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To Whom It Will Never Concern | A Shiz Gazette Valentine's Week Special
This special five-part series is part of the Shiz Gazette’s Valentine’s Week Special. An anonymous writer reflects on feelings they definitely DON’T have for a certain dashing royal gentleman on campus.
Follow along and post your thoughts on the Gazette’s Official Shizcord Server (link here).
#1
To the Shirtless Prince of Hallway Loitering,
You’re not that handsome, you know.
People love to exaggerate. They always do. They talk about your smile like it’s some kind of public service, like it… improves the weather, or cures minor ailments. Which is obviously nonsense.
(That is simply not meteorologically possible.)
And you’re just so… loud. Some days you walk into a room and your presence fills up the entire space. I suppose that’s not entirely your fault.
You lean too close when you talk, like personal boundaries are merely a suggestion. You smile at people as if you fully expect them to smile back—and worse, you look genuinely disappointed if they don’t.
You skip through the hallways and dance through the days like you can get by with just a wink and your charm. Your charms aren’t even that good. I should know.
I tell myself this often.
Usually when you’re there, laughing in the hallway, or pretending not to understand the reading even though you very clearly do. I tell myself this when I’m tired, or frustrated, or having a day that feels heavier than it should, and I…
I find myself listening for your voice, without meaning to. Noticing when you’re not around. The hallways are too safe, the library too quiet, the din of the cafeteria is noise, not laughter. I watch the door before I realize I’m waiting for you to walk through it.
Don’t mistake this for admiration or affection. It’s just proximity. Repetition. Familiarity. The unfortunate result of being a creature of routine—and when did you end up being part of that routine? I need to fix that. I’m just saying. Anyone would probably react the same way.
Still, there are moments—small ones—when the world feels a little less sharp when you’re around. When you grin at me like I’m in on a joke I don’t remember agreeing to. When your eyes catch mine and it feels like the whole room stills, just a second longer than it should.
That… well. Again, that doesn’t mean anything.
I suppose it just means some antics are easier to tolerate than others. (Don’t take that as encouragement, please.)
It is just that, on particularly bad days… it does help.
Yours,
Fae
🗞️ The Gazette’s Shizcord Server
🧵#trapped-in-a-thursday-thirst-day
Topic: That Valentine’s Letter About Fiyero That Isn’t About Fiyero (Except It Absolutely Is)
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
NO but seriously has everyone read the Gazette yet
Pfannee the Pfirst 💄:
Wait
YOU MEAN THE VALENTINE’S LETTER???
I’ve never been more invested in print media
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
Ok because. WHO IS “FAE”
Who is she
WHO WROTE THIS??
I AM ACTUALLY LOSING MY MIND
Shenshen 👠:
↪️ Pfannee the Pfirst: PRINT MEDIA IS SO BACK
“To the Shirtless Prince of Hallway Loitering” I nearly spit my latte
Avaric 💸:
bold of the Gazette to publish targeted thirst content before noon
Boq W. 🐸:
idk if this really counts as thirst content
Pfannee 💄:
Ok, but we’re all thinking it right?
It’s about Fiyero.
Boq W. 🐸:
wait. hold on.
do we KNOW it’s about Fiyero?
it could be about literally ANY loud handsome guy who fills up a room and grins at people like sunshine and loiters in hallways shirtless
Avaric 💸:
name one other shirtless royal loitering in hallways. i’ll wait
Pfannee 💄:
↪️ Boq W. 🐸: BOQ.
BE SO FOR REAL RN.
He’s the ONLY royal we know who forgets to button shirts and flirts like a legally binding spell
Shenshen 👠:
the specificity is what’s getting me. “pretending not to understand the reading”????
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
EXACTLY.
That’s not generic flirting.
That’s observed behavior.
Shenshen 👠:
it’s definitely giving insider information
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
I just…
When your eyes catch mine and it feels like the whole room stills, just a second longer than it should.
DOES HE KNOW???
DOES HE KNOW
Boq W. 🐸:
ok but hear me out what if it’s like. performance art. a prank
Avaric 💸:
if this is a prank, i admire their commitment to the bit
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
WHO IS FAE???
Avaric 💸:
wrong question.
who knows him well enough to clock all of this
Boq W. 🐸:
could it be someone in this chat 👀
Pfannee 💄:
do NOT start pointing fingers I am an open book and I would simply say it to his face
Shenshen 👠:
i remember the day you did
he gave you a little cheek kiss and you didn’t want to wash your face for a week
Pfannee 💄:
I was so much younger then
And my dermatologist was very understanding
Avaric 💸:
rude thing to say in front of your boyfriend
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
Can someone please ask Nessa, isn’t she an editor in the paper 👀
Shenshen 👠:
Nessa left the server btw
she said she couldn’t handle the thirst energy
Boq W. 🐸:
↪️ Shenshen 👠: WHAT WHEN??
Shenshen 👠:
idk a while back
i would check w/ Elphaba but i’m pretty sure she’s muted this chat again
Avaric 💸:
tragic. history is happening and she’s ignoring it
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
this is better than the time someone published that anonymous breakup letter and it turned out to be about Professor Greemoline and the Head Librarian
Boq W. 🐸:
ok but real question here is: has fiyero seen it???
Avaric 💸:
last i heard he was shirtlessly loitering at the library again (allegedly)
so 99% likely NO
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
🤭
Well let’s fix that, shall we?
@Fiyero 🔥Babe. check the main page of the Gazette.
Now.
Go.
RIGHT. NOW.
Fiyero 🔥:
???
what did I do
why am I tagged in a thirst trap channel
is this about the Rogue catalogue? I was strapped for pocket money okay!
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
Something might interest you in the Gazette’s front page…
Pfannee 💄:
↪️ Fiyero 🔥: BRB looking up freaking ROGUE CATALOGUE
Shenshen 👠:
↪️ Pfannee 💄: send me whatever you find babes
Fiyero 🔥:
…
…
haha
ok
this is definitely a prank right
Boq W. 🐸:
THAT’S WHAT I SAID
Fiyero 🔥:
I mean. obviously. “shirtless prince of hallway loitering” very funny. classic satire
Avaric 💸:
you are shirtless a lot
Fiyero 🔥:
I RUN HOT OKAY
Shenshen 👠:
wait wait important question
is it true you only pretend not to understand the readings
Fiyero 🔥:
wow ok betrayal in real time
I prefer the term “strategic underperformance”
Pfannee 💄:
UNBELIEVABLE
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
so hypothetically. IF this were real. you wouldn’t hate it
Fiyero 🔥:
hypothetically I would simply be flattered and normal about it
Avaric 💸:
liar
Fiyero 🔥:
ok fine I’d need a minute
uhhhh
brb pacing dramatically in the corridors
Galinda (Mod) 🌟:
GUYS NESSA IS STILL IN THE SERVER
@Nessa 🕯 thoughts??
Nessa 🕯:
Why am I being added here again?
I SAID I DON’T WANT ANY MORE THIRST TRAPS IN MY LIFE.
Milla (Mod) 🗂️:
Hey besties just a reminder you’re in the thirst traps thread not #valentines-chaos pls relocate ❤️
Avaric 💸:
absolutely not
Milla (Mod) 🗂️:
I’ve put you on time out before, Avaric. I can do it again. 😊