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Teddy doesn’t pull his punches.
In a way Jonathan is grateful for it. He deserves each and every one.
He knows exactly what he is doing, how he is using Teddy. It’s the same he has done to Jed, to Sophie. It’s a habit he slips into so naturally not even budding affection can stop him. His need to bring Roper down is greater than his need to protect those he loves.
Inevitably, every one he loves dies.
It’s true because he makes it true. Again and again with his own action. He has chosen to make Teddy an agent against his father, against one Richard Onslow Roper, who would kill his own son without a second of hesitation.
Jonathan knows exactly how dangerous Roper is, has experienced it first hand. Napalm at night. The beauty of it still haunts him.
Teddy doesn’t know, not really, what his father is capable of. He is and always will be the child waiting for the black car, lonely and desperate to be loved.
Jonathan deserves this beating because he isn’t telling Teddy to run. Jonathan wants to, he really really does. But in his heart, the mission always comes first. This or it will all have been for nothing. So many people are dead because of him. All for nothing if he doesn’t catch Roper and puts an end to it.
He feels teddys eyes on him throughout the interrogation. When a gun is shoved into his mouth, he registers how Teddy moves forward, on instinct, almost deviating from the plan. Risking both their lives just to help him. Jonathan wants to scream at him to get out, to run and never come back. When he can talk again, blood slick and heavy in his mouth, he doesn’t. Instead, he tells Cabrera everything he needs to hear. Teddy is dutifully taking care of the rest. Without Teddy, Jonathan wouldn’t even have a plan.
Teddy is the plan. Jonathan will use everything to bring down Richard Roper. Everything, including Roper’s own son.
Jonathan is glad when the interrogation is over. He is glad that Teddy leaves him, that he doesn’t have to look at the man he has condemned to death.
It’s not part of the plan when some time later Teddy stands in the door, knife in hand. “This is personal”, his voice carries a quiet intensity. He probably looks menacing to the guard. But Jonathan sees behind the facade, sees the man who harmed himself on the prospect of killing someone, a man who was gentle given the chance. A man who only ever wanted to please, first his father, now him.
Jonathan feels something achingly painful when he looks at Teddy. He doesn’t dare inspect that emotion too closely, shoves it down down down. This is not the place for tenderness.
He wonders why Teddy has come, is risking his life. Again.
He grunts when Teddy cuts him free, tries to swallow his moan of pain when Teddy demands to see his injuries.
He wishes Teddy didn’t have to be, that he wasn’t so gentle. Fingers tip his chin up ever so carefully. Jonathan recognizes his own guilt reflected in Teddy’s eyes. He is sorry, even though Jonathan told him to not hold back.
He knows resistance is futile and dutifully lifts his shirt. He cannot quite see everything, but he doesn’t need to see to know the bruise is there, throbbing and aching.
“You went too far”, Teddy is angry. Upset, uncaring for himself but devoted to Jonathan.
His chest hurts when he talks, his teeth do too. He deserves it, but still winces. “It was necessary”, he forces himself to say, but he cannot quite keep the defensiveness from his voice.
Teddy’s gaze reminds him of the night at the pool. Jonathan doesn’t recall all the details, he was too out of it. But he recalls the tenderness, Teddys looking at him as though he was the most precious thing in the world.
Teddy touches Jonathan as though he is holy. He doesn’t know Jonathan has manipulated before, killed. Used people just like Teddy, and walked away from their corpses.
Jonathan wants to slap his hand away, but the touch feels too good. The ugly thing inside of his chest grows. He tries to shove it down again, but it refuses. Maybe it sounds like Matthew Ellis, or Andrew Birch. He doesn’t listen. Or at least he pretends he doesn’t.
Teddy kneels before him. He is temptation, temptation to all Jonathan’s plans. He isn’t entirely himself when he grabs Teddy’s arm, holds on to it like a life line.
„You have to be careful“, he barely recognises his own voice, rough with worry. He needs the physical contact to convey how serious he is. “Teddy listen to me, okay? Deceiving José is one thing, lying to Roper is another”
Teddy looks reluctant, almost defensive. Jonathan fixes his eyes on Teddy’s, cups Teddy’s face, gently, lovingly. He knows Teddy craves it. Being held, being loved. He uses it to convey the message.
“When you’re with him, you have to make him believe that you still love him”, he talks slowly, means every word.
“He is the man in the black car. The father you’ve always adored”, he strokes Teddy’s face, brushes his thumb against his cheek. “You show him nothing less than the devotion he deserves”
Jonathan knows the words hurt. See it. Teddy looks so utterly broken and alone. There is a bitter understand in his eyes Jonathan wants to forget but forces himself to remember. “Like a dog”, Teddy intones.
“Like a dog”, the words are bile in his throat. He wishes he didn’t have to say them.
Teddy shakes him off, his frustration clear. Still, he moves to clean the wound on Jonathan’s face. Still, he is devoted, not to his father, but to Jonathan.
He cannot bare it, the defeat. He catches Teddy’s arm again, cups his face. He means the tenderness of it.
“Just have faith”, he lies through his teeth. Lies to a man he should protect, a man who is just a son trying to impress his father. The words are poison on his tongue.
He should tell Teddy that he can still tun away, take his sister and go to Mexico. That he lied earlier, that he doesn’t need to do this. Roper might never find him.
Teddy looks resigned. He has accepted his fate. Has accepted that to be loved by Jonathan, he has to die. “Good bye Matthew”, Teddy’s voice is shaking but it carries the finality of a man who has made his decision.
Then he closes the space between them, and his lips are soft against Jonathan. It’s less a kiss and more a prayer. The kiss is everything Teddy yearns for, a hope for a future in which he is loved, dedication incarnate
It would be cruel to kiss him back. To manipulate him even further. To fulfill him this last wish. But Jonathan cannot help himself. He ignores the pain, ignores the guilt, and kisses Teddy back. He tries to put everything into the kiss he cannot say, words that have died on his tongue a thousand times. It’s only fitting that their kiss tastes of blood. It’s Judas‘ kiss, the very thing that will doom Teddy.
This is why Teddy has come. To say good bye, to prove his love one last time. It’s what makes the ugly feeling in Jonathan’s chest rise, explode.
Teddy doesn’t resent him for it. He simply accepts that this is the price of love. He is as reverent as ever. Jonathan can tell he is scared because his fingers dig harder into his skin than they used to, because his breath is uneven.
It takes Teddy breaking his hold for him to let him go. Teddy is walking towards the door, slowly, but unwavering. Jonathan doesn’t think he will look.
This is a lamb he is sending to the slaughter. He doesn’t want to. He can’t, he-
„Teddy wait“, his voice surprises him. Teddy turns to look at him. There is no hope in his eyes. He is a soldier ready to receive another order.
Because he cannot wait and the guard can’t hear, Teddy comes back. Jonathan catches a glimpse of a scarred forearm. He sees some of his blood stuck to Teddy’s shirt.
He cannot do this. Not again. Not with teddy.
„If you go out there, you die“, he says it calmly, his voice measured. It barely shakes. He forces himself to meet teddys gaze.
Teddy is unimpressed.
Jonathan cursed loyalty, curses love, most of all curses himself. Even if he tells teddy to stop know, Teddy will still through himself before Roper, thinking it’s what Jonathan needs.
His thoughts race, then settle. „Roxana set me up“, he speaks fast, perhaps too fast. He needs to keep Teddy here, alive. “She is working with your father.”
„So she did choose survival“, Teddy sounds disappointed but not surprised. His life is a string of betrayal, each worse than the last. Jonathan doesn’t want to be one of them. Right now, he wants Teddy more than he wants to bring down Roper.
He is not illusional. He knows they cannot singlehandedly stop the coup. Cabrera has a whole army at his disposal, indoctrinated children who gave nowhere else to go. And thanks to Teddy and Roper, he has an arsenal if the newest, most dangerous weapons.
Jonathan knows where Roper is going, knows his plans. He cannot save anyone who wasn’t already going to die by keeping going. But he can save Teddy.
„Roxana knows“, he lets his voice hang in the air between them, heavy and humid. He cannot say it, not out loud. Not at first. „About us. If she knows, Roper knows too“
He stands, and each step is more painful than the last. Teddy is frozen to the spot. „Roper knows we are playing him“
Teddy’s face turns wild, desperate. As soon as Jonathan is close enough, his hands claw into Jonathan’s shirt. „I’m sorry“
Jonathan holds him. Holds him and feels content, despite the army outside, despite Roper still breathing.
“Listen to me Teddy”, he tilts Teddy’s chin upward, “we are going to get out of here.“
„The plan-“, Teddy insists because of course he does.
Jonathan presses his fingers against Teddy’s lips. It works exactly as effectively as Jonathan has expected. Teddy’s eyes find his. There is apprehension in them, and deeper down, hope. He leans heavily on Jonathan, even though Jonathan is the one injured.
„The plan won’t work“, now that he has started talking, he cannot stop himself, „it won’t work and you will die. It can’t be my fault you die. Not over nothing“
Not over anything, he adds quietly. Not again. Not ever again.
„Not even to bring my father down?“
Jonathan wants to laugh, wants to shake this impossible man who gives his loyalty more readily away then he ought to. He feels the sudden need to live up to it, to cherish and protect.
When he cannot bear to say it, he only nods.
„You care“, Teddy’s voice sounds incredulous. „More about me than about him“
Jonathan is surprised at the truth of it. With Sophie, he cared more about doing the right thing than about the consequences. With Jed, catching Roper had been more important than her safety from a dangerous man. He had never brought himself to reach out to her again, not when he had gotten her tortured, almost killed.
„I do“, he admits, allows himself to feel, for once, everything that is buried deep within him. Everything he’d rather not feel. Regret, so much of it.
He cups Teddy’s face, and now he is the one in reverence. This time, it’s him who initiates the kiss. He tastes hunger in it, longing. It’s a promise of more, so much more. A future. Hope.
„Let’s go“, he offers Teddy a hand. Teddy takes it.
When Richard Onslow Roper arrives at the camp, they are already long gone.
For the first time in many years, Jonathan Pine feels truly free.