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“I’m fine, O’Hara! Stop fussing,” Carlton sighed, trying to wave away his over-enthusiastic partner.
“Carlton,” she said sternly, clearly not as easily swayed by his dismissal as he had hoped. “You’re clearly not well, and there’s no need for you to be here. Believe it or not, we can manage without you.”
“Gee, thanks, O’Hara. One sneeze and you’re already putting me out to pasture. Glad to know you think so little of my abilities that my absence here would go unnoticed.”
O’Hara gave a loud humph and sat on the corner of Carlton's desk, ignoring his protests as papers went tumbling to the floor. “Carlton, you know that’s not what I’m saying. Of course we want you here, and we all know how much you do for the department. But you’re sick. It happens! Just go home, get some rest, and come back when you’re better.”
“No,” Carlton said stubbornly. “I’m not going to let the criminals get a head start on us just because of a little tickle in my throat. Forget it, O’Hara.”
The way she set her shoulders and narrowed her eyes at him was his first clue that he wasn’t going to win this argument. He waited for her to deliver the final blow, not giving her the satisfaction of seeing him back down.
“Right. If you won’t take yourself home, I’m calling Shawn,” she said. Carlton groaned, and started packing up his things.
***
“Seriously, Lassie? You sneak out of the house before I’m awake to stop you, and then you get Jules so worried that she has to call me? You should be ashamed!” Shawn scolded him, playfully swatting at Carlton’s arm as he continued to drive them home.
“And I told you both already: I’m fine. You don’t need to be such worriers. It’s nothing more than a little sniffle. What I do need to do is find out who’s behind the restaurant robberies.”
He should have expected the little dart of the eyes from Shawn, and the way his hands briefly tightened on the steering wheel. Carlton took a deep breath, reminding himself that he loved his boyfriend and absolutely did not want to shoot him.
“You know who did it, don’t you?” Carlton asked.
Shawn turned to him quickly, sending him a broad smile before refocusing his attention on the road. “I might have done a little ‘divining’ while you were at work,” he said.
“You’re kidding,” Carlton replied. “Spencer, you can’t just solve all my cases without telling me! We talked about this.”
“Just like we talked about how you were too ill to be going into work today?” Shawn asked sweetly.
“That’s different,” Carlton replied. “I knew I would be fine. You and O’Hara are just scared easily.”
“Can’t you just accept that we care about you and want you to look after yourself? Have you ever thought that maybe we don’t like seeing you pushing yourself too hard?”
That made Carlton pause for a minute, watching Shawn’s expression carefully as they pulled up in front of their house. “Fine. You can tell me who the suspect is in the restaurant robberies and help me call O’Hara,” he conceded. “But don’t think that I’m going to be lying in bed all day like some good-for-nothing parasite. I have plans, Shawn.”
“As long as those plans involve plenty of fluids and some Tylenol, I’m on board, Lassiekins!”
Carlton folded his arms, refusing to move from the car for the moment. “I do not need Tylenol, Shawn. I’m fine. See? Look at me.” Carlton hoped the beads of sweat forming at the top of his forehead were less noticeable than they felt. It was a big ask when he’d had the bad luck of falling in love with the most brilliant detective the world had probably ever seen.
“Yes, you definitely look fine, Lassie. You always look damned fine, actually. But right now, I think you need to start taking care of that body of yours. And that is something we would both be appreciative of later.”
The fact that his body didn’t immediately respond to Shawn’s less-than-subtle line made Carlton at least admit to himself that he wasn’t feeling the best. But he absolutely wasn’t going to admit that to Shawn.
“Given I seem to be stuck here all day and you’ve made sure that I don’t have any current cases to look at, why don’t we get back to my wanted board? You know I think we could make some real progress on the Ghoul of Goleta,” Carlton suggested.
Shawn didn’t reply immediately as they made their way to the front door, peering down at the giant box that had appeared on the doorstep. “Huh,” he said. “That must be my Snickers bars.”
“How many did you order?” Carlton asked, looking at the enormous parcel in disbelief.
“Just enough for a month,” Shawn replied, smiling happily. “But we saved like $4! This was basic ergonomics.”
“Economics?” Carlton offered, knowing already what his terror of a boyfriend would say in reply. The smile was already fully spread across Shawn’s face even before he opened his mouth to speak.
“I’ve heard it both ways,” Shawn said, and Carlton just shook his head. There were only so many times he could be bothered arguing.
“Well, you better find somewhere sensible to put those,” Carlton warned him. “I am not going to once again find that my spare toothpaste has disappeared to make space for one of your ridiculous purchases.”
“They weren’t ridiculous, Lassie! I needed those squishy pineapple toys. They were a practical purchase.”
Carlton still didn’t have the energy to start an argument with Shawn about this, so he simply made his way to the couch and lay down instead. It did feel good to finally let his muscles relax. But the moment of relief wasn’t missed by Shawn, who immediately appeared at his side and began hovering.
“See? Lassielovie, you’re not well, and I am going to take care of you. It would really save us so much time if you could accept that now, but even if you don’t, I am going to bring you some tea, and you are going to drink it.”
“What about one of your Snickers?” Carlton asked. “That would be better than tea. I feel like true love involves sharing chocolate.”
“Hmm, I don’t know if that would make me a responsible nurse if I let you eat such unhealthy things,” Shawn replied.
“For crying out loud, Spencer!”
“Hmm, see, angry outbursts towards your dearly beloved, also a sign that you’re not doing well.”
“Fine, I will get one myself,” Carlton muttered angrily. “Just to prove to you that I am perfectly fine.”
“If you really wanted to prove that, you’d have to hop there and back. With your eyes closed. And your clothes off, but that’s for different reasons,” Shawn said.
“I am not hopping to get a damned Snickers bar! Would you just – could you help?” Carlton asked, slumping back against the couch, some of the fight leaving him.
Shawn stepped forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “That’s all I wanted to do, Lassie. Wait there.”
Within minutes, Carlton had tea, a Snickers, and a blanket all laid out before him, as well as a very proud looking boyfriend. “Thank you, Shawn,” he said, and Carlton enjoyed watching his face light up.
“You’re welcome! And for dessert you can have any one of these delightful throat lozenges.”
“How exciting,” Carlton replied dully.
“I’ll line them up like you’re at a buffet and you can pick the one that looks best. And it won’t have even been touched or sneezed on by a hundred other people before you get there,” Shawn said.
“We’re not doing that, Spencer,” Carlton replied simply.
“Come on, Lassie! I’ll make this the best illness you’ve ever had. Like it’ll be sick in a good way.”
Carlton took a deep breath, deciding to ignore that latest comment. At least Shawn really had brought him the Snickers that he had asked for, so he supposed he couldn’t be too angry. He sat in silence, Shawn sitting next to him, drawing him in close.
“Why does this tea taste weird?” Carlton asked eventually, looking at the now nearly empty cup.
Shawn gave an exaggerated sigh, placing a hand on his heart. “How could you say such things about something that was prepared with so much love?!” he exclaimed. “I’ll have you know that that is the least weird tea you’ve probably ever had. It is more normal than avoiding paying tax.”
“Avoiding taxes shouldn’t be normal, Shawn,” Carlton felt obligated to point out. Given he’d done the filing for the previous year; he knew Shawn was just messing with him, but he couldn’t just let it slide.
“Yes, dear, and I will continue to let you keep working hard so that the government doesn’t get mad with us,” Shawn said happily, pressing a kiss to the top of Carlton’s forehead and taking the cup from him.
“Wait,” Carlton said. “You never explained the tea.”
Shawn laughed, and Carlton knew that he had deliberately been attempting to change the subject. The longer they were together, the better Carlton was becoming at catching Shawn’s deflections, and he took quite some pride in it.
“Yeah, about that,” he said slowly. “You know how you said you weren’t taking any Tylenol?”
Carlton’s eyes grew wide and he pointed a finger accusingly at Shawn. “You spiked my drink?!”
“With love!” Shawn cried. “Spiked with love. You weren’t going to take any yourself because you’re ridiculous and stubborn and downright sexy – your sexiness has nothing to do with this but I still think it’s worth noting – and so I decided to help you out.”
“You’re unbelievable,” Carlton said.
“And you know it will help, because it always does. It’s not as though you’re allergic, and you hadn’t taken any already so you won’t overdose. Would you just trust me? You’ll be feeling better in no time.”
Carlton growled, but the small action brought on a coughing fit. When he’d recovered, his boyfriend was looking at him meaningfully, and Carlton just sighed.
“Okay, Spencer. You win this time. I’ll let you tend to my every need,” Carlton said.
Shawn smiled. “That was all I wanted, darling,” he said quietly.