Archive of Our Own

It has been six months since Stede Bonnet last saw Edward Teach.

Six months since Stede met him.

Got to know him.

Kissed him.

Made love to him.

Watched him leave.

Stede never would’ve anticipated meeting Ed on that fateful weekend. It was something he didn’t even consider would happen. There was no room for daydreaming about meeting his dream guy when he was too busy panicking about his family, whom he just abandoned on a whim to find his own happiness at their cost. As it turned out, two miracles can happen at once. Firstly, Stede could confidently declare that his family, especially his kids (and especially his eldest child, Alma), hated his guts less than they did when he left. Secondly, and perhaps even more astoundingly, Stede had found the love of his life after one mere weekend. But as he quickly realised, the intensity of falling in love in such a short time made it hurt much more when Ed had to leave.

When Stede stood with Ed on the jetty on that bittersweet morning before the Uber took Ed away, they came to a few agreements. First and foremost, it was not a goodbye. That during their much-needed time apart, they would keep contact minimal to avoid temptation and rush back to one another before either of them was ready. That they could break the previous rule if either felt truly alone. That they loved each other. That they would always love each other. That what they shared that weekend was real, no matter how short that time was, and no matter how big the distance will be between them.

Stede still holds onto that belief. It keeps him going during the tough days, when his deepest insecurities seize his chest and nearly stop him from breathing. But six months is a long time, and as time passed, Stede was left with very little grace between those days.

Ed didn’t disappear completely. On the same day he left, he sent a text, short and simple, but it still felt like an avalanche of emotions came crashing down onto Stede.

Made it back. Miss you. Love you. ❤️

It wasn't Miss you that did it. It wasn’t Love you. It wasn’t even the little heart emoji. It was the confirmation that Ed was gone; the indefinite dread of not knowing when, or if, he’d ever see him again. But Ed had only Made it back. He hadn’t made it home. Stede took some comfort in that. Ed wasn’t home, but Stede was counting the days until he found it, no matter how long it’d take. He could be patient about this. He knew there would never be a finish line waiting for Ed, just like there wasn’t one for him over a year ago.

When he’d first arrived at Phillip Island, Stede knew he wanted to stay, but settling into a new community felt like changing the shape of himself so he could fit in the picture. It took weeks of fumbling and knocking over nose jars before he began to feel like he somewhat belonged here. Then, all of a sudden, after finding his dream job, after moving into his dream home, and after the crew had welcomed him into their unlikely but steadfast group, for the first time in his life, Stede didn’t feel trapped. He wasn’t adrift. He was home. 

Ed couldn’t go down the same path Stede did. It wasn’t possible when their beginnings were so different, and hearing what Ed had gone through before they met helped Stede understand this. If only he had met Ed much earlier. How exactly, Stede can’t figure out. How could an ex-businessman and an ex-upcoming rugby player ever cross paths? Yet looking back, there was no logical explanation for how every choice they made led to meeting him. In a fool’s world, somehow, Ed got into a car accident in the early hours of the morning with Stede’s family driving right behind him. It was the most beautiful yet cruel set of circumstances. Why couldn’t they have played their cards right before? Why couldn’t an accident have occurred earlier? Why couldn’t Stede have met Ed when he most needed him, when Ed was injured, lonely, and being taken advantage of by the wrong people? 

Fucking CJ. Stede has always tried to assume the best in people, even those like his father and the Badmintons, but he has never hated anyone he hasn’t met before quite like CJ. From Ed’s brief description, Stede can picture his smarmy, smug face so clearly, wearing that greasy handlebar moustache like he’s so much cooler than everyone else, sleazing around like a bloodsucker draining the life of anyone he can claim. Thank god Ed eventually managed to be free of CJ’s hooks. If only it hadn’t happened under such tragic circumstances. If only CJ had a measly inch of decency to have told Ed that his mother was in the hospital right before she passed away.

Ever since then, Ed has been without a home or anything resembling one. To find it, he couldn’t stay with Stede on Phillip Island. Not yet. Not when he still had loose threads, so many that they were becoming knotted and pulling him back. And Ed couldn’t just cut them to free himself. He had to unravel them one by one until they were all neatly woven together, taken care of. No matter how far or long it would take, Stede was adamant in supporting Ed’s journey, but it didn’t stop the feeling of homesickness that had been growing ever since Ed left.

I love you too, Stede texted back to Ed. So so much. ❤️

A few days later, Stede heard from Ed again.

George is home. Still feels weird without him. Empty.

Ed had done what he had returned to do. His beloved cat was home, and both could finally rest.

I’m so sorry, darling, Stede responded at once. Would you like me to call you?

It took a few minutes for Ed to reply. No, that’s okay. Izzy’s invited Ivan and Fang around. Probably gonna talk it through.

Stede stared at that text with a proud grin on his face. He knew how long it had been since Ed had spoken to his old friends. After all the time and pain that had passed, the road to rekindling would be bumpy, but by agreeing to see his friends, Ed had already made it over the first hill.

They’ll be glad to see you, Ed, Stede soon said. I know they will.

Yeah. Wish I could see you, too.

Me too, darling. I miss you so much.

Love you. ❤️

I love you too. ❤️

The next time, Stede texted first.

Happy Birthday, darling.

Thank you, love.

How are you?

Fine. Haven’t freaked out yet.

You should celebrate, Ed. Turning 50 is worthy of a celebration.

Gonna have drinks with the guys later. Nothing special.

It’ll be special because it’s your birthday. Another year you’re alive. It’s just a shame that I’ve only met you in this one.

Fuck, Stede.

Sorry, was that too much?

No, never. I just fucking miss you.

I miss you, too. Do you want me to call you?

No, that’s okay. I’ll be okay.

Stede kept his breathing long and slow, pride, pride, pride, not disappointment. Voice calls were a boundary they had agreed not to cross for both their sakes, unless they truly needed it. But did Ed understand what Stede was really asking? Did he know that every day since they parted, Stede had been missing just talking to him? The way the reverberations of his voice shot through his skin like body warmers? That Stede loved Ed too much to call him up and ruin all of his progress?

I’m always here for you, darling, Stede tried instead. You know that, right?

Always, Ed said, not following up with anything else.

Because I love you, Stede reiterated.

Love you too, Ed said back. Btw, did you tell Mary and Doug it’s my birthday?

Stede’s stomach dropped like a stone. Did you not want me to?

No. It was nice. Thank you. ❤️

The heart emoji always flushed through Stede from head to toe, making him blush like he could kick his feet while lying across the bed. Though after all the texts he’d received from Ed, Stede had picked up on something. Whenever Ed added a heart emoji at the end of his text, it meant that it was the last one, as if he was kissing Stede goodbye. The moment Stede realised that, the effects of the heart emoji diminished, and it began feeling like an arrow in his chest.

You’re welcome, darling, Stede replied to Ed, adding a ❤️, too, because he loved him.

Over the next few weeks, they shared more texts, and every one was as brief as the last. After the emoji came, Stede would lie in his bed and hold his phone close, breathing in the scent of salt and smoke left on the pillow beside him, as if Ed was wrapped up in his arms. Slowly, more weeks passed, and after every text exchange, after another request to speak was shot down, that scent became fainter. Then, one day, the pillow was just a pillow, cold and untouched by scent or otherwise.

There was no benefit in dwelling on what little contact he had with Ed. During their time apart, Stede refocused on his barely-repaired relationship with his family. It felt like many of the cuts had been mended, but if he dared to rip at it again, Stede feared he’d lose them for good. Because of the distance between their homes, Stede suggested Zoom sessions with the kids, but even after the breakthrough they made during that fateful weekend, there wasn’t much they could talk about at first. It made Stede long for Ed’s presence more than ever, wishing he were there to coach him and fill those awkward silences with his charm and humour. After a couple of unremarkable talks, Mary joined the kids as a moderator, though as helpful as she was, Stede ended those sessions by turning off the camera and dropping his head onto his desk, feeling even more useless as a father. 

To be reasonable, Louis wasn’t difficult at all. All Mary had to do was mention his new favourite topic, and he could ramble on to Stede until the Zoom meeting was up. Alma, on the other hand, required more intervention. Although she had been rather emotional when she said goodbye to Stede, clinging to him and soaking his jumper with her tears, she returned to her former withdrawn and aloof self through the screen, only without the cold demeanour she had worn before.

“It’s a defence mechanism,” Mary theorised to Stede. “I think she’s afraid you’ll disappear again.”

It was the last thing Stede would do, but after what he had done, he completely understood Alma’s trepidation. What he needed to do was regain her trust. Every week, he pencilled in a Zoom date, and no matter how busy his schedule got, he never failed to show up. After a few months, Mary was no longer needed to moderate. The conversations went smoothly, and the calls became more frequent and impromptu. Soon, Stede began joining in on online gaming sessions and family movie nights, and he felt like he was part of the family again. He had done the work, and he was delighted to reap its benefits. 

Christmas came, and Stede was thrilled to be asked to host lunch. Mary and Doug had come down with the kids, and it was just as Stede had dreamed it would be. Except, it was also one of the most difficult days of Stede’s life.  

Stede cooked a huge homemade lunch (truthfully, Roach did the cooking, but besides Mary, no one could tell the difference), and the kids actually seemed to like their presents. It was easy to get Louis all excited over his 500-page whale encyclopedia, but Stede had to wipe away a few tears when Alma unwrapped her new instant camera and photo album.

“To make new memories…” 

Stede couldn’t add on another sentence as Alma threw her arms around him. It was one of his favourite things, her hugs. He could always tell how much love she had, which was wonderful, considering that at one point, he didn’t know if Alma still had any love for him at all. Before Alma, Stede didn’t know what real hugs felt like. But before Ed, Stede didn’t know how good they could feel. It was as Alma hugged him tight, little quivers rippling through her body from happiness, that Stede realised what was missing from this magical Christmas. 

It had been a month since Stede last heard from Ed. Before that, Ed’s texts had gone from casual updates to barely more than a sentence or even a word. For the rest of Christmas, Stede walked around with a wide smile on his face and a massive lump in his throat. After Mary, Doug, and the kids left, Stede was barely winning against his better judgment. His trembling thumb hovered over the call button, but it felt like staring at the spindle of a spinning wheel: If he touched it, Stede didn’t know if he’d ever recover unless Ed was there to save him. Stede would not put that burden on Ed. He took some deep breaths, opened up his messages, and allowed himself to send one fleeting text.

Merry Christmas, my darling. My love.

For hours after, Stede sat staring at his phone, even as the summer sun set and the moon lit up the starry night. Then, close to midnight, Stede received the following:

❤️

It was everything and nothing all at once. It was what Stede had wanted, and yet he yearned for more. Clutching his phone with both hands, knuckles bone white, Stede lay down in his bed, not a trace of salt and smoke beside him, and repeated the same words over and over until he fell asleep. 

Ed’s still here. Ed still loves me. Nothing will ever change that. 

Over the last few days, Stede kept on reminding himself. Since Christmas, he’s had to. Today, he needed to.

New Year’s Eve on Phillip Island is a hotspot for tourists and locals. Despite his ongoing sorrows, Stede decided to throw himself into planning the ultimate party. The crew begged him to, and not just for the free party.

“It’ll be better than you moaning ‘Ed, oh Ed’ all the time,” Pete muttered, never being one to withhold an eye roll.

Stede’s not entirely oblivious. Although he’s well known for his people-positive attitude, he hasn't exactly been subtle in expressing his woes to the crew. Over the last few months, he’s been visiting The Spanish Flag more often, which would normally annoy Jackie, but she can never deny how good a tipper Stede is. With the number of times Stede visits per week, her pay has more than doubled. Zheng, however, being one of Oluwande’s partners, had tried persuading Stede to stay home rather than get near-drunk and near-tears on a Tuesday night. But Tuesdays are the hardest. It was the first full day that Stede had spent without Ed.

At least this year, New Year’s Eve falls on a Wednesday. Lucius was the one who suggested (or ordered) spending the day out on The Revenge before partying at The Spanish Flag later on. It took Stede some convincing, especially considering how strict he is about using his commercial yacht for anything other than business (except for that one Monday morning six months ago). But Stede has hardly ever won an argument against Lucius—no, he’s never won—so he wasn’t about to win this one. He was secretly grateful to have lost it. 

Stede welcomed the distraction of organising the festivities on The Revenge. He planned every single detail, from the food (at Roach’s annoyance), to the song choices (at Frenchie’s annoyance), to the dress code (at Wee John’s annoyance), to the decorations (at Lucius’s annoyance), to where they sailed out (at Buttons’s extreme annoyance). But despite controlling everything like he was throwing his own sweet 16th, the crew couldn’t deny that Stede knew how to throw one hell of a party. There was champagne, nibbles, and music galore, and as the sun shone down onto the sparkling summer water, it felt like the day would last forever. 

That was until sunset, and the stars came out to shine.

The Revenge had just docked, and as the crew hurried out onto the jetty to catch their rides to The Spanish Flag, Stede remained on the yacht and watched the first star appear. He focused on that, trying not to pretend like Ed was beside him, staring at the stars with his big brown eyes, his smile bright and beautiful, just like he was before they shared their first kiss on the beach.

Stede hasn’t been back there since then. It would be like returning to a deep, dark abyss with nary a star nor a dancing light.

Somehow, Stede managed to pull himself away from the stars to find himself at The Spanish Flag. Now, he’s sitting amongst the crew, doing his best to join in with their celebrations, but even with the flowing drinks and the live tunes carrying across the bar, Stede is like Alma on a bad day. He’s staring straight down at his phone lying face-up on the round table in front of him, wondering if there is any slim possibility that Ed will think to text him tonight. Having only received texts from Mary, Alma, and Jeffrey Fettering, however, Stede knows his answer. 

He should’ve known all along why Ed barely texted him and why Ed refused to speak to him every time he was offered. The answer is simple: it’s because Ed’s life is better without him. Because after all these months, Stede is now a distant memory to Ed, and he has become what he had most feared: just a story.

I didn’t want to be some story they could brag about. After my marriage, I don’t want to be less than my worth anymore.

It had taken Stede fifty years to realise that he was worth more than a story to be told as an anecdote or a joke. After being told how insignificant he was by his father, or the Badmintons, or anyone who made him feel inadequate, Stede finally believed he could write himself a story worth every page. But after all this time, was Ed even still in this chapter? Was Stede even in Ed’s book anymore? Or maybe Stede had only deluded himself into chasing a dream. A fairytale. A whale song that he hasn’t heard since the morning Ed left. 

“Lucius?”

Stede looks up from his phone and winces as the boy roughly bumps shoulders with him after cackling at some joke. Remarkably, despite his sloshed-out state, with his face flushed red and his silky pink shirt unbuttoned at the top to reveal a thick layer of chest hair, Lucius can clean himself up just enough to give Stede his undivided attention.

“Yeah, babe?” he hums, cheekily pinching his lips together. 

Envy and guilt spread through Stede like acid; guilt about what he’s going to say, but also desperate for the same happiness Lucius is feeling on this night, which he won’t find here.

“I think I’ll be heading home now.”

“What?!” Archie tips over Jim, Oluwande, and Zheng, all cuddling together in a nearby booth, and drops her jaw at Stede. “Nooooo! It’s not even midnight, brah! Just a bit more!”

“Sorry, Archie,” Stede mumbles, raising his voice just enough for her to hear him, despite the weakness in his heart. “I think I need to turn in. Besides, I think you’ll all be better off without me souring your evening.”

Stede gazes apologetically at the entire crew gathered around him. They seem quite put out, looking anxiously at each other while shifting in their seats and pulling out their phones to check the time. Stede catches a flash of one, and it’s just gone past eleven. In normal circumstances, he’d feel deep shame about calling it before midnight, but his shame would be quadrupled if he were to suddenly burst into tears in the middle of The Spanish Flag.

“It’s okay!” Lucius lifts both hands in the air, a cocktail in one and his phone in the other, and gives Pete, who’s hugging his ribs with his brows raised, a little wink. “If Stede-y wants to go, let him go!”

Stede stares at Lucius, his eyes wide and trepidatious. Lucius, although always understanding deep down, has never missed the opportunity to scold Stede for leaving a party early. He’s always been met with a scoff, or an eye roll, or a “suit yourself, dad!” But now, Lucius almost looks glad that Stede’s leaving. His knee is jiggling restlessly, and he’s gone from pinching his lips to chewing them as if he’s trying not to laugh. 

Stede thought he’d have to put up more of a fight to leave, but as he pans across the bar, the crew now appear to be reacting the same way. Wee John and his boyfriend, Frenchie, don’t look disappointed at all, even though they’re supposed to perform at midnight. Roach has just arrived carrying two steaming hot trays of paella, but he’s looking nonchalant as he sets them down and gives Stede a little wave goodbye. Buttons, who has made a rare appearance rather than remaining on The Revenge, doesn’t seem any different, but his stoic face does not indicate that he wants Stede to stay. Archie, after Jim whispers in her ear, has retaken her seat and waves Stede off as if to say, Forget about it. Zheng makes no pitch to get Stede to shout more drinks for the bar. Oluwande, however, seems to be in an entirely different headspace as he leans across and gives Stede a pat on the shoulder.

“It’s alright, Cap,” he murmurs gently. “Go home and get some rest. We’ll catch up tomorrow, yeah?”

Stede releases a shaky breath and stills his hands in his lap, only just realising that he’s fidgeting, before offering Oluwande a timid smile. “Is it really okay?”

“Absolutely!” Lucius barks from the opposite direction, like he’s the devil and Oluwande’s the angel on Stede’s shoulders. “The sooner you go home, the better, I say! Don’t think this means you’re bowing out of the beach tomorrow!”

A shiver shoots down Stede’s spine, despite the forecast of a very hot, sunny day tomorrow—perfect for a big beach party with the crew. It’ll be difficult to come up with an excuse to get out of it.

“Of course,” Stede nods to Lucius with a trembling smile before pulling himself to his feet. “I’ll let you know when I’m home.”

“Oh, please do!” Lucius demands, raising his glass to Stede and wiggling his fingers. “Happy New Year, bitch!”

The crew chants the same thing, lifting their drinks and waving goodbye to Stede, and Stede weakly waves back before weaving past the tables and stepping outside with a big gulp of air.

The streets of Phillip Island are bustling with eager partygoers, annoying little mosquitoes, and mild summer air. Stede chose an appropriate outfit for the day—a thin floral shirt and khaki shorts—but even though the humidity has eased since the sun went down, he’s still breaking out in a sweat. He has barely had a single drink today. Not even the expensive French champagne he secured for the party on The Revenge could tempt him. He prefers to drink to get happy, not to wallow in sadness.

Stede meanders past the partygoers like a fog. He arrives at his car, unlocks it, and collapses in the driver’s seat, taking a few slow breaths before starting up the engine. As Stede drives through the busy streets in silence, the lights get dimmer and the night grows darker. It’s an easy drive, as more cars are heading towards town rather than away, which is admittedly a little depressing, but Stede’s grown too weary to care.

Before he knows it, Stede arrives at the hill leading up to his house. He turns off and drives up slowly, the golden headlights creating a glowing cocoon with the lush green leaves blocking out the sky. It’s better that way, and it’s better to go straight to bed rather than gaze at all the stars on the back porch. The trees then branch out, removing the golden cocoon, and Stede releases a long breath. As he makes it over the hill, Stede’s hands seize the steering wheel when the headlights reveal a strange, old, black Toyota Corolla parked in front of the porch steps.

Stede stops the car with a grinding halt and quickly turns off the headlights. He gapes at the Toyota, meanwhile slowly pressing and releasing the ignition with a trembling finger. For a few moments, Stede sits frozen. There appears to be no one in the Toyota, but there is no clue to know whether anyone is in the house. Normally, there’d be a light to come home to after a long day, but thanks to the distractions of party planning (and otherwise), it’s this day that Stede had rushed out without flicking on a switch.

With his heartbeat drumming like a stampede, Stede palms around his car for any weapon. Anything he brought with him for the party—champagne glasses, cutlery, antique bowls that piqued Buttons’s interest for some reason—had been left securely on The Revenge to be picked up tomorrow. Unfortunately, that leaves Stede without anything sharp or made of glass (which is just as well—perish the thought of actually destroying any of those antiques). If only Stede had asked Jim for a knife to stash in the glovebox, although up until this moment, Stede never had a reason to ask for one on this quiet, peaceful, carefree island. On second thought, Stede would actually be better off having Jim, or any of the crew, here. They would know how to get out of this sticky situation. 

Right. So Stede can’t stay here all night. He could try backing out and driving away, but what if this person hears him and gives chase? What he needs is backup. The crew. The police. Anyone. Stede digs into his pocket, scrambling for his phone, when…

Oh shit.

Stede searches his other pocket, then his shirt, but of course, this shirt doesn’t have a pocket, which means…

“Fuck!”

Stede whimpers and grips the steering wheel with sheer terror. His phone! He left his phone at the bar! How could he? He had been staring at it all day long. Why did it leave his mind before he left? It’s as if Stede didn’t just want to leave this day behind—he also wanted to abandon any reminder that Ed hadn’t texted him today. A horrifying thought suddenly plagues Stede, and he whimpers even louder, despite the potential threat. It couldn’t be. Surely not. Did he subconsciously want to forget any reminder… of Ed?

Stede inhales sharply and shakes his head. Now’s not the time to spiral. Without a weapon or his phone, he’s left to his own resources, which are himself, his wallet (which may prove to be handy if it’s a choice between it and his life), and his set of keys.

Right. So. That’s that, then.

Winching as he grips his keys in his fist, Stede cautiously opens the car door. There’s a soft crunch as he steps onto the gravel, and he tenses while listening for any sudden sounds. Nothing else follows, so Stede very quietly presses the door shut behind him. At this point, his heart is near breaking through his ribcage, but so long as it’s still beating, Stede won’t let anyone threaten his home. He’s already faced too many foes to let it go that easily.

Stede carefully treads along the gravel, sticking out a key in front of him. He gets a closer look at the Toyota, and there’s not a single person or object inside. Is this the first stop this person’s making? Have they scoured Phillip Island to find the perfect house to rob? Stede shakes like a rattlesnake let loose, but he can’t turn around and flee back to his car. It would make for a most humiliating sight, and set Stede right back where he started—stuck in a car with no means of contact or escape. The only way out of this is forward.

Puffing out as many nerves as he can, Stede pivots towards his front porch. When he moved in, Stede had the porch remade with the finest cherrywood in Brazil. It cost him a great deal, but thankfully, it has more than paid off, for there’s nary a creak as he tiptoes up the steps. As he arrives on the porch, Stede hesitates as he sticks the key in the door lock. He perks his ears one last time, but with no sound coming from inside or out, there is no more time to waste. He chews his bottom lip, holds his breath, and unlocks the door.

The door gently pushes open, and Stede peers inside. At first, there’s only darkness, but as Stede blinks and readjusts, a figure appears standing in the hallway. They’re hard to make out, at first, but then some colour appears; a faint shade of plum purple. Suddenly, the figure turns around, and a pair of eyes meets Stede’s; a pair of wide-struck eyes with the loveliest shade of brown he’s ever seen.

“Ed…” 

The keys fall from his hand, and the next thing Stede knows, his knees are buckling before his vision turns pitch black.

“Shit!”

The sound of deep, brown noise rumbles in Stede’s ears, thumping with the pounding of rushing feet. He can also make out the vibrations of low, hissed curses as a pair of warm hands lay on his back.

“Stede?”

The overwhelm in that voice sinks into Stede’s chest, but the lingering shock prevents him from responding. The warm hands gently turn him onto his side, with his leg crossed over, one arm bent in front of him, and the other tucked underneath his head, his hand serving as a cushion.

“Stede?” One warm hand slides into his open palm, and Stede starts to regain feeling in his fingers, yearning to take hold. “Stede, can you hear me?” 

With a slight wiggle, Stede curls his fingers around the hand, and as his eyes delicately flutter open, he squints up.

“Ed?”

“Stede!” 

Ed huffs out and hangs his head, and Stede blinks some more to get a better look at him. He’s as beautiful as ever, perhaps even more so, if it were possible. He’s wearing a sheer, purple button-up shirt with the top buttons undone, revealing a freshwater pearl necklace hanging over his hawk tattoo and a scatter of silver chest hair. The long hair on his head is tied up in a loose half-bun; soft, silver waves cascade past his shoulders with thin strands framing his face. His cheeks are rosy and full, and his honey-warm brown eyes glisten as they gaze down at Stede.

“Fuck,” Ed chokes, touching Stede’s face. “I thought I’d… I didn’t mean to…”

Ed strokes Stede’s cheekbone with his thumb, his chest rising and expanding as his breath evens out. Stede quietly breathes in time with him, and with every breath comes a new emotion, and Stede lets himself feel every one of them.

Shock. Bewilderment. Disbelief. Amazement. Astonishment. Joy. Wonder. Confusion.

“Ed…” Stede chokes, still finding his voice. “What are you doing here?”

Ed suddenly stops breathing, and his rosy cheeks turn pale. “I…” he hesitates, stilling his thumb. “I came to see you.”

A billion questions appear in Stede’s head, but as they become jumbled, Stede can’t think of a single one to ask. In his silence, Stede can hear the soft chirps of cicadas outside the door, and Ed’s slow breaths as his crestfallen eyes drop, along with his hand on Stede’s cheek.

“Do you want to sit up?” he asks softly.

Stede shudders, unsure of what he wants, but Ed takes this as a yes and slides an arm under Stede’s shoulders to help him sit up. Grunting at the impact of the fall, Stede ends up pressing his face into the crook of Ed’s neck, where, of course, his scent is the strongest. The smoke-salt fragrance isn’t as strong—only faint remnants like sea spray lost in the wind. Now, there is an overwhelming aroma of flowers and fruits, sweet and sour, almost similar to the scent of the soap Stede still keeps in his shower.

“Mmm…” Stede’s head swims again, and if Ed weren’t holding him up, he’d likely faint again. Ed senses this, holding Stede more securely with a firm grip on his shoulder.

“C’mon, let’s get you up.”

Ed carries most of Stede’s weight as he helps him onto his feet. In such proximity to Ed, feeling his touch, his scent and his warmth all at once, Stede has no strength in his otherwise strong legs, and as soon as he stands, he swoons again. Ed catches Stede at once, and so does his breath, but it quickly recovers when he lifts him in his strong arms. Stede has no choice but to dig his face deeper into Ed’s neck, which turns out to be beneficial in hiding his burning cheeks as Ed carries him to his room and gently lays him down on his bed.

Once he makes sure Stede’s comfortable—propping up the pillows to help him stay sitting—Ed turns on the bedside light, and Stede almost melts for the first time on this hot summer’s day. Ed’s even more devastating in the golden glow, his warm skin like melting honey, and his eyes reflecting like stardrops, but they also shine with disquiet as Ed gives Stede a tiny squeeze on the shoulder.

“I’ll get you some water.” 

Ed starts to turn away, but Stede’s hand snaps out and grips his wrist. A painful lump emerges in Stede’s throat, and he chokes back tears as he shakes his head. Ed seems to be fighting tears as well, for when he sits down beside Stede, his eyes ripple like ponds in the rain as he takes Stede’s hand with both of his.

“Hey…”

Stede swallows deeply, and when his eyes meet Ed’s, he meekly twitches his lips into a little smile.

“Hey.”

Ed’s smile breaks wide, his teeth gleaming and his eyes crinkling with pure, sweet happiness, and Stede finds himself smiling back so easily that the lump in his throat sinks.

“Guess we should’ve started with that,” Ed lightly jokes, his smile turning into a playful smirk. “I know my dashing good looks can bring people to their knees, but…”

Stede feels a giggle rising in his chest. “To be fair, I thought you were trying to rob me. I wasn’t expecting you.” Those last few words echo in Stede’s mind, and all of a sudden, his laughter fades away. “I wasn’t expecting you. Why are you here?”

Ed’s smirk shrinks, and the crinkles in the corners of his eyes vanish. “I told you. I came to see you.”

“Yes, I know that,” Stede says, “But I thought after these last few weeks–”

“What?” Ed quizzes, knitting his brows. “We’ve barely texted each other.”

“Exactly my point.” Stede readjusts himself so he’s sitting up straight. “Ed, I’ve barely heard a pip from you, and now you’re just here?”

“I don’t get it. I thought this was what we wanted.”

“It is, but…” Stede starts stammering, unable to agree or disagree with Ed. “I mean–yes–but not like this–it’s what I thought I wanted–minimal contact—but… I don’t know…” 

Stede shrinks into himself, feeling smaller and smaller like a Russian doll. He can’t hold Ed’s gaze any longer, not while his head’s in a mess, not while his heart is thumping so hard like it’s pushing him further and further away. His eyes flicker to the other side of the bed, where a few months ago, Ed was baring his whole heart to him. Now, even with Ed sitting by him, that side of the bed feels so much emptier than when he left.

“Stede,” Ed murmurs, shuffling forward. “What’s going on? Can you please try explaining to me?”

Stede nibbles his lip. He knows what he’s feeling, but he’s never been good at articulating his thoughts into words. He has never understood why his mind works this way, but now he has a chance to explain it to the one person who might. Perhaps, finally, he can begin to understand it himself.

“I meant what I said that morning.” Stede slowly looks up at Ed, and Ed nods for him to go on. “I wanted this as much as you did to fix things with my family. But perhaps more than that, I needed the room to do it on my own. I’m so grateful for what you did for me that weekend, but I guess a part of me wondered if it would’ve turned out the way it did if you weren’t there.”

“What?” Ed chokes, and the hurt on his face appears instantly. “You… you didn’t want me there?”

“No!” Stede blurts, lurching forward frantically. “I mean–yes, god yes, of course I wanted you there. I’m so glad you were there. I only meant with the kids. With Alma. I’d spent her whole life trying to connect with her, and after one conversation with you, she’s talking to me again. I needed this opportunity to learn how to connect with my kids by myself.” Stede falls silent, holding Ed’s gaze with an unbreakable intensity. Ed doesn’t look like he’s going to retreat, but the grip on Stede’s hand slightly loosens. 

“Not gonna lie, mate, it kinda sounds like you resent me a bit.”

Stede gasps and opens his mouth to argue back. However, his breath falls short, and his chest deflates as he considers this possibility.

“Maybe a little,” he mumbles. “But I think I might resent everyone a bit. Everyone seems to understand it so easily, but me.”

“Understand what?”

“Connecting,” Stede says more clearly. “Connecting with people. I could never connect with my parents, kids in school, my former colleagues, not even my wife and kids. Even after I moved here, I’ve never felt like I’ve bonded with the crew as they have with each other. In these last few months, I never would’ve connected with the kids if it weren’t for Mary.”

A gentle breath falls from Ed’s lips, his eyes growing round with sorrow. “You never felt that way with anyone?”

“I did. With you,” Stede says with a sad smile. “With you, it felt easy. It never felt like doing maths in my head to figure out how to talk to you. But then you stopped texting me. And it felt like maybe you didn’t even like me anymore.”

A weighted silence falls between them, and Ed’s brown eyes grow slightly bigger. “Stede, I didn’t know. But you could’ve texted me, too.”

“I did text you,” Stede says, squeezing Ed’s hand like a reminder. “Christmas night? I wished you a merry Christmas, and all I got was a heart emoji.”

Ed says nothing, but in his guilt-ridden eyes, Stede can see he knows the truth. “Yeah… I know.”

“Is that all you had to say?” Stede whimpers, and his heart twists so much that his vision becomes blurry. “You never owed me anything, Ed, but on the one day I wanted to hear from you most, you couldn’t even say a single word to me?”

Ed gulps, but he readjusts to lean closer to Stede, not further away. “Then why didn’t you call me? We said it’d be okay if we really needed it.”

“Because I thought you didn’t want me to!” Stede suddenly bursts out. “I asked to talk to you many times in the early days, and every time, you said no!”

“What—no—that’s not what you—” Ed splutters, frustration teetering on his lips. “You asked me if I wanted to talk.”

“And you said no. Because you didn’t want to.”

“I did want to,” Ed swears, and his grip on Stede’s hand grows so strong that it almost hurts. “Stede, almost every time I said no, I was a fucking mess. I even had Izzy text one time because I was crying so much! But I thought it would be much worse if I did call you. I thought if I heard your voice, I’d pack my bags and hurry back here without fixing anything. I had to prove I could make it on my own, even if it almost fucking killed me.”

Stede thought that hearing how much Ed had missed him would have eased the pain in his ribs. But picturing Ed curled up alone on the couch, weeping helplessly, makes two tears finally flow from his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Ed,” he whimpers, staring at their joined hands. “I’m sorry I’ve caused you so much pain.”

“No, no, no, Stede…” Ed lets go with one hand to brush away Stede’s tears. “Don’t apologise. I should be the one apologising.” Ed finishes wiping away the last of Stede’s tears, but he leaves his hand on Stede’s cheek, and Stede lets himself nestle into it.

“Look at that,” he hums, lifting his hand to keep Ed’s there. “Our first fight.”

Ed barks out a small laugh, and he strokes Stede’s cheekbone adoringly. “Guess it was. S’pose it had to happen at some point.”

“Yes,” Stede lightly agrees, but then his face falls. “Although I never thought it would happen on this day.” 

Ed pinches his brows, the same thought occurring to him, and when Stede lowers his hand, he does, too. “Maybe the whole minimal contact thing wasn’t the best idea.”

“Perhaps not,” Stede nods, “but I think this time has been good for me. I can honestly say my relationship with the kids is stronger than it’s ever been.”

“That’s great, Stede,” Ed says with a warm grin. “Fucking great. I’m happy for you.”

Stede grins back, and he rests his hand on top of Ed’s, rubbing circles with his fingertip. “What about you? I hope things are better for you too, unless…” Stede pauses, staring at Ed beside him on his bed in his house. “They aren’t?”

Ed shrugs at Stede with his lip curling in one corner. “I dunno, I wouldn’t say better, but yeah… kinda better.”

“You look better,” Stede says without thinking, and his eyes go wide as Ed’s smirk stretches into a full-on smile. “I mean—not that you looked bad before!”

“Mate, you can say it,” Ed chuckles. “I looked like shit.”

“Oh, no!” Stede gasps from his chest. “You never looked like shit, Ed, you’re beautiful! You’ve always been beautiful!”

Ed’s cheeks blossom like bouquets, blushing bright red. “Fuck. Forgot you could do that.”

“Do what?”

“Say stuff like that and make me believe it.”

“I’m just saying what’s true.”

Ed makes a little scoff, but his pink lips smile sweetly, making his face glow, and how could he ever doubt how beautiful he is?

“I think, maybe,” Stede murmurs, settling into the pillows behind him and circling back, “it would be more accurate to say that before, you looked rather… exhausted.”

“Well, yeah, I hadn’t slept since the night before.”

“I didn’t mean tired. I meant exhausted… worn out.”

The sweetness of Ed’s smile fades, becoming sombre. “And now?”

Stede takes a good look at Ed, and this time, he really looks at him, not just at face value (which is worth a lot, to be fair). Yes, he looks beautiful, glowing and radiant, and when he recalls how Ed looked before, Stede can clearly see the difference. It’s not just the rosy cheeks, or the pink lips, or the fantastic makeover (Stede reminds himself to inquire about Ed’s stylist later). It’s the way Ed’s holding himself, even in a sitting position, his posture straight and his shoulders relaxed as if they’re not carrying any more weight. He no longer wears the guarded expression that seemed to melt when he stared at Stede, which Stede considers to be his finest honour. He looks stronger, not just in body (which also looks fantastic), but in spirit; once broken, and now mending.

“Good,” Stede breathes, because of course, now his brain can’t come up with anything worthy of a poet. “You look good.”

Ed’s smile grows, and his sadness is forgotten when his eyes start to sparkle. “Not beautiful?”

“Oh, shut up, you know you are,” Stede says, lightly smacking Ed’s hand.

“Will I sound like a dick if I agree?” Ed grins.

“Not at all,” Stede declares. “You’d just be saying what’s true.”

Ed laughs. He’s laughing a lot more now. He’s smiling more, too, even after that little fainting hiccup. It’s remarkable how much better Ed is doing. Not that Stede ever doubted him. He’s just so proud of him. But also, Stede’s confused, and maybe, if he’s brave enough to admit it, a little hurt. If Ed’s been doing better and feeling better, how come Stede didn’t know?

“Why are you here, Ed?” Stede asks for the third time tonight. He stops rubbing circles into Ed’s hand, and as Ed meets his gaze, he takes a deep breath, letting Stede know he understands that a short-winded answer won’t do.

“I meant it when I said I wanted to call you. The last few months have been really shit without you, but I’m also glad I got through them without you. If that makes sense.”

A light scoff falls from Stede’s mouth. “Yes, I guess it does. But still–”

“I know,” Ed nods firmly. “I should’ve called you. Should’ve texted you more. But I’m fucking stubborn. It’s why I was so fucked up to start with. I get stuck in these shitty habits so easily that I hardly know it’s happening, even if I end up hurting myself…” Ed pauses, shamefully looking at Stede through his lashes. “Or someone else.”

Stede doesn’t say anything, but he gently pinches his brows in empathy, having some knowledge of what that’s like.

“I guess I got caught up in trying to fix myself,” Ed continues, still staring meekly at Stede. “I got a therapist. Izzy recommended him to me, Teddy. Started seeing him every week. Online, too.”

“Oh,” Stede breathes softly. “And did you find him helpful?”

“Yeah,” Ed chuckles in mild disbelief. “Dug into why I see myself as the bad guy and that shit. Mostly my dad, obviously. It usually is, isn’t it?” Ed chuckles again in good humour, then it settles into a thoughtful little hum. “Couldn’t blame it all on the bastard, though. Fang—my friend, Fang—once said I didn’t know how to sit with myself and my thoughts. Of course, he was right. I even said that to you before I left, remember? I didn’t wanna be alone. I was scared of spiralling about what would happen if I did this or that. So that’s what I’ve been doing… just learning to sit with myself and my thoughts.” Ed takes a breath, and the corner of his mouth curls upwards as he shrugs jovially. “Turns out, they’re not so bad, once you stop talking shit on yourself.”

Stede doesn’t know whether to smile or cry. Of course, he’s happy for Ed. Of course, he wants to hear more about what Ed’s learned. More than that, he wants to hear more of Ed talking about himself in this way. Stede could tell him all this himself, but it sounds so much more wonderful coming from Ed. Yet, on the other side of all this…

“I see now. I suppose there wasn’t much space for me, considering I wasn’t there with you.”

“Wasn’t there?” Ed exclaims, his eyes incredulous and large. “Fuck, Stede, all that sitting around with my thoughts, you were the one thing I couldn’t get out of my head! But I was doing it all over again. I got so scared of missing you that I didn’t want to talk to you at all, but then it went on for too long, and I was afraid of how mad you’d get—so mad that you’d never want to talk to me again—so I avoided it even more.” Ed then laughs ruefully at himself with a frustrated smile. “Fucking ironic, huh?”

Stede nods again, all of this understandable considering his own avoidance issues. “Did you… ever tell Teddy about me?”

Ed swallows with hesitation. “No.”

Stede takes a deep breath, trying not to let it sting too much. “Why not?”

“Scared to.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Ed takes a deep breath, too, shuddering as he breathes out. “Do you remember how Izzy reacted when I told him about you? Normally, I just ignore it when he’s a dick, but I didn’t know how much it stirred me until I met up with Ivan and Fang again. They asked me where I’ve been, but it took me a few more times of hanging out with them until I could talk about you.”

The sting fails to fade, only growing with every thump in Stede’s chest. “Were you having second thoughts about us?”

“No!”

“Were you ashamed of me?”

“No!” Ed shakes his head so much it might snap off. “Stede, please, it wasn’t you! I was scared of what Ivan, or Fang, or my fucking therapist might’ve said. I didn’t want anyone to downplay what happened between us. I didn’t want to let them get into my head and affect how I feel about you.”

“Ed,” Stede breathes, almost whimpering. “I don’t think you needed them to get into your head. It sounds like you were already there.”

“Fuck…” Ed woefully hangs his head, lifting a hand to run it through his hair. “I know. I didn’t back then, but I wish I did. It would’ve brought me back to you a lot sooner.”

Stede tilts his head, his heart pounding louder than ever. “What do you mean?”

Ed lifts his head, and he takes both of Stede’s hands as he shuffles even closer to him. “Christmas,” he says. “I spent the day with Izzy. We didn’t do anything big, just shared some drinks and watched some movies. It was the best Christmas I’ve had in fucking years, but I was still too fucking scared to talk to you. On fucking Christmas. But then, after Izzy fell asleep on the couch, I got this.”

Ed retracts his hand again, but this time, he’s rummaging in the pocket of his black shorts to pull out his phone and open his messages. He lifts the phone to Stede’s face, the screen so bright that Stede has to squint. Once his vision adjusts, Stede sees the text as clear as ever, as though he hadn’t just mentioned it. As though he hasn’t been thinking about that same text endlessly for the past few days.

Merry Christmas, my darling. My love.

“I’ve been wanting to come back here since I left.” Ed lowers the phone and rests it in his lap, absentmindedly scrolling the screen up and down. “In the last couple of months, I wanted to even more. I just… I wanted it to be right. If this was gonna be it, it was gonna be it. No more fucking anything up. But when I got this text…” Ed’s voice drifts up, and he looks at Stede as if he’s baring his soul; his eyes and heart wide open. “Like, yeah, maybe I’ll fuck up again, but what wasn’t right was not being with you. So I woke Izzy up and told him I was moving here by the end of the year, because I didn’t want to spend another day without you.”

Ed lets his words hang in the air, and all Stede wants is to catch every single one and tuck them into his chest where they can soothe and ease his heart for the rest of his days. With that thought, his mouth stays closed, and silence falls upon them once again. Stede can hear the cicadas more clearly, and he realises that the front door is still open, and he should really close it before the mosquitoes come in—

“How did you get in here?” Stede suddenly asks, like that’s the most important question right now.

Ed blinks and chuckles under his breath. He looks down at his phone and lets go of Stede to take off the cover, tugging out a tattered old card that was hidden inside. Stede sharpens his eyes as Ed lifts the card, and he doesn’t have to inspect it long to read what the sparkly blue font printed says.

Calypso
Crafts and Drag
@CalypsoCrafts – IG, FB
@CalypsoDrag – IG, FB

“Wee John?” Stede gasps.

“To start with,” Ed hums, tucking the card back in the cover. “I stupidly didn’t get anyone else’s number besides Mary and Doug, but they wouldn’t be able to help me out here. And I didn’t want them or the kids to blab to you that I was coming.”

“Wait,” Stede says, catching up. “... you were actually trying to surprise me?”

Ed bites his lip, and the lovely blush in his cheeks starts to reemerge. “Yeah. I was trying to be romantic ‘n shit.”

Stede shudders, his heart skipping a beat, but he takes a deep breath and settles it. He still has many questions to ask before he can melt back into Ed’s arms. “So… you contacted Wee John… and he let you in? But I never gave him a key.”

“No, but you gave Lucius one.”

“What? No, I didn’t!”

“Wait, really?” Ed lifts a brow. “That’s what he told me.”

“Well, he’s lying!” Stede spits. “I’ve never had any reason to give Lucius or any of the crew a key…”

Stede trails off as the last few days flash in his mind, remembering how eager the crew were to have the New Year’s Eve party on The Revenge, how Lucius very much demanded that they would, which Stede thought was just Lucius being Lucius, unless…

“They knew,” Stede says, and everything suddenly makes so much sense. How much the crew wanted Stede to party with them tonight, how they also greatly encouraged him to go home, how none of them bothered to convince him to stay, even though it was before midnight. “They all knew you were coming and didn’t tell me.”

“I told them not to,” Ed promises. “I really wanted this to be a surprise, Stede. It’s why I only replied with that emoji. I didn’t want to let on in any way that I was coming back.” Ed then huffs out a great sigh, his eyes trailing over Stede’s body lying in his bed. “Guess I didn’t really think that part through.”

“Well, yes, I suppose it could’ve gone more smoothly,” Stede says with a hint of a smirk. “I was only startled, that's all. I’m already feeling better.”

“That’s not all I meant.” Ed’s eyes trail back to Stede’s, firmly holding them in his gaze. “I guess I’d expected that we’d be running into each other’s arms and all that, but if I had known how much you’ve been struggling, I would’ve told you right away what my plans were.”

“The crew knew,” Stede admits without giving too much detail. Perhaps when the waters are settled, he can confess to Ed all about his sulking without him feeling too guilty about it. “They could’ve told you.”

“I think they wanted it to be a surprise, too,” Ed figures, and Stede knows he’s right; the crew would never be so heartless to keep this from him on purpose. “If it helps, Lucius was an annoying little shit today, making me call him when I had arrived and unloaded everything at Olu’s, then making me repeat every single detail of my plan to make sure I wouldn’t fuck up–”

“Olu’s?” Stede sits up, twisting his head towards his closed curtains and remembering the empty car outside. “You left all your things at Olu’s?”

“Er…” Ed hesitates, realising what he just fessed up to. “Yeah, Olu offered me one of his rooms, and he said it was fine, given how much they sleep together. So long as I pay rent, there shouldn’t be any issues.”

Stede gulps, slowly turning his head back towards Ed. “Is… is George…”

Ed’s eyes glisten, and he gives Stede a little nod. “Yeah. Brought his ashes with me. Set him in my room before I came here.” 

Stede’s breath shudders, offering Ed a small smile in comfort, and Ed gratefully smiles back. “So,” Stede says, “is this what you want?”

Ed gives Stede a little shrug. “I figured you wouldn’t want me moving in right away after all this time, and I don’t want to force my way back in here. It’d be like going all in without prepping.” The metaphor soon dawns upon Ed, and he scrunches up his nose in disgust. “Wait, no, not like that.”

“It’s okay,” Stede finds himself giggling. “I understood, darling.”

Ed’s nose releases like a spring, and the golden lamplight glints in his eyes as they widen, stunned. “Darling…” Ed tucks his phone back into his pocket, and then he takes Stede’s hand, linking their thumbs with a smile. “I forgot how much I liked that.”

Stede gently exhales, his shoulders sinking as he melts, and he slowly circles his thumb around Ed’s like a playful thumb war. “I would’ve said yes, you know. If you’d asked to move in. But you’re right, I think. We need to figure out what this is before rushing in, headfirst.”

“Mmm,” Ed softly agrees, his eyes on their thumbs. “I would’ve said yes, too, if you asked me. So you know.”

“I do,” Stede says. “Which is why it’s better this way. I don’t want this to be a whim.”

Ed’s thumb stops, and his eyes flutter up. “I said that to you. On the beach. And I meant it.”

“I know,” Stede says back. “And then I said I wanted to write this story myself. But I don’t want to do that anymore.”

Ed’s breath stills. “You don’t?”

“No. Not by myself. Together.”

Ed shudders, and Stede feels it ripple through his skin like goosebumps. There’s a brief moment of hesitation, but then Ed shuffles even closer so that Stede can almost taste the warmth on his breath, just like how he could count the delicate, dark lashes on Ed’s almost-closed eyelids.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers.

Ed’s lips mesmerise Stede so much that he almost misses the question. His eyes flick up, and he gazes straight into Ed’s with a small nod, his heart beating louder and louder as they close the gap and find each other again. The moment their lips touch, a moan erupts from Stede’s chest, almost sobbing as Ed awakens him with his kiss. His body awakens too, for the next thing he knows, without breaking the kiss, Stede pulls himself up and straddles Ed’s lap. Ed makes a surprised noise, but it settles into a moan that sinks deeply within him, causing him to wrap his arms around Stede’s waist. Even with his eyes closed, Stede can see the brightness radiating around them both, and not from the lamp. It’s as if after all these months apart, Ed has come back to turn on the light, and Stede has finally found his way back home.

After a few seconds, minutes, or however long they kiss, Stede breaks apart so he can fall into Ed’s embrace, wrapping his arms around his neck and burying his face in his hair. Ed responds at once, holding him close and whispering soothing sounds in his ear. He rocks them back and forth, and Stede starts sniffling, trying not to cry into Ed’s beautiful hair, but so enveloped in him that he can’t control himself.

“I missed you,” he hiccups.

Ed holds him tighter, running his slender fingers up and down Stede’s back. “I missed you too. So fucking much.”

Stede feels so full and so starved at the same time. After a few more sniffles, he cups Ed’s face and pulls him into another kiss, longing for his lips, which are just as soft as he remembered. With Ed’s strong arms holding him up, Stede stays there for as long as he can hold his breath, drinking him in as if it’s the last time they’ll ever kiss.

“I…” Stede eventually croaks. “I know you have to go back… but will you stay tonight? Please?”

Ed slightly inches back, his eyes half-closed, seemingly in a trance. “Yeah, mate. Yes.”

Stede huffs with relief and lunges for another kiss, slowly moving his hands over Ed’s body, relearning how they can send each other shivers with a single touch. It doesn’t take long before the touches grow more heated, and Stede starts grinding his hips with intense breaths, licking his tongue across Ed’s lips, digging his fingers into Ed’s gorgeous hair. Suddenly, with a startled moan, Ed presses a hand against Stede’s chest and gently breaks away.

“Can we…” he gasps, fighting for control, “can we take this slow?”

Stede pants against Ed’s lips, his heart racing so fast he can’t think clearly. It nearly makes him dizzy, so with a little hum, he gives Ed a nod before kissing him again.

“Stede…” Ed presses his chest more firmly, lifting his brows and looking straight into Stede’s eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Stede’s heart suddenly twists. “No, I know. I know.”

“I don’t just mean tonight,” Ed affirms, rubbing Stede’s shoulders. “I wanna be here. Not just for you, but because I want to be. I want to give the whole normal life thing a real go. I’ve been miserable for long enough, but this place makes me happy.” Ed’s hand stills, and he slides his hands so he’s cupping Stede’s face. “You make me happy.”

A whimper stirs in Stede’s chest, and with a sniff, he closes his eyes and presses his forehead against Ed’s. “You make me happy.”

“Mmm,” Ed hums, thumbing Stede’s cheeks. “Believe me, though, I want to. Just—y’know—whim-prone.”

“Yeah, me too,” Stede chuckles softly, lifting his head. “For a second, it was like you didn’t just come back.”

Ed chuckles too, his eyes hopeful and adoring. “Like I never left?”

“You didn’t,” Stede whispers. “Never.”

Ed’s lips twitch, the corners curling into a fond little smile, and his eyes flutter before he leans up into a kiss. Stede sighs, cradles Ed’s head with his hands, and melts into the kiss, into Ed’s warmth like molten liquid. In a rush, the events of the past ten minutes or so start to sink in, and Stede breaks the kiss to nestle his head on Ed’s shoulder, exhausted, but sated.

“You tired?” Ed murmurs in his ear.

“Mmm, quite,” Stede mumbles, but he wearily lifts his head. “But you wanted to ring in the new year with me, and I would very much like to give that to you.”

“Stede, you don’t have to,” Ed says, softly shaking his head. “We won’t make it into town before midnight, anyway.”

“I don’t want to go into town,” Stede says, and with cricks in his knees, he gets off Ed’s lap with a slight grimace before standing before him. “Come with me?”

Stede holds out both his hands, and Ed blinks once before he smiles and takes them, his hands so soft and warm that Stede won’t let him go if he tried. He helps Ed up, and together they wander out of his room and into the hallway. With a slight huff, Stede has to let go of Ed’s hands so he can pick up his keys and lock the wide-open front door.

“You know, even if you were trying to surprise me, you could’ve at least turned a light on,” Stede remarks over his shoulder before placing the keys on the nearby table. “Also, the hallway isn’t the best hiding spot, darling.”

“Shut up, I’d only arrived a few moments before you,” Ed sniggers as Stede turns around with a smirk. “Besides, I got distracted looking at this.”

Ed nods to a picture on the wall, and Stede doesn’t even need to look to know what it is. It had been painful to look at each time he walked past it every day, but shortly after Ed left, Stede kept his word and commissioned Lucius to recreate the photo of Ed smiling at him with the sparkly purple octopus painted across his face. Although the octopus is superbly detailed, almost as if it sparkled in real time, Stede’s particularly fond of the way Lucius focused on Ed’s finer features, like how youthful he looked when he smiled and the happy crinkles in the corners of his lovely eyes.

“I so very much wanted to show you this,” Stede says, sliding his hand back into Ed’s. “But I was hoping to surprise you, too.”

Ed keeps his eyes on the drawing, but he squeezes Stede’s hand before rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “It’s amazing,” he breathes with a small smile. “Can’t believe Lucius really drew this.”

“Me too,” Stede admits. “He made jokes about drawing a dick pic for me, but as immature as he can be, Lucius’s heart is always in the right place.”

Ed deeply breathes in, his eyes dancing as he admires the drawing of himself on the wall. With a contented breath out, he looks over at Stede, his smile growing as he gazes at him. “You were showing me something?”

Stede doesn’t say anything. He only smiles back and leads Ed down the hallway. They walk past the kitchen, where Stede hopes he can bake many breakfasts and cook many dinners for Ed, and the living room, where Stede hopes he can cuddle up with Ed on the couch, maybe while reading a book or somewhat paying attention to whatever’s on TV. Walking past them all, Stede brings Ed outside onto the back porch, revealing an outdoor sofa made up with white cushions and a blue linen throw blanket across the back.

“Wow,” Ed remarks. “You didn’t even know I was coming.”

“I didn’t,” Stede promises. “I was already half-planning to come home early and watch the fireworks from here.”

“Wait,” Ed interjects, holding up a hand. “From here?”

“Yeah,” Stede smiles, and he turns his head. “Look.”

Ed looks out, and his mouth slightly opens in awe. Stede’s house is perched on the top of a modest hill. Out the back, there’s a grand view of the stretching plains of Phillip Island; so broad that it’s like you can feel the land breathe in time with you. To the right, there’s the coast where the whale-watching cruise departs, and if it were daylight, there would be a slight chance of making out The Revenge. To the left, there are rising trees leading up to the nobbies and the beloved penguin parade. Perfectly positioned far down the middle is Cowes, where the lights glimmer across the town and over the sea in the night.

“Fuck…” Ed breathes.

“It’s not much,” Stede says sheepishly. “I know the view isn’t that great, and I would’ve much preferred to see from coast-to-coast, but–”

“Mate, fuck off,” Ed cuts in, turning to Stede with a grin that stretches from ear to ear. “This is fucking incredible!”

Stede swallows and shakily smiles. “You truly think so?”

“Fuck, yes, Stede!” 

Ed bounces up and down on the spot—which conjures an image of Louis in Stede’s head—and he pulls Stede towards the sofa, pulling them both down. Stede collapses into Ed’s arms with an oof, but he ends up giggling as Ed pulls him in for a big bear hug, squeezing him tight until the air nearly runs out. After they’ve both had a chance to catch their breath, Ed pulls out his phone to check the time.

“About ten minutes to,” he says, then he pockets his phone, takes the throw, and flings it over both himself and Stede before pulling Stede closer to his side. The air is still a little humid, but it’s cool enough now that Stede kicks up his feet, cosies himself under the blanket, and sighs into Ed’s arms.

They spend the next few minutes in near-silence, making only sweet little murmurs as they trade kisses to pass the time. As midnight nears, Stede settles his cheek against Ed’s deep-beating heart, turning towards the distance so they don’t miss the fireworks.

“So,” he murmurs, tracing a finger where Ed’s sternum is exposed, “have you thought about what you’d like to do here?”

Ed slowly breathes in, and Stede feels his chest rise where he lies his cheek. “Sorta,” he eventually says. “Zheng offered me a part-time gig working the bar at The Spanish Flag, in the meantime. I thought it might help me with rent, also my hours would work so that I’d be going to bed when you’re leaving for the cruise, then wake up when you get back.”

“That’s great, darling,” Stede says sincerely. “Although summer is the off-season for whale-watching. No more early mornings for me until winter.”

“Oh,” Ed says, his chest falling again. “So… what are you doing nowadays?”

“I keep myself busy,” Stede says. “The Revenge is still used for commercial functions, so I still go out occasionally during the day. Otherwise, I’ve been catching up on reading, going for nature walks, and plenty of online shopping.”

Ed chuckles at that, and he gives Stede’s cheek an affectionate little pinch that lingers long enough to turn Stede’s face bright pink. 

“But mostly,” Stede continues, nestling into Ed’s touch, “I’ve been spending as much time with the kids as possible. All online, of course, but it’s still been so wonderful getting to know them once again.”

Ed makes a quiet sound in his chest, and he slides up his hand to stroke it through Stede’s golden curls. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

Stede opens his mouth to answer, but then he lets out a long groan, throwing back his head against Ed’s chest. “I’d told the crew I’d come to their beach party. I love them, but they never stop partying. Sometimes, I suspect they make up fake occasions just to have an excuse for a party.”

Ed lets out a laugh, giving Stede’s head a little scratch. “Do you want me to come to that?”

Stede considers this for a moment, weighing up two different options in his mind. “I suppose we could go together. The crew would love to see you again, especially after all of your plotting behind my back.”

Ed laughs a little louder. “You’re not gonna let me live it down, are you?”

“Maybe just for a little while,” Stede chuckles. “But to be perfectly honest, all I want to do tomorrow is spend an entire day in bed with you, no matter how beautiful a day it is. I just want you.”

A gentle, cooling breeze drifts by as Ed’s laughter settles down. Stede can’t see his face, but from the way he’s squeezed just a little tighter, he can tell what he’s just said has struck Ed deep.

“Hmm…” Ed murmurs, and Stede feels his cheek rest comfortably in his soft, bouncy curls. “This can be whatever we want this to be, right?”

Stede sighs and nods, his entire body melting further into Ed’s arms.

“So what if we sleep in a little late tomorrow?” Ed continues. “What if we spend however long we want to in bed? When we’re up for it, we head to the beach party for as long as we like. And then, when we want to, we’ll say goodbye, make a quick exit before anyone can stop us, and then after…” Ed draws in a breath, turning his head to press a soft kiss on Stede’s head. “We’ll see.”

Stede shudders—not with chills, but with overwhelming affection—and his eyes slide shut. 

We’ll see. 

Before he came to Phillip Island, Stede had been so used to following a plan, often one that he didn’t get to choose. Everything had been laid out for him, and with every other road feeling closed off, Stede believed he had no choice but to go down the one he’d been placed on. As he found out, however, even after coming here, Stede still had trouble heading into the unknown. Yes, his gamble had paid off, but only after a year of stressing about every worst possible outcome. 

In hindsight, Stede should’ve known better than to agree to no contact with Ed after he’d left. But he was in love. Deeply, and overwhelmingly in love. For a second, he truly believed that nothing would ever get in the way of him and Ed. But after not knowing when Ed would text next, not knowing whether he’d ever hear his voice again, after going many, many months without seeing him, touching him, or kissing him, Stede was drowning in uncertainty and didn’t know when, or if, he’d be able to come up for air.

Now, finally wrapped up in Ed’s arms, Stede still doesn’t know where this road will take them. For once, maybe for the first time in his life, he doesn’t care. Their story is all theirs, and it no longer looks daunting. 

It looks hopeful. 

It looks exciting. 

It looks magnificent.

~*~

“Stede?”

Ed blinks out of his daze. For a moment, he had been in heaven. 

Well, okay, it’s pretty close to heaven. There are bugs everywhere. Moths, flies, and mosquitoes buzz by his face every few seconds, and if his arms weren’t currently full, Ed would be swatting them and cursing their existence. Also, adding onto that, it’s still a little warm, but the blanket seemed such a sweet idea at the time. That idea only lasted a second before Ed started sweating. It isn’t helped by the fact that he’s holding a broad-framed beauty, who, as it appears, is currently fast asleep against his chest.

… Yeah, this is heaven.

Ed hadn’t noticed when Stede fell asleep. It must’ve been a little after his proposed idea for tomorrow, or what will very much soon be later today. He didn’t hear Stede’s answer, but given how Stede has pretty much sunken into him like a sleepy ginger cat, Ed figures Stede is okay with it. More than okay, actually. 

What a relief. It really wasn’t nice to hear how miserable Stede has been these past few months. But Ed can accept that. He can take accountability for that. He knows it doesn’t make him a bad person. It’s not all peace and tranquillity. There are still days when he feels like rotting in bed and letting the world go on without him. There were days when he felt like wailing into his pillow, hating himself for leaving Stede. But those days pass, and so will Ed’s guilt over this period. Six months seemed like a while, but looking at the rest of his life with Stede by his side, Ed doesn’t think it’s a long time at all.

A soft bang jerks Ed’s head. In the distance, above the bay, fireworks begin exploding in the sky, scattering with sparkles of pink, purple, blue, and gold.

“Stede,” Ed whispers, giving Stede a little shake. Stede stirs only a little before he tucks himself closer, and Ed can hear his lips smack before he starts breathing deeply and peacefully.

More fireworks shoot across the stars, growing in consistency and intensity, but Stede remains sleeping as if nothing can wake him from his dream, and Ed doesn’t want him to. He knows Stede will feel a little sad when he learns he’s missed the fireworks, but Ed also knows that Stede won’t linger on it for too long. The moment he does wake up, Ed will let him know how much he’s missed him. Then, the fireworks will just be fireworks, gone for another year, while Ed will still be here.

The fireworks carry on, but Ed no longer pays any attention. He looks down at this lovely man asleep in his arms, smiles, and leaves a kiss on his head, hoping it will sink into his dreams.

“I love you,” Ed whispers, and although Stede doesn’t respond, he knows it without a doubt.