Chapter Text
“I’m going to ask out Eddie Diaz again.”
Albert and Ravi stopped in the middle of pulling on their graduation gowns and gaped at Buck.
“Buck,” Albert groaned.
“What do you mean again?” Ravi asked. “You never went out in the first place.”
“Yeah we did,” Buck responded. “We sat across from each other in the food court at the mall last week. We shared a meal together, that’s a date.”
“Usually for it to be a date, both parties have to know it’s a date,” Albert said, zipping his gown up and turning to the full-length mirror in his room to put on his cap.
“And,” Ravi added, frowning at his hair in his reflection over Albert’s shoulder, “both people are, you know, into each other. You don’t even know if Eddie likes guys.”
Buck rolled his eyes. His friends might’ve had a point, but he wasn’t about to admit it. Buck knew they meant well, they always did where his dating life was concerned, but Buck’s crush on Eddie had been going for long enough that he wasn’t about to give up when he finally felt so close. He and Eddie had eaten together. Was it possible that Eddie was just being polite because it was busy that day and Buck couldn’t find a place to sit and Eddie was alone at his table and had an extra chair free? Irrelevant. They’d even chatted a little bit! More than Buck had seen Eddie talk outside a classroom all four years of high school, at least! In Buck’s brain, that counted. If he had to fill Eddie in on the details later, so be it. Buck just wanted to spend more time with him.
“I feel like the movies is a lame second date, do you think he’d be into that? I guess we could go drive around somewhere, but that’s not really impressive, Eddie feels like the kind of guy you have to impress, you know?”
“Buck, you never had a first date, what are you talking about?” Ravi turned to look at Buck.
“I’m gonna call him.”
“Don’t do that,” Albert said. “You’re gonna get yourself hurt.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Eddie’s not gonna go out with you, Buck,” Albert continued. He finished fussing with his outfit and came to stand in front of Buck. “He’s the school golden boy. Valedictorian, varsity baseball, boy scout, Ivy League scholarship, the whole nine.”
“Yeah, exactly, he’s perfect.”
“That’s not really your scene, though,” Albert said carefully.
“Hey, I’m not a total fuck up,” Buck countered. “I mean, like, I’m not valedictorian or anything, but I’m not dumb. And I played football! I just have other shit in my life besides school.”
“What Albert is too nice to say,” Ravi interjected, “is that Eddie is way too clean-cut to consider someone outside the top ten percent of the class who doesn’t go to his mom and dad’s church.”
“Or,” Buck couldn’t help but double down, “I’m exactly what he’s looking for.”
“Oh my god, Buck,” Ravi groaned. “I give up. But Albert’s right, you’re gonna get hurt.”
“Maybe I want to get hurt!”
That earned Buck twin blank stares. Albert finally broke the silence.
“Whatever, dude, I guess it’s a mistake you have to make.” Albert grabbed Buck’s gown off the hanger on the back of his door and threw it at him. “Come on, get ready to go, we’re gonna be late if we don’t leave soon.”
Buck threw on his cap and gown and followed his friends downstairs. Buck and Ravi had been friends since elementary school, they’d met the first day of kindergarten and had been running as an inseparable duo ever since. They added Albert to their group in middle school, shortly after Buck’s sister married Albert’s brother. Not long after that, Buck’s parents announced they were leaving. Apparently they’d always wanted to retire and travel and never thought they would have another child, especially not one so much younger than Maddie, and they weren’t prepared to stick around any longer. They figured Maddie was an adult with a husband of her own, she could take care of Buck while he finished up school, right? Buck was lucky to have Maddie, he knew that, but he felt like he was a bit luckier to have friends who stuck by him after his parents left and Maddie adjusted to taking care of Buck full time while juggling marriage, her job, and, eventually, a baby.
Ravi and Albert gave Buck a place to crash when he needed time away from his sister’s house, they covered for him when he missed football practice because Maddie had to pick up extra shifts at work and couldn’t drive him, and they only teased Buck a little bit when he did crazy things like decide he was in love with the class valedictorian. Buck’s parents may have abandoned him, but he had people in his corner who refused to do the same. He wasn’t sure if he’d have made it to this day without them.
Buck smiled through Ravi’s parents fussing over the three of them and posed for pictures as a group on the front lawn while Ravi moaned about how they really had to leave. For all the light-hearted complaining, Buck didn’t mind the attention. He hadn’t ever had parents who cared enough to behave like this, who wanted to take a thousand pictures of these moments or lament the fact that their baby was all grown up. Even before they left, Buck’s parents never cared enough to do any of that. Buck hadn’t seen them for years now. He wasn’t even sure they knew he was graduating.
Buck took one last picture, just him in front of his pride and joy, the cherry-red 1971 Mustang he rebuilt in Maddie’s garage over the last few years. He figured he could email that one to his parents later.
Dear Mom and Dad, I graduated today, if you even care. Don’t know what comes next, but it’s gonna be whatever ensures I don’t end up like either one of you. Your disappointing son, Buck.
But fuck them, Buck thought as he climbed into his car. They may not have even wanted him in the first place, might have made him his sister’s problem the second they could get away with it, but Buck would find a happy life in spite of them. Once he figured out what that looked like.
As Buck started the familiar drive from Ravi’s house to the high school, his mind drifted to Eddie Diaz again. He’d had a mild crush on Eddie from afar for years (the guy was gorgeous and Buck was only human), but in the days since their time together at the mall, he couldn’t keep Eddie out of his head. There was just something about him. Ravi and Albert maybe were right—on paper, at least, Eddie was a bit out of his league. Everyone at school knew Eddie. But, on the other hand, nobody at school really knew Eddie. He was well-liked, he got along with everyone, but it never seemed like he had friends. He was involved in extra-curriculars, he led the baseball team to a state championship, but he always had an air of loneliness about him. And what Buck saw at the mall that day was a guy who, yes, was hot and smart and perhaps a bit of a rule-follower, but also seemed like he wanted connection. There was more to Eddie Diaz than met the eye, Buck was sure of it. He was desperate to find out what.
Buck’s daydreams about what his and Eddie’s second date would look like carried him to the school parking lot, where he pulled into a spot next to Ravi and Albert. They made their way inside the school, under the banner over the front doors that read “Congratulations, Class of 2009!” Buck craned his neck, trying to catch a glimpse of Eddie in the sea of navy blue robes as the class lined up to march out to the football field for the start of the ceremony.
“You have to chill, dude,” Ravi muttered.
Eventually the school faculty herded the graduating class into an orderly line and ushered them outside. Buck shuffled along behind Ravi while the band played Pomp and Circumstance, looking up at a sea of proud families in the bleachers. He didn’t have anyone in attendance; Maddie and her husband, Chimney, both had shifts they couldn’t get out of, but they’d promised to celebrate with Buck later. It was fine. Buck was used to hitting major milestones by himself.
The ceremony dragged on under the El Paso sun. There was a speech from one of their teachers, a performance by the school choir, another speech from some local businessperson Buck couldn’t care less about. Buck bounced his knee, antsy for the moment Eddie would finally get to speak. He felt sweat drip down the back of his neck and silently cursed whoever decided to hold this thing outside in the summer with a couple hundred students in dark navy polyester. Finally, Principal Nash took the podium to introduce the Valedictorian’s Speech.
“I am truly honored to introduce this next speaker,” Mr. Nash began, his voice echoing over the speakers. “He is a student of the highest character, a star both on and off the baseball diamond, a young man with incredible intelligence and drive. I know he’s going to make his family, our school, and our community proud wherever his future takes him. Ladies and gentlemen, the Class of 2009 valedictorian, Eddie Diaz.”
Buck joined in the smattering of applause much more enthusiastically than the students around him. He watched Eddie stand from his seat on the stage and cross over the podium, stopping to shake Mr. Nash’s hand on the way. Eddie stood at the podium, adjusted the microphone, and cleared his throat. Buck thought he heard a “Go, Eddie!” from somewhere in the stands and smiled.
“God, he’s so hot,” Buck whispered to nobody in particular, mostly because he couldn’t help it. Ravi elbowed him in the ribs about it, Albert just sighed.
“Thanks, Mr. Nash,” Eddie began. “Faculty, family, fellow graduates, I’m honored to be here representing the Class of 2009 today. I can’t believe graduation is finally here. It’s a day we’ve all looked forward to for years. We’ve dreamed about it, worked towards it, wished for it to arrive faster, and now that it’s here, I can’t help but wish that we could just go back.”
The crowd chuckled a little bit at that. Eddie looked up from his notes and smiled, almost surprised that got a laugh, before continuing.
“Because here we all are, turning to a new chapter of our lives, our future a blank page before us. We’re about to step into the real world. Up to now, we’ve had each other, our teachers, and our families to rely on. But now we’re going our separate ways. We’re heading to college, we’ll be getting jobs, maybe falling in love, getting married, or having families of our own. We’re stepping into a future full of possibilities, and the whole time, we’re taking a piece of where we came from with us. And as we take these first steps into our future, we’re conscious of how, out there in the real world, we’ll be representing where we came from. Our hometown, our school, our families. I’m sure we will make them all proud, even though, if you’re anything like me, we’re all really… scared.”
Eddie paused and Buck found himself leaning forward. For a split second, Buck thought he saw Eddie falter, the picture-perfect facade coming down just a little bit, revealing something soft and vulnerable underneath. It was gone as quickly as it appeared, though, and Eddie continued.
“But our time at this school has prepared us well, and I know we’re going to go far. Congratulations, Class of 2009, and here’s to our next chapter!”
Buck joined his fellow students in applause as Eddie returned to his seat on the stage. He tuned out the rest of the ceremony, completely distracted thinking about Eddie’s speech. Something in the way Eddie spoke, the vulnerability that accidentally shone through, made Buck ache. He knew what it was like to put on a mask for the world, to hide himself in order to meet other people’s expectations.
Sure, it was a little different for Buck, he didn’t have anyone expecting him to be some high achiever, go to college, and take over the world, but he wasn’t unfamiliar with the concept. Buck often felt like everyone expected him to be unbothered all the time, to show up as cheerful, happy-to-be-there, low-maintenance Buck, no matter what was going on inside. Nobody wanted to hear about Buck’s problems. Buck didn’t have problems, as far as anyone else was concerned. Because problems made things difficult, and Buck’s job was to avoid making things difficult for everyone around him. It wasn’t fair for anyone to feel that way, let alone someone as special as Eddie.
As his row stood to cross the stage and receive their diplomas, Buck considered the pressure Eddie must have been feeling. He resolved to find a way to be there for Eddie in any way he could. Maybe if he was lucky, Buck thought, he could get to know the real Eddie Diaz underneath the golden-boy exterior he showed everyone else.
After the ceremony concluded, Buck lingered outside the school with Albert and Ravi, taking pictures with friends, saying goodbye to teachers, and signing yearbooks. Buck was still buzzing with the excitement of the day, feeling more determined than ever to maybe, finally, talk to Eddie.
“Do you think he’ll take a picture with me if I asked him to?” Buck asked, interrupting his friends gossipping about who was going to be at Lena Bosko’s graduation party that night. Buck couldn’t have cared less about that conversation. He was fiddling with his digital camera, eyes locked on where Eddie was chatting with his family. Buck took note of the way Eddie held himself with them, a little too rigid, more buttoned-up than any eighteen-year-old should be.
“Sure,” Albert responded, dripping with sarcasm. “Just head on over and ask Mr. and Mrs. Diaz to take one for you.”
“Or maybe you could take it?” Buck held his camera out to Albert. “Maybe I go over there and ask him out again? And you can take a picture while I’m talking to him? Or, I don’t know, just take a picture when I’m walking past him?”
Albert and Ravi shared a look. “Buck you have to know how unhinged that request is,” Albert said, grabbing the camera anyway. “I’m allowing this only because I really want to see what happens.”
Buck took a breath and squared his shoulders. You can do this, he thought. Just go talk to him. He got about half a step before he was intercepted.
“Buckley.” Athena Grant-Nash, high school guidance counselor and the single most intimidating person Buck had ever known, stepped into his path.
“Hey, Athena!”
She leveled a look at Buck.
“I mean, uh, hi, Mrs. Grant-Nash, how’s it going?” Buck corrected himself sheepishly. He had a good relationship with her—had to, with as much as he was in her office after his parents skipped town—but maybe not quite a first-name basis yet. Although what was the point of graduating if you couldn’t use your ex-teachers’ first names?
“You never came to see me last semester like you promised you would, Buck,” Athena said, her tone affectionate but firm. “Every senior is supposed to have a meeting with me to discuss career paths before graduation and somehow you managed to duck that requirement. It wasn’t enough of a problem to delay your graduation, but it’s still important. So we’re doing it now.”
“Does it have to be now, though?” Buck stole a glance over her shoulder to make sure Eddie was still there. He was, but there was no way he’d stick around forever, and Buck didn’t want to miss his shot.
“Yes and you know it, because I knew this was the only way I could get you to do it.”
Buck sighed. “Okay, fine, I’m not going to college, Athe– I mean, Mrs. Grant-Nash. It’s not like I need career guidance to keep kickboxing and teaching kids’ classes at the gym. I’ll take the rest as it comes, I’m not worried.”
“Buck,” Athena sighed, “I understand that you don’t love the idea of higher education. That’s fine. But you’re smart, you have so much potential, I want to see you live up to it.”
Buck cringed at that word. “Potential.” His whole life had been about his fucking potential. His parents only had him as a hail-Mary, hoping he’d be a match for a bone marrow transplant for his older brother, the son they always wanted. But Buck had messed that up. His marrow was a match, but the transplant failed anyway. Daniel died before Buck was old enough to have any memories of him. His parents held that over his head every single day since, constantly reminding him that it was his job to live up to not only his own potential, but Daniel’s as well.
It grated, hearing anyone insist he had to do anything to live up to his potential. It was such a bullshit metric. It didn’t mean anything, as far as Buck was concerned. It was just a way for adults to make their own expectations his fault.
“And I will, just… I have to do it in my own way.” It wasn’t a lie, necessarily. Buck just didn’t want to have a conversation about it. He’d made up his mind about college, he’d already fought with Maddie and his parents and any other adult who pretended to care in his life (including Athena when she’d cornered him about this during the fall semester). He wasn’t in the mood to rehash it. Not when Eddie Diaz and his family were probably moments away from leaving.
Athena crossed her arms and regarded him for a long moment. “Alright, Buckley, that’s fine. But I can set up a meeting for you at the community college any time you want. You graduating doesn’t change that, okay?”
“Thank you, Mrs. Grant-Nash,” Buck said sincerely. “For everything, really. You didn’t give up on me. It means a lot.”
“I don’t give up on anyone,” Athena said with a smile. “You call me if you need me, I mean it. And be safe tonight, I don’t want to hear about a bunch of graduates getting rounded up on grad night!” She aimed the last bit at Albert and Ravi over Buck’s shoulder, before giving Buck’s arm a comforting squeeze, and going to find another graduate to terrify.
The second she was gone, Buck looked over to where Eddie and his family had been standing. They were gone. Buck swore under his breath and heard a shutter click behind him. He turned to stare daggers at Albert.
“What? It’s a really good one!”
Buck rolled his eyes and snatched his camera back.
It wasn’t long after that the crowd around the school started to disperse, students and their families taking off to celebrate together before the big grad night party that evening. Buck went home with a promise to meet Albert and Ravi there later.
Buck spent the next few hours at home, throwing together dinner for the family. He often cooked on days when Maddie and Chimney worked. It started out of necessity—Maddie and Chim worked long hours and Buck had to eat, which meant he had to learn to cook, and it only made sense to make enough for everyone if he was going to go to the trouble anyway—and grew into something Buck genuinely enjoyed. He liked feeling like he was contributing, helping their little family unit function in his own small way. The fact that some time in the kitchen always helped quiet Buck’s mind whenever he felt anxious or overwhelmed was just a bonus.
Some time later, Buck was weighing the pros and cons of calling Eddie Diaz to ask if he was going to Lena’s graduation party that night when the oven timer buzzed. He slipped on some oven mitts and was pulling the dish of his special macaroni and cheese out of the oven when he heard the front door open and close, followed by his niece’s giggles and Maddie whispering, “Okay, just be careful!”
Buck smiled to himself while he listened to Jee-Yun’s careful steps down the hallway while he focused on getting the table set for dinner.
“Con- congrat-” Jee huffed, and Buck chuckled at her struggling through the big word. “Congratulations, Uncle Buck!” Buck turned to see Jee standing in the doorway carefully holding a small cake, a huge smile on her face.
“Oh my goodness, is this for me?” Buck exclaimed, crouching down to take the cake out of her hands.
“Yes!” Jee exclaimed, while Buck put the cake on the table. He picked her up next, squeezing her tight and planting a kiss on her cheek. “And mommy has more!”
“She does?” Buck pivoted in time to see Maddie enter the dining room, holding a balloon in the shape of a graduation cap. “Look at that, she does!”
“Congrats, Evan,” Maddie said warmly, crossing the room and wrapping Buck in a tight hug. “I’m really proud of you.”
“Shut up.” Buck shoved away from Maddie, feeling himself blush. He ducked his head, partly to avoid Maddie’s far too sincere gaze and partly to speak to Jee-Yun. “What do you say, Jee, should we have some mac and cheese for dinner?”
“And then cake?”
“Of course,” Buck responded solemnly, sitting Jee down in her chair at the table.
“I'm serious,” Maddie said, making her way to the kitchen. “You didn’t have an easy go of it the last few years. Graduating at all is a huge accomplishment and I’m proud, even if it embarrasses you.”
Buck rolled his eyes and grabbed a handful of silverware to take to the table. His retort was cut off by Chimney arriving home, bringing his own “Congratulations, Buckaroo” and proud smile for Buck.
They all took their seats at the table and, after Maddie toasted Buck’s graduation (and Jee-Yun made everyone clink their glasses together four extra times because it was so fun), tucked into their food.
“So, how was the day?” Maddie asked after a few minutes.
“I don’t know, fine, I guess? A little weird, maybe. Fun? Confusing?” Buck nudged some food around on his plate.
“Sounds about right,” Chim quipped.
“Hopefully you got some good pictures at least. I should call Ravi’s parents and see if they can send me some,” Maddie said. “I could send one to Mom and Dad, I’m sure they’d love that.”
Buck scoffed and Maddie cut him a look. “What, like I’m the bad guy for doubting that they give a shit about graduation?”
“Language, Evan,” Maddie said, eyeing Jee, who was happily digging into a second plate of macaroni, thankfully not paying attention to Buck’s slip-up. “And you know I’m not saying that. Mom and Dad are… complicated, but you know they still care about you.”
“I don’t, actually,” Buck responded. “And besides, I already emailed them a picture. It’s fine, you don’t have to worry about it.”
“Please tell me you were nice.”
“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”
“Evan.”
“Maddie.”
“What did you say to them?”
“That I doubted they cared since they didn’t try to be here or call or anything, but graduation was today, and that my big plan for my future is to do my best not to turn out like them, and I hope they have a good life.”
Maddie pinched the bridge of her nose. “Okay that’s bad but not quite as bad as it could have been.”
“Yeah, remember the eighteenth birthday email incident?” Chim said. “I thought your mom was about to crawl through the phone over that one.”
Buck laughed into his water glass. He knew he should feel guilty for sending his parents emails that pissed them off, not because he felt bad for his parents, but because they always bothered Maddie about it when Buck said something they deemed “out of line” (like, for example, him telling them to go fuck themselves after they didn’t say a word to him on his eighteenth birthday). He did feel bad about that part. Not bad enough to stop antagonizing his parents from time to time, but bad enough to mutter a “sorry, Maddie” before taking his plate to the kitchen sink.
“So,” Maddie said when Buck returned with a knife to cut the cake, “how was Eddie Diaz’s speech?”
Buck dropped the knife and Maddie gave a knowing laugh. “It was– How did you– What?”
“Wait, what am I missing?” Chim asked.
“Nothing,” Buck said.
“Buck has a crush,” Maddie said at the same time.
Buck groaned. “Oh my god, Maddie, shut up.” He served himself a slice of cake and sat back down. “His speech was good, whatever, it’s not a big deal.” Buck picked up his fork and picked at his cake. “I was maybe gonna call him later and see if he was planning on going to the grad party tonight, I don’t know,” he murmured quickly.
“Sounds like a crush to me,” said Chim, taking the cake knife and cutting a piece for himself.
“You’re going to ask him out?” Maddie sounded way too excited.
“Uncle Buck has a boyfriend!” Jee cut in gleefully, waving her fork in the air.
Buck knocked his forehead against the table. “Okay, that’s it, I’m going to my room.” He dropped a kiss to the top of Jee’s head and dodged Maddie’s attempts to drag him back to the table, balancing his plate of cake on his way out of the room. “I’ll help clean up later!” he called over his shoulder, as he grabbed the cordless phone off the receiver and shut his bedroom door behind him.
He set his cake down on his nightstand and dug the school directory out of one of the piles of schoolwork still on his tiny desk in the corner. Buck flipped to the page with the Diazes’ phone number and took a deep breath.
Okay, Buckley, Buck thought. Now or never.
He dialed Eddie’s number and waited.