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Grif's return from Iris had left a drastic impact on his psyche, Simmons noted. Over time after moving back to Chorus and adjusting to the rapid developments of New Armmonia, these quirks had quickly disappeared as soon as they came. But a change Simmons had felt lingering for longer than what could be deemed healthy was Grif’s sudden clingy attitude. Simmons thought that maybe he was just adjusting to Simmons- adjusting to being back with the reds and blues again. It was odd, and it was definitely a change. He wasn't sure how he felt about it all just yet. Grif had never been this…affectionate, or even listened to Simmons’ persistent nagging, and he should be happy, right? But he wasn't. A few years ago Simmons would be lapping up this change like it came straight from God itself, now it felt wrong and strange. It put the Captain on edge…It especially put the Captain on edge when he had found Grif wedged tightly in a space in between the closet in their new apartment. Grif hiding? Normal. Kai had always said he was a hide and seek master- and Simmons knew from his own experience. Grif hiding and not sleeping or evading work? Weird. Odd. Bizarre. Not good.
Simmons was also pretty surprised Grif had managed to get himself in there, it was a pretty tight space and Simmons was sure he’d break a bone if he tried to wedge himself in like that, him and Kai must've got the same flexible genes. He sat staring at the smaller hunched man for a minute- mostly trying to compute how he even got in there, was he stuck? He opened his mouth then closed it again, thinking of what to say “You-Uh You alright there?”
“Mm…” Grif eloquently responded, “Sinn-Cinna- Simmons?” He didn't turn around, but Simmons wasn't sure if he even could've turned in that spot.
“Yeah it's me, you alright there?” Simmons responded softly, as if he would a wild animal, He didn't want to spook the clearly unstable man.
“Tired-no-, Fine.” Grif responded quietly just above a whisper, Simmons crouched onto the hardwood floor and crawled over to look at Grif's face, who seemed to be staring into the distance, seeing nothing and everything at the same time. He had a ball clutched to his chest whilst he sat, and Simmons could make a good guess of what it was. He wasn't stupid, he saw them when he collected his stuff from Iris once Wash was stable in General Doyles.
“Grif..?” Simmons pressed, lowering his head to try and make eye contact with the shorter man. “Grif…? Hey.”
“Sorr- Sinna- Simm- Sorry. I'm sorry bud-friend- Simmons.” Grif looked up at Simmons, pupils dilated and eyes wild, he was not present, and they'd both seen that look before. In themselves or their marines.
“Grif…” Simmons softened his voice even further, “Where are you right now?”
“We're on Ir- Oh you're, you're here on Iris! Did you come back? Are you okay? Did you find Church. Is Church okay?” He suddenly snapped up focusing on Simmons whereas before his eyes were glazed over, he now seemed to be studying Simmons’ face intensely.
“Gr- Are you okay?”
“Fine! Great! Good! I'm hungry, are you hungry? Wait no- No I'm not hungry, I'm okay! Are you okay Cinnamons?”
“I'm okay, Grif. What are you doing right now?” The ginger made sure to choose his words carefully, not wanting to shock him or upset him accidentally, but the recognition was a good sign.
“Waiting oh I've just been waiting! I've had so much time! A lot of time. Been thinking! Thinking for a lot of time! And- And you need to know I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I'm so sorry I left you Simmons! Oh- I'm such a bad friend, can I call you friend?” Grif started rambling more, still somehow wedged in between the closet. Simmons stood up and thought to hold his hand out, so at least he could get Grif out of the hole he's stuck himself in and wait for Grif to let him pull him out. Grif stared at his hand curiously for a second before letting Simmons pull him up and out, he frowned briefly with how much easier he found it to lift Grif to his feet. The volleyball bounced to the floor without a second thought, “Thanks pal-budd-friend! We're still friends right?” Grif gripped Simmons’ hand even harder looking up at him with those manic puppy dog eyes, and the Maroon soldier had half a mind to go beet red at the prolonged contact. Grif continued to stare at Simmons for longer than necessary and he felt himself squirm from the attention before the smaller man pulled his gaze away. Grif's eyes had more of a focused look in them, he blinked rapidly, beginning to come to his surroundings and what's happening, he let out a harsh sigh.
“You alright?” Simmons asked cautiously, feeling Grif’s grip on his hand loosen and then pull away completely whilst trembling. Immediately Simmons was missing the warmth the contact brought.
Grif nodded, big brown and green eyes staring into Simmons’ green and metallic. “I'm, yeah I'm okay” He said breathlessly, “I- forget you saw that?” The orange marine shook his head softly and took a step back, looking away. Simmons' eyes followed Grif and watched as he curled his arms around himself protectively, standing silently- no more loud ramblings, a quick juxtaposition in mood all because of a touch from a hand. He was more clear of mind now, but his eyes showed a mind that was struggling to register the present.
The taller man opened his mouth and exhaled through his teeth before speaking, “You know, we never really talked about it.” Simmons pressed gently, “It- It must've been hard” His breath hitched watching as Grif's shoulders tensed and he took another step back. Simmons took a step forward to keep close, “and, I didn't want to be the one to say it but- It's, you know? You're different now.”
Grif cautiously eyed Simmons for a brief awkward moment, “I-Well, yeah. Um, it was lonely. I guess.” He shook his head, “I'm sorry, if that's what you're asking- I'm yeah I'm sorry.”
Simmons stared at Grif silently, what was he supposed to say? I forgive you? Grif was well within his right to leave, he didn't need Simmons’ forgiveness. He just wanted Grif to be Grif again. He tried keeping his expression neutral and his words deliberate as he spoke, “You don't owe us- you don't owe me anything Grif. Especially not an apology. We, We should've thought it through, it was stupid to leave you alone for so long. If anything I should say sorry.”
“That's the problem, you don't mean that, Simmons. I know you didn't, you only want me to be normal again because you want to pretend nothing happened. M'sorry, okay? you don't have to feel guilty. I saw the tapes, I know what you said to that reporter. About me.” He took in a shaky breath, “What everyone said.” Simmons felt his heart sink to his stomach, and suddenly a sick feeling came over him, as he remembered the way he talked about Grif to Dylan, /Me and Grif were practically different species./
“Gr-I didn't mean that, I was just mad at everything, you leaving, church coming back again, everything.”
“Then why'd you say it?”
“Because I was mad. Not at you but I was mad at myself okay? I didn't want to admit it but I shouldn't have left you.” Simmons’ face softened and he grabbed Grif's hands in his own again and squeezed. “I should be the one that's sorry.”
“S'okay, not there anymore.” Grif mumbled and shivered as he did so. Before letting out a yawn.
“Do-Do you want to go to sleep? I can leave you be.”
Grif's hand tightened around Simmons’ and he flopped face first into the taller man's shoulder and Simmons had to briefly brace himself with the sudden weight, “Stay. Please.” He whispered, and Simmons nodded before Grif dragged him to the bed sluggishly. The ginger opened his mouth to protest sleeping in jeans, but thought better to keep his opinions to himself at the moment, Grif was wearing a loose hoodie and sweatpants, which Simmons swore weren't trying to fall off his ass like they are now, so at least one of them was prepared. Grif crawled into bed first and Simmons followed wordlessly, curling protectively around the shorter man and keeping his hand on the back of Grif's head, stroking the long waves of hair as he pressed further into Simmons’ chest. The ginger listened at the steady rhythm of Grif's breathing as he continued petting his head, making sure the other was sleeping soundly before taking off his glasses, “I'll never leave again.”