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Touch Me Like A Bullet by Cupcake_Princess for Lampmoss, skatesfullofsunshine, Youbetyourbuttons
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings (Jackson Movies)
03 Feb 2026
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Summary
Fíli Durin is trying his hardest to honour his chronically stressed uncle's sacrifices and take some of the weight of managing Orc Pit from his hands. It’s going rather smoothly - until a lumpy-jumper-wearing stranger carrying an electric piano heavier than himself falls on top of him, and- oh no, is that the pianist of PEN/KNIFE?!
As the club’s popularity swells, a fresh face joins the security team. Dwalin isn’t entirely sure about this skinny redhead – who apparently has a more impressive CV than him – but one thing is certain; the more Nori Staedtler calls him ‘wanker’, the harder it is to stay away.
Thorin Durin needs a holiday. He needs something, anything that isn’t managing Orc Pit’s new popularity. When an irritated bookstore owner complains about noise levels again, he finds himself standing outside the club at two in the morning with a decibel meter and a silently seething Bilbo Baggins… who looks surprisingly good in his leather jacket.
Dís Durin is burning out. But when Lobelia Bracegirdle begs her to act as her girlfriend for a family function, could it lead to something more?
Series