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Stiles lets his eyes flutter shut as Jackson kisses him. He feels like he could spend hours kissing Jackson. Stiles groans softly against Jackson’s lips, moving his legs to wrap around Jackson loosely, wanting to feel Jackson's weight on top of him. They are on Jackson's bed since Jackson's parents are out of town for a wedding and they have the house for the whole weekend. Besides, they just finished a week full of exams and they are on a celebration mood.
They are both shirtless. Jackson draws Stiles’s lower lip into his mouth and sucks it, before biting down gently, groaning in the back of his throat. Gasping, he pulls back to leave a trail of kisses from Stiles's collarbone to his shoulder as Jackson's left hand expertly unbuttons Stiles's jeans in order to slide his hand into his briefs. Stiles moans, fingers running through Jackson's hair as he tilts his head to the side in submission. "Jackson," Stiles whimpers when he feels Jackson's hand wrapping around his length.
Stiles's back arches, blunt nails dragging across Jackson’s back. "Fuck, I wanted to ask you something," Stiles mumbles between kisses.
"Now?" Jackson murmurs before biting Stiles's bottom lip again, hoping to shut him up.
“Yeah,” Stiles says, breathing deeply. He knows that if he waits, later it might be too late.
"I'm sure it can wait." Jackson pants, before plunging his tongue back into Stiles's mouth.
Stiles groans, fingers twisting into Jackson’s hair as he raises his hips into Jackson's hand.
"You think..." Stiles hesitates, "I mean," Stiles mumbles again. "I was thinking... that maybe I could be inside you tonight? What do you think?"
That obviously catches Jackson's attention because he stops kissing his neck and seconds later he removes his hand from Stiles's briefs. It's not like Stiles to be uncertain or shy about sex, so it takes Jackson by surprise. He looks at Stiles but doesn't say anything which only makes Stiles uneasy.
"I mean... we don't have to, okay? I'm perfectly happy with how things are, which I'm sure you know, right? I have no complaints--" Stiles says.
"You want to fuck me?" Jackson interrupts Stiles's rambling, leaned up on his right elbow.
Jackson's expression and voice is unreadable and Stiles doesn't know what to think. He hates that Jackson is so good at that.
"Yeah. Is that a possibility?" Stiles frowns uncertain.
Jackson snorts and shakes his head. Stiles's heart is beating faster which means he's nervous and maybe even regretting having said anything... which is kind of messed up because Jackson trusted him to be honest with him.
"How long have you been thinking about it?" Jackson frowns, sitting cross-legged.
Stiles bites his lip. "I'd rather not say."
Jackson rolls his eyes dramatically. "What the fuck?" Jackson raises his eyebrows. "That is ridiculous. You should have said something."
"Things were so good." Stiles straights up, leaning against the headboard. "I didn't want to fuck it up... y'know..."
Jackson licks his lips. "Look. That's..." stupid. Jackson tries to gather his thoughts and say how he feels but he has a feeling that it's not going to come out right. He's kind of pissed but Stiles is nervous and he doesn't want to make it worse.
"I thought you trusted me." Jackson frowns.
"I do. Shit." Stiles sighs. "I'm new at this, okay? Besides, I'm telling you now, right?" Stiles says, waving his arms.
"That's an excuse and you know it," Jackson says. Stiles has never been afraid to say what he wants, that is, except that time when he was afraid to tell him he liked him... but somehow that doesn't really count because Jackson didn't do much better.
"Why are you making such a big thing out of this?" Stiles asks. "It's stupid. Why can't you just answer me?"
"Because I fucking know you." Jackson knows perfectly well by now how Stiles thinks. "The truth is you were afraid to ask me. What I don't know is why you were afraid and that pisses me off."
"I wasn't afraid," Stiles tries to sound as convincing as he can manage.
"I know you're lying, so don't bother," Jackson says, crossing his arms.
"Sorry agent Whittemore, but your lying detector machine must be malfunctioning because I'm not lying to you. Besides, why do you care? It's not that important."
Jackson pinches the bridge of his nose. He thought his relationship with Stiles was different from his relationship with Lydia. He thought Stiles actually trusted him completely. Maybe Jackson hasn't told him everything about him but he's been more honest with him than he's ever been with anyone and somehow he expected the same.
"It's not about the sex, okay? I don't give a fuck about that."
"Then, what are you saying?" Stiles asks confused.
"What am I saying?" Jackson waves his right arm. "Stiles, I'm not stupid. It's not the first time you do this. I know it isn't. You say I'm your boyfriend... You say you trust me... but when you need some advice or any help, who do you ask? You don't think you can talk to me about certain stuff. You don't feel like I'll understand it because I'm this selfish asshole. And you didn't tell me you wanted to fuck me because you didn't feel comfortable... Like... What? You thought I'd flip out, or something?"
"Hey, that is not fair. Scott is my best friend. I've known him all my life. The same way you've known Danny. I'm sure there's stuff you tell Danny that you don't tell me and that's okay with me. I get it, okay? It's true that there are certain things I'd rather tell Scott, but shit, you have to get over these insecurities of yours or this is not going to work out."
Stiles shakes his head, waving his right arm. "I fucking trust you, Jackson... I wouldn't let a werewolf fuck me senseless if I didn't, don't you think?"
"That has nothing to do with what I'm saying. You know I'd never hurt you."
"Yeah, the same way I don't think you're a selfish asshole or I wouldn't be here with you right now."
"I thought we were past this." Jackson shakes his head.
Stiles snorts. "I'm not an expert in relationships because this is my first relationship... at least the first one which is not completely imaginary..."
Jackson can't stop the small smile as he rolls his eyes.
"But I thought we were doing really well. I know four months is not like what you had with Lydia but I thought you were happy... I mean, I'm happy. I like spending time with you... and the sex is acceptable..." Stiles smirks. "So... I think it's you who has the problem. I think it's you who doesn't trust me. Maybe you think I'm going to break up with you like Lydia did, which, by the way, it's kind of insane."
"She didn't break up with me." Jackson says defensively.
"That's not what I heard..." Stiles says.
"It was mutual. It was a mutual break-up. And this has nothing to do with her. And you're wrong, I'm not afraid, okay? If you want to break up with me, just do it. Go ahead. I'll get over it."
That hurts Stiles for a moment but he knows better than to let anything Jackson says in that state get to him. "You're full of shit. I never said I wanted to break up with you! I fucking like you, although when you get like this I'm not so sure why anymore."
Jackson doesn't say anything so Stiles continues. "Fuck, Jackson, why are we even arguing? I thought we were going to celebrate."
"Shit." Jackson is not even sure anymore... maybe Stiles is right. Maybe his insecurities got the best of him. After all, that played a part in his break up with Lydia. He needed some time to admit it but he knows it's true and he's not changed that much since then.
"Maybe... I mean, maybe I exaggerated..." Jackson admits.
"I think the word you're looking for is overreacted." Stiles says.
"Whatever."
Stiles moves closer to Jackson, sitting cross-legged too in front of him.
"Jackson, I do trust you, okay?" Stiles repeats because he knows he needs to reassure him even though he suspects that this is likely to happen again. "Can we just move on from this? Let's not waste tonight..." Stiles rests his right hand on Jackson's shoulder, squeezing lightly.
Stiles knows that physical contact always calms Jackson's wolf down and it can only help.
"Okay," Jackson says simply. He never wanted to argue in the first place.
"Good." Stiles smiles. "So..." Stiles licks his lips. "What's your answer?"
"My answer?" Jackson snorts. Of course, it makes total sense that Stiles is obviously unsure but it just shows that he doesn't know Jackson as well as he thinks.
Jackson is quiet, but he nods. “Yeah. Of course, why not? I'm all for it," Jackson says in the most nonchalant way he can manage.
Stiles smiles but doesn't say anything.
"But there's something you should know," Jackson continues. "Something I haven't told you."
"You realize that you just accused me of trusting issues, right?" Stiles smirks.
"It's not like that." Jackson shakes his head. "I haven't told anybody. Only Deaton knows."
That certainly piques Stiles's curiosity. Deaton isn't part of the pack and he's not Jackson's friend either.
"I didn't tell you because... well, I didn't think it was relevant." At least that is what he told himself. "And I didn't know if you and I..." Jackson hesitates. "Y'know, if this would go anywhere."
"What are you talking about?" Stiles says, raising his eyebrows.
"Just, let me talk, okay? This isn't easy." Jackson gets up. Somehow being on his feet, avoiding Stiles's curious gaze, makes it easier to gather his thoughts.
"Okay, yeah... go on. I'll shut up," Stiles says.
Jackson sighs. Whenever he thought about this situation he knew it would be complicated and now that he's actually trying to explain it, he doesn't know where to start exactly. Maybe a direct approach is the best option in this case. He just hopes that Stiles will take it as he usually takes all the supernatural stuff.
"So, after the whole kanima nightmare, I turned, obviously, you know that. But after that happened, I was not feeling like myself for a while... and it wasn't because I was a werewolf since I was adjusting just fine, y'know... but I still felt out of tune with my body. I was having weird mood changes all the time too... I don't even know how to explain it except that I felt like something was wrong with me. I started to get paranoid... I skipped school and avoided Lydia and pretty much everybody else."
"The truth is I was imagining all kinds of scenarios." Jackson continues, taking small steps in front of his bed. "I didn't know what to think anymore. So, I talked to Derek and he sent me to talk to Deaton. He took different tests and he figured it out. Because of the kanima fiasco, when I turned, there was some unusual mutation... Deaton said it's rare but it obviously happens. So, yeah, my body changed... I became a werewolf but that's not everything. The fact is..." Jackson hesitates before meeting Stiles's gaze again. "That I can also get pregnant. And believe me, it's not easy to say it because I know how fucking weird that sounds... but it's the truth. And obviously I'm trusting you not to tell anybody. Not to Scott, not to Lydia... It's nobody's business."
Stiles is looking at him in that way he does when he's not sure what to say.
"Are you serious? You can get pregnant?" Stiles asks after a minute, raising his eyebrows.
"You think I'd be joking about this?" Jackson frowns, waving his right arm.
"I... I'm not..." Stiles stutters. "No. I don't think so. I just... it's like" Stiles stutters again. "I wasn't expecting you to say that. You surprised me, okay?" And that doesn't happen very often anymore. "I had no idea you went through all that. Are you okay now? I mean, you seem okay. I've never noticed anything..." Which probably is a really silly thing to say because what was he supposed to notice? Jackson is a guy in great shape, nothing has changed... that is, nothing that he can see.
"I'm perfectly fine. Deaton gave me some medication but it was mostly my body adjusting... it wasn't like a permanent thing. It just took some time, that's all," Jackson says.
Jackson bites his lip. "You're weirded out." It's a statement, not a question. "That's also why I didn't tell you," Jackson admits. "I mean, what I said is true... I had no way of knowing if we would work, but also, I didn't want you freaking out over this shit."
"That's not true. I'm not weirded out or freaking out for that matter. Do I look like I'm freaking out to you? Because I'm not. This is not my freaking out face in case you don't know. I just... Fuck." Stiles runs his right hand through his head. "I guess I'm freaking shocked. Which I know is not what you need right now." Stiles licks his lips. "I'm sorry. I guess I still need to process this."
That's kind of what Jackson expected. If he was in Stiles's place he's not sure how he would have reacted.
"I was also afraid that it would change something between us." Jackson says. If he's going to be honest, he might as well admit everything that went through his mind.
"You thought I'd break up with you if you told me? That I wouldn't be attracted to you anymore?" Stiles frowns. Because that's really fucked up but coming from Jackson with his abandonment and self-esteem issues, it actually makes a lot of sense.
"I... I didn't know what to think." Jackson shrugs, looking away from Stiles.
Stiles can only imagine how hard it was for Jackson to admit that.
"Well, then clearly you don't know me as well as you think," Stiles says.
"What would you have done? Be honest, Stiles, would you have told me? Because I don't think so," Jackson says, crossing his arms.
Stiles is speechless for a moment because of course, now that he thinks about it, he most probably wouldn't have told him right away and he has to admit that.
"You're right. I guess I wouldn't have have at first," Stiles concedes. "But I would have eventually."
"Exactly." Jackson nods, waving his right arm. "And I'm telling you now. Obviously, it would be irresponsible and stupid not to tell you if I'm letting you fuck me, because you're not getting anywhere near my ass without a condom, okay? I sure as hell have no wish to become a father and I don't think you do either."
Stiles snorts. "Me? A father?" Stiles raises his eyebrows. "No, thank you. I'm not that good with kids either." Not to mention that he's still in high school and he can't support himself. "Although I think that you'd make pretty blue-eyed babies..." Stiles grins.
"Don't even joke about it, okay? And please, don't ever remind me. Let's just not talk about it again." Jackson tries to forget about it and when he was with Lydia, he never thought he'd actually have to give it any thought. It was more simple than it is now.
"So, if you're still interested..." Jackson climbs back onto the bed again, moving closer to Stiles until he kisses his lips softly. "Grab a condom from the first drawer," Jackson says, pointing to the bedside table behind Stiles.
"Are you kidding me?" Stiles smiles, moving to slide into Jackson's lap to straddle him, resting his arms on Jackson's shoulders. "Nothing you said to me could ever make me not interested." Stiles says, before he leans close and kisses Jackson on the lips.
Jackson grins against Stiles’s lips, moving a hand to cup around the back of Stiles’s neck as he deepens the kiss.
Stiles knows it's going to be Jackson's first time and, even if they won't mention it, that answer speaks louder than anything else Jackson can say to him. It's Jackson saying he trusts him more than he's ever trusted anyone. It's them getting even closer than they were before.