Chapter Text
Fern huffed as he lifted up the heavy box of ornaments that Announcer asked him to get. Apparently the Speaker Box was going to use them for the next challenge, which was weird because it was full of hearts and perfume bottles. Maybe it was for Valentine’s Day.
Whatever the reason, he did as he was told, carrying the box over to the drop-off site.
As he walked, he examined all the different hearts inside the box. Small ones, glass ones, fluffy ones, chained ones. The more he looked, the more his thoughts drifted to the occasion that this was for, the event all about love and relationships.
He immediately started thinking about Toothpaste. He didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.
Maybe I should prepare something for Toothpaste this Valentines, he thought. She would definitely get him something, he knew that now because of last Goikymas. He wanted to be ready.
He didn’t know what to give her though. Toothpaste didn’t seem like the type of girl who wanted flowers, chocolates, and hearts as gifts. She was most definitely a world-ending weaponry type of gift girl.
Unfortunately, he didn’t really know where to get one. He had already given her the flamethrower, what else could he get?
….
Sidewalky was leaning on a tree, glancing from side to side out of pure boredom.
Then he spotted Fern walking towards him, a large box in his hands.
He grinned mischievously.
He stuck his foot out, intending for Fern to trip.
Now to any sane object, that would easily have been spotted from a mile away because, well, Sidewalky quite literally extended his foot when Fern was still a long way from reaching him.
But Fern, uh, he was sane, but he was still deep in his thoughts, wondering about Toothpaste.
He sighed, blushing and scolding himself for thinking about her while on delivery duty.
Unfortunately, he scolded himself too late, and once he snapped back to reality he saw Sidewalky’s foot extended in front of him.
“Wha-AAAAHH!!” Fern yelped as he tripped on Sidewalky’s leg, throwing the box and all of its contents in the air.
“Hahahaha!” Sidewalky cackled.
Fern looked up in horror as all the valentine props started falling towards the ground. He quickly grabbed the box mid-air and moved side to side, catching all the hearts and perfume bottles with ease.
Except for one, a glass heart that was too far to catch with the box.
With all his might, Fern sprinted on over, extending his hand as far as he could, and then-
SNATCH!
Fern exhaled in relief, clutching the heart tightly to his chest. “SIDEWALKY!” Fern yelled.
Sidewalky just laughed and skedaddled away.
Fern sighed in relief, both at the fact that he was now gone and that he had successfully prevented the glass heart from shatter-
“Hey Fern!”
“GAHH!!” Fern yelped as he threw his hands, and the glass heart, up in the air. The heart fell on the ground with a sickening crack, and split in two.
Fern stared at Toothpaste with dreaded eyes.
Toothpaste glanced over at the broken heart behind him. “Sorry, was that yours?”
“Ughhh no it was Announcer’s!!” Fern exclaimed. “He’s going to kill me when he finds out it’s broken!” He began speed-walking frantically in circles, grabbing the two heart pieces and desperately trying to clamp them back together. It fit together perfectly, but it broke back down in two when he relieved pressure.
He fell on the ground, clutching the heart to his chest. “My life is over.”
Toothpaste knelt beside him. “Hey, it's not that bad. What’s the worst that Speaker Box can do to you?”
“Eliminate me :(“
Toothpaste nodded. “True, true.” She stood up. “Maybe you could glue it back together?”
“With what?” He whined. “I don’t see anything sticky around here.”
Toothpaste gave it a little thought, scanning the area for any signs of naturally-occuring glue bottles.
“I swear I’ve seen something glue-like here somewhere…” She recalled that time Sticker drowned in some white viscous puddle in one of the challenges.
Oh wait that was her doing.
That was her toothpaste!
A lightbulb went up in her head. If they couldn’t find glue, they might as well make do with the one thing that was eerily similar to it.
“I have an idea!” Toothpaste grabbed the heart from Fern, who gasped. “Wha- hey! Be careful!”
“Don’t you worry bestie boyfriend, your bestie girlfriend knows exactly what to do!”
Fern reddened. “You uh, you don’t really uh, have to s-say it, uh, like that-”
Toothpaste paid no attention to his stuttering frenzy and took off her cap, squeezing a generous amount of toothpaste on her hand.
Fern’s eyes widened when he realized what was going to happen. “WAIT!”
Toothpaste glanced at him, applying the toothpaste on either part of the broken glass heart. “Yeah?”
“DON’T DO IT-”
She squished both parts together, rubbing them a bit before allowing it to settle on her hand. It looked alright, minus the clearly visible line of toothpaste that drew down its mid-section. “See? Good as new!”
….
The heart dropped to the ground and shattered into a million pieces.
They both stared at it in dismay.
“....Oh.” Toothpaste pursed her lips.
Fern was about to faint. He pressed both hands to his forehead, groaning. “Great, great, just great…” he paced back and forth, whining about the shattered heart.
Toothpaste scratched the back of her head. “Sorry Fern, I thought that would work-”
“Well I knew that wasn’t going to work in the first place!” Fern snapped. “You’re literally Toothpaste! How do you not know it’s slippery and not sticky?!”
Toothpaste put her hands on her hips. “Well maybe I don’t like thinking about something that is inside of me! That’s disgusting!”
“UGH!” Fern collapsed beside the box, staring at the sky. “You are such…” His words trailed off.
“What?” Toothpaste provoked. “I’m such a what?!”
“A PAIN IN THE STEM!” Fern screamed, grabbing what he could of the heart’s glass shards and shoving them into the box, before picking it up and walking away.
He looked back one last time. “Oh, and since you really want more enemies so bad, then so be it! YOU’RE my enemy now!”
Toothpaste glared at her with angry eyes. “OH YEAH? FINE! I DON’T CARE! I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP! I HOPE YOU FAIL AT WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING, BOYENEMY!!!”
Fern just rolled his eyes and moved on.
Toothpaste shook with rage, a tear welling up in her eye. She wiped it away and stormed off.
It was starting to get dark. The orange sunset was beginning to fade into a dark shade of blue, the moon starting to cast its glow onto the landscape down below.
Fern carried on, heaving the heavy box with him. Why did Announcer have to choose the furthest drop-off point of all places? He was exhausted.
He gently placed the box on the ground and leaned on it, tired and angry. Why did Toothpaste always have to be so… chaotic? Antagonizing? He really liked her, he knew that, but it was starting to get too much for him. Thinking about her now, after what happened between them, was beginning to hurt, and he began to break down.
He sniffled, rubbing his nose. “D-Damnit!” He struck the ground with his hand and began to cry. He was never like this. He would never hit something, especially not the ground. That was where the grass grew! And angrily screaming at someone? That was not like Fern. He regretted it deeply. He had to apologize to her when he got the chance.
Would she even accept it? Forgive him even?
Oh, why did this relationship have to be so hard? Why did he have to be in one in the first place?
He gulped, wiping away tears from his eyes before he heard shuffling coming from a nearby bush.
He leaped up and covered the box defensively. “W-Who’s there??”
…..no response.
He noticed the box was open, so he quickly sealed it and started carrying it again, rushing away from that spot with all he could muster.
Pretty soon, Fern arrived at the drop off point. He wiped away any signs that he had been crying and opened the doors, finding Announcer waiting by a table.
“Oh, There You Are.” He mused. “You Took Longer Than I Expected.”
“S-sorry, I’ll be faster next time.” Fern huffed in exhaustion, placing the box down on the table. “Here you go Speaky Box.”
“Wow. Well Done Fern. Let Me Just Examine All Of The Contents Of This Box-”
Fern covered the top with his hands, letting out a nervous smile. “Oh, no need for that! It’s completely fine I checked it like 60 times before arriving here!!”
Announcer was not impressed. “Get Your Natural Hands Off My Box.”
Fern sighed in defeat and let go. Announcer began digging in and extracting each of the hearts and perfumes one by one.
“Let’s See,” he said, “Fluffy Heart, Check. Flower’s Evil Perfume Spray, Check. Glass Shard 1, Check. Glass Shard 2, Check. Glass Shard 3- Wait What?”
Fern crossed his arms together defensively, on the brink of tears yet again. “I-I’m sorry Announcer, I-”
“Wow.”
Fern looked up to see the Speaker Box holding up what looked like a heart made of glass shards, a white viscous liquid filling in the cracks and dripping onto the other hearts below. “Did You Do This?”
Fern was aghast. “Wha- N-NO! No I didn’t-”
“This Is Amazing.”
“....W H A T.”
“This Heart Piece Portrays A Deeper Meaning That Most Objects Won’t Even Notice,” Announcer commented, “Fortunately I Am Not Most Objects, And I Can Clearly Tell How This Piece Resembles How Even If A Heart Is Shattered Into A Million Pieces, It Can All Be Fixed With Proper Dental Care.”
Fern stared at him, not knowing if he should be concerned or relieved, then at the sharded heart. He didn’t remember sticking all those together with glue-
Until it hit him. That wasn’t glue.
“This Is Definitely An Upgrade From The Glass Heart, And I Was Planning To Shatter It Anyway.” Announcer stated. “You Did Not Make This, Correct?”
Fern gulped. “Y-yeah, it wasn't me.”
“Well Then I Have Another Task For You. Find Whoever Did This And Give Them A Good Congratulations For A Rework Well Done.”
“Wait what?”
“No Excuses, Get To Finding.” He pushed Fern out of the building before slamming the door behind him.
“.....great.” Fern started picking at his hands. That ruffling in the bush… that was not a coincidence. He knew who had done that, and he was grateful.
That made him feel even more bad.
He gulped, and headed towards the location of that bush, reciting an apology in his head over and over again.
It shouldn’t be too hard to find that bush. It had a sort of brown outline to it, like it was made of cardboard.
The hard part was going to be the talking.