Chapter Text
I wouldn’t have expected the key would look like this…
The key to deactivating the circus, to leave all of this behind. My heart pounded in my chest at the thought. It was a golden sphere. I stood in front of what was the real main console, or what I at least thought was the real console.
Maybe the stasis pods were real? Would I just walk out? Or were they more like cryo pods? I don’t remember where I put my phone when I put the headset on, so calling my mom to come defrost me wasn’t really ideal. Did it even work like that?
Who cares! I just need to put the stupid sphere in the circle hole. The room I was in was small. It was in the darkest corner of the circus, where Caine couldn’t see me.
The console looked like a small laptop, connected to a box with a hole at the top. All I could hear was my breathing. The circus didn’t exactly have “wind” unless it was convenient, and all that Caine knew I had managed to get out of today’s torturous adventure.
I looked behind me, the bells at the end of my hat quietly jingled as I looked at the digital grass one last time. This part wasn’t rendered very well, I could almost make out the pixels in the grass. I took a deep breath, and placed the key in the hole, hearing it drop to the bottom.
Light shot out of the box, and my hand began to light up as well. I gasped, seeing the light spread to my arm and my torso until there was nothing but a white void.
“H-Hello?” I called out, “Is this how I leave-!”
There was a screen in front of me, it looked almost holographic like in the sci-fi films. Text appeared as if someone was typing.
// ⚠ SYSTEM OVERRIDE WARNING ⚠
if (TransmitterChips::status == ENABLED)
(
Protocol::Disable(TransmitterChips);
PlayerRegistry::ReleaseAll();
CAINE::Deactivate(); // Creative Artificial Intelligence Networking Entity
Circus::SetState(IDLE);
Navigation::AwaitNextCycle();
)
God, I wish Kinger were here, he would know what this meant. Then I looked around at the very bright room…yea maybe not.
“Is there not a…simpler version of this?” I asked. The screen disappeared then reappeared again, now typing something else.
Disable transmitter chips? Doing so will release all players and deactivate Creative Artificial Intelligence Networking Entity (C.A.I.N.E), the circus will be put on idle mode until next activation.
Yes No
My eyes widened. Chips? There were chips? Ugh, no time! My finger pressed on yes. Whatever happened after that was a blur.
–
The sound of a heart beat ran through her ears, then a monitor following the same rhythm. My body felt like it was revving up, like an engine was turning on, just not as loud or as sudden. Then my eyes could see the light behind my eyelids.
Oh my god that light was bright. I brought my hand up to my face, trying to block basically the sun. There was…skin. My nails were there, the wrinkles from my joints, my wrist and the little hairs on my arm. This was MY hand…my name is Christine.
I remember my name.
“What the fuck…wait,” I said, without a filter over my mouth. I froze, my hand stayed in the air for a few more moments before dropping on my chest.
I’m out.
I’m out of the circus. Oh god, are the others okay? They probably didn’t know what happened.
The heart monitor started racing. I looked down, seeing the rest of my body under the covers. Then I could feel everything. My nerves almost seemed to turn on, activating my sense of touch as if I had been revived from the dead.
The hospital gown, the bedsheets, the tube in my nose, the iv’s in my arms, the sensors on my chest. It was…so much. It almost hurt, being able to feel all of the strands of fabric around me, rubbing against my skin. I could feel every strand of hair on my face; my bangs itched at my brows.
Get it off…get it off..get it off get it off!
I didn’t even realize how differently my senses were in the circus; how muted everything was. I could feel the way my lungs moved in my chest, how the air flowed in and out rapidly. I actually needed to breathe now. If I stopped, I could die. I could…die.
I could actually die now…I could die.
I began to grab at my sheets, feeling how they slid against my legs and stomach, rubbing against the other pieces of fabric layered underneath.
The heart rate monitor started to get really loud. I looked over, turning my head to the side as my cheek brushed against the pillow. It was 180, but as I focused on it more, it slowed. My breathing became steady, my shoulders relaxed. My head finally relaxed against the pillow.
Until it didn’t.
There was this…uncomfortable aching on the sides of my head. It almost felt like a bar had been wedged through my skull and brain. I put my hand up to feel it, my teeth grinding at the blankets moving against my skin again. There was a metal piece there, in my head. Was this what the headset did to me?
This was that “transmitter chip” from the screen. There was a small engraving on it, but I couldn’t make out what it was without looking at it. It wasn’t too painful, it was uncomfortable most of all.
The door in my room opened, then closed. I could hear a long sigh as the person came into view. She was a nurse, wearing burgundy scrubs and had her hair in a bun. She was holding a bag with some kind of beige substance in it, and a stethoscope around her neck. As she looked up at me, her eyes widened.
“You’re awake!” she said. I smiled awkwardly. She basically ran over, dropping the bag on a side table and sticking a light in my face.
“Do you know where you are? What’s your name?” she asked, clicking off the light as she took the stethoscope from her neck, putting it in her ears and listened to my heart. Even though there was a heart monitor right next to me…
“Uhm…Christine” I said, “And I’m in a hospital? I don’t know which one though,” my voice was raspy, weak and quiet. I was pushing more air out than sound.
“Alright, and do you remember your last name?”
“Koslova,” I said. That wasn’t a name I had heard in a long time. She turned towards the set of monitors, typing on the key board.
“Alright, and do you know what day it is?”
“Uhm, some day in 2018 or 19 maybe?” I spoke. I was in the circus for over a year; it had to be one of those-
She began to laugh, like I said a joke, “Oh, you weren’t out for that long” she smiled, “It’s July 14th, 2017” she turned to look at me, putting her hand on her hip, “You were in a coma for three weeks,”
What.
I was what.
Only three weeks? No, there was no way…
My eyes widened, my mouth dipping down into a small frown. If I were in the circus, my pupils would have gone all small, and lines would have appeared under my eyes.
The nurse chuckled, “If you were in there any longer we would have thought you were dead,” she joked. I didn’t find that pretty funny.
“Now, you don’t mind if I make a radio call really quick?” she asked. I shook my head, feeling the chips in my skull weigh me down. The nurse only smiled at me, picking up her radio.
“Hey, Mia and Scott, my patient in room 57c just woke up, check if your patients are awake too”
“Thank you” said a man’s voice.
“Yep! I just checked, my patients are awake too!” a very excited woman’s voice rang out.
“Wait, the others are here too?” I croaked out, my throat scratching. I could see them…I could explain what is going on…I could-
“Yea, but they are in much worse condition than you are, so we want to make sure they are stable before we allow visitors outside of family”
Oh. Okay. No, I understand. This will just haunt me for the next…I don’t know how long it’s going to be.
“Now,” she started, “Let’s see…why don’t we give your mom a call? I’m sure she’ll be excited to hear the news”
–
Mom arrived at the hospital 15 minutes after the nurse called her. She basically rushed into my room, sitting next to me and holding my hand as she asked a million questions. I was too weak to pull my hand away at her constant rubbing from her thumb.
“What did I tell you about exploring abandoned buildings!?” She said, “They are so dangerous, and look what happened to you! Now you have this thing in your head and the doctor said that-”
“Mom, please I just went through hell and back, can you not lecture me right now?” I said. She breathed out, a sympathetic look on her face.
“Alright, I’m sorry милая, I was just so worried,” she said.
“It’s okay-”
“I just didn’t know what happened to my little girl,” she said. And she ruined it. My face went from calm to annoyed.
“Mom I’m not a ch-” I began, until my lungs betrayed me. I began to cough, hard. I miss not really having lungs…
–
“Alright,” the doctor said, “After review we decided that you will need to have surgery to remove the chip,” he said.
A doctor in a long white jacket and a clipboard walked in around 20 minutes later.
“Gladly, you weren’t out for a significant amount of time to permanently affect your body, but you will need physical therapy,”
I nodded. Mom had helped me prop up my bed so I could see the doctor easier, and gave me a jug of water to keep my throat from drying up. It was weird to swallow again.
“However, you weren’t in a normal coma,” he began, “Your brain was active the entire time as if you were awake, so your subconscious wasn’t focusing too much on taking care of your body,”
My brain was active alright.
“You have lost around 20% of your muscle mass, and as you already know we had to implement a feeding tube to keep your nutrients up, however you should be good to eat something as soon as tomorrow,”
I nodded, not responding. I felt the plastic jug against my palm, how the water slightly cooled it down.
“Once we get your muscle mass back up, and get you walking again, you’ll be ready for surgery to remove the chips” the doctor smiled. I nodded, looking at my hands, still in disbelief that they were there.
“What about the others,” I said, softly.
“What others милая?” Mom said.
“They were all in there a lot longer than me, will they be okay?”
“Oh you mean the other victims? That’s another story-” The doctor said.
“Which ones are here?” I demanded.
“I cannot tell you that, I am not allowed to give personal information of other patients,” he held the clipboard to his chest, as if he were protecting himself. I furrowed my eyebrows, feeling the tips of my bangs brush against my forehead.
“Fine,” I said, admitting defeat. If she weren’t so exhausted, she would be a lot meaner about it.
“Милая, why don’t you get some rest,” she said. The doctor took his own leave, closing the door behind him with a thud. I let out a sigh, relaxing after…all of that.
“Yea, I’ll do that-” I said as I began to lower my bed so I could lay down. Until my mom started pulling a pillow and blanket out of her bag.
“Mama you can’t stay here-”
“Oh hush Christine, you have been in a coma for three weeks and I am just supposed to leave you here? What if you need something?”
“Then I will get a nurse to help me,” I said, quietly, “I just, want to sleep in peace, since sleep was not a necessity in the circus-”
“What?” Mom said, catching on my rambles, “What Circus?”
I groaned, which hurt my throat but I was hoping it would get the message across.
“It’s fine Mom, I will tell you later,” I said, looking down, “I am just too tired right now,”
She didn’t say anything for a moment. Until she gave out a sigh herself.
“Alright, I will leave you be. We will talk about everything when you get better,” she said as she stood up, stuffing the blanket back in her bag. I smiled a little when she wasn’t looking. She kissed my forehead before she left. I couldn’t help but wipe my forehead afterwards, getting rid of the lingering feeling of her kiss.
I looked around my room with my eyes. Everything was so…quiet.
There were no bright colors, weird music or eyeballs looking at her through a painting. The mirrors didn’t have a delay, and the world around her moved on its own without a player near them. It was almost like being engulfed in a space that never stops, that never goes to sleep, and is always on. The circus was just a memory, one that I had the option to leave behind.
This was what it’s like being free again. No one could name me, no one could alter my mind, and no one would look at me and think of that stumpy jester.
I could finally relax, a moment of peace that I had been looking for over a year.
Or only three weeks.