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Eridan Ampora has a problem.
Well, no, to be exact, Eridan Ampora has many problems. Examples ranging from his inability to be a pleasant person to his raging paranoia. But his current major problem lay in the fact he was being bullied by his ship.
He knew how insane his accusations would sound, and that’s why he couldn’t share his suspicions. Everyone would laugh at his insanity, and he didn’t trust any members of his cohorts anyway. That’s what it means to be an adult seadweller, to be surrendered by sharks.
It all started half a sweep ago.
Eridan had been on the Vanquislaughter for a few perigees now. Fresh out of the academy, he and a bunch of his most talented classmates had been sent to shadow an old violetblood captain, the final necessary step needed before getting assigned their position. All of them had received the highest honors in their grades and were sure, unless any major issues of buffoonery or death, to get entitled to the captaincy of a fleet. The only thing that was left to fight for was the prestige of their respective mission.
And there is no violetblood that wouldn’t fight to get the best outcome.
So, as Eridan was trying to prove himself to their ruthless mentor, he had to struggle with the ramifications of spending his time strategizing and plotting against his own comrades.
It wasn’t anything new, but it was getting tiring.
And that’s when it started happening. Little things at first, and not just to him. The comms would glitch out regularly, doors would open and close randomly, trapping people, … It didn’t seem to happen around the captain, who only investigated when enough of Eridan’s classmates started complaining about it, and their mentor assured them it would get resolved fast, just a bug in the new system, he said.
It did get resolved. For everyone but Eridan.
He felt insane, as everyone was gladly skipping around, happy about the end of the bugs, while his computer was still acting insane, deleting whatever he wanted to save, freezing up whenever he was doing something urgent.
The worst was that it always seemed to get resolved by the time he called someone over. It made him look insane and incompetent. He tried to explain to the goldblood technician he called in a panic that, yes, turning the husktop on and off was impossible, that the button wasn't working at the time, and it was weird that when she tried it worked perfectly. After the twelfth call in a week, he could see it in her eyes that she thought he was a moron, which only prompted him to grow more irritated.
He became angry and more paranoid, snarling insults at every piece of equipment he came across as a warning.he wondered if he has been cursed for his mistakes by having the first spaceship he has some responsibility for turning against him.
It became worse and worse, from the water temperature setting to boiling hot as he showered, alarms waking him up at random hours or neglecting to wake him on time, his automatic signature on his official messages turning from Lieutenant Eridan Ampora to Lieutenant Fuckface Bulgesucker, were amongst other examples on the long list of annoying things going wrong in his routine that is driving him insane.
The final straw, the one that made him realize this wasn’t some curse, but bullying instead, was when he spent an entire week working on a presentation for his captain. A brilliant example of careful planning and strategizing, only to discover that the entire project had been replaced by screenshots of his late-night searches. Thankfully, he had been saved by his quick reflexes and a second save he didn’t remember doing, letting him avoid making a fool of himself.
But now that Eridan knew someone was out to get him, he planned to handle the problem. He had been trying his best to avoid issues since his Ascension, but if someone wanted to fuck with him, he would make them regret that idea.
As soon as he could discover who was responsible.
Snooping around for information wasn’t hard, the problem being that this kind of attitude wasn’t his enemy's style. Most lowbloods technicians of the ship hated him, but they didn’t survive Alternia by acting reckless, and highbloods wouldn’t bother with petty bullying, when trying to murder him would be way more efficient. This harassment was… plain weird. And too constant. Who had the time to be tormenting him ? Didn’t they have a job to do ?
Eridan started exploring different ideas, crazy theories, when he finally thought of the only thing that made sense.
He had not looked into the bugs taking over the ship, but instead, after asking around and looking through logs, the seadweller had managed to discover the cause of all his troubles.
A new helmsman who had came on board half a sweep ago.
The job always made Eridan curious. They was so little information on them at the academy, the process of their creation to the complexity of their installation was a well-kept secret that the Empire wasn’t willing to share, knowing how useful this technology has been to expand Her control across galaxies and how bad it could turn out to be, if that technology fell in the wrong hands.
And knowing that his captain would only accept the best of the best on his ship…
Eridan really wanted to see what a good helmsman looked like.
Convincing the engineers in charge to let him in the helmsman’s block was way harder than he anticipated, all indigos with a hard-on for keeping classified information secure and a fear of being traitors to the Empire. Eridan had to spend some time making them remember that, as a seadweller, he was the Empire, thank you very much, and that he would have no qualms in creating problems for whoever refused to honor his requests.
As the engineer opened the door for him, Eridan’s head was filled with the little information he was able to learn about this place. Remembering the blueprints detailing the small block, hidden deep in the belly of the ship, the many lines of electricity flowing from this one room to power up the entire ship. He knew the logistics of this place and the staff necessary to keep the helmsman in shape for as long as possible.
But nothing prepared him for what the room actually looked like.
Eyes raking over the space, Eridan was baffled at the mess, wirings adorning the walls in chaotic arrangements, lights blinking and screens full of technical data buzzing near each machine.
The blueblood engineer next to him was babbling a report Eridan didn’t care about when his gaze was caught by what he came here for.
He had expected something… different, for such an important component of the ship. But the helmsman was here, hidden deep in-between machinery, only his torso and bowed down head visible, the rest of his body tangled in slowly pulsating biowires.
Ignoring the troll talking to him, Eridan squinted, trying to catch a better look at the psionic through the darkness of the room. Was that really the person who had been messing with him ? That bone-thin troll, stuck in a dark smelly room, was the one who had tormented him for all this time ?
“Tell me,” Eridan cut off the indigo, “Can the helmsman hear us ?”
The engineer looked at him with hesitation, letting Eridan wonder if he had asked a wrong question somehow.
“It can receive orders from oral or transcribed manners from anywhere on the ship, since every interface is powered by it. If that’s what you’re asking for, sir.”
“No, I mean, does he hear us, right now ?” In face of the incongruous expression on the landweller’s face, Eridan couldn’t help but add a sarcastic remark. “He has ears, doesn’t he ?”
“The mind of a helmsman is fully set to the ship’s control, not the body’s.”
“So… He can’t control his own body ?”
“It can’t. Not anymore, that’s what the training guarantees. A blank slate meant to only serve the ship.”
Eridan left the room with a bad taste in his mouth. His senses were filled with the memory of that musty unorganized block and the thought that, whenever the engineer lectured him about helmsmen being empty vessels for the last half hour of their talk, he could swear he saw the psionic smiling.
So, he went back to his room, questions unanswered.
For a couple of suspicious weeks after that, things got quiet, but Eridan wasn’t stupid. He thought maybe his visit frightened the helmsman into stopping, but then he recalled the ghost of a smirk he saw as he left… Eridan stayed on his guard after, giving suspicious looks to the cameras surveying the ship, being careful with every electronic device, and double-checking every message he sent.
And he was right to be concerned, because the vengeance struck as soon as he stopped being vigilant.
It was a big day, the celebration of a new conquest, one of the biggest fronts the Empire had been fighting for the last dozen sweeps. The Empress herself would be partaking in the party.
After days of trying to ignore his own thoughts, only hours before the party would start, Eridan was still curled in his recuperacoon, feeling sick to his stomach. He had been pushing back memories for so long, focusing on performing his role, that the thought of catching sight of the Empress again flooded his thinkpan with what he was trying to forget.
He wondered if she would recognize his face. But how many heiresses had left quadrants devastated after an execution disguised as a duel ?
When he managed to drag himself out of the slime, Eridan went through the motions needed to get ready. His limbs heavy and mind foggy, until he finally stood in front of his mirror, proper and perfect in his ceremonial uniform. He spent more time trying to push back the moment of his leave, meticulously checking for wrinkles on his clothes and any hair out of place.
The only problem left was the haunted expression on his face, which took the most time to get rid of.
Leaving his block with a serious frown, Eridan was still deep in thoughts of a friend who was long gone. And that was a mistake, not noticing how quickly the doors closed behind him.
He doesn’t get very far before being pulled back, taken by the rapid pace of his steps. His own strength turned against him, he stumbles, falling ass first onto the cold floor.
Stunned, Eridan looked around, mortified to realize his cape is trapped in the slit of the door.
“You fuckin’ asshole,” he said, grabbing at the delicate fabric and tugging gently, trying not to damage it.
But, of course, it was firmly stuck and as he looked around, trying to think of a solution. Eridan saw the control panel next to the door lighting up with an insulting “OUT OF ORDER” message.
That fucker.
“Motherfuckin’ motherboard lookin’ bitch, I’m done with your bullshit !” He finally snapped, “You have to let me out of some point and believe me when I say I’m gonna come over to the shithole you’re hidin’ in an’ make you regret survivin’ helmsman trainin’ !”
Seething with rage, Eridan jabbed a claw at the screen, hard enough to leave dark spots where he was damaging the glass.
“Once I’m done with you, tin can, you’ll need biowires to feed your fuckin’ biowires ! You have no idea what I’m capable of-”
As he was about to continue his monologue, the door suddenly opened up, and he gave a dark look to the control panel.
“An’ now you open up, I see, gettin’ scared-”
“Hm- Lieutenant Ampora ? The captain is waiting for you, sir.”
Mortified, Eridan stands right up, in all the official dignity that had been drilled into his thinkpan for all his life, as he turned to the olive soldier in front of him.
Fuck.
Leaving for the ceremony when the only thing he wanted was to snap the helmsman’s neck was a hard task, but it wasn’t like he had much of a choice anyway. Only a few hours before he could enact revenge.
Just a few long hours.
After those hours spent gazing into space, incapable to watch and listen to the self-satisfied speech of the monster he was condemned to serve for his entire lifespan. He was left feeling empty, the anger he felt earlier forgotten to make space for more depressing thoughts.
All Eridan wanted at this point was to go back to his block and curl up at the bottom of his bathtub deep underwater, and fall asleep like that. Reminiscing about the last sleepover he spent at his moirail’s hive, an eternity ago.
Here is the thing about Eridan Ampora though...
It seems he could never catch a break.
Because instead of acting out his plan to be miserable in peace, someone decided to try to murder him. Today of all days.
Come on.
Seriously ?
Running for his life as a cerulean assassin was sending multiple mind-controlled midbloods to chase him was something he would have gladly like to avoid today. And though he could applaud the well-thought set up. He had been caught crossing the middle of the port while everyone was out partying, surrounded by important and priceless warships that Eridan couldn’t risk damaging without running into even bigger issues so it kept him from using Ahab’s Crosshair. All while he was wearing his ceremonial outfit which happened to be very uncomfortable to fight in.
And evidently, as depressed and tired as he was, he was very out of his game. That realization really struck him when they caught him before he could hide in one of the storage blocks of the Vanquislaughter.
In front of him, the cerulean looked satisfied, lifting a hand as the olive above Eridan lifted their spear while all the others held him down on the ground where he was bleeding, cut, pierced, and stabbed all over.
He couldn’t believe this was how he was gonna die, without ever doing anything to make Feferi proud, not even trying to make anything change. Eridan wanted to cry, but he wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of seeing him like that. All he could do was close his eyes and wait.
Maybe this was for the best after all, to finally be gone, instead of wander around life without goals or purpose.
But instead of the sweet release of death, he was greeted by piercing screams and the sounds of bodies getting torn apart.
Eridan kept his eyes closed for a long time, too exhausted to do anything else. But when he finally opened them, he was greeted by the sight of a bloody massacre and the exoskeletons used to transport materials around the warehouse trying to clean it all up.
He stayed there for a moment, watching the empty suits walk around the place.
The doors opened in front of Eridan as he entered the helmsman’s block.
He was still bleeding, but he didn’t care, too focused on getting answers.
Getting closer to the helmsman this time, Eridan decided to observe him better. He noticed how thin the troll was, engulfed in a mess of cables around him, but hadn't taken note of the twin pairs of horns on his head, or the red and blue light pulsating from his eyes as electricity was pumped away from him.
Standing straight in front of the goldblood, Eridan waited.
Finally, one of the screens of a nearby machine flashed alight, yellow words on a dark background.
2houldn’t you be takiing care of your wound2 ?
you’re bleediing all over my cable2 dude
“Can’t you talk ?” Eridan lifted a brow, claw typing on the panel addressing him, “Do you have to use that ?”
haven’t talk iin a long tiime
iidk iif ii can anymore
“But you can use your body, can you ?”
The question made the helmsman smirk, ever so weakly.
His teeth are fucked up, Eridan noticed. But it suits him well. Sharps features, sharper teeth, a cocky smile. Somehow, Eridan could piece out of the troll he might have been before being here.
But he wasn’t here for small talk and memories. He wanted answers.
“So, who are you workin’ for ? What do you want from me ?”
no one
nothiing
Eridan laughed in disbelief, only to get more stupids answers.
ii mean iit
iim just bored
“An’ that’s why you have been fuckin’ with me all this time ? For shits and giggles ?”
yeah
dude do you have any iidea how boriing iit iis to be a shiip ?
way more than you expect
“So, trappin’ me in my ablution room when I'm late for a meetin’ is just how you pass time ?”
eheheheheh
that wa2 a good one
don’t ii get poiint2 for creatiiviity ?
Eridan rolled his eyes, lips pinched in annoyance. He can’t believe his torture was just the result of a bored helmsman.
What a fucking joke.
“Well, you had your laugh. Now leave me alone, before I tell the captain about his deficient helmsman.”
ii mean
you can try
but no one wiill beliieve you
all the proof you could come up wiith ii can delete
but go ahead
ii thiink iit wiill be very funny to watch
Huffing, Eridan crossed his arms, trying not to show that he knew how right he was. With no proof, he would be accused of being unstable and unreliable, which he had already a reputation for.
The fucker was good.
Upset at this discovery, Eridan wanted to storm away to his room, away from that prick, but a question still remained.
“Why help me today ?”
The yellow text took a little more time to write itself this time.
well you have the funniiest reactiion2 out of everyone else on the shiip
ii don’t want to lo2e my favoriite 2howtiime
It didn’t make much sense to Eridan. A conscious bored helmsman, deciding that from all of the trolls on the ship, it was him that was the funniest victim for his pranks, amused at the idea of getting a rise out of him. And now he was stuck in this situation, because no one would ever believe him.
Yeah, this was definitively too much for Eridan, it was time for him to go.
“One last question before I go,” he couldn’t help it, turning back as he stood in front of the doors, “What’s your name ?”
The helmsman’s weak smirk finally vanished off his face, the screens in the room all glitching and turning dark for a second, almost like he blinked after being caught off guard.
iit’2 2ollux
There is a second before he adds.
ii’m 2ollux captor
“I see,” Eridan said, committing that name to his memory. “Fuck you, Sollux Captor.”
On those final words, Eridan walked through the door and, this time, noticed that they closed a little too soon. He jumps out of the way, as it almost closes on him.
One of the screen panels on the wall in front of him flashes.
2ee you around