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It was a chilly night. Not cold, but cold enough to make sitting on the watch while everyone else is sleeping comfortably next to the fire not the most pleasant experience… At least the sky was very clear and one could see the constellations quite well. I sat on a log nearby the camp, raising my head to watch the starry sky while the gentle wind ruffled my hair. I was thinking about the days when my mother used to take me up on the hill during clear, summer nights and tell me about the stories hidden among the constellations. It was one of her favorite activities. She told me about how once her and father when they were younger got out stargazing and while she was passionately telling him the same stories, he fell asleep, lulled by her voice…

I laughed to myself, recalling those memories and trying to remember my mother’s gentle voice telling me about the stars.

But I completely forgot to watch the camp and beware of any dangers… Well, it seemed like the night was awfully quiet. I twitched my ears, trying to listen for something but it seemed like for now we are completely safe and that I am going to sit there for the next hour or so, doing nothing. Of course I preferred it that way…

I drifted away with my thoughts again, looking at the stars and thinking about those stories hidden among them. And then my thoughts drifted to Bag End once more… Does the sky look the same there or is it cloudy…?

As I wondered, I felt it’s getting colder. I fixed my coat to feel warmer and rubbed my hands together. It was not helping very much and the vision of ending my watch earlier and tucking myself back in my sleeping bag seemed very tempting…

Suddenly I sneezed so loudly that I heard some birds rustling in the nearby tree. Well, waking up some birds would be my least important worry… Because it turned out I have woken up someone from the Company, judging by the sound of someone’s footsteps approaching. After a while I turned my back to see a figure approaching me.

“Go back to sleep, master Baggins. I will replace you and take the watch now.”

Well, it was no one other than Thorin Oakenshield himself, sounding a little sleepy and maybe… annoyed? Oh, I really didn’t want to get in trouble with him!

“Oh, have I woken you up? I’m sorry for being so loud… I was not expecting…”

“Are you fine?” He interrupted me. My tail twitched nervously. Was he worried? About me? “I think Oin should take a look at you in the morning and maybe try to find some herbs for you. You seem sick.”

I only blinked in surprise.

“I’m not! I’m just… A little cold out there…” I muttered. “But not very much. I can finish my watch and you can go back to sleep… We will head out before noon tomorrow, you need to be well rested.”

“So do you. And besides, I don’t want to have a sick hobbit in my company. You should rest, master Baggins.”

I only huffed and felt my ears twitching a bit in irritation. He just thinks I am weak!

“No, I’m fine.”

“That sneeze could be mistaken for a cannon shot,” to my surprise, I hear a somehow amused snort.

“Did you just make a joke?”

He didn’t answer and I didn’t quite see his face in the moonlight. I thought I could see a faint smile on his face. But a smile that was rather indulgent, maybe a bit irritated.

I took a deep breath. I really didn’t want to just go like this and let him take my watch. But I had a better idea…

“So what about a compromise? We’ll stay on the watch together until another person changes us, hm?” I proposed.

“Well, if you are so stubborn… But if you indeed get sick…”

“Don’t worry, really. We hobbits have a very good immune system.”

He didn’t answer and just sat down on a nearby log. I sat next to him but kept my distance.

And so, silence fell among us. A very awkward silence…

And we’ll be sitting like this for the next several dozen minutes here? Ugh, maybe if I sneezed again I would force someone else to wake up and take the watch!

“I would really love to smoke my pipe now,” I muttered, more to myself than him, searching in my pockets for my pipe and tobacco. “Ah, nevermind…” I muttered, realizing I don’t have anything to light it up. Well, we’ve been on the road for quite a while now and it seems like I still can’t get used to all of it. I keep forgetting I’m not in the Shire and I don’t have most of my most essential items on me.

“Is there a problem?” he asked.

A problem? No, but do I want to tell him about that?

“Hm, you see… I don’t know how to light my pipe without matches,” I muttered. “Gandalf could help but now that he’s not here…”

But before I started complaining more, I saw Thorin get up and started collecting some dry grass and small sticks. Then he took some rocks out of his pocket and crouching a bit away from the log, he started striking two rocks together.

“Give it here,” he commanded.

I quickly stuffed some tobacco into my pipe and handed it to him.

He took a small stick and quickly lit my pipe up.

“Here you go, master Baggins,” he said, handing it back to me and quickly putting out the fire with his shoe.

“Oh, thank you! It seems like not only wizards can make fire out in the wild,” I huffed.

“It’s a basic survival skill,” he huffed.

I took a big, good inhale of the smoke and let it out, feeling so much better. Yes, I really needed it after the latest events…! I sat back on the log and smiled to myself, looking up at the starry sky.

“What’s up with master Baggins, hm? You call all the others by their names, even Gandalf,” I muttered, blowing out a small cloud of smoke.”I know, I’m probably much younger than you but… It makes me feel a little strange. Like I’m someone… Well, never mind. I’m not one of you.”

To my surprise, I heard something from him like a laugh.

“Well, it might be just my fault. You’re still considered a stranger and even though so much time has passed, I still follow the rules of royal etiquette.”

“Ah right. I keep forgetting that you are a prince. So shall I call you Prince Thorin?”

“Are you mocking me?” he grunted.

“No, I’m just trying to be fine with you.”

“No one calls me that,” he muttered, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Or maybe master Oakenshield?”

“Whatever is fine with you, I don’t mind. I don’t pay attention to such unimportant trivial things. Maybe you hobbits do.”

“Ah, well, yes. It’s important among us when you start calling someone by their name and by that… considering them a friend. It seems to be different for each family, but for me personally, I need to know them a bit longer of course, but besides, I need to know I can rely on them and invite them for tea or dinner at least once. But that’s just me.”

“So you rely on us?”

“Yes, and well, you were not invited by me, but you had dinner at my house and were kind enough not to leave an absolute mess, so yes, I consider you all friends. And well, you haven’t left me out in the wild for wild beasts to eat me alive so yes, I trust you. To some extent. Well, otherwise I would have been long gone, back in my comfortable armchair in Bag End.”

“You don’t miss your home…?”

I blew out the smoke once more and sighed.

“I do. I think I will never stop missing it. And if someone told me that I’m never coming back, I would be… well, heartbroken. Gandalf didn’t promise me that I will come back, but well, it’s not said that I won’t come back at all.”

“What will you do when you come back?”

“And why are you so curious all of the sudden, master Oakenshield? You are asking many questions.”

“I just want to know if you won’t betray us,” he muttered.

I laughed under my breath and then inhaled the smoke.

“It’s not a shame to admit you are curious. To me it’s a virtue, not a flaw. Well, it depends. But mostly, it’s something good when you show a little interest in another person.”

“Well, I have never met a hobbit before. I don’t know your ways, what you are used to, what your lives look like… I know I might not seem like it, but I want to know a thing or two. It’s good to know who you really have in your company. Well, it might be a thing that Balin would be more likely to say than me… But he pointed it out to me once or twice.”

“What did he point out?”

“That it would be good if I considered you a part of the Company too. That I should treat you equally to others because…”

“Because what?” I asked, looking at him. I saw some mysterious expression on his face.

“Because he thinks that I’m treating you like a tool rather than a companion in our journey.”

“Oh… So that’s why you were so nice to me?”

“Not because of that,” he muttered. “I have my own brain too. Balin doesn’t need to advise me all the time. And sometimes he understands things the wrong way. He doesn’t understand me like some others do.”

“And who understands you the most?”

To my surprise I heard a very bitter laugh from him.

“My sister,” he answered after a longer while.

“You have a sister?” I asked.

“Fíli and Kíli are my sistersons.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

“I promised her that I will do everything for them to come back to her. She won’t forgive me if they die…”

“Oh, I see. You were really close to her?”

“As siblings are. Well, she could really understand me, even when no one else could. But now she’s not here. She’s waiting for us to come back, to reclaim Erebor and for her to come back there and finally settle back in the place where she grew up…”

“Do you have other siblings?”

“And now you’re the one asking questions…”

“Well, yes, like I said, I quite value curiosity… And I want to know more about you. Well, maybe even understand you better.”

He only sighed.

“I had a brother. He fell in battle. And so now there are only us. My sister, her sons and me. No one else from my closest family left alive.”

“I’m sorry. It must be hard to know that so many of those close to you passed away… Well, from what I know so far, you went through a lot. I quite understand now why you are like this.”

I put out my pipe and hid it again in my pocket.

“What am I like?”

“Cold, closed off, distant…”

I looked at him and noticed him frowning.

“You are scared to get attached to anything or anyone because you already lost so much.”

He didn’t answer but I saw a look of surprise on his face.

I got up and stretched my back.

“It’s awfully calm here tonight, ain’t it, eh?” I heard a distant voice of Bofur.

“Ah, it is,” I admit. “You came to change us?”

“Aye,” he said. “But it was your turn on the watch, not Thorin’s. What are you doing here?”

He only got up and gave him a slightly irritated glance.

“I can’t sleep,” he muttered.

“You two had a nice chat, haven’t you? Well, it’s better to keep watch in company… But none of those sleepyheads would sacrifice their precious hours of sleep to stay on the watch with me!” he laughed.

“Did we wake you up?” I asked.

“Nah, not really. Just that bloody sneeze,” he huffed.

I laughed, shaking my head.

“I’m gonna tell Oin to make you some herbal tea or something…” he muttered, patting me on the back. But as soon as he was near enough so Thorin wouldn't hear us, he said to me, whispering “You are damn right about him.”

I didn’t answer.

“Well, let’s go back,” Thorin muttered, heading out to our camp.

“But we will continue this conversation later.”

“No need to,” he grunted.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked, looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“No, I’m just tired,” he sighed.

“Of me?”

“Not quite,” he muttered.

I laughed under my breath. I was not expecting to hear that. Maybe he really needed to talk to someone like this but just didn’t want to admit it?

We came back to the others. It seemed like only Bofur was awakened by me. All of the dwarves were calmly sleeping next to the fire. I got myself into my bedroll, looking at Thorin laying a bit further for me. I really didn’t want to fall asleep just like that. I really wanted to talk to him more. And I felt like he didn’t want to. I only tried to tuck myself in comfortably. I already felt a bit warmer but I felt like falling asleep tonight won’t be easy.

“Good night, Bilbo,” I heard to my own surprise.

“Good… What, come again?” I asked, turning my face to Thorin.

“Good night, master Baggins.”

I huffed under my breath. He could be really annoying if he wanted to!

“I must have heard something wrong. Ah, my ears are not as good as they used to be… Soon, I will be so useless, I will have to use a hearing trumpet like Oin!”

“Oh, shut up already! Go to sleep. You’ll wake up the others… You don’t want to have to deal with sleepy, angry Balin.”

“Balin?”

“Silence.”

I only let out a muffled laugh. I looked up at the stars again. They were so bright, I felt like something about them was a little different. Well, that was a strange night, indeed…

***

We decided to have a meal and then after a short rest to pack everything and head out.

It was close to midday, the sun was high up in the sky and it was pleasantly warm again. 

I watched all the other dwarves. I kept doing it for a while now and even before I noticed before that Thorin is standing out from them. Not because he was different or because they were treating him differently because he was the prince, son of Thrain, son of Thror. Because he wanted to.

Other dwarves were pretty much affectionate with each other, even as friends. Playful nudges, hugs, small gestures… A lot of touch, generally. But Thorin? He always reacted weirdly whenever someone even touched him by accident.

So even now I noticed him sitting on the side, sharpening his knife, probably getting ready to head out and look for some food. And maybe it was me or he seemed to be lost in thoughts and maybe a bit upset? Was he mad at me? I didn’t know, maybe it could be something about last night because after he woke up he hasn’t spoken to me very much.

“Is there something troubling you, lad?” I heard a voice behind me. It turned out it was Balin.

“Hm, no. I'm fine,” I responded, still watching Thorin from a distance.

“I see you are lost in thought,” he noticed.

“Maybe a bit. You know, I was talking to Thorin last night…”

“Ah, really? How unusual.”

“Hm, I know. But it was not easy talking to him…”

“I can imagine. Not only this quest but also other things have been a struggle to him…” he started. “But I’m glad you talked to him. I think deep down, even if he doesn’t want to admit it, he really needs this.”

“Really? Then why is he mad at me now?”

“Is he? I don’t think so. Maybe he just needs some time to think,” he said, looking at Thorin who was just approached by Kíli.

“He thinks a lot and he needs to. I’ve known him since he was little and I’ve noticed that whenever there is something happening, he needs to take a lot of time before he figures out what to do next.”

“But what is happening?” I asked.

Balin laughed softly.

“Well, I think he will tell you when he feels like it. Be patient with him, Bilbo. I think… He is trying to find a friend in you. Well, he never really had many friends except us. But with us… It’s a bit different. And with you it’s different as well.”

“A friend? We, a friend of Thorin Oakenshield?” I asked in surprise.

“Yes! I think a friendship with someone like you would give him a lot!”

“Well, he’s been acting rather strangely around me for some time…”

“I think he’s just figuring out how to approach you properly. And maybe he feels a bit bad for how he treated you in the beginning.”

I didn’t answer, just stared at him in the distance. All of Balin’s words made me feel a bit strange. Some part of me didn’t really believe him, the other felt like this explains a lot. But more than anything I wanted to hear that from Thorin himself. I wanted to know what was on his mind because I know that even someone who knew him for so long can’t really know what’s truly going on in his mind.

“Well, I think some of us are going to look for some food for later. Go with him. Maybe then he would like to talk to him again.”

And so I noticed him heading out of our camp.

“Well, thanks for talking to me, Balin,” I only said and ran towards Thorin.

As soon as he noticed me, he gave me a strange look as if he was surprised that I’m going with him.

“Balin told me to help you. I think I saw some places in the area where there were some mushrooms growing. Maybe we could make a pretty good stew with them.”

“Perhaps. Our food supplies are getting thinner…” he only muttered.

“So I’ve noticed…” I muttered sadly, not even mentioning to him that I needed to limit the number of meals I’ve been having. Each day I dreamt of eating as well as I used to eat back in the Shire… Not to mention the comfort of my own kitchen.

We walked a bit in the silence. I wanted to ask him about something but I just felt like it’s not the right time. Maybe Balin was right and I just needed to give him some time…

After a while of walking, I stopped and noticed something.

“Look, raspberries!” I pointed out a bush a bit further from us. They were a little high, on the edge of the escarpment. It was not extremely high up, but it would be difficult for me to get up there. Well, maybe not impossible…

“Hm, where?” he asked.

“Look, up there,” I said, pointing to the bush with my finger. “Ah, I can’t remember the last time I ate raspberries… My ma’ used to make the best jam out of them,” I smiled warmly on that memory. “Oh, what I’d give for some good raspberry jam…! Or some strawberries… It’s already past June, my strawberries probably no longer have fruit… I wonder if some nosy neighbor kids took and ate them… Well, they probably did. Such great, beautiful fruit left out there to rot? No way, no one would let them get wasted like this…! Thorin, where are you going?” I asked, but it was too late. He was gone and nowhere to be found… I got so lost in my daydreaming that I didn't even notice where he had gone.

“Well, it’s a little rude to just go without a word when someone is talking to you!” I huffed. “Royal etiquette, huh?”

I only grumbled and walked a bit further to look for mushrooms. I didn’t hope to find much since it was only August, but I knew that maybe I would find some early mushrooms if I looked good. It was raining a few days ago so maybe the chances to find any are a bit higher.

But after a few minutes I heard footsteps approaching me. I looked there to see the dwarf walking towards me.

“Thorin!” I exclaimed, seeing his hands covered in juice, holding some cloth in which he hid a bunch of raspberries (considering that it was stained with juice as well…) “You really shouldn’t have…

“Here you go,” he muttered. “Share some with the rest. I’m sure Fíli, Kíli and Ori will be happy to have some as well. Maybe Bombur too, but it’s better not to show them to him until you have some… But you have them first.”

Maybe I was seeing it the wrong way, or he was smiling. Just slightly, but well, maybe genuinely.

“Thank you, it means a lot…” I said, taking the fruit from him and opening the cloth to take one fruit. Some of them were a bit smushed, but they still looked ripe and delicious.

I took one and looked at it a bit. He really went all the way there to pick them just for me? I know he said to give them to others as well but I felt like he only said it so it won’t sound like he did it only for me… Well, I think he knew how much food means for us hobbits… Giving or making food for those you care about is a great thing in our culture and I’m sure I mentioned it a lot… My tail flicked at the memory of my father doing the similar thing for my mom - climbing trees to pick wild apples or cherries for her, going into the forest to pick fresh blackberries for her… I remember he once came back home covered in brambles and blackberry juice because he accidentally tripped and fell into the bush and couldn’t get out for a while… And my mother loved it every time he did it.

But Thorin couldn’t possibly know that such a gesture can be read as romantic for us…!

I took the fruit into my mouth, hoping he didn’t notice how my face got red.

“Is everything fine?” he asked.

“Oh, yes! They are delicious!” I said, taking another one. “Almost as tasty as the ones in the Shire…!”

I forgot about the awkwardness of my last thought and just couldn’t help but to drown in the delightful taste of the fruits. If not for what Thorin said before I would have probably eaten all of them…

“I think I haven’t seen you this excited in a while,” Thotin noticed, smiling.

Oh, that smile. It was so warm, so… Sweet. Yes, Thorin’s smile was sweet like those raspberries. I felt my heart skip a beat. My gaze was stuck on his lips and I just couldn’t look away. Maybe his lips tasted as sweet as those raspberries?

I snapped out of this thought, feeling my cheeks just burning. I probably looked ridiculous! What am I even thinking about?! Bilbo Baggins, you’re an idiot…!

“Are you fine?” he asked. “Your… tail.”

The smile was gone from his face and just then I noticed my tail was lashing from side to side nervously.

“Uhm, it’s fine!” I laughed awkwardly, trying to stop.

It took a while before I calmed down.

“Well, do you want to try some?” I asked, to break the extremely awkward silence.

“Thank you,” he said, stepping a bit closer and taking one of the fruits gently. My eyes wandered again to his lips as he opened them and put the fruit in his mouth. “They are… Tasty,” he muttered.

“Have you ever had raspberries before?” I asked.

“I can’t remember…” he said.

“One more perhaps?” I asked, trying to be nice.

“Thank you. Save them for the others,” he said looking away.

But just then, I noticed something.

“Your hands!”

I noticed a small bleeding. It was not much but probably some thorn was stuck in his finger.

“Let me see,” I said, stretching my hand to his. “Oh, come on. I only want to help you.”

He gave me his hand with hesitation. I took his hand in both mine and I had no idea why but it felt a little strange… In a good way. I started looking at his fingers to spot the thorn.

“Here it is,” I noticed. “There is a thorn. Can I take it out?”

“Do whatever you think is right…” he muttered.

I took a deep breath and tried to grab and pull it as quickly as possible. He didn’t even twitch as I was doing it.

“Here! It should be fine now. You should wash your hands in a stream and it will be fine.”

“Thank you.”

I looked up to Thorin and maybe I saw a hint of blush on his face as our eyes met. And then I noticed I was still holding his hand. For some reason I didn’t want to let go. And he didn’t say anything…

“Well, give me your other hand. Maybe you have a thorn in it too.”

He did as I said. And I looked at his hand again. This time I took some more time doing that.

“It seems fine,” I said. “Just a bit scratched.”

But as soon as he wanted to let go of me, I squeezed his hand lightly.

“Thank you again, Thorin,” I said, looking up to him.

To my surprise, he didn’t say a word. It seemed like he didn’t want to. And for some reason, it upset me. I let go of his hand and stepped a bit away from him. I took the raspberries I put aside on a flat stone and looked at him from under furrowed eyebrows.

“Please, talk to me Thorin,” I said.

He took a deep breath.

“What do you want me to say?” he asked strangely calmly.

“Why are you so nice to me all of the sudden? For the past few days you were doing me favors and worrying about me…”

“I just took Balin’s words to heart,” he muttered.

I was surprised by this answer.

“That’s not what you said last night. You said that you have your own brain and you don’t need his advice.”

“You have a good memory.”

“So what’s the real reason?”

He looked away as I tried to make eye contact with him.

“I don’t know. I just noticed that everyone else started treating you more warmly… They care about you. And I will care about anyone my kin cares about as well.”

I didn’t say anything. I felt like he was hiding something. But well, what suspicious could stand behind such kind behavior? I didn’t want to bother myself with that for now. Maybe I should take Balin’s advice too and just give him time. Maybe he will tell me the reason one day if he wanted to…

And just then we saw Dwalin come back from the nearby trees with a hunted rabbit.

“It seems we’ll finally eat something better… What are you two doing here?”

We both looked at him with surprise. I also noticed that Thorin gave him a completely different look, like just that they were saying something to themselves without words. Something I didn’t understand at all.

“Very well,” Dwalin said, just walking away. “Come back soon or else you will get nothing,” he only said, passing us by.

“What was that?” I asked.

“You see, Dwalin just gets when it’s not his time to speak. Well, some really don’t know that…” he grumbled and I thought he was referring to Kíli or Fíli to whom he spoke to earlier and was upset with what they were saying. “Let’s just go. The others are waiting.”

I only nodded, still feeling a bit confused.

After a while we came back to our camp and started doing our separate things, both of us probably not wanting to talk about anything that happened. I noticed that Fíli and Kíli were sitting with their backs turned to us and didn't even notice us coming back. They sat on both sides of Ori, who was holding his notebook and probably drawing something in it. They were very consumed by watching the younger dwarf drawing. I was a bit further from them but I still could hear them as I helped Bombur prepare the stew. Thorin was further away helping Dwalin with the rabbit he caught.

“Well, I’ve heard from Bofur they had a nice chat last night!” Kíli exclaimed.

“Really?” Ori asked. “It’s unlikely Thorin will just… Chat with anyone like this. Especially him! I even thought he might not like him a lot…”

“Correct,” the older brother nodded. “I think there’s something going on…”

“What exactly?” the other dwarf asked, still scribbling in his notebook.

“Oh you know,” Kíli snorted. “Last night was cold but really beautiful… Perfect for stargazing!” he snorted, giving Fíli a nudge, like he was suggesting something. “Maybe you two…”

“Shut up!” his brother hissed. “So what about that? Do you think they were just chatting and looking at the stars?”

“Maybe even more than that!” the younger one exclaimed. “You know, master Baggins gets cold easily, maybe our uncle lent him his coat…”

Ori giggled.

“I think you read more romance books than me!”

Romance books?!

“Not sure. You just look at these two and you can sense that there’s something going on!”

Ori laughed again and started scribbling a bit more intensively. Their laughs got louder and now probably everyone heard them. Of course the others ignored them but not me…

“Ohh, make them kiss!” Kíli said, with a voice that was supposed to be subdued but I still could hear him.

“Haha, I don’t know if I’m able to capture that…!”

“Eh, I believe in your talent, Ori!” the other brother said, giving the dwarf in the middle a small nudge.

I didn’t really want to believe my ears. I ignored them and went back to doing what I started before.

And then I noticed Thorin approaching them.

“Give that to me, Ori.” he hissed.

“What, why? We were just having a bit of fun!” Fíli protested.

“Right, nothing harmful!” his brother answered.

“Then why are you nervous? I’m not stupid!”

“Oh, come on…!”

“Then if it’s nothing just show this to me!”

But just a moment passed before I heard a sound that could make blood freeze in veins:

“WHAT IN DURIN’S NAME IS THIS?!”

“Artistic expression,” Kíli grumbled stupidly. “I believe…”

“You are mocking me!” Thorin hissed.

“How do you know it’s you?” the other brother asked.

To my surprise, he didn’t answer. He just threw Ori the notebook again.

“I’ve heard you talking,” he growled. “You’re talking nonsense.”

“Well, you see, you never even had any friends, and all of the sudden you’re chit-chatting with master Baggins and doing all those nice things to him…!” Kíli said and the other two looked at him in terror.

“Kíli!” his older brother shouted.

“What?”

Thorin looked at them angrily.

“Only the promise I made for your mother is keeping me now from showing you my anger! I hope I will never hear anything like this from you anymore…!”

“Oh, it’s not that big of a deal, it was just a joke!” Kíli kept talking.

“Joke? Not funny then,” he growled and walked away angrily.

“Well, he really doesn’t know what fun is!” the dark haired dwarf snorted. “Am I right?”

“I think it was a bit too much, Kí…” Ori muttered, hiding his notebook carefully as if he was scared that Thorin would come back, snatch it from him and throw it into the fire.

“Ugh, that was awful!” Fíli hissed. “I think you crossed the line a bit…”

But I couldn’t help but laugh. This was ridiculous! I have no idea what was funnier - the whole situation and the young dwarves’ assumption about the nature of our relationship, Thorin’s reaction or their reaction…!

The three turned around and looked at me immediately.

“Master Baggins?!” Ori shouted, turning all red. He had no idea I was close enough to hear them! “We are terribly sorry… Uhm…”

“No worry, boys! I had a good laugh, really!” I snorted. “Romance books really? All we did last night was talk about… Well, some boring things! Ah, you really do have wild imagination! Can I see the drawing?”

Ori shook his head in embarrassment. Poor lad!

“Well, never mind. I’m not mad at you, just saying.”

Kíli laughed as well.

“You see? It’s only Thorin who can’t get a joke! It’s all about his pride!”

“One day your arrogance will kill you, Kí,” his brother huffed, rolling his eyes.

I only laughed again and shook my head. Good think they haven’t seen us there back in the woods… Oh, they would have a lot to talk about…

I let this thought linger for a bit longer. Me and Thorin? To my own surprise, I felt a strange warmth in my heart… As much as it might have sounded ridiculous, the pure thought of it was strangely pleasant…

***

It was another chilly night and another watch. We walked away from our last camp and after almost all day of walking we were all tired. But someone had to do it and for some reason I couldn’t really sleep so I offered to take a watch. But this time Thorin offered himself to take the watch with me willingly which surprised me.

“Why did you do this?” I asked, sitting down and looking at him, trying to read his face which was almost impossible.

“I think… We have to talk. I was thinking about it all day and now I think we have to talk properly in private.”

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

“I need to apologize,” he said, trying to make eye contact with me.

“For what? You’ve been really helpful and kind and… Well, a bit nicer than usual? I don’t remember the last time you said something that would make me feel… uncomfortable.”

“Well, that’s the case. I used to make you feel uncomfortable. Unwanted even. And… I wanted you to know that you are a part of this Company and that I am sorry for ever making you feel down. It was not only an act not worthy of a leader but also an act not worthy of someone to whom you offered your help. You are doing it all because you want to and I kept treating you absolutely not equally to what you offered to me. Well, to us all.”

I blinked in surprise.

“Apologies accepted. I feel like that’s not the problem anymore. Honestly… I was expecting you to talk about something different.”

“Like what?” he asked, looking genuinely concerned.

Ah, those strange looks on his face! For the past few days I think I haven’t seen such expressions on Thorin’s face. He was embarrassed, surprised… Sometimes even joyous and cheerful. Mostly I used to see him dark and mysterious as a stormy cloud. His face never tells much but now… I felt like I could read him like an open book.

“You are embarrassed,” I noticed. “There’s something you’re too scared to admit…” I said, getting a bit closer to him. I haven’t even noticed when my tail just lightly brushed his ankle and curled around it. Thorin didn’t even move.

“I think… There are some things that need to remain unsaid for now…” he started, trying to keep eye contact with me. “Please, there is no need to worry, really. If you think I’m mad at you or hold any sort of those feelings towards you… You are wrong.”

“Than what are you feeling then?” I asked.

Oh, I wanted to be closer to him. I wanted him to tell me everything. But why is that? Why did I suddenly feel like this, why I felt excitement rise in me, my heart beat faster when his dark, raven hair was glistening in the moonlight and his silvery-blue eyes were looking at me so gently? Why all it took for me to feel like this was just some small gestures, just a few words to feel like this…?

What was this feeling then? Maybe I was too scared to admit something myself?

“I think you will know,” he said to my surprise. “When the time will be right, you will just know.”

I blinked in surprise. This sounded like a riddle. But I only sighed and let my tail of his ankle. Instead I curled it around my own legs.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been putting too much pressure on you.”

“No, I understand. I would also be concerned…”

Silence felt among us for a longer while. But for some reason it didn’t feel uncomfortable. Maybe we both agreed that this is what we need for now.

But after a while I finally spoke, remembering something:

“I will write down our adventures.”

“What?” he asked in surprise.

“That’s what I’ll do when I come back,” I said, smiling slightly. “You asked me that last time we stayed on the watch together and I haven’t answered.”

“Well, you have a good memory. But is that all you will do?”

“You see, I don’t have many plans. What can I do with all that gold? Nothing, really. I don’t care about the treasure.”

“Then why are you helping us?”

“Because you needed a burglar,” I muttered. “And because a wizard promised me an adventure I dreamt of when I was little…!”

Thorin only snorted and shook his head.

“Hm, simple desires are maybe the best ones,” he said, looking somewhere far away. “Sometimes our desires become burdens.”

Was he speaking about the whole mission of reclaiming Erebor? I didn’t want to ask.

“Maybe they are easier to carry when you have someone to help?”

He looked at me and smiled again. The smile that was both soft and sad at the same time.

But then he just stood up and sighed. I raised my eyebrows. Did he want to go already?

“I asked Fíli to change me when I am done talking with you,” he said, getting up.

“What?”

“Like I said, I only wanted to tell you something…”

“Well, I thought you wanted to stay with me a bit longer…” I said, not hiding my disappointment. “Well, I planned to tell you some stories about the stars my mother used to tell me!”

Thorin only laughed under his breath, to my surprise.

“I think there will be another time for this. And besides, he wanted to ask you about something. Perhaps he wants to apologize.”

I snorted, remembering what happened in the afternoon. I wanted to make some comment about it but I thought that it’s better for now to just not to mention this around Thorin.

“That’s strange. But… I want you to know that you don’t need to be like that around me. You can trust me.”

He only smiled faintly.

“Well, thank you for saying this, Bilbo.”

And just like that he turned around and went back to the others, probably to wake up Fíli.

“You are a mystery, Thorin…” I only muttered, watching him go.

He was like a riddle I really wanted to know an answer to. But I knew it would not be easy to figure him out. It will take more time than I expected. Well, maybe the process itself would be the interesting part. I was almost sure that Gandalf once told me that travel is the best part of the quest and not the treasure… 

Oh what a treasure would that be if Thorin Oakenshield decided to finally show me the mysteries of his heart!