Chapter Text
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Ǝna has always liked Ena as a friend, and only as a friend, but as months passed, something shifted inside of her, like an usual decoration being replaced by a more.. Unusual one. She suddenly had strange feelings for Ena that were out of the ordinary for her, feelings she had never felt before. Back then, Every time she would be around Ena she would feel happy and loved, as if Ena was her sun and warmth. Now she feels.. Confused but still happy and.. Scared? As if Ena was a lost thought drowning in more lost thoughts, as if.. Ena was becoming a lost thought. Ǝna used to feel delightful and excited to be with Ena, now she can't even think about her without wanting to puke, it's sickening, it's not something that Ǝna should feel when Ena gets involved, she just wants it to stop and not take her in further, but.. At the same time, thinking of her when stressed makes her feel comfortable and safe, having those two mindsets drives her insane.
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Ǝna can't be like this for long, because it is time for work. Ǝna grabs her outfit she wears and slips it on, usually in a quick manner, work is not something she wants to miss. Hat? Check, Shorts? Check, Boots? Check, Shirt? Check. Time to leave. Ǝna picks up her bag on the floor and opens the front door.. To see pouring rain, She mumbles under her breath "God damnnit! I forgot to bring an umbrella!", hesitation builds up in her, she doesn't want to be soaked by water as her clothes are still relatively new, but she decides to do it anyways. Ǝna slips and slides through the slippery rain, almost falling multiple times, she can't afford to be late to work right now, even if they disrespect her every minute of the day, she needs that money, or does she?. Fortunately, Ǝna made it in time, but the downside is that she's.. Soaking wet, water trails and muddy shoe-prints all over the floor, whilst Ǝna is walking to her office, the boss notices how filthy she is and gets scolded for it
"How disrespectful you are. Ǝna!" "If you don't get dry I'm gonna out you to everyone!" "Ǝna you really are a filthy lesbian. Disgusting. Get a MAN, woman."
The boss is being his usual self, homophobic and purely disgusting, that doesn't help with her feelings at all, it even makes her want to ghost Ena entirely. Ǝna is forced to dry off outside, she really can't dry off her clothes and shoes quickly, but hey at least her hair looks nice. Ǝna finishes drying off and heads back inside, only to find out she got locked out with her bag that carries important items still inside, Ǝna can see someone go inside of her office to possibly take her bag to snoop inside of it, and maybe also steal something too, luckily she remembered she had her work keys in her pocket from last time, Ǝna takes the keys and struggles to fit them inside the keyhole, getting agitated from the fact that her stuff is gonna get stolen and sold, that's how the company is unfortunately, Ǝna struggles and struggles until finally she hears that familiar click, instantly barging the door open and running inside whilst watching as the boss and the staff dig through her bag looking for valuables, one of the staff notice that she's back inside, they charge after her, ready to punch her out cold, but to their surprise Ǝna catches the punch and gives them a mean one, *PUNCH* the staff member gets slammed into the ground, letting go of the items they have stolen from her, the boss attempts to retrieve the bag and run, but Ǝna didn't let that happen, she kicked her blocky knee into the boss's stomach, hurting him, maybe even puncturing a hole. Before he could hurt Ǝna, she darts out the building with her bag and dropped items into the rain.. Again. The rain is pouring harder than earlier but Ǝna doesn't give one or two fucks, she just needs out get out of there before anything happens.
Many more slips and near face plants later, Ǝna finally reaches home, she checks her usual pocket for the house keys, nothing, where did they go? she checks another pocket, nothing? How about this pocket?.. There it is! Ǝna makes her way into the house, slamming the door behind, she rests herself against it whilst rubbing the water and mud off her face, she makes sure to also check if every item is in her bag, Ǝna counts, one.. Two.. Three.. Four.. Five.. Six.. Seven.. Eight.. Nine.. Ten.. and Eleven.. Good, everything is in there, how about her pockets? Ǝna counts again, One.. Two.. Three.. and Four.. Ok, lovely, I'm sure she's very relived that she didn't lose anything, especially from what happened earlier. Ǝna didn't feel any better after getting home, all of the chaos and damn near robberies made her feel even weirder.. Ǝna felt Empty and shameful about herself, but.. Also for Ena..? She's unaware why she feels shame for Ena, but for sure does know what she feels shame for. The words said to her earlier replay--and replay through her head like a cursed record, looping--and looping the same specific part of a song, telling a message that nobody wants to hear: "Ǝna you really are a filthy lesbian" "Get a MAN, woman". Those exact words, not the other ones, they don't mean anything to her, but.. Why? If she didn't subconsciously let everyone know that she liked Ena, those words wouldn't mean anything to her, but they do, and she can't do anything about it, can she? Selfish thoughts start to overshadow the words, not making Ǝna feel any more better, making her feel worse to be exact, the self-centered feeling of rejecting Ena just to feel good for yourself doesn't sit right with Ǝna, even if they make her feel uncomfortable, she listens anyway, signing herself up for the downfall of her life.
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Days upon days pass, every breath is tighter and weaker, Ǝna feels horrible, she can't even think about going back to work, all of the times that she got made fun of and pushed around never bothered her, but those stupid thoughts about Ena won't let her go, she wants them to end, she doesn't care about Ena anymore, she just wants to feel normal again, she can't get herself to get up and walk outside where Ena is, where the girl who she used to be excited and happy about, the girl who she used to joke about dating, those memories almost became a reality, but I guess not, Ǝna fucked up horribly, she didn't mind dating Ena until she had the feelings, the sick.. Feelings, all she could do was just become the person she always despised being: Doing nothing all day and being vulnerable, the guilt and selfishness starts to now fully consume every inch of the thing she calls worthless, herself. Work isn't going to save her that she now quitted, and not even Ena will, all of those years, memories, friends, happiness, it's all gone now, she has no one left. But wait, what if she's not actually alone after all? I mean, Ena is unaware of what happened with Ǝna, so she still cares, right? But what if Ena has those same feelings as Ǝna and becomes the same person she is? what if the feeling are.. Happy and not SICK feelings?.
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It's been long enough for Ena not to notice what is going on with Ǝna, she's been texting and calling Ǝna for days, no answer, hell, even these past few months has been worrying for Ena: Ǝna becoming more distant, quieter, and even more.. Angrier than usual, Ǝna being angry is normal, especially her meanie side, but this angry? Ena's gut feeling is driving her crazy, knowing--but not knowing what's actually up, it's hard to know since they were not that personally close, she only knew who Ǝna was on the outside, not who she is, how was she going to come up with a plan that was going to actually save her? Well, the only way she could do it was going over there to Ǝna physically. Ena sends her last text, then proceeds outside, the rain has calmed down a little but enough where she still needs an umbrella, Ena pops the umbrella open, holding it in her smoother-yellow hand, leaving her blue-blocky hand free, she struts through fields and small towns, watching her steps carefully in the slippery mud, she's not the type of person who likes to be covered in mud.
An uncomfortable feeling fills the air around Ena, it indeed makes her feel uncomfortable, she's not a fan of it but something is calling out to her, like they want her to get to Ǝna as quickly as she can, Ena's anxiety starts peaking, those voices are making her do something she doesn't need to do, at least to her, maybe she does need to hurry instead of taking her time. Ena finally chooses to listen to the voices, running as fast as she can even take it, while simultaneously watching her steps for any lone rocks or puddles, Ena's anxiety grows as she gets closer to where Ǝna lives, feeling impending doom rest upon her, every step is telling whether Ǝna is going to be okay or not, her legs grow weaker every leap, but she takes the voices order for granted, hoping she fulfills it. Painful minutes pass by, Ena is still running, she's exhausted, but brushes it off, she needs to see Ǝna before it's too late. Ena's thoughts are the only thing she cares about, not surprisingly resulting her forgetting everything, even where she was going.. *PLOP*, Ena falls to the ground landing on her knees, raising her head up in distraught "Why me and my new skirt?" Ena complains, she sighs, picking herself back up from the ground, she glances at her now dirty skirt, what a silly girl! Ena continued from where she was, but.. now can't run anymore, her legs became too weak to run any longer, throbbing each heart beat, not to worry though, she already made to Ǝna's house. Limping up the pathway and up to the door, Ena raises her hand up to the door, but doesn't knock, hesitation blocks her hand from touching that door, the hesitation brings her anxiety to overflow, her yellow side turns black, whilst her blue side is white, with her features completely blacked out, anxiety makes her weak, she drops the umbrella curling up into a ball outside of Ǝna's door, weeping out for answers on why she feels this way, Ena's confused, feeling emotions she's not used to, emotions that were out of the ordinary.. Like Ǝna...
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