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the first thing that comes to phil’s mind when he kisses dan for the first time, the whole help-i’m-kissing-the-most-beautiful-boy-i’ve-ever-met shtick aside,
is oh, lip balm.
they’re in his room, in an odd position on his rather small bed for two too-tall-for-their-own-good boys— both half laying down, half sitting with their backs against the wall, and phil rests his head on dan’s shoulder. it feels natural when it happens: dan’s arm wraps around phil’s neck and they stare in each other’s eyes as if seeking permission for the ghost of a kiss on the lips, only for phil to impatiently raise his face so to chase another and making dan chuckle.
they kiss and phil can taste his mouth and his tongue as if it was phil’s first time ever kissing somebody— it wasn’t, but it was the first between the two and the others before didn’t matter that much anyway— and, well, the lip balm that dan applied a minute before. nothing special about it, just a regular one. it sticks with him, but as fast as it downs on him, dan’s other hand tentatively holds his face and he gets lost in the moment.
and from then on, that’s all phil can taste whenever they kiss: the candies they’ve been sharing on his tongue in the midst of something that is uniquely dan, and… and lip balm. he bites dan’s mouth every time he gets the chance so to make sure he can taste it again, but also because it’s cute when dan’s lips are swollen and red. phil comments on it, and he gets a playful smack on the arm as a reply.
of course kissing dan is one of his favorite activities, among all the other fun things they’ve been doing together whenever they’re bored and horny— but whenever the lip balm is there, it actually gives a weird mental squeeze in phil’s cymbal-banging monkey toy brain. it seems like it doesn’t matter how many years pass by, phil is always going to go back on reminiscing about it.
this aspect changes ever so slightly once they move in together… not that it is a small change considering everything involved, but it becomes a challenge, as phil suddenly realizes, to focus on doing stuff when he has dan fucking howell available at all times. and it gradually becomes a problem, especially when dan, because he is so pretty it’s annoying, comes home with a shit-eating grin... and his lips colored with a soft pink that could be mistaken by a trick of the light.
“what? can’t a man enjoy his slightly pink lip balm?” is what dan replies when phil asks him and…
and, well, fair enough i guess?
he can’t think of a proper answer besides
kissing him…
and again… and again…
and once they stop, dan barks a breathy laugh when he looks at him. “now you’re kinda pink too, lester.”
how could phil possibly resist, really?
how could he deny him anything?
this becomes a thing soon enough. they’ve never really talked explicitly about phil’s oral fixation, especially when talking about fucking lip balm. but for phil somehow it feels like the invention of colorful lip balm was a personal attack on him, for how obvious and easily it pushes his buttons.
pink, purple, red, even dark orange,
but all of them are always very soft on dan’s lips, never too flashy. not like phil is complaining: far from him to complain about his probably-boyfriend-question-mark wearing lip balm! on the contrary, phil is certain that if he wore colorful lip balms on a daily basis outside…
well, let’s just say that there would be a problem in phil’s pants for sure. or, in the worst case scenario, they could be arrested for public indecency.
all of it culminates in some random wednesday, when he is editing a video and he hears dan calling him, “hey bub…” out of the blue.
it makes phil nearly jump out of his skin. “oh my god, don’t do that!”
“my bad,” the half-assed apology comes, and phil turns around to see dan with one of the most devious smiles phil has ever witnessed adorning his face, but... “do you think you can give me a little hand here?”
“um,” phil says very intelligently. “what is it?”
“i need you to test it,” and he points to his mouth general area in a circle movement, as if phil hasn’t noticed already how reddish it is, being transfixed by the sight. (and as if dan hasn’t noticed that phil has noticed and has been transfixed by the sight... but that can be dissected some other time.)
“i don’t really know what you mean though,” phil answers, approaching the other slowly. then, like a lightning bolt, he notices how shiny dan’s lips are at that moment. is it a trick of the light? he doesn’t feel very sure of himself or where to place his sweaty hands. why are his knees suddenly so weak? “why?”
“oh, you know, not a big deal,” dan approaches him, jerking his hips slightly, and this acknowledgement goes straight to phil’s groin, “it’s just that i need you and your pretty little mouth to test my brand new plump gloss.” with one hand, he waves a bottle of the red plump gloss in front of his face.
“um,” phil repeats, feeling his brain short-circuiting. he is very aware of his glasses, on the bridge of his nose, slipping in slow motion. phil pushes them back into place. why are your lips so puffy and shiny?
dan grins, which makes him realize he has actually asked it out loud. “exactly what the plump gloss does, bub. it’s a bit translucent, but...”
“they look so swollen, like you were making out with a cactus,” he comments, looking more closely, a ghost of a touch with his thumb on the other’s bottom lip, then maxilar and cheek. “you weren’t cheating on me with a cactus, were you?”
“you’re a cactus,” dan is quick to fire back, making a face. “idiot.”
instead of answering something really outrageous and obnoxious that would make dan groan, like his sexual preference on their house plants, he hears himself asking, “is it hot in here or is it just me acting like a bloody teenager?”
the chuckle that leaves dan’s mouth is dark, and it makes more desire build up in phil’s chest and groin. “ha, i knew it! I fucking knew it— the effect i have on your stinky, filthy rat brain…”
“you’re a rat,” phil replies too fast, trying his best to suppress the wish to whimper, but it only makes dan grin more.
“you wanna kiss me or you want a formal invitation—” he doesn’t even have the time to finish the sentence as phil kisses him, smiling as he is pushed towards the corridor. dan pushes phil back, chuckling softly. “don’t you dare pushing me all the way to the bedroom, mister. it’s a long way and i am too young to die out of a domestic incident.” and he feels dan pulling him by his hand.
“that’d be such a dumb way to die, though,” phil simply answers with a giggle, letting the other take him to what it feels like his downfall.
speaking of downfall, phil’s back hit the soft covers on their bed, dan already on top of him and kissing every part of phil’s body he can reach.
“why is my mouth tingling? what have you done to me?!” phil half jokes, placing the tip of his fingers on his own lips.
he hears dan soft giggle on his neck. “that, my dear phil lester, is the effect of plump gloss. remember?”
“oh.” phil gets his face closer to dan again. “i think i need to collect more of it.”
dan’s mouth hovers his, making him shiver. “yeah?”
“yeah. you know. research.”
“riiiight. research.” dan chuckles again, and he feels his breath softly brushing his face. their noses touch slightly, making phil go cross-eyed for a second. “good thing i love being a subject for any strange experiment you might want to submit myself to.”
“only way of getting your sub self out,” his lips curl ever-so slightly with his own joke.
this results in a lot of plump gloss over his neck and nipples, which tingles a little all over, and a couple of hickeys on his thighs. the experiment, therefore, is a success in phil’s cymbal-banging monkey toy brain repertoire to jerk off in the shower, though dan complains about how much of plump gloss they wore and therefore almost ended it.
"i'll buy you more," phil shouts when he hears dan's complaints, to which he hears the reply, "no you won't!"
jerk off material ranking charts of the week
(brought to you by phil lester)
#1 chili pepper plump gloss (NEW!)
#2 sister daniel 🔽 (-1)
#3 bear femboy combo dan 🔽 (-1)
#4 catboy dan ⏬ (-2)
things don’t escalate further for a while in this regard; with the podcast planning and everything involved, there is not so much space for creativity. that is, until one day, when phil is in the kitchen getting some snacks, and dan arrives with a weird look in his eye, holding a bag forcefully…
but it looks so small. it can’t be that heavy, can it?
“phil, i did something impulsive,” he starts a little too fast, almost sheepish, his shoulders making a movement as to shrink himself a little from his tall frame.
“why do you sound like you stole a pack of cigarettes from your parents or something? one of my friends in school once did that,” phil comments with a smile, putting the snacks on the kitchen counter.
dan, instead of snickering or chiding like usual, only stares at him. “i, um,” he gesticulates to his bag and offers it to phil. “i think maybe it was stupid to purchase these...”
“what is it?” dan only shrugs, not meeting his eyes, and phil has no choice but to open it.
he finds three lipsticks. a bright red one, a purple one, and a dark pink one, which… well. surely dark tones is dan’s theme, and phil shouldn’t act so surprised. still, his heart skip a beat, then another, and it’s like he’s been running a fucking marathon all of a sudden.
“i got curious,” dan says, trying to be nonchalant about it, which brings phil from horny land and back to planet earth.
“hey, these are nice,” he replies, looking at them closely. “is this mac, trademark?”
“yeah,” dan goes blankly. “trademark?”
“isn’t this like, a fancy one? my mom has some too,” and a memory of her and his sister-in-law talking about brands takes place in his mind, making him smile.
dan stares at him. “people told me it’s good.” after a beat, he asks, “this isn’t too weird, is it?”
phil frowns, staring back. “no…? why would it be?”
“well i don’t fucking know, you tell me.”
“dan, i think we’ve done much weirder shit in the past few years,” he comments, finally making dan chuckle a little bit. phil puts the lipsticks back in the bag. “i think this was a great idea, actually, and you should put them on.” he offers the bag back.
“i’m sure you don’t mean it like all of them at once,” dan deadpans, taking it with a playful look in his eyes.
“hey, that would be fun!”
“for fucking who?”
“me! trying to take it off with my mighty lips!”
“oh my god, shut up,” and dan leaves the kitchen shortly after that, and it all seems so cartoonish it makes phil laugh a bit.
he is noshing some candies, leaning against the counter when dan comes back, wearing the dark pink lipstick. the sight makes phil drop some candies on the floor. “uh,” he mutters.
dan snickers. “your reaction is never gonna get old,” and he looks at the candies on the floor. “how many weeks are you gonna take to clean that?”
“many,” phil replies, though he is not really paying attention to their usual domestic banting. he gets closer to the other, staring directly to his dark pink lips…
it is a blurred moment for phil when they start kissing to be honest, but he is pressing against dan, who is leaning against the counter, a mess of hands and legs. dan suddenly jerks his head and hits the open cupboard. “ow!”
phil starts giggling, “are you okay?”
“yeah,” he pouts, “but i’d be much better if you learned how to fucking close the cupboards!”
“got a busy mind! that’s all!”
dan rolls his eyes, “busy with what?” phil tries to find his words, but is unable to, and the other just laughs, “yeah, crickets for that.”
“okay, distraction technique!!” and phil pulls him from the counter, taking his hand and heading towards the living room. he hears dan snort but lets himself be pulled anyway.
the pink lipstick, phil is quick to find out, never leaves dan’s lips entirely, but it sure does color his own, along with other parts of his body.
jerk off material ranking charts of the week
(brought to you by phil lester)
#1 pink lipstick (NEW!)
#2 chili pepper plump gloss 🔽 (-1)
#3 sister daniel 🔽 (-1)
#4 bear femboy combo dan 🔽 (-1)
in a random thursday, a podcast recording day, dan appears with a smile that phil categorizes as a 6 in the chaos gremlin dan scale. then phil realizes he has the red lipstick in hand and, in an almost theatrical way, pulls out a small mirror and applies the lipstick. none of them say absolutely nothing of it, not even when dan invades his personal space and kisses his right cheek generously— they just start laughing.
“i don’t wanna know how you’re explaining this shit,” dan comments.
“i don’t need to,” phil replies happily. “i think saying that my wife kissed me before i left for work is a pretty good summary of what just happened.”
dan makes a face. “are you assigning me as the wife of this relationship?! as if being assigned a fucking bottom by tumblr wasn’t enough suffering…!”
phil laughs. “no, it’s just in this specific dynamic! i love being a wife to my beloved husband!”
he narrows his eyes and kisses phil again, this time on the lips. “you fucking better, loser.”