Chapter Text
Taehyun's broken out of his studying by a jarring ringing coming from his phone. His eyes dart to it, absentmindedly wondering how it's making that noise when he could swear he put it on silent.
The screen stares back at him with a single word—or, rather, a name.
Beomgyu.
The book in his hands snaps closed.
"Kang, if you aren't going to—" a librarian starts, voice low.
Taehyun brings the phone to his ear, mind whirling as he walks out of the library. Beomgyu never calls unless they've been texting for a while and he feels too lazy to continue typing out words. That's part of the reason why Taehyun hadn't objected when Beomgyu had snatched his phone and set his contact to go through his do not disturb. At the time, he'd laughed at the notion of it ever meaning anything, but finds himself glad Beomgyu had done it when he hears a shaky breath on the other side of the line.
"Gyu?" Taehyun asks softly, the door to the library falling shut behind him. A cold breeze cuts through his sweater, but he can't find it in himself to care.
"He—" Beomgyu starts, a gulp of breath cutting him off. "Taehyun, can you—can you come pick me up? Please? I just—"
"Of course." Taehyun immediately starts jogging to his car. "You're at—"
"Don't say his name, please. Yes."
Taehyun blinks in mild shock as he sits down, ducking into the car and connecting his phone so Beomgyu is audible through the car's speakers. "Are you okay?"
"I—I don't know."
If his goal was to get Taehyun there as fast as possible, disregarding road laws just enough that it doesn't put him in complete danger, he's succeeded. Taehyun has to shove down the urge to step the petal to the floor.
"What happened?"
"I..." Beomgyu takes another shaky breath. "I'll tell you in person."
"Okay." Taehyun tries to loosen his grip on the steering wheel. Beomgyu was nearly breaking down over the phone and here Taehyun is, stuck at a red light while drops of water start falling onto his windshield. The clicking of his turn signal reverberates inside his head as his anger grows with each attempt Beomgyu makes to steady his breathing.
The second the light turns green, he books it, knowing Beomgyu's nearly a straight shot from here. To his dismay, the rain picks up, splattering faster across the glass with every second that passes. Absentmindedly, he turns on the windshield wipers.
"Oh, I interrupted your studying didn't I? I'm—"
"Don't be." Taehyun doesn't care that his studying got interrupted. Sure, he cares about his grades, but he'd also gotten to the point in reading where words start to feel foreign. It's better that he's taking a break now than trying to push past the uncomfort until everything is more confusing than it is sensical.
Even if he hadn't been, it isn't like he wouldn't drop anything for Beomgyu, embarrassing as it may be. He's long past the point of deluding himself into thinking it's purely platonic affection he holds for Beomgyu. He's also long since accepted that such feelings will never be returned.
Beomgyu sniffles, clears his throat. "What'd you do today, Tyun?"
Taehyun rattles off the classes he'd attended, the books he'd studied, the test he'd taken that he's near certain he passed with flying colors. He doesn't say that though—however logical he is, he isn't past superstition. Somewhere halfway into the story of his day, gravel crunches underneath his tires and he sees a half soaked Beomgyu sitting on the porch with a phone clutched close to his ear.
He abruptly hangs up after saying he's there, despite Beomgyu having already met his eyes. He parks the car and opens his door after blindly searching for the umbrella he knows he keeps in the backseat at all times. Yeonjun had bullied him for it, but Taehyun had said it's less annoying to deal with it being there all the time than it is to deal with getting wet from the rain. Yeonjun had cackled and called him a cat.
Now, he finds himself proud of his decision to keep it there as he walks out of the car, and rushes to Beomgyu's side to hold it over him. He's a few steps away when he notices how puffy and red Beomgyu's eyes are, how Beomgyu's digging his nails into the soulmark on his forearm.
Taehyun holds out his free hand to Beomgyu. "Let's get out of the rain."
Beomgyu takes his hand, pulls himself up from the steps he'd been sitting on. He keeps a small distance between him and Taehyun, which Taehyun can't help but notice, especially when it means the half of him that's further from Beomgyu gets soaked. He regrets not having two umbrellas.
Taehyun opens the passenger door for Beomgyu, who silently slides into the car. Taehyun shakes off the umbrella—though, it doesn't do much when the rain is still falling—before closing it and tossing it in the backseat. He pulls out of the driveway smoothly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Taehyun figures it's better to ask that than to ask what happened. Beomgyu has every right to keep it from him if he wishes, as much as that troubles Taehyun. But his feelings don't matter right now.
"Yeah, I just... can we go to yours first?" Beomgyu's voice seems slightly more stable, but Taehyun can't help but notice the way his left hand still curls into his soulmark.
"Sure. Connect your phone and play some music." Taehyun keeps his eyes on the road but relaxes slightly when he sees Beomgyu nod and move to grab the cord. He cradles his phone in both his hands, scrolling through his Spotify before settling on a playlist that he always plays when they drive together.
Taehyun bites the inside of his lip to keep himself from talking, from asking what happened. He can tell it's worse than previous times—if you could even call this similar to that. Beomgyu and his boyfriend have fought before, but he's never called Taehyun after crying, sitting on the porch despite the rain. He's never asked Taehyun to come get him before, much less to stay with Taehyun for the time being, to go to Taehyun's apartment. His fingers tap the steering wheel slightly off beat with the song filtering through the speakers lightly.
Beomgyu leans his head against the window. His hand has returned to his forearm; his teeth sink into his bottom lip.
Taehyun's apartment isn't too far, but it also isn't close. The drive continues in silence, apart from the rain pounding against the windows and the soft music filling the tense air between them.
When Taehyun finally pulls into the parking lot it feels like an eternity later. The rain's let up a bit by then, but he still retrieves the umbrella from the back. He pockets the car keys before he notices that Beomgyu's eyes are closed, his lips parted slightly. He wants to stay in the car, let Beomgyu sleep after what seemed to be an emotional breakdown, but he knows the cold will begin seeping through the doors any moment, so instead he places a gentle hand on Beomgyu's shoulder.
"Gyu, we're here," he says lowly, not wanting to startle Beomgyu awake.
Miraculously, Beomgyu blinks awake with just a small shake of his shoulder. Taehyun smiles at him, and they quickly get out of the car to retreat into the warmth of Taehyun's apartment.
Taehyun holds the umbrella over Beomgyu again, despite the rain being more of a drizzle now. While the walk is short, he figures it's better to be as dry as possible, especially with the sharp gusts of wind still cutting through the air. When they walk under the awning, he shakes off the umbrella, and they promptly walk into the building and up to Taehyun's apartment, shared with Soobin—who's likely already shut himself away in his room for the night.
It's still silent, and Taehyun feels nerves settling in his stomach. He's always hated the way silence settles into the air, the way it makes itself comfortable and becomes akin to a bad habit—hard to break. He'd never had to worry about that with Beomgyu before—and maybe that's part of why he'd been endeared to the other as quickly as he had—but right now is different. Beomgyu's keeping much more distance from him than usual, and his lips are tensely shut, as if he's holding himself back from saying something.
When the door to Taehyun's room finally shuts behind them, Taehyun opens his mouth to ask what happened, but Beomgyu beats him to it.
"He's been cheating on me."
Taehyun blinks. "How long?"
Beomgyu shrugs. "At least a couple months."
Taehyun frowns. They'd only been together for four months total, so for at least half of their relationship, the person who was supposed to be perfect for Beomgyu had been...
"But, he's my soulmate, so I don't really—"
"Of course you have a choice, Gyu." Taehyun shakes his head.
"You wouldn't be saying that if it was you," Beomgyu retorts bitterly. "He said it was just because he wants to mess around while he's in college. Wants to get back together later."
"It would never be me, Beomgyu." Taehyun sighs, the same bitterness that Beomgyu filled the air with coming out of his mouth, too. "If he's cheating now, what makes you think he won't later?"
Beomgyu narrows his eyes at him. "I already told you—"
"If he's been cheating for at least half of your relationship, what makes you think he cares about all this soulmate stuff as much as you do?" It hurts Taehyun to admit that Beomgyu cares so much about his soulmark. That, even if his soulmate ended up being a horrible person, he'd likely never move on, never date anyone other than the person who shared his mark. Because that means Taehyun would never have a chance.
"What makes you think he cares about it as little as you do?" Beomgyu fires back. "I don't get it, Taehyun, you haven't met your soulmate, you wouldn't—"
"Beomgyu." Taehyun closes his eyes, willing his anger to back down. This is Beomgyu, and he knows Beomgyu means well, even if he doesn't know what he's talking about at all. "I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just trying to help prevent you from getting hurt again."
"How could never being with my soulmate do anything but hurt me?" Beomgyu laments, his angry flame quickly dousing itself, leaving only the curls of sadness left, pungent in the air.
"Why do you think happiness lies only with your soulmate, Beomgyu?" Taehyun asks, and he doesn't mean for it to come out so harsh, but part of him is angry. And selfish. And that part of him just so happens to flare up every time Beomgyu talks about just how much having a soulmate means to him, when Beomgyu takes pride in just how much love he gives to someone who doesn't deserve it in the slightest.
"I..." Beomgyu's blinking at him, shocked. "I don't."
"You do."
Beomgyu's eyes fall to the floor, but Taehyun catches the slightest defensiveness that flashes in them before they do. "And why do you care so little about finding your soulmate, Taehyun?"
"Because I don't have one."
And curse his mouth for opening faster than his brain could stop it, because now Beomgyu's looking at him with the sort of pity reserved for abandoned puppies on the side of the street. Taehyun's careful to keep his expression neutral but in the back of his head he berates himself—this is exactly why he hadn't told them.
"Did they die?" Beomgyu asks, words heavy with guilt. "I'm sorry for your—"
"No."
"Then you—"
"Beomgyu, you called me crying, I think that—"
"I was not crying." Beomgyu glares, but it doesn't hold as much malice as it had before. "Then, do you just... not have one?"
Taehyun looks at him. "I don't want your pity, Beomgyu."
Beomgyu's eyes widen. "I just feel like—
"I know what you feel like. We were talking about it before you turned the conversation onto me," Taehyun states matter-of-factly. "If he wasn't your soulmate you would've killed him for that."
Beomgyu frowns. "But he is my soulmate."
"Have you never heard of soulmates not working out?" Taehyun asks, genuinely. He's seen statistics on it before, and they would suggest that the universe is quick to make assumptions. Sometimes whatever it is that assigns their marks gets it wrong. Maybe Taehyun noticed it more because he didn't have a mark of his own, but that doesn't change the fact that statistics don't lie.
"What do you mean?"
Taehyun would call him naive if he knew it wouldn't do more harm than good. "Around 30% of soulmates either never meet or don't work out."
Beomgyu scoffs. "You're just jealous."
Taehyun doesn't answer, simply watches with a blank face as Beomgyu's own expression drops and guilt swirls in his eyes, once again. Taehyun doesn't have it in him to be angry at it—Beomgyu just learned that someone he considered to be a lifelong partner had been cheating on him for a substantial amount of time. Of course he would be emotional and not exactly the most positive person right now.
"Tyun, I didn't—" Beomgyu cuts himself off.
Taehyun pauses thoughtfully. "No, I am."
"What?"
Taehyun stares at Beomgyu for a moment. "Nevermind."
Beomgyu frowns at him. "You know you don't need a soulmate, right?"
Taehyun raises an eyebrow at him. "But you do?"
Beomgyu glares, but it's even less heated than the last. "Not the point."
"I know I don't need one. But still, it'd be..." Taehyun shakes his head; no, not better. "Easier."
A silence falls over them again as Beomgyu simply nods. Taehyun tracks a drop of water as it trails under Beomgyu's chin before falling anticlimactically onto the hardwood floor
"We should change out of these wet clothes and rest. It's late," Taehyun mumbles.
Beomgyu smiles at him. "I'm going to break up with him."
Taehyun blinks, shocked at the conviction in his words. "What?"
Beomgyu tilts his head. "Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Yes, but—"
"If Taehyunnie can live without a soulmate, so can I," Beomgyu declares, and in an act that surprises Taehyun, throws his arm across Taehyun's shoulders.
Taehyun laughs, and the last of the uncomfortability diffuses, leaving two friends who're just having a sleepover.
"Oh! This was so funny Hyun, you've gotta hear this," Beomgyu says once they've changed and gotten comfortable on the couch. His legs are splayed across Taehyun's lap, and Taehyun doesn't ask him to move even when his heel starts digging uncomfortably into his thigh.
Taehyun meets Beomgyu's eyes to show that he's listening.
"He said that it didn't matter that he was cheating 'cause I was cheating too," Beomgyu scoffs, "and he specifically said I was cheating on him with you."
Taehyun's eyes widen. "Why would he think that?"
Beomgyu just shrugs, shoving another piece of whatever snack he'd scavenged from Taehyun's pantry into his mouth; probably something of Soobin's, really.
Taehyun resolves to make himself less obvious with his affection. Other people have noticed, clearly—even people who don't know him—so he has to shove the feelings down even further than he already has. Not a problem at all.
"So, what's it like without a mark?" Beomgyu asks casually.
"What made you change your mind so quickly, on soulmates?" Taehyun questions. An eye for an eye.
Beomgyu rolls his eyes, knowing exactly what Taehyun's doing. "I just... if someone so close to me has always been so normal despite not having a soulmate, then surely it's not the end of the world, right?"
Taehyun avoids Beomgyu's expectant eyes. "It's really not all that different. I just know that I'm going to have to work harder if I want a relationship."
"'If'?"
Taehyun narrows his eyes. "Are you going to just text him or break up in person?"
Beomgyu sighs dramatically, throwing his head back onto the couch. "I'm going to text him, now answer my question."
Taehyun hums satisfactorily. "Well, not everyone has to be in a relationship to be satisfied." He leaves out the fact that he'll likely forever want a relationship, but only with a certain person, so he'll just have to deal with being unsatisfied. He's dealt with it for this long.
"So you don't want...?"
Taehyun bites his lip. "It'd be nice, but I'm not going to go looking for it."
Beomgyu nods. He and Taehyun stare at each other for a few moments longer.
"We should get some sleep," Taehyun announces. "You can go sleep in the bed, I'll sleep out here."
"What? No, it's your apartment, dumbass."
"Exactly, and you're my guest. Also, you just went through a breakup, you deserve to not sleep on a dingy couch right now."
"Tyun," Beomgyu whines.
"Okay, then we'll both sleep on the couch," Taehyun challenges.
Beomgyu grins. "Fine by me."
"Beomgyu," Taehyun sighs, "I will pick you up and throw you onto that bed."
Beomgyu raises his eyebrows, a smirk taking over his face. "Kang Taehyun, I just broke up with my boyfriend! I see why he thought—"
"Shut up." Taehyun wills his blush away; a joke, it's just a joke, he shouldn't be reacting like this.
Beomgyu laughs. "Fine, I'll go sleep in the bed. But only because I have a big test tomorrow."
Taehyun frowns. "If you'd told me that, I wouldn't have kept you up so late."
Beomgyu, again, just laughs. "I'd be up even later if I was on my own right now."
With that, he stretches and stands, waving goodbye and bidding Taehyun a good night.
Taehyun can't do anything other than stare at the ceiling, knowing that Beomgyu was just a few steps away and that he'd broken up with his soulmate. It makes the hope that Taehyun had long since slaughtered rebirth itself. Taehyun can only halfheartedly stamp it down again, knowing it'd resurface regardless.