. It looked at him hot and angry, mocking him. As soon as he was fully dressed he had stopped crying like someone had an on and off switch.
It was a weird feeling. He still felt as if he was not in his body and not the one controlling it. That kinda scared him and made him relieved at the same time. He hated not being in control but he also hated making decisions. His whole person was a walking contradiction. He liked having control over the outcome, not making the decisions to get there.
He had left the bathroom and got into his bed. He was tired and wanted to go to sleep. He had school tomorrow after all and he didn't want to deal with his family downstairs right now so he wasn't going to eat dinner. So he passed out on his bed.